cerabus-647-658878 Reviews

The Orville (2017–2022)

funny as sh_t

[17 September 2017]

OK, it's like star trek meets Saturday night live... I only have watched the first 15 minutes and was laughing my as_ off. I really hope they keep this going , its the best thing I've watched in years for comedic relief.

it's a total rip off of a movie i saw a few years ago, but made so muuch better ..

OK, i said my piece ....

The Void (I) (2016)

beyond a B movie

[1/10 · 27 April 2017]

I'm sorry , i really like b movies and indie movies , but this movie was done by As_hats .. i so sucks it's not even funny. i had to try and watch it 4 times , start, give up, restart at where i left off , give up .... Totally crap acting, over done melodramatic first year acting school dramatics. I can't say enough about this film .. who spent money on this drivel? Really? .. they must have needed a tax break or something .. as for the actors? Damn, it must be a bad year for you needing a quick cash cow, 'cause with this turd on your resume , your careers are done.

Mommy, I Didn't Do It (2017 TV Movie)

OMG so bad ....

[1/10 · 2 January 2017]

OK, i generally like life time movies and hallmarks ... generally.

This one is so bad i had to keep from biting my own tongue off to not scream at the screen.

First off, the playwright should be shot .. its like a 15 year old wrote it. So many clichés its not funny. OK, a couple is fine, but the whole movie? So much over acting its almost hilarious. The daughter (Paige Searcy .. that poor actress, saddled with such drivel as they had her spiel out. Seriously .. if you where up for 1st degree murder would you hide being with a boy as your alibi? Or keep details about your whereabouts from your mother/lawyer? yea OK .. what ever.

Second in my line of teeth gritting was Jaleel White. Somebody please buy this guy a deserted island and doom him on it ... for the love of god this man overacts and with that voice it cuts right through your skull.

Danica McKellar, OK, she's gorgeous, but for petes sake can't she smile? The whole movie she was in tears or almost so, In front of the judge, talking to just about anyone, tears, frowns and more tears. Everywhere tears. I want to see if she ever smiles if her face will crack .. maybe/maybe not?

As for the rest of the cast, all pretty much the same, overacting overacting overacting and most of them not suited for the parts they play, really bad casting in my opinion all way round.

And, Claudia Christian, fine, she was a star in the Babylon 5 days, great in fact. Now .. well lets say "way too many facelifts" .. and having her play a desk sergeant bit part? She must need the money for more plastic surgery , that's all I'm gonna say.

Finally, if i was that girl with friends like hers, I'd shoot myself ... Talk about a frenemy(?) and her ,mother .. I'm so glad I'm old and have no friends like this.

By the end i wanted the girl to fry just to put her out of her pain in being in this drivel ..

Rodeo & Juliet (2015)

total waste of time

[20 September 2016]

I write few reviews .. but when i see this i gotta speak up

What could have been a great movie was wasted. The (IMDb edited) poor writing, and bad directing right off the hop.

example ... spoiled daughter can't get a cell signal in the back country .. however MOM gets blown off by her publisher in the house and her life implodes. really? next same self spoiled daughter falls for hick boy .. and mom loses it again .. same girl plans to route around mom and get her freak on with hick boy.

so much drivel its not worth more than 15 minutes in .. i gave up on it.

mom is gorgeous .. daughter worth a a look .. stupid story in the 20 years before is farm girl leave home make good in big city .. really? (can we say hallmark moment?).. super hot chick really wants idiot redneck after 20 years in New York? Specially if she's a #1 book seller ? Really .. way beyond even hallmark .. which i love .... speaking for real life .. I would see through this plot if i was 10 years old . so poorly written and acted .. its hard to believe they got the funding

Creative Control (2015)

wtf?

[3/10 · 14 April 2016]

OK, maybe I'm old. Maybe I'm outa touch with whats hip and cool.... But this movie makes no sense at all ... Is it film noir? is it a retrospect on hip newyork life? Is it some drug addled ideal of what is going on in modern life?

Sorry, it makes no sense at all. its a piece of junk that is destined to be forgotten as soon as the players in it go back to their 711 jobs.

no story to understand really, just some flacky guy wandering from scene to scene holding his dick most of the time and screwing up a relationship with a cool chick who tries to keep her job and life together while he aimlessly plays with augmented reality glasses.

Not worth a watch really .. i watched it as i wrote this , so that tells you something right there .. if it was any good i would have watched it and then said something ..

Mary Loss of Soul (2014)

sorry .. this is a stinker

[3/10 · 9 February 2016]

OK, the initial premise of the story is good. After that it falls apart. Catherine Black is supposed to be a mother to a 16 year old? Sorry she can't act her way out of a paper bag. Over blown performance. Same can be said for just about all the other actors as well, poor acting, or over the top stereotypical wooden acting. The only decent acting was from Emma Gruttadauria, who didn't do a bad job, given the poor story line and scripting.

I'm sorry, this should have been a good film, but it floundered badly in my opinion. I had a hard time staying awake, and I'll watch just about anything.

War Pigs (2015)

the good the bad and the down right terrible

[4/10 · 25 July 2015]

Seriously? Who wrote this crap? I love war movies .. i let just about anything fly except this piece of garbage .. it was too much. Poor script, Shaky camera work, bad angles ... bad actor choices and the list goes on.

lets start ..

OK Mickey Rourke, he swaggers around like a bad John Wayne, or maybe he's just a new gay pride member, its hard to tell. He dresses in a tan cowboy hat with tan khaki's in the middle of France in 1945.. huh? he didn't even bother cutting his hair , he just tied it back and stuffed it down the back of his shirt... OK, a US colonel in 1945, thats a hippie .. umm, nope, that dog doesn't hunt for me. Gladly he's not all that important a character and you only have 5 or so minutes to put up with him.

Then you have Dolph Lungren .. umm, he has a hard time mumbling out English .. now he's supposed to be a French legionnaire? You gotta love a Swedish accent mixed with french accent speaking bad English. Its like a bad comedy, seriously.

Luke Goss .. OK .. your good to go .. actually plays a good character and almost believable. Again .. very poor script writing, not his fault.

The movies is scattered and not well linked together .. things get started in training and all of a sudden the commanders decide they are ready .. huh? that last guy just fell flat on his butt and got his butt whooped. And have any of the writers ever even seen a hand grenade go off? Sorry guys, if you throw a grenade into 2 feet of water while a guy hangs 4 feet above on a rope.. he's a pizza. Not falling off and laughing at the idiot who did it.

now for the mission .. 17 km behind enemy lines is the target ... so we're driving along perfect paved roads,in war torn France, no enemy anywhere to be seen until they reach the super secret target ...and then once again get their asses kicked.

After that it was all down hill ... Don't even get me started on the music score.

Sorry guys i wanted to like the movie ... i really did but, my apathy only goes so far. This is a straight to DVD bin collectible.

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014)

hated it

[1/10 · 23 April 2014]

i don't know who wrote script this but it sucks. They turned peter in to a mamby pamby mama's boy. The whole movie all he does is cry about his life and all the bad things that happened to him. He whines, he cry's he's indecisive and can't get his sh_t together, finally losing whats most important to him through his own inadequacies. This movie is the worst interpretation I've ever seen. Now, i love action movies and all the super hero movies, all of them. Except this one, it totally ruins spider man's thing. He's so limp wristed i was waiting for him to come out of the closet The cgi is top notch, the acting is so so. Direction is pretty good also, but the whole script was very lame and predictable.

I wouldn't waste my time with it until its on netflix in a month or so.

Avenged (2013)

Excellent

[10/10 · 13 April 2014]

I'm not a watcher of indie films or anything not really action but, this movie was fantastic. Good acting for the most part. The script was well written and the direction was on par with anything I've seen out of Hollywood for a long time. A few gory scenes to keep it interesting and the victim was very believable. You really felt for her and wanted her to get her revenge.

The little bit of cgi it had just added to it, not too much but enough to get the point across and it was well done. This is one for a horror fan collection. It will be a cult hit i think in time.

I don't know any of the work of the director/writer/editor - Michael Ojeda, but i will keep my eye out for more of his work if its as good as this.

Ironclad (2011)

pretty good

[6/10 · 10 July 2011]

I don't know what people are talking about here ...

This was a great movie, lots of action, and over the top blood and gore.

Sure, some of the acting was a bit off, and it was all mud and blood but that's what the mid-evil times was , mud and dirt and lots of crap.

The lead actor was excellent for being a lost soul and the wife of the keep keeper was beautiful and what you'd expect from being locked up alone with and old man.

Over all I really liked it. If you want a bit of fun and an easy to watch movie without over analyzing it too pieces then go for it.

You won't be sorry.

Altitude (2010)

Crap

[2/10 · 30 October 2010]

OK, I like all kinds of films, Horror, indie, action, chick flicks, flicks with talking rodents, but I gotta draw the line somewhere ...

I'm gonna sue somebody and get the last 90 minutes of my life back ....

What a train wreck ... shallow acting and a rip off of frozen, (only in the sky.) I'm pretty sure it was written by an acting school for a 1st term project or something.

But, the girls are cute. As for the guys, I'd have thrown them all out of the plane if I had the chance.

It says I need ten lines here ..., well that's 2 more than the script must have had.

I actually was thinking of calling my dentist and having my gums extracted while I watched this one. It would have been less painful.