missraziel Reviews

Chucky (I) (2021– )

Not Chucky

[1/10 · 22 January 2024]

Well after seeing all the Chucky movies back to back we decided to give this series a watch, never even heard of it before so didn't know what to expect. Frankly it's not Chucky, the only link is Brad Dourif.

The writing is woke and there was more murder in the first movies' opening than in the entire first season of this rubbish.

It jumps from one thing to another with no transition or explanation as to the how or why, the characters are flat as ironing boards with no like ability, it was so painful to sit thru.

If you're like me and grew up with the classic movies then please don't watch this garbage, I beg of you!

Dawn of the Dead (1978)

Fake reviews vs a real review

[1/10 · 19 January 2024]

Okay so you've scrolled thru the reviews and are wondering *how?!* well I'd guess most are fake.

Now for a real review!

Myself and my hubby have watched this dumpster fire a total of 3 times, and each time it gets worse, first time I think was over 20 years back when it was kinda in its half life, was okay, not groundbreaking and quickly forgotten, then we saw it again I dunno maybe several years later, again forgotten, then we watched it last night and OMG it did not pass the test of time, after so long and so many better quality zombie movies/series made since it's earth shattering to see this pale of rubbish is so well rated.

The effects are sub-par, the zombie make up is lame, the plot doesn't exist, characters are useless and dumb, the raid near the end was just stupid, and the end was stupid.....I stuck a note on the side of our tv to never watch this movie again.

Five Nights at Freddy's (2023)

Lame adaptation

[1/10 · 28 October 2023]

This started promising and had a stable premise, but it quickly got on a slippery slope he'll fast.

The main guy is such a whiny and irresponsible emo loser. He gets a job and attacks a poor guy whithout asking what was going on, then he gets another job and sleeps all night instead of guarding what he was hired to guard, and on top of that brings his sister (who btw is young enough to be his daughter) along for no other reason than to cover for him not doing his job....

The dream stuff is just pure nonsense and only serves to slow the story and feels like it was a fea pages pulled from another script....just no.

Saw X (2023)

Nice

[9/10 · 20 October 2023]

Refreshing change of pace showing the human side of John for a while, and how even he can succumb to the evils of others without going full metal jacket on them, but calm, collected and above all, calculating.

I always love the twists of the Saw movies, the first 2 are my faves, not so much the later ones because they dove into the weirdness too much over the psychological aspects, but this feels like a return to the classics with some evolution thrown in.

I like how we see a glimpse of John as a vulnerable human being for a while, and then he comes back as Jigsaw with full vengeance while never faltering from character. Also nice to see Amanda back in action. Nice film, bit slower at the start but worth it to witness the finale.

The Nun II (2023)

Pathetic

[1/10 · 6 October 2023]

I didn't even remember much of the first nun movie so sort of went into this fresh and didn't know what to expect but I'm warning you now, don't expect anything.

There is no story to speak of, just what seems like random encounters that leads to another event and a mishmash of something, I don't know what, but there is no consistent story to this, no character development and nothing to keep you interested.

I was so bored I started tapping on my iPad games and all I was seeing in the background was screaming and fire and that's the gist of this movie, nothing more happens for the whole damn thing, why wste time and money on this?

20,000 Leagues Under the Sea (1954)

The book is gold

[1/10 · 23 September 2023]

This is some kind of 1950's era propaganda with stereotypical characters tossed into an otherwise good tale.

Kirk Douglas is appauling as Ned Land, he waltzes in (literally) and starts to sing and act like a buffoon, it really makes the movie feel silly instead of a sci fi adventure.

Conseil is way out of character and too old, in the book his a young man of science, in this movie he's a whiner and a puppy dog, it's lame and sickening to watch.

Even Nemo is out of character, I don't recall to date of my reading the book that he was so bloodthirsty, the only similar element to his character so far is his nobility, nothing else.

Typical Disney garbage of the era, much like Pete's Dragon, one to avoid unless you're a lover of these types of drivel.

Talk to Me (I) (2022)

Woke nonsnse

[1/10 · 16 September 2023]

Not even close to a horror movie, the trailer made it seem more interesting than it actually it, it looked like,murder and terrifying activity but it's just a woke fest.

Characters are unlikeable and pathetic.

I would not recommend this unless you're part of the group who support this crap.

I can't even go where this movie treads, I'm surprised this made it out of the editing room, I was waiting for something to happen but it just didn't, if I didn't know any better I'd say it was made by woke Disney. Just watch the trailer, it's the only part of this thing that is ok.

Stuff like this should not be allowed, it's why society is crumbling.

Uncharted: Drake's Fortune (2007 Video Game)

Looks dated now and feels clunky

[5/10 · 29 July 2023]

I got the Uncharted Nathan Drake collection and am playing the first game all over again, Drake's Fortune.

Now back in the day this was a cutting edge game, and something new, however it never had the best climbing mechanics, most ideas copied from other genre games at the time.

Now in 2023 it feels really outdated, sure it was made in 2007 but when you compare it to say Tomb Raider Anniversary which was released the same year, that game plays much better, faster, smoother and doesn't feel clunky at all.

Of course all old games could benefit from a rework but let's be real that won't happen, so we have to work with what we have and see how it holds up as it ages however the lack of fluidity really shows and the clunky controls were inexcusable even back in 2007, so no Drake's Fortune did not age well compared to other games of its era which is a shame because it has one of the better stories.

I am in no way bashing the game, I love it death but I have to be real and call it as it is, it's clunky and sluggish, that's all there is to it, so if you never played this or want to revisit it, I recommend a lot of patience.....a whole lot, you'll need it.

Evil Dead Rise (2023)

I liked the narration

[6/10 · 10 May 2023]

The records with the story could've opened up so much more.

I always enjoy a voice recounting events in a movie and that scene was well made, but could've been expanded with history and more gory details.

Felt a bit flat and lacklustre to be honest, didn't care about the characters much and there was no real story, likability or even character to them to be honest.

Nice it was produced by Raimi and Campbell but the spirit of those two legends is really lost now. The previous movie was a horror feast and really well done but this sequel is a big ol' let down, maybe watch for curiosity, not much else going for it tbh, except excessive gallons of blood.

Dead Island 2 (2023 Video Game)

Nice

[9/10 · 27 April 2023]

I just miss the days when you chose your male or female character the npc's would refer to you as he or she, the they them thing is annoying and feels rude to me but apart from that it's a good game so far.

The scenery is gorgeous and looks deliberate, like not photorealistic, the combat relies on your characters stats and your timing more then fancy moves say like God Of War.

Health is abundant so there's no excuse for running out and my fave character so far is Dani, she's funny and says similar things as I'd say in the same situation haha.

Story is straightforward, survive! Simple.

Music, hmm atmospheric and poppin' so far. No complaints.

One aspect I like best is that it's not open world, their choice to stay liner is very welcome in this current environment of wayyyy too big worlds that in the real world no one has that much time to explore. For me personally worlds getting bigger puts me off games, too much to do and long quests means I don't have the time to do even one quest, then I lose interest because it goes on for soooooo long.

My thanks to Deep Silver.

Grotesque (I) (2022)

Doesn't take itself serious....at all

[10/10 · 10 March 2023]

And that is the refreshing part. It's not scary, it's not serious, it's charmingly silly and I loved it.

Mildred is a sweet soul pushed too far and boy does she take revenge in a whimsical way. She reminds me of me, without the nose and knife 😜

Love the silliness, the premise, Mildred is loveable, wacky and very crazy haha. The usual horrible ones are well played also not serious at all, so yeah it truly is refreshing. If I'm repeating myself it's because of the stupid character requirements on this review, but it's worth it because I wanted to leave a review for this movie, cos I enjoyed it, in this landscape of movies that are painfully political or try too hard or take themselves way too serious this was welcome and I actually laughed a lot. When I read the movie description initially I didn't think I'd like it, never expected it to be fun, but yeah, it is. And that's just me being honest. Give it a look but remember, it's supposed to be silly, so don't bash it for lack of realism, cos that's kinda the whole point.

Dead Space (2023 Video Game)

Retro delight!

[10/10 · 4 February 2023]

I never write reviews for games on here usually, but seeing as Sony doesn't allow reviews at their place I thought I'd come here as I feel very strongly about it.

This is a faithful update indeed, the only thing it does is add to the original and that is rare these days, most remakes butcher the original and leave a scar on precious memories (I'm looking at you Saint's Row reboot)

Anyhoo, I first played DS on PC, on that EA Origin thingy, but I knew about the game for years not long after it's first release, just could never get it until many moons passed, so I got the trilogy and played thru. What an experience! I loved it, the creepy ship, the monsters, the story, all fabulous, then barely 2 years later I hear about the remaster and I'm thinking....'uh oh this can't be good' but I'll now willingly eat my words as it has proven me super wrong.

Another year is so passed until the release in January 2023 and I'm looking and hoping it's gong to be everything it was. It sure is, and more! This is a labour of love by the team, they've remade it inch by inch and added side missions and a new game plus. Not to mention the beautiful visual upgrade and the eerie sounds of the ship now in full stereo!

If you love Dead Space please add this to your library, you shall never regret it, I promise!!

M3GAN (2022)

Okay but

[5/10 · 25 January 2023]

It's full of plot holes....

I like the effects and performance of the actress who plays M3gan, but the story is all over the place with lots of inconsistencies and loose ends.

First off how can a team of 3 create a full working android in one evening?

Did the dog damage M3gan? It's never looked into or explained.

Why wasn't the neighbours death treated as murder because of the state of the body?

Why was the boy not treated as a suspicious death when they saw his ear was ripped off?

Why didn't Gemma take more control of her creation? Didn't even run diagnostics.

Why was the launch so tame? No one cared there was no people or product.....

It's just so full of things like this that it bothers me and drasticly overshadows the sinister aspect.

Could've been so much better with a story that was as well written as the effort that went into the effects.....shame, what a waste.

Black Christmas (2019)

Not a horror

[1/10 · 30 December 2022]

This is purely political nonsense from start to finish and I say that as a warning to anyone who may be the slightest bit curious about this rubbish to avoid it like it's a super plague.

We begin with the premise of horror, but it never happens, instead we are tortured by politically correct bimbos who want nothing more than to debate their ideals and not confront the reality of a possible stalker that's out to get them.

Long story short this movie falls short everywhere but in the damn political nonsense. It's loaded with so much crap you'd think you were in a debate hall rather than watching a horror movie. I beg anyone reading this to not give this movie a watch.

God of War Ragnarök (2022 Video Game)

GoW goes americanised

[5/10 · 20 December 2022]

Not sure how to express this one. I loved God Of War 2018, it felt gritty, focused and Kratos was hurting but strong through the whole story. Atreus was the usual kind of curious and rebellious kid as expected from one of a young age who is learning the world around them from a dangerous situation, the behaviour was acceptable.

This time however everyone feels like a whiny child, even Kratos, who normally is strong and focused on whatever is goal or task is, also the dialogue feels less like a theme in old Norse times and more Americanised with words like welp, phrases like bite me.... Really? At least the writing of the last game stayed in theme and didn't use modern terms as it is set in old Norse times and mythology which usually doesn't contain modern linguistic terms because it didn't exist.

The aspect of the dialogue being Americanised feels disrespectful to the mythos, I'm a huge fan of the Norse legends and appreciate the tone of their day, anything less just feels like it's not accurate or representative.

The simplified in game menu is a welcome addition however and the combat is very solid and the vast landscapes and the scenery are absolutely beautiful but I feel like it's somewhat let down by a long and whiny story with matching characters too focused on crying and lamenting rather than forging ahead.

It may be a thing with modern games, the last one was 2018 in a different environment but it did indeed feel like the characters were stronger and had a real drive to them to just get on with the situation they were plunged into and had no desire to sit in a corner and cry about it. They were brilliant, they were the strong and powerful characters worthy of the old legends..

Wednesday (2022– )

Well written

[10/10 · 16 December 2022]

A great addition to the Addams Family genre. Wednesday is portrayed wonderfully by Jenna Ortega, her stern expression is held well and her intelligently written dialogue well delivered. Joy Sunday also played her part very well.

This series is intelligent and dark, the only element that felt a little off was the final episodes showdown, guess that could just be me, but other than that I found it refreshing in these times of social dictatorship in media. Give Wednesday and piece of your heart and she will poison it forever, in a good way.

(And this here is the filler of letter requirements to make a review complete)

Bodies Bodies Bodies (2022)

Forum drama...at its worst

[1/10 · 19 November 2022]

This movie feels like it came from a forum of bickering children who find an excuse in everything to start arguments with each other. I only managed to sit thru this mess in the hope of finally seeing them all die.....

I mean really? It's like someone went on to a random forum and copy pasted drama and printed it into a script, it's that bad.

Please save your precious brain cells and avoid this garbage if whiny gen z babies, at this point I'm lucky mine survived in tact.

Acting is terrible, script is mediocre at best, the music is unlicensed junk that someone pulled out of the reject bin and the rest is just trash mixed with toxic flotsam.

Guillermo del Toro's Cabinet of Curiosities: The Viewing (2022) Season 1, Episode 7

Weakest of the series

[1/10 · 29 October 2022]

Where to start with this one, it begins with an interesting and curious premise, setting the scene for something to happen, experts or influential people show up at rich guy place and he gets them some, erm, refreshments.....

Time and conversation passes, ever so slowly, me I mean oh so slowly, this leads up to....well nothing....

I like the episodes leading up to this one, this is the weakest and most horrible episode, not because of the slow burn, that I could handle, but nothing happens, we get to see something unusual which turns into something stupid.... So much build up for, nothing of interest or significance, it went nowhere, and it did it painfully slowly.

Sorry, not sorry, I didn't like this episode.

The Munsters (2022)

Fun

[10/10 · 19 October 2022]

I don't get why people call this bad, it tried so hard to capture the feel and whimsical comedy of the classic 60's show so well. Me and my hubby saw it last night and it was a little oversaturated but it was done in a silly way, it was never meant to be serious and I think people should watch the original series first or lighten up and enjoy it.

Also nice to see cameo appearances by 2 of the original cast, I'm sure the rest of the team would've loved this also.

I also don't understand why I have to write a lengthy review here so I'll just continue by extending a little, no need to read any further.

Halloween II (1981)

A warning against censoring

[1/10 · 8 October 2022]

I saw the censored version of this, it was hell boring and nothing made sense. Nothing happened and characters showed up with wounds and no previous scene to show what happened to them, they just popped out of nowhere with injuries and that was it. Let this be a major lesson to would be censors, it ruins everything.

Side note, not all versions are censored, I saw the German release but it still stands that this should be held up as an example against censoring. If you've not seen the version I'm speaking of then find and watch it and you'll soon be falling asleep with the lack of...well...anything.

Fall (I) (2022)

No brains

[1/10 · 9 September 2022]

Who brings 15ft of rope to a 600m tower? Whoever wrote this should be fired for the lack of logic there alone.

Not telling anyone where they've gone and wearing a backpack on one shoulder is just crazy. I was eye rolling so much it hurt. The drama was telegraphed from the start and really didn't need to be added in the middle of the tower stranding.

They are climbers they should've known to bring enough rope and supplies for emergencies as well as gloves, I refuse to accept that bare hands can hold a rope successfully never mind pull someone up. This is a no brains and no logic movie with bad acting coupled with Ill prepared idiots who should know better. Avoid this disaster.

Saints Row (2022 Video Game)

This is not saints row

[1/10 · 24 August 2022]

This feels watered down with all the censorship, there's nothing fun anymore, no cheats to make it crazy and gone is the insanity and filth that made the older games so wonderful. This is lame and a joke, I regret pre ordering it, can't get a refund for this garbage.

Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021)

Not res evil

[1/10 · 12 August 2022]

More like a lame fan fiction, all the characters are out of context and the story is lame and loose as hell. Should've made something new rather than insult a good series like res evil.

The Pagemaster (1994)

Why so low?

[10/10 · 11 August 2022]

I can't comprehend why this film isn't loved. It's charming and focuses on classic book stories in a world made around and of books! As a bookworm I loved this as a kid and found it a world I would personally love to be in.

Also I adore Patrick Stewart's voice acting in this one, he cracks me up with his performance as the adventure book haha!

Resident Evil (2022)

Resident Unevil

[1/10 · 23 July 2022]

What a pile of unfaithful rubbish! This is not ResEvil, it's something else with the ResEvil name shamelessly slapped on it and pretending to be ResEvil.

I failed to see any twists in this, I failed to see anything remotely interesting, and I failed to see any connection to the games. This is bland poorly written woke rubbish with false advertising. I can now clearly see why Netflix are losing their reputation and fan base. Please stop and take things back to the days when shows were faithful, well written and engaging works of wonder, not unthought out drivel.