Change Your Image
Slayer013
Underrated
Two words I would not miss if they suddenly fell through the buttcrack of the space-time continuum and ended up in some alternate dimension.
Reviews
Sick (2022)
If I had a mask...
I'd vomit into it....
...at least twice.
Overall, it was in the 6-7 range.
It moved along quite nicely even though it was nothing very new.
Then they give the reason behind it and it goes lame in a big hurry.
Yes, I could see control freaks and paranoid loons behaving like this. Quick to screech at people to put on their mask. Half insane already so it probably would take less than what it took in the movie to get them to behave like this.
Blaming others because of the decisions their kid made. No thought spared about their own contributions.
As baddies they have the same problem as their IRL counterparts. They can act bossy and aggressive and bark out their authoritarian nonsense....but they are just not scary or threatening in any discernable way. I mean one unmasked exhalation in their general direction is likely enough to send them running. I wish they had tried it in the movie. I'd bump it up to 5/10 just to see them lose their minds over it.
"Where was your mask?"
"Where was his?"
Something like that anyway.
Not much, but probably the best lines in this sad little flick.
It feels like they made most of the movie and suddenly remembered they needed an explanation. No problem there. This awkward reasoning could have been dreamed up in much less time than it took to film it. 10 minutes?
Everyone's favorite cootie is coming back for an encore according to the doom merchants. A new and improved kind.
For the love of God, I hope no stupid sequel for this garbage comes out of it.
The Tortured (2010)
The ending MADE this movie and I love it for that.
It happens all the time.
Some HUMAN does some horrific act and morons show up and start spewing nonsense about how "death is too kind for monsters" or "they should feel everything the victim felt". It's basically execution or life sentences < torture because torture accomplishes something super important in the minds of the mindless. They make it sound like a divine crusade.
So we have these 2 morons. Something horrible happens to them and they are emotional wrecks. Mr Baddy gets caught but is given a ridiculously light sentence and they will have none of that. Time for a plan.
See it would be nice if they could drug the driver of a van containing three people other than Mr Baddy himself. Of course this is totally safe. No way this could cause a loss of control that could end with a crash that could kill all four of those people because such a thing only happens when a sober but distraught doctor person is driving.
The plan works.
They make it to torture house and proceed torturing. You can see that this wasn't as easy as they thought it would be. This nonsense goes on for a while. Then we see these idiots got the wrong guy. This wrong guy escapes only to commit suicide. The cops catch the not wrong guy. Morons dispose of wrong guy's body and live happily ever after.
The reason the end is good is that it hints strongly why this is a stupid idea from the start.
Step away from the movie and consider.
In the US, we have an entire system for legal issues, and THEY get it wrong. Perfectly innocent people have served long prison sentences and have even been executed and every one of them could have been tortured like this but no big deal really.
Next you have escape. This is a fun one. Torture idiots love saying capital punishment is just not enough. Too easy on them. People can escape torture chambers. I can't think of a single person escaping an execution after a successful execution.
Look at what could have happened here. The wrong person was tortured but in doing that the real villain escaped. A villain could have just went back to doing his sick hobby because someone just had to play a stupid little game they feel justified playing.
Those two should have been arrested for torturing an innocent person and refresh my memory, what is the only correct punishment for people that do things like that?
I just cannot remember.
I do know execution or imprisonment isn't harsh enough though.
Quite a conundrum.
It's my own alternate ending.
Halloween Ends (2022)
When I rate this as low as Halloween 3...
...something truly horrible has happened.
What the hell was that?
To me it was a train wreck if the train was transporting burning dumpsters to a sewage treatment facility.
Maybe if they had kept psycho boyfriend a secret until the end, I could have at least given it a 5. Gaze lovingly into Mike's puppy dog eyes while he chokes you and become...Mike's sequel?
Substitute?
Replacement?
Clone?
Maybe just go with the fact the town treated him like garbage to explain why he would turn into a killer and leave silly nonsense out of it. The only thing missing from this movie is a white horse and Sheri Moon Zombie making random appearances. Nevermind, even that movie was better than this.
Halloween Ends?
Good!
I can't imagine how terrible another sequel would be following something like this.
So disappointed with this.
Orphan: First Kill (2022)
I wasn't expecting this
No matter how bad she may be, the folks that made this managed to make me hate "mother" and "brother" even more than I hate Princess Loony.
Luck?
Fate?
Divine intervention?
Master level Hogwarts magic?
I'm even nuttier than she is?
I have no idea, but it worked.
It can't be disputed that she had reasons for her behavior. Reasons are not excuses by the way.
Mommy and bro just acted like morons acting like morons.
I had a bit of hope for bro when he helped her down the stairs and was obviously shaken because he thought he had helped her to death. Of course, less than a minute later he was in kill mode again as if none of that ever happened. I guess it was a mixture of realizing she wasn't really dead and some good old-fashioned parental encouragement from Mother Of The Year herself. I have to admit it was quite hilarious. She basically told him "Hey idiot!! You know how I was just berating you for killing her, forget all that. What you really need to do right now is go down there and kill her."
The fun doesn't stop there friends. Idiot starts throwing on his fencing gear for the task at hand. You really have to wonder how interesting it could get if he had some other hobby.
Like hunting.
Dude comes back onscreen with Pappy's double barrel shotgun and his face all painted up, wearing clothes that makes him look like the trunk of your average pine tree and spraying copious amounts of amounts of doe urine all over himself because just like deer, psychopaths find it irresistible.
As my rating suggests, this flick hovers right in the middle. Equal parts crap and gold. I would have been just fine just giving it a pass. The first movie was no masterpiece, but it does beat this prequel. This did have more unintentional comedy though and that's always nice.
The Killing of a Sacred Deer (2017)
Alternative
The suggestion is limited to this crazy, moronic movie.
I am in no way promoting this particular behavior in any other setting.
Why did this idiot take the route that he took?
These people seem to be from some alternate dimension.
I'll just say they are strange, somewhat robotic, and entirely unlikable and leave it at that.
"Well I'm going to spin around in a circle with a gun and shoot randomly until one family member is killed because this moronic kid says it must happen this way"
How about no for multiple reasons.
Here's one...
In a lot of movies shot = dead.
In reality, not so much.
Great gutshot there buddy!!! Now what are you going to do? Sit there and watch as a family member dies slowly and painfully or specifically chose to shoot that one person again which is what you were trying to avoid in the first place? (Cue Jeopardy theme....or chirping crickets....or both)
The idea here is to punish him. If he doesn't pick one to die, they will all die of some magical, unexplained cootie. Is that what the Boy Scouts are teaching these days?
Super-cootie merit badges for everyone
Sounds awesome!
Here's a morbid and somewhat selfish alternative.....
Self induced forever sleep.
Talk about completely demolishing that kid's revenge scheme with the greatest of ease.
I would love to see the reaction from him.
What could he have possibly said?
"but...but...but...they will all die anyway if you kill yourself!!!!"
"Dead people don't really care cupcake. I won't have see it. I won't have to live in misery due to my original mistake and I won't have to choose which one I will kill and live with THAT misery either. Now what, Captain Cootie? Have fun living with the absolute failure known as "your plan"."
BANG!!
The end.
Wonder if they will try to make a sequel?
I wonder if they are insane enough to think I'll actually bother watching it if they do?
There ya go.
I could have saved you all at least an hour of this crap festival.
When will people realize that having stupid, unlikeable characters completely nullifies movies like this? There is nothing to feel.
Did any of you really care who was going to die?
I didn't.
Their house could have exploded, killing the entire cast for no particular reason at all and I would have said the same thing I said in the end of the movie as it currently is..
"End Credits!!
Thank God!!
WTF did I just sit through?
Never again!!
Time to puke in my soup."
Ang-ma-reul bo-at-da (2010)
I have to admit
The moron was correct.
The main character won nothing from beginning to end.
It would have been more rewarding for him to put a bullet or 5 in that dude's brain container, open a hotdog stand on a completely unused backroad somewhere in Utah and just leave it at that.
It seems to be a recurring theme in drawn out revenge movies. It's usually the point, but people seem to miss it and the mentality doesn't stay in the movies.
Art imitating life imitating art or as I prefer to call it....well I shouldn't say that here.
I don't know how many times I have seen idiots chime in with the same tired nonsense when some human decides to be particularly vile to some other human...
"It's the only way."
"It's what they deserve."
"A quick death is too good for them."
( If it's true, you would let your kids, friends and loved ones watch you do it wouldn't you? Your kids most of all since it is the job of a parent to get them ready for life in a harsh world and if this is the only right way to handle people like that, your kids should certainly know that, right? Right!)
And then the absolute most popular, most moronic of all
"They must be made to feel what the victim felt."
Boy that sounds like a neat little trick doesn't it? Now if the person was the victim, they could get it half right.. but that's it.
You won't make them feel what any victim felt or make them have the same thoughts while that's going on. You are just going to hurt them. Bravo! Torture is so complicated any idiot could pull it off.
1. Think of something that seems like it would hurt if it happened to you.
2. Do that to another person. Have fun with it. Anything that pops into your little mind, go for it. They certainly deserve it remember.
No, doing this doesn't make you as bad as the people that did bad in the first place.....it makes you infinitely worse.
You think it's justified.
The baddies in this movie never justified anything and most of the loons IRL don't. They do it because they enjoy it, but righteous torturers want to do it because it's the right thing to do. A public service. A divine mission. The only way.
It's enough to make you barf in your boxers and puke in your soup.
This movie is almost perfect because it does a good job illustrating a main point about doing stupid things like this.
YAY! You got your man!!!
OOPS! Something went horribly wrong and your man got away.
OH GOSH! That's just too bad, more people got hurt and worse. Good thing you were not close with them...oh...wait....
You got to play your stupid game though.
Totally worth it.
Balance is a good thing.
I feel like I shouldn't hate the main character but I almost always do in these movies.
Another issue is shown quite well in another movie I can't name here because doing so would spoil it. (Sorry about that.)
Short version:
Person does horrific thing and gets caught by the coppers.
A couple knows the "only correct way" to handle people like this so they "acquire" the baddie.
Good old fashioned torture for a few days because nothing else was on their schedule...and it's the right thing to do.
(see 2 above)
What's that?
OOPSIE!
"Honey, we got the wrong guy."
So that's how that mistake feels.
Balance again.
They got to play their stupid little game though.
I wish this mentality was only in movies.
Paradise Lost: The Child Murders at Robin Hood Hills (1996)
Not guilty.
Not necessarily innocent either.
That's not the point
The prosecution is the point and they failed with flying colors from what is shown here IMO. It's like they were trying to create reasonable doubt. Pretty sure that's not their job.
I don't agree with the verdict...but these movies always have a fatal flaw. How much testimony and evidence do we really get to see in these movies? I know you can't show everything, but you really are at the mercy of HBO here. They can churn this puppy out any old way they like. Who knows what gets left out or the criteria for leaving something out in the first place? You have to do your homework on your own time to fill in the blanks if you think there are some. Most people will not do this, and I don't blame them really.
Now that's over with, time for fun.
Who the hell would use a knife the way that moron was explaining when he was smacking fruit?
Maybe I'm wrong.
Maybe people really do just take the serrated side of a survival knife and use it on a body the same way Neil Peart used to use a drumstick on his snare.
Maybe Metallica and Anton LaVey talked him into doing it while they were wearing black clothes and microwaving kittens underneath a full moon on Friday the 13th with black candles rammed right up their.....nostrils.
Satanic panic was sad for humans, embarrassing for believers, and hilarious for the sane all at the same time. We really should do a sequel someday.
Somebody needed to smack 7 shades of s... out of Damien. Sitting there looking in a mirror and fiddle farting around with his hair like that. Guilty or not, that's horrible PR.
My sister did make a big deal about him laughing and joking around near the end. I don't ever play that game. People can have some pretty confusing coping mechanisms for different emotions. If you don't know them you can make some stupid assumptions....just like an idiot seemed to think I hated my dad or at least didn't give a damn about him because I didn't cry at his funeral and apparently I also smiled a few times before, during, and after. Must be true.
The Manor (2021)
For over an hour...
... you can find yourself liking certain characters.
In less than 2 minutes you can find yourself despising those same characters.
In less than 30 seconds you realize the most moral, decent, and unselfish characters are the dead ones that only had a few seconds of actual screen time.
Sure she can live forever by sacrificing others. The not so peachy bonus is that anyone she ever comes into contact with most likely will not have that same death immunity. An eternity of losing all the people she comes into contact with and develops a relationship with. People she might grow to love over time. This the sadly hilarious part.... She will get to live through the very thing she was trying to protect her grandson from over and over and over and over and over and over again. Congrats granny!!!
Really the only way to navigate this sort of nonsense is to never have those relationships and never get attached to anyone ever. If you want to hate humans you might as well swing for the fences, right?
Right!
Some may say blessing or miracle.
I say curse.
Stay decent.
Stay human.
Burn the tree.
Chainsaw the tree man.
Adopt black kitties since they are not actually evil.
Live happily with the time you have left.
After that, enjoy your vacation from the harsh crazy world we live in.
Abducted in Plain Sight (2017)
Well that was....
I don't really know what in the hell that was, but I think it's going to leave a scar.
A 90 minute facepalm?
Repeatedly, I would think..." Ok now THAT is certainly the most batsh** insane thing I have ever heard in my entire life"
Repeatedly this damned documentary would basically say "Hold my beer buttercup, I'm just getting started so buckle up!"
It's an assault on common sense.
Her idiot parents dropping charges because they were too afraid people would learn their disgusting little secrets, enabling that useless POS to spend a little more "quality time" with their own damn daughter.
She forgave them.
I never will.
That's a great big hell no ladies and gents. I wanted to smack the hell out of both of them every time they were on screen and when I heard their voices.
They didn't simply make a few mistakes, they enabled every single part of this nightmare.
On a brighter note, I do appreciate that fact that the moron's suicide was a success. It's possibly the only good thing he managed to do in his pathetic version of a life. Maybe that's cruel and unfair. Ask me if I care. I seem to have accidentally misplaced my remorse and sympathy.
FFS, this was an exceedingly infuriating watch.
If you will excuse me, I'm going to puke in my soup now.
The Possession of Michael King (2014)
Remember kids.....
.....getting what you want and wanting what you get are not concepts that always have "=" between them.
Mikey learned the hard way.
Don't be like mike.
Unfortunately, it did make it hard for me to have much sympathy for him until very close to the end of the movie. I found the things that he was doing to get his answer absolutely moronic. I don't mean it from a religious or sacrilegious point of view I just mean the acts themselves were just damned stupid. He did get his answer though and it was even a happy ending..........of sorts.
Not a bad little flick.
The Trials of Gabriel Fernandez (2020)
Not since Silenced (2011).....
........has a movie pissed me off this much!!!
Silenced is not a documentary and has embellishments, but it's based on enough truth to make you puke in your soup. The slap on the wrists the perpetrators got in that case was......legendary to say the least.
Good news : A couple of months after the movie came out, they finally closed that hellhole down. South Koreans got re-pissed off about the atrocity all over again it seems.
Sorry for giving a mini review the wrong movie but the rage level is so similar. It was a well made flick. For the truth behind it, look up "Gwangju Inhwa School"
Now onto the right movie......
I bet I paused this doc about a billion times just to re-compose and avoid breaking my trusty old laptop in half.
I understand those people still had certain rights but I admit that a few times there I did think about how much I wouldn't give a damn if somebody just strolled right the hell into that court room and gave those 2 morons cranial lead poisoning.
My only real complaint is the amount of useless filler they crammed into this movie. It would still be a pretty long doc and it would get the point across just fine.
The Fourth Kind (2009)
OH GAWD, IT'S ALL LIES!!!!!!!!!!!!
I swear the negative reviews here are more entertaining than the movie.
You feel lied to?
Watch many movies?
Watch many movies that are "based on a true story" or "inspired by actual events" ?? Are you unaware just how thin the thread can be to earn such labels? They can tell you Friday the 13th is based on a true story simply because in the time we have existed on this rock, at least 1 chick has been axed in the face.
Are they lying to you?
YES!
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD THEY ARE LYING TO YOU!
.......I'm just wondering where the surprise comes into play.
The people on the screen are literally paid to lie you.
That lady there has managed to save the universe only to go on and massacre about 3 trillion zombies later because she was bored or something.
If you purchased this, rented this, or watched this using a Netflix subscription, you paid to be lied to.
Even better, if you watched this on a site cozy with piracy, you may have broken a law or three to be lied to.
"Fake documentary", you say.
"Documentary" found nowhere in the given genres while "sci fi" is, I say. (The "fi" part there seems important, you may want to look into it....or not.)
Horrible movie...but it had nothing to do with lies that should have been expected. It did at least give a reason to ponder subject matter that has no definitive answers. How people can speak in absolute terms about these things is beyond me. Self proclaimed "rational" people do it. I'm going to be irrational and say I have no idea if we have space neighbors or not and may never know in my remaining time. If we do, I hope they are polite and that the idiots running the show down here manage to be polite in return.......but it will probably be "They seem nice enough but they look kinda funny, kill them with fire just to be safe."
Translation: "Welcome to Earth."
:P.
Busanhaeng 2: Bando (2020)
Sequel
I'm guessing people are running with the original title as opposed to "Train to Busan Presents: Peninsula" which is the title that makes much more sense to me.
If this was meant to be a direct sequel, please explain how.
Both have zombies.
Both have Koreans in Korea speaking....Korean.
Both have blood.
Sorry folks, that's about all I've got.
I don't think I even saw a train.
Perhaps that explains some the disappointment people have while I'm not particularly bothered by it. I didn't go into it expecting Train To Busan 1 part 2 and to be quite honest, I'm happy this wasn't just another train ride.
I guess I'll address "too much action, not enough zombie". I'll stick with "a zombie movie with action" or " an action movie with zombies" lest I find myself on a subjective spectrum trying to define "too much" and "not enough" in a way meaningful enough for other people to understand what I'm even talking about.
Guns factor into the action aspect too I suppose.I have to say the poster art was a bit of a spoiler.If that magically sailed right by me, an opening scene with a dude in military garb would have been a pretty good clue.I wasn't shocked and amazed that this had more shooting than Train to Busan.
Cars.....yep,there were cars and people drove them.I would categorize it as The Road Warrior/Mad Max with zombies. It just seems more accurate than Not Slow And More Than A Little Angry with zombies.
...And for the love of God NO!!! The car sequences in this are nowhere near as spectacular as The Road Warrior/Mad Max.
Now for the fun part...
Was it as good as Train to Busan concerning plot and character development??
Big NOPE!
Can you see the further adventures of Yoo Gong and Su-an Kim as they roam the zombified hellscape of South Korea searching for kimchi and a new train to ride in this...."sequel"?
BIG BIG BIG NOPE!
Is it so stupid,boring,horrible,terrible, and every other negative thing imaginable to the point that I will tell you to skip it,never watch it,watch paint dry or grass grow instead and/or avoid it like the plague?
NOPE,not even if I hated it....and I don't.
That sort of thing has always seemed....just plain wrong to me.
If I listened to critics I would have missed out on a lot of really great movies..but also avoided a few absolutely horrible ones that they thought were just the best films anybody could ever hope to see.
I gave a few brief examples of some complaints I have read or heard that were in no way deal breakers for me while avoiding spoilers.
It's about 2 hours long.
I have no idea where you live or your financial situation is currently so I can't really go into what fees apply to giving it a watch.
You do know those things, so it's up to you.
How It Ends (2018)
People are salty about How It Ends
The end was just fine.
I didn't read all of the reviews, but from what I did read, no reasons are given just a lot of "the end sucked" or "there isn't an end"
Why did it suck?
Was it because they didn't say for sure what exactly happened?
"Honey, I know you are pregnant and all that, but I just HAVE to know!!!!"
"Buckle up buttercup, off we go to liberate us some hazmat suits or scuba gear or something. We also need to coat ourselves with asbestos too because I ain't lettin' occasional pyroclastic clouds stand in my way as I quest for truth.
It's our first family trip babe!
Boy, I'm clearly going to be the best husband and father ever!!!! "
Was it because it didn't turn into an 8 hour movie of them driving north.... then stopping for gas..... then driving north..... then stopping for gas....then driving north..... then getting stopped by the same old boring 4 or 5 guys with guns waiting 4 or 5 days out in the middle of nowhere because they just knew our moronic heroes would get there eventually....then escaping said ambush.....then driving north...then stopping for gas....then driving north....then getting to the somewhere they were trying to go. Credits roll and I 'still puke in my soup.
The end was just fine.
It's a concept everyone has seen before.
Sorry, but this was nothing more than them riding off into the sunset and living happily ever after.
The guy got the girl.
The evil cloud was literally in hot pursuit.
Will they make it or will it be butter vs flamethrower time?
Luckily,the cloud of doom ran out of gas too.
They are safe.
Off they go.....
and then The Grand Triggering went into effect.
It's almost like the world really DID end for some.
The end was fine.....almost all that happened before it is what really sucked.
You have the exceedingly patient gun guys I've already mentioned. I swear they are mandatory in these movies.
Did you notice in the beginning the dude was in the airport and his flight is cancelled and he walks back out the same door he came through 2 minutes before and it's insta-traffic jam outside?
Yeah.
Ok.
This movie was speedy about clearing out the west half of the country as well.
It would have been nice to see more people still at home. You know those same people who IRL stay at home after being told to leave because of fires, floods, hurricanes, and even volcanic eruptions.
Then you have embarrassing decision making. I'll just give the example of Smokeville lady....."Halp!!!Halp!!!Flat Tire!!! Halp!!!!"
Nope!
Then something did trigger me.... chicky chick left. It made no sense to me but more importantly, she was really the only character I liked in this particular dumpster-fire of a movie.
Evil movie makers!
The end was just fine because I knew this nonsense was finally over.......and I lived happily ever after as well.
Hatchet (2006)
People amaze me.
This is a slasher movie. It has all the elements of most slasher movies.As far as I know it's never pretended to be anything other than a slasher movie. How can people complain about seeing a slasher movie that does everything it is supposed to do?? What did you think you were going to watch? A documentary ?? It's like going to watch a comedy, then getting mad afterward because it made you laugh. I actually read a review where a person complained because it was unrealistic . Imagine that. Okay , enough of that. I enjoyed this movie quite a bit. Had more than a few good laughs. For it's budget, I thought the effects were damn good. Lots of gore. A few of the death scenes were rather unique and that's always a good thing.I plan on checking out the sequel when it's released.
The bottom line..if you like slasher movies give it a try.By the way, it's not going to shift genres mid-movie and turn into science fiction so be prepared to give negative reviews. You get exactly what you paid for.