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The Dance of the Lonely Eggplant
The grapes were manic today, gabbing, giggling and frolicking. When they�re in a group like that, they just can�t be stopped. No waiting around to become raisons for these guys. Harlan thought of them as the wild bunch.
Harlan shifted his weight and folded the newspaper. He tried his best to ignore the hub bub. Even a stately eggplant like himself found it difficult to maintain his composure. The spray of early morning sun made it difficult to read.
He glanced at the two bananas, who were quite a pair. Now they were aged and brown spots mottled their skin. Such a short life. These two had grown old together. Harlan had been on a jury once, for a banana on trial for shoplifting. He was slippery bastard. Harlan had heard he got off on a peel.
The wind suddenly came up. The old house shuddered in the breeze. The ancient joints creaked and groaned, begging for mercy. The windows oozed and rattled.
Outside, a tree limb waved and faltered, the leaves dancing and spinning in the wind. The sunspots came through the window, a thousand points of light on the floor and wall. Leaping, flickering, cavorting, they played tag with each other. Just as suddenly, they froze. Only a few malcontents tumbled here and there.
At last, a few minutes of peace. Harlan continued with his reading. A new cacophony arose. Harlan glared at Iron Mike, the old fridge. Buzzing, humming gurgling, Mike did his own song. Harlan swore he always waited for just such quiet moments. He was an icy bastard, a real cold-hearted mother. As he droned on, it became just part of the background again and Harlan read.
He noticed the birds. At least he always assumed they were birds. They chirped and whistled and called to each other. In combination, it was almost a song. Like a samba.
He dropped the paper and the want ads spilled to the floor. Harlan closed his eyes and began to sway. He turned slowly, and then spun once deftly, silently. He began a slow dance, for no particular reason. As he moved, Harlan realized he would never dance. With anyone. Again.
Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage. (Ambrose Bierce)
Reviews
Wildcat (1942)
Standard B-movie Fare
Wildcat is a typical B-movie of the 40's. The plot is straight forward and largely predictable. For those not familiar with the term, wildcat refers to someone taking the risk of drilling for oil in unproven areas.
While there are no major stars here, there are some recognizable faces. Richard Arlen made a career of B-movies and plays the lead here as an endearing hustler. His main antagonist is Buster Crabbe of Flash Gordon fame. William Frawley (Fred Mertz of I Love Lucy) plays an unscrupulous card shark, that eventually shows some heart. Toss in character actor Arthur Hunnicutt, who is best known as a crotchety old-timer from westerns and 50's TV. Overall, a decent cast that does a fine, if unspectacular job of delivering the goods.
The dialogue is snappy in parts, but also lame in places. There are enough conflicts and action sequences to keep the story moving without bogging down. The characters cover a wide range. There is the flawed hero lead, the conniving femme fatale, a naive youth, a cold-hearted antagonist and loyal associates.
While this movie is mildly entertaining, there is nothing spectacular here. While the movie is shot in the present (1942,) it has a western flavor to it. So if you enjoy any of the actors or just want to see a "modern" western, it's not a bad way to spend 70 minutes.
Dark Star (1974)
Comedy without humor
I really seldom give either one or ten stars to any movie, but this was so awful, I had to make an exception.
I am a SciFi fan and have seen a few comedic takes on SciFi that I genuinely like. There just wasn't anything here to like.
I realize this was started with an extremely small budget by a film student. But even considering that, the sets and effect are bad. The cinematography is mediocre, but may be the best part of the movie.
The acting is bad. A sad state when the female voice-over for the computer is the best actor. The dialogue is bad. The script is very weak and the plot is incoherent and almost nonexistent.
The humor is not just subtle and sublime; it's nowhere to be found. As an example, a whole 20 minutes, of the 80 minute film, is spent on a lame 2 punch combo joke with the alien mascot and the elevator.
This was supposed to be a parody of everything from bad 50's SciFi to 2001. What we end up with though, is just a slightly updated version of an old 50's SciFi C-movie. At least those movies were funny because they took themselves seriously.
Cold Harvest (1999)
Achingly Dull
Where to start. Banal story of post-apocalyptic LA. This story, or combinations which have been done to death.
The dialogue was amazingly insipid, bad even for a low budget job like this. The acting was mediocre to bad.
Even the supposed forte of Gary Daniels, the fight scenes, seem contrived. The love interest seemed silly and forced. No real chemistry there.
The villains and even "refugees" were cartoonish. Not one character had any depth. The sets were OK, but were obviously done without any budget.
Not much here unless you're a really huge fan of Gary Daniels.
Five Minutes to Live (1961)
Oddly Captivating
This film is obviously low, low budget from beginning to end. Yet, it has a very interesting story line and some decent acting.
You can see why Johnny Cash was more successful as a singer than an actor, but he's not bad here. Although he carries a guitar with him throughout almost the entire film, he really doesn't do much singing. So those looking for a vehicle to showcase Cash's singing talents, might be a little disappointed.
Vic Tayback does a good job as the hardened criminal mastermind. Cash does OK with his portrayal of a somewhat deranged killer for hire. Toss in a very young Ron Howard for some lighter moments. The rest of the acting is strictly B movie.
The basic elements for a good thriller are here, but the production values are poor. Some parts of the dialogue are outright laughable. The overall effect is uneven, yet the story line does hold your interest. This would be a great movie for a modern remake with a real budget and good actors.
The Producers (2005)
What were they thinking?
I will state right off that I am not generally a fan of musicals. That being said, I found this one particularly difficult to watch through to the end. I have not seen the original Mel Brooks production, so am not comparing it.
While I normally appreciate Matthew Broderick's acting, this is his worst performance that I have seen. Nathan Lane is mediocre. I am not a big Uma Thurman fan, but found her character the most interesting and well played of the lot.
Most of the "songs" in this movie are unbelievably trite and mostly tripe. The dance routines do seem well done, for those that appreciate that.
If you are not a HUGE fan of musicals, I would say avoid this one at all costs.
The Last Drop (2006)
Misfire of a War Movie
If you want to see a humorous movie about the hijinks of an odd group of characters looking to enrich themselves during a WWII battle, see Kelly's Heroes, instead of this movie. The Last Drop tries for humor and misses... or misfires.
On the plus side, the movie flows fairly quickly and the action sequences are decent. There is a plot which might be interesting if some other pieces had fallen into place.
However, the script is weak and the acting is wooden. There is a very inauthentic feel to the movie, from haircuts to background music. The last 20 minutes are somewhat confusing and in some ways, leave huge gaps of logic.
All in all, not an utterly horrible movie, but a premise done much better in Kelly's Heroes.