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Reviews
Gorp (1980)
Terrible Meatballs ripoff...one of the worst movies I've ever suffered through
If Meatballs had been written by a coked-up, mentally-challenged Jew, it might resemble something like GORP. What GORP stands for, I have no idea. Greatly Odiferous Retarded Premise? It might've been mentioned in the movie, but I was so annoyed by the lack of good comedy writing, the bad Vinnie Babarino accents and the absence of anything remotely resembling a plot that I might've missed it.
I thought at the least I might get to see some Fran Drescher nipps or a young Patricia Arquette burn up the screen. Wrong wrong wrong. The scenes of Fran "doing it" with camp counselers fully clothed resembled two people having a simultaneous seizer on the ground. I couldn't even tell which characters were even camp counselers, there were no scenes of them doing ANYTHING remotely camp related. You just want to punch every character in this movie in the face, hard. There are no peaks or valleys, no character development at all, it's just non-stop cracked out stupidity from the very start, and not even funny stupidity at that. I have to wonder how the writer of this movie even got his foot in the door, and I'd be surprised if he ever worked again.
Even treating it like an X-rated movie and fast-forwarding to the few scenes with Fran and the one or two scenes with Arquette didn't make it any more bearable. 40 minutes of my life I'll never get back. Comcast On-Demand freebies have really hit rock bottom. I'm canceling my cable.
I can't say what's worse...the fact that this movie was made, or the fact that so many reviewers here actually think it was good.
Cube Zero (2004)
All the Negative Reviews Crack Me Up!
This was pretty good. All the criticism of the bad acting and a bad dialog makes me wonder if anyone actually remembers the first Cube and the bad acting there, and worst of all Hypercube, which is rife with terrible acting and inane dialog.
Cube Zero is really pretty decent overall, and a good companion to the original movie. The ending explains why the character Kazan in the original Cube might be the way he is, and the mindless Orwellian bureaucracy behind the Cube is exposed, though quite schlocky. All in all, much better than Hypercube, which had a good idea going but is just ruined by irritating characters and poor dialog.