cliff-201 Reviews

OutPost 11 (2013)

I almost gave it a 1 star

[5/10 · 4 October 2013]

Having just watched this film and still digesting it I can say that the acting is great in the film and the idea is actually a good one. The thing that made me quite angry with the film is that it is just plain stupid as in it got to the end and the plot of the film made no sense to me whatsoever.

If this film was made to be all about the screenplay and very little to do with the plot then it is is worth probably more than 5 stars, however as i suspect that there is meant to be some great innuendo behind this film which i cannot for the life of me fathom without being in the writers head then this film deserves a 1 star.

I am actually a little angry still that i spent an hour and a half watching this but at the same time can appreciate the way it was made...

I don't know anyone that i could recommend this film to personally who wouldn't turn round to me after watching it and call me something not very nice but being a weirdo myself i guess i can empathize with the weirdness of the film?!

V/H/S/2 (2013)

Dreadful Film

[1/10 · 12 August 2013]

This was the hardest one and a half hours i have ever had trying to watch a film. I say trying as due to the hype about this film i felt i had to see it through. It is so, so dull! The segments of the film that pretty much break down into stories are far less enjoyable to watch than the old black and white twilight zone episodes and that' saying something. Admittedly there was one theme in the stories that was quite good for about 3 minutes then as with the rest, the world of make believe and fantasy turned into just downright ridiculous. Let me give you an example of what i mean by fantasy: A 3 headed goblin princess discovers that eating a child's brains will turn her into something beautiful, she does so and it then turns out that she is an angel and then marries the devil having child who turns out to be a rabbit. That's fantasy and compared to the storyline in this film it is credible fantasy. That's how ridiculous the storyline of this film is, it sucks and i think it sucks so bad for me because there must be some kind of inside joke to this film, maybe all the reviews know the filmmaker personally and the whole point of this film is for the producer and a bunch of mates to take the mick out of Hollywood? I dunno i'm reaching...awful film what a waste of my time!

Attack the Block (2011)

absolute trash!

[1/10 · 3 September 2011]

This film is awful, it is another real reason to feel embarrassed to be British!

So the story starts on a rough council estate in London with an act of crime then, guess what, alien invaders fall out the sky and begin doing the usual stuff that aliens seem to like to do...killing people at random.

The "plot", if you can even call it that, follows a bunch of chavs (chavs are basically the UK version of poor white trash) from the estate on their quest to help rid their estate of the aliens.

That's it basically!

The language and accents are so embarrassing to watch, maybe if you are from the US the film could be seen as pure comedy and it would be amusing to see a bunch of British youths trying to act tough and American but, to me, as i am from England it is just plain humiliating.

Unbelivebly bad, i can only think that the reason it has a 7+ on IMDb is because there are more chavs in the UK than i thought and they are all loving this film!

Troll 2 (1990)

it IS the worst movie ever made

[1/10 · 25 April 2011]

Ahhh what a treat to write this review so many years after i saw Troll 2!

For the last 20 years+ whenever i have seen a bad movie i would always finish with "at least it's not as bad as Troll 2"...

I remember the night i watched this movie, around 1989, and i had rented it from the local supermarket (VHS video tape) and was to watch it as the 2nd film of the evening (2nd films of the night don't have to be that good)...i watched about 10 minutes of it and the rest in fast forward, it was dreadful..

So to spare anyone else having to sit through this rubbish, bearing in mind the local supermarket had closed by now and i didn't have another film to watch, i pulled the film from it's reels, took the strip of film and the case outside, poured lighter fluid on it and set fire to it...i ended up having to pay the supermarket 5 times the rental but it was worth it because i managed to talk the manager into not re-ordering Troll 2 again (i was a regular there)...

I have never destroyed another film after watching it, none have been that bad, and i've seen some real bad movies...

You know when you hear someone review a bad movie and they say but it's worth watching anyway because it's so cheesy? Well if you watch this movie, even if you are normally a passive person, you may sit there afterwards and think "hey it wasn't so bad" but for the rest of the day you will have this underlying anger at the 2 hours you wasted and fact that you were warned...

Phew been waiting to tell someone that for 20 years!

It's so bad, so very bad...

The Bill Collector (2010)

real feel good film

[8/10 · 22 April 2011]

I didn't know what to expect from this film and had never heard of the lead actor, basically watched it because had nothing else to!

The film definitely has a moral undertone to it in a good way and is played out in a well acted and well written plot.

It kind of reminds me of a Mike Judge style of film where it's really quite slap stick in places but get's away with it! There are several really cringe worthy scenes in a funny kind of way.

The supporting cast are excellent, the film was really enjoyable and moved along at just the right pace.

As i said it's definitely a feel good film and a great ending.

Hobo with a Shotgun (2011)

It's perfectly awful!

[10/10 · 6 April 2011]

This is a great example of a movie that is made to be corny, cheesy and fun to watch!

It was like watching a B movie 80's horror BUT it is meant to be that way instead of the usual happening where the movie was seriously made and you can't help but cringe at how bad it is!

Rutger Hauer is great as the hobo, funny as hell! I remember 'ol Rutger from wedlock and other decades old films of his so to see him in this is hilarious and couldn't help think what a great actor for agreeing to make this film (ok the real life truth is something different, money and fame, but i like my version of reality!)...quality!

I don't want to give away any spoilers and would just recommend that you watch it and remember it is meant to be a horror spoof kind of thing, so leave your serious head at the door...this film genre is a bit like machete i guess except machete sucks and this one doesn't...

Train (I) (2008)

If you liked hostel you will like this film!

[6/10 · 2 April 2011]

At the beginning of the film i felt like i had seen it a dozen times before, the usual ensemble of college students and a couple of teachers...you know!

However within a very short space of time i was drawn into the storyline of the film, and there actually is a plot to follow!

I hadn't read anything about the film before i watched it so spent most off the film saying "No way!" mostly quite shocked at the content of the film and the implications of the plot...

I don't want to write any spoilers so let me say that it is a thriller/horror well worth seeing and anyone who liked a film like Hostel will like this one too and enjoy it...i did:-)

Wake the Witch (2010 Video)

This is a terrible film...be warned!

[1/10 · 2 April 2011]

This is an unbelievable film...not only is the storyline weak but the acting is just awful and, wait, it's not over yet!

I can only think that the film was such low budget (staring to question my own sanity by rationalizing that the film cannot possibly be as bad...but it is!) that they could not afford a decent camera to shoot the film and they definitely could not afford any decent music! Absolutely shocking and awful!

I cannot believe that anyone would give this movie any consideration at all and to attempt to talk about the plot...what plot!!!

Man i hate to write negative stuff about anything...but man you have been warned...almost as bad as Troll 2!

The Day After Tomorrow (2004)

an absolute disgrace

[1/10 · 27 November 2008]

First off, this is one of the worst movies I have ever seen and it is an absolutely terrible script acted out by an awful cast! I saw this at the cinema and was excited to be viewing the, then, blockbuster of the summer and looking forward to some heroic tale of survival in the worst possible conditions of a global natural disaster. OK...what i felt i got made as much sense, and i had as much compassion for, as making 24 (Keifer Sutherland) casting Benny Hill (if he were still alive obviously) as jack Bauer. It was ridiculous!

***MAY CONTAIN 'SPOILER'***

Dennis Quaid plays some scientist who no-one listens to (he keeps his job though) and reports on forthcoming catastrophes to his bosses and a handful of other people which they then choose to ignore as utter crap (he still keeps his job). However the weather turns rough (ice tornadoes etc) and now they listen to him and he...wait for it...predicts a new ice age of a great magnitude that starts tomorrow, which is what hes been babbling on about to his bosses so now they are forced to listen to him but it's all too late and it's all YOUR (the audience) fault for not listening to the dangers of global warning! We find out that Quaid's wife is a doctor and a very, very dedicated one at that! When the time comes that she is trapped with one of her cancer patients, a kid of course, she decides to stay and die with her patient. However don't worry she finds some transport and ends up with Quaid and their 'genius' son at the end! At one point Quaid decides that he will walk to NYC to help his div (sorry genius) son, he enlists the help (although they did seem quite keen) of his 2 best mates and manages to get them both killed on the journey, but he doesn't seem to mind too much as he has set his sights on rescuing his kid who, as it turns out in the end, didn't need rescuing after all...what's a little death between friends.

Also look for patronizing small and lengthy speeches from various characters, not forgetting that absolute sentimental rubbish the new president of the USA blabs on about including uniting the west and the third world, how it is wrong to burn fossil fuels etc, the wolves that escape from the zoo and start terrorizing the div (sorry genius) son and all his 'buddies', the Russian...yes Russian...ship that runs aground in new york (don't ask!), the poor and the rich burying their differences and working together...

This is utter garbage and offensive to watch.

What is even more unbelievable is that there are people who watch this film and actually enjoy it! For them I am certain this is an account of what could happen if we ignore all the social problems we face as a society. For the rest of us the fact that these people may now be in the majority is much more scary than a real day after tomorrow!

The Immortals (1995)

it's so bad, it's actually watchable

[4/10 · 27 November 2008]

The scenarios are absolutely ludicrous and just plain daft. The characters are so ridiculous and their life stories so totally unbelievable. The film must have cost, without actors wages, about how much it would cost to hire out a nightclub for a week, a few guns and blanks, 10 packs of smokes, half a dozen cops uniforms and lots of tomato sauce?!

The problem with this film is that you can see, by the end, that the script itself must have been an amazing read but they don't give it justice in the film, even though there with some good, and now well known, actors. That said it actually IS watchable.

Amazingly enough you can buy it on DVD! So spend the $8, put it in the collection, watch it, put it away for 6 months, get it out again with a sideways glance at the cover, watch it again then put it back with a shake of the head and a deep sigh...repeat...

Scarecrows (1988)

one of the best scripts

[10/10 · 27 November 2008]

The first time you watch this movie you get the feeling that it is the usual 'B' bad guys do wrong, get themselves in a bad situation then find some reason by the end to token save one of themselves, or some random person, making up for all their bad doing...yawn! No way! This is an absolutely amazing story and it will keep you on the edge of your seat. It does require some attention to make sure you pick up on all the pieces of the puzzle throughout the film. In fact it is one for the collection! The cast are great and really believable, especially the lead. This is a perfect film if you are looking to watch a credible, well written, scary and thought provoking 'guys' film! Best viewed with the lights off, leave all logic and objective thinking at the door, just enjoy!