bobby_horsepower Reviews

Super Mario Bros. (1993)

OMGWTFBBQ

[18 January 2004]

This movie is the most genius thing I've ever seen. My majors are philosophy and english, and this is the most intelligent piece of film I've ever had the pleasure of watching. First, it has many layers. Layers upon layer upon layer. It starts as a comment on the American Dream, and slowly creeps into the downfall of Western Civilization as we know it. I was glued to my 52" Plasma tv, I wanted to see up a contraption like in "A Clockwork Orange" so I wouldn't have to blink, in fear of I'd miss a second. When this movie was over, I watched it again the next afternoon. This took the next 3 days of classes off just to let it sink in. I was truly amazed. It made me question the Government, my life, my family, my religion, and everything I held dear and belived it. It was a life changing experience.

If you don't watch "Super Mario Bros. the movie" you'll be cheating yourself. See it ... see it now. It is a true masterpiece of cinema.





By the way, I was being sarcastic, this movie was horrible piece of steaming turd.

The Matrix Revolutions (2003)

A great big trilogy ends with a great big "huh?" *spoilers herein*

[7 November 2003]

The Matrix Revolutions is a very, very detailed and fast moving movie. Only the most attentive and observant movie watchers will come out of this movie with a positive opinion. And I'm guessing that since most of the general public can't rise above the Architect speech at the end of Reloaded, that would explain Revolutions's low imdb score.....

When I came out of the theatre after Revolutions was finished, I was a bit confused. Sure, Revolutions has some great action set ups I admit. The Smith/Neo fight and the "battle for zion" were all astounding and really make this movie worth watching even if you don't know what's going on. If you closely look at the mechs you can actually make out individual scratches on the metal as they fight. Now THAT'S some good CGI. Hugo Weaving as Agent Smith turns in his best performance out of the 3 movies, and (gasp) we even see Keanu Reeves express some emotions in this movie.

However, despite all this, Revolutions will disappoint most because it leaves too many things up in the air for the audience to "assume". Things aren't spelled out for us like in the first 2 movies. Or, at the very least, spelled out so enough for us to understand the current scene.

In the first matrix movie, we had Morpheus explain the nature of the matrix and the real world very effectively. In reloaded, we had the Oracle expand the ideas and purposes of the matrix before the burly brawl which was all followed by the stupefying Architect explanation towards the end.

In revolutions, there was nothing. Most of the plot is left to assumption, which is bad because not everyone may assume the same thing.

When the Architect met up with the Oracle in the park at the end, I instantly thought: "Yes, finally some answers. This should be good." Instead I got nothing. A vague peace treaty and that was it. In the end, Revolutions feels like it cheats you. You want more answers, you want closure.....but you don't get it. You get and ending which explains a couple of things, and then leaves the rest in the air. That's not how you end a trilogy.

Now before everyone comes out and starts screaming at me because "I didn't get Revolutions" let me say this. I had a lot of theories about the movie and I came here and browsed the boards and sure enough, 95% of my theories were correct. Neo's wireless connection to the source, Neo's death, the details of the machine/human treaty....I understood it all. You want more answers, you want closure.....but you don't get it. You get and ending which explains a couple of things, and then leaves the rest in the air. That's not how you end a trilogy or a movie.

Bottom line is, if you liked the first 2 matrix movies, see this. If you didn't like the second, this one is likely to disappoint.



As an individual movie----6/10

As an entry to the matrix series----9/10

As an ending to the matrix series----7/10

Masked Rider (1995–1996)

Awful TV show. Worse than Power Rangers? I dunno.....

[5 June 2003]

When this show went on the air, I had become absolutely sick of power rangers and was looking for some kind of new Saturday morning cartoon to watch while I ate my giant bowl of cereal.

Masked Rider went on the air in 1995 and I absolutely was disappointed. I was a kid and I forgave the god awful production values, but the original pilot episode was decent. Afterwards, the show became even more annoying than (dare I say it) Power Rangers and ALL of its spin offs.

They introduced some retard pseudo-furby type character named "Ferbus" which was supposed to be funny. He would often get into "wacky" situations around the house where he'd try to cook when Dex was out fighting or something. It was plain awful. I never found him funny.

The villian, while had an actual purpose to destroy the hero (unlike the enemies in Power Rangers) looked awfully fake and really distracted from the plotlines.

(Some of you may think that I have put an unusual amount of effort into this review for a Saturday Cartoon, but I remember being really disappointed as a kid when I saw this show so that's why I'm here)

Back to the point. The stories were terrible. The effects were terrible. The characters were terrible. The show was terrible. Even when I was a kid I thought this was crap. Catch a real Saturday morning classic like X-Men or the newer Spider-Man. Do not lay your bare eyes on an episode of this groin grabbingly terrible show.

1.5/10.

Andy Griffith Show Reunion (1993 TV Special)

Reduced a TV classic to a piece of garbage

[4/10 · 4 November 2002]

For those of you who liked "The Andy Griffith Show", and enjoyed it throughout it's run, don't watch the movie. It will be too painful. "The Andy Griffith Show Reunion involves a moronic story about Andy returning to Maybury to reunite with all our favourite characters. Barney, played once again by Don Knotts, has gone from Sheriff to now run for Mayor of Maybury. Opey(Ron Howard) has become the new sheriff and Otus is still drunk. It's sad that Andy Griffith agreed to do this TV movie. With all the characters grown up and moved on , this movie seems quite pointless.

For the Die Hard fans: 6/10 For anyone else: avoid avoid avoid.......

Jackass: The Movie (2002)

Not a real movie........but hilarious!

[7/10 · 3 November 2002]

Some would comment that Jackass isn't a real movie, but who cares when it's so funny!!!!!! Jackass is the type of guilty pleasure that comes along every now and then. The type of "movie" where we can sneak in to alone with a big bucket of popcorn and laugh ourselves silly. Or go with a bunch of friends and laugh until you can't breathe.

If you've never heard of the Jackass TV show, it stars Johnny Knoxville and his stunt buddies as they do all kinds of outrageous, disgusting, and often painful stunts in public. Jackass: The Movie contains no real plot, or acting. It's not a documentary by any means. In fact it's probably the worst idea ever conceived for a movie or TV show at all! But if you can just let all that go for about 90 minutes, Jackass may be one of the funniest movies you see all year.