spinoff75 Reviews

Night Swim (2024)

NIGHT SUNK IN AMITYVILLE

[1/10 · 6 March 2024]

How many movies Hollywood has made about a family that moves in a new house with a dangerous/ominous/old secret/entity/curse or whatever?

I lost count, honestly. This movie is the same crap than its predecessors. Conlon after been nominated does this? Really? And Wyatt did it well in Monarch but here, oh my gosh! Turn it off and let's get out of the theater.

Most people hate horror genre because this loose written, acted and directed movies. I bet Blumhouse don't accept unsolicited scripts but they should. They will find way better stories to shoot. These written/directed by unknown people leads directly to fail. 4.7 is too much rating for this.

True Detective (2014– )

We waited 4 years for this deceptive Night Country crap?

[10/10 · 26 February 2024]

Who was the airhead at HBO that greenlighted Night Country? Why in the name of Beelzebub True Detective stopped being a NOIR DETECTIVE series to become a nonsense horror series with cheap and cliche scares? Why?

The arctic atmosphere would be pretty handy for a REAL CRIME STORY, but what they did instead?

1 They copied the Yellow King spyral from season 1 (very lazy by the way, they would say it's a connection, it's a recurring mythology arc) Pff!

2 The dead girl also is a ripoff of The Ring, The Grudge and all Japanese movies with different name we've been watching since 1998.

3 The main intro theme is awful, a very bad choice (techno-pop? Really?) Most of the incidental music is lame too. One notable exception is the song of John Hawkes in episode #5, written and sung by him)

Too sumarize: Season 4 isn't a patch of its predecessors, specially Season 1,.

Not even Jodie Foster saves this fail of revival

No wonder why Nic Pizzolatto stepped down from this.

Manifest (2018–2023)

Put in a blender a cheesy soap opera, Lost, Sense8 and The Leftovers

[2/10 · 13 February 2024]

Someone recommended this (actually praised it). U said: "OK, let's try"... But when I watched it I realize lot of big MEH things:

1. Rating is based purely on first season, the rest are a trail of a weak story that doesn't go anywhere by itself, is carried by silly (and too many) subplots.

2. VFX are amateur alike and they looks like made in 1988 (i.e. The gargoyle, the silver angel lady, the lights on book and hands, etc, etc, etc)

3. Actors are mediocre and way overreacted (no one is a big star) thus they aren't credible. They repeat a screenplay like parrots but they don't feel what they're are saying, there's no interpretation. By the way, they solve the mysteries on Wikipedia!

4. Most of the dialogs are corny and repetitive between characters. They say "everything is connected" like 10 times per episode.

5. The callings are lame most of the times. No ground base either.

6. The kid's callings attested with childish drawings? Gimme a break. So cliché!

Last but no least: 4 seasons when other cool shows are cancelled? Don't get it.

The Continental (2023)

Why they copied Anton Chigurh (with bangs)?

[7/10 · 8 October 2023]

Just finished this, no big deal but entertaining.

The soundtrack is excellently amazing, bravo for that! Direction and screenwriting are good. 70's Art Direction as well.

Acting? Well, Mel Gibson could be left over. He's so overreacted as a villain. Didn't understand who the hell thought to copy Anton Chigurh (with bangs) from No Country For Old Men was a good idea, ah? Javier Bardem won an Oscar for that, so it's kind of an insult. The other actors played good parts. Specially Ayomide Adegun (Young Charon), he deserves an applause.

Anyway, this is a decent John Wick's spinoff. Three episodes are enough, producers weren't greedy making fill episodes with lame content.

Heart of Stone (I) (2023)

Cliche of Stone (Honest Title)

[2/10 · 14 August 2023]

I bet you saw this movie a million of times. But this one get the honorific award of Run out of Ideas. This is how to be repetitive (or lazy) to film the same old cliches. Holographic interface computer l + Nerdy computers geek who tells what to do to the "action hero" through an earpiece + bossy superior removing the "action hero" from the case and trusting her back again + friend team member becoming a traitor + world menace around the corner + regretful adversary + car chasing with bullets flying behind + sky diving without parachute + ending scene foretelling a sequel... Come on! This no even worth the microwave popcorn and the monthly subscription to Netflix.

Chupa (2023)

Haters didn't have a childhood, did they?

[8/10 · 10 April 2023]

Relax with the hate. 5.6 is too little for this movie. It is a family movie, nothing more, and it is a funny and motivational one.

The CGI Chupacabras is nice, I dare to say since Falkor from "The NeverEnding Story" (1984) and Gizmo from "Gremlins" (1984) a furry creature wasn't so sympathetic and warmth. It would be a nice pet, expensive to feed but nice.

Hope all people out there watch the movie with their kids, remember their roots and their late fathers. Don't be grumpy, smile for a change and understand that Chupa is not a Academy Award or Festival movie, because is not pretentious like "Shazam: Fury of Gods", Chupa is simple and that's why it is enjoyable, though.

Shazam! Fury of the Gods (2023)

Unbelievable: Worst than the first one!

[1/10 · 9 April 2023]

I know this is a movie for kids but, come on... can they show a little originality? Shazam 2 is nothing but an ode to rip-offs!

Super "creative" screenwriters used a dome (like "Under the Dome" Stephen King's book and TV Series based on and "The Simpsons Movie"), they used the dusty disappearing VFX and the kaleidoscope VKX (like the "Avengers Infinity" War and "Doctor Strange" Movies), they used a dragon and a rider dragon (like guess what? Yeah: Khaleesi and Viserion but made of wood instead of ice), they used a growing tree and bad weed invasive roots (like "Jack and the Beanstalk" fairy tale and "Warriors of the Future" Chinese movie. But the cherry on top are the forced scenes with "Wonder Woman" and Emilia Harcourt and John Economos from "Peacemaker" in a failed attempt to be part of a malfunctioning multiverse.

Not to mention the hardly credible multi ethnicity Daughters of Atlas: Helen Mirren (British), Lucy Liu (Chinese descendant) -both very good actresses- and a Latina/Colombian descendant. Casting director also contributed to this "FIASCO"!

Sharper (2023)

It is titled 'Sharper' but it is undeniably "Blunted"

[4/10 · 28 February 2023]

I (and you too) have seen this movie before. It is called before "Matchstick Men" (2003), "Oceans Eleven" (2001), "Ocean's Twelve" (2004) and "Ocean's Thirteen" (2007), "Nueve Reinas" (2000), "The Italian Job" (2003)... Even a worst one called "Focus" (2015) starring the Will "troglodyte" Smith.

Julianne Moore must have a big check to star this, Sebastian Stan and John Lithgow, both are a big "MEH!" and the other actors are basically unknown and undergoers.

This film is more of the same, for a movie called Sharper, it feels undeniably blunted. Sharper scams you since you press Play button in AppleTV+.

Triangle of Sadness (2022)

Overrated Swedish Gilligan's Island Parody

[3/10 · 28 January 2023]

As a screenwriter and former crew member of a cruise line let me tell you why this is OVERRATED!

1: The first part with the backstory of the Model Couple (25 freaking minutes!!!) is completely unnecessary. The movie should start on the luxury yatch or embarking it. Big mistake on writing a boring introduction that leads nowhere.

2: Pirates are a real and actual threat at sea BUT, cruise lines and sea companies don't sail those risky waters, much less a dedicated embarkation for rich people. Duh!

3: In the event of a shipwreck, every vessel has a a device called EPIRB (Emergency Position Indication Radio Beacon) that immediately send a signal that locates a ship in distress globally by the freaking satellites. So, NOT A SINGLE SHIP AND ITS SURVIVORS will be undetected. In less than an hour, rescue teams will be on the area. NO ONE WILL BE STRANDED IN AN ISLAND in plain XXI century.

Fourth: the screenplay (unbelievably nominated for an Oscar) HAS NOT THREE ACTS (Beggining is boring but present, "Middle" or "Conflict" is the pirates incident BUT NO ENDING) The movie has not an "open ending", not is not... is just like "let's finish it with a nonsense: an elevator of a resort? Really?

Ok, it is a black comedy (but not even the title has anything to do with the story, it is just a term used in the fashion industry).

Ok, it won the Palme d'Or but is it me or the Swedish humor is only for Swedish people. By the way, the seasickness was farfetched. It doesn't happen that way, even if a small ship rocks more than a cruiseship.

Woody Harrelson should be Director's friend or should lost a bet or something because he is so wasted in the movie, any unknown actor (as the rest of the cast could have played that character), not him. He deserves better!

What is good? The Filipino Lady Stewardess situation. It is very good an the actress as well! The only good things of the screenplay and movie.

Allegoria (2022)

Poorly acted

[3/10 · 10 January 2023]

The poster fooled you when you see it (pretty scary and the typography is accurate) and the idea is not bad. Artists haunted by their worst fears could be re-arranged but making a coral movie with short stories wasn't rhe best idea. As directional outcome, Spider One is faaaaaaaaaaar away from his brother Rob Zombie. Average shots and camera angles. As acting aftermath, well... ALL actors are really bad. The worst being the writer. But all the cast are the failed assemble I've seen in a long time. I know budget limitations can't afford good and known actors, but... Pfff! The prosthetics and VFX saves the day. The Painted Monsters is well done, the sculpture of the rockstar, and the actress/demon are the highlights in that department. Spider One should have collected more money and make a way better directional debut.

American Werewolves (2022)

Fake and Staged

[1/10 · 10 January 2023]

First thing first: The IMDb genre is only horror, they do not listed this as documentary. So isn't, right ? It is either a fake documentary or staged. Why? Elementary, my dear Watson... One can start watching this and the supers and titles (explaining the "dog-man" events) are only an excuse to try to find a foundation for this "spooky camp fire tales". The so called experts are unbelievable, most of all the emo/blonde/teen... Ludacris 100% Then the witnesses: The guy with a beard is over explanatory so, he's scripted. Then the lady, you can see she's reading out of frame. The crying guy is a joke, when the "anonymous" witness appeared I stopped it and walked away. Scripted lies on camera for dumb people.

White Noise (I) (2022)

Does this have an screenplay?

[1/10 · 7 January 2023]

I started watching this and I stopped Netflix at 28:22 minutes of the film. What's this movie about? Does exist a screenplay, a real one? Or the actors and the overrated director were like just talk nonsense, whatever you want with a 60s background. No character development, no story development, no hook at the beginning, nothing. Why is called white noise?, because it has nothing to do with it. This movie looks like one of these film student projects but expensive, of course. This author cinema is selfish and doesn't deliver anything new or entertaining to the viewer, only director/writer's big ass-ego.

House of the Dragon (2022– )

In night scenes you can't see anything

[8/10 · 23 October 2022]

Director of photography messed it up, all scenes at night have no backlights or highlights. In every night scenes you can't see anything at all. It's so annoying trying to figure it out what the heck is happening. I watched the season in HBO MAX not a ripped copy or something. I thought it was and issue with my TV BUT NO. I tested Two TVs at home, a laptop and a smartphone, none worked. So that's the way it is. Dark scenes where you have to imagine what are doing the characters. Same in castle interiors. I wonder if episodes had quality control before broadcasting. It's really disappointing. Good series, appalling photography.

Halloween Ends (2022)

What a lack of creativity

[2/10 · 17 October 2022]

One can say Halloween saga is frayed because of this. How many talented writers out there without a chance and producers hired 4!!!! FOUR USELESS BRAINS wrote this cliche feature? Believe it or not! By the way, someone close to Danny McBride tell him he is a awful writer.

What a shame see Jamie Lee Curtis in this tasteless movie. John Carpenter's and Debra Hill's legacy went to the toilet. Halloween (2018) was roughly watchable, Halloween Kills (2021) was 100% meh! But this? Gimme a break. Rob Zombie's movies were way better. Blumhouse is doing "whatever", is actually someone reading the screenplays there? Blumhouse should do quality over quantity. That's why Horror genre is an outcast. Because of this. But since they recover the money budget and duplicated it, this would be considered as a Blockbuster, isn't Hollywood?

Thousand Fangs (2021– )

Predator meets The Descent

[6/10 · 27 June 2022]

As a television product itself is well done. Filming in the jungle is not an easy task, episodes are way too long though. Directing and acting is not the best but is not awful. Photography and VFX are good but not prosthetics, all guts look fake. Direct sound is deficient, often you can't understand what the actors are saying (even if you are a native Spanish speaker) and as an original idea well, the title of this review says all: we see this before a lot: Sending a platoon on a mission to kill a drug dealer is same old story, to top that the creatures in the caves are pretty much the same as in "The Descent (2005)". . . So, meh! Production Company Rayhuela Films copy themselves, they already made a movie called "El Páramo (2011)", again with a troop of soldiers in the middle of nowhere that find some kind of witch. So double meh!

Umma (2022)

Angry and vengeful motherhood

[7/10 · 4 June 2022]

Why the lower rating? Because it's a movie for smart people. Its plot is deep (not horror per se) and elaborated, not for popcorn folks get used to watch Marvel's, Disney's, Pixar's etc. Even if this is not scary 100% it deals with deep terrifying traumas and guilt.

The Brood (1979)

This movie needs a remake with good VFX ASAP

[8/10 · 21 May 2022]

That's its only failure. The VFX! But keep in mind this movie was made in 1978 and released in 1979. Besides that is Cronenberg special reserve not only in directing but also the screenplay is so damn twisted as you can expect, acting is good: Highlights are Samantha Eggar and Oliver Reed excel but Art Hindle portraits a good character too.

The Batman: Deleted Arkham Scene (2022 Video)

Grow a pair and rate this accordingly

[1/10 · 8 May 2022]

Meh! It's vile copy of Heath Ledger's Joker (but different make up) same as the movie itself. Are you blind? They even copied the posters for promote the movie. Overrated as hell.

Brightburn (2019)

DC Comics should sue this!

[2/10 · 17 April 2022]

What will be after this? A rich kid that is a night vigilante and sucks jugulars because his parents were murdered? An island kid that can breathe underwater and becomes a carnivore and eats surfers? A nerd kid who got struck by a thunderbolt and electrocute all the bullies at school? A girl that doesn't get old and hangs liars with a lasso? Pfffff! This is one of the most nonsense and silly screenplays ever. The two stars are for the gory effects on deaths, they are well made.

Midsommar (2019)

Overrated Swedish Hippies

[3/10 · 3 April 2022]

I watched this because Hereditary (2018) was creepy! But this? People aren't honest rating movies here. In the very first hour NOTHING HAPPENS! No set-up, no backstory, nothing. Then all events occurs as slow as a turtle race. This is not horror, a mediocre thriller at best.

Deep Water (I) (2022)

Is the book as bad as the screenplay?

[1/10 · 27 March 2022]

This could be the king of nonsense screenplays ever!

Why Vic (Ben Affleck) allows Melinda (Ana de Armas) have sex with other men? Is not a deviation or blackmail either. So there's no point to do that. Why he's jealous if he allows it? Why she hides the truth about these guys if is mutual knowledge. This movie fails as a thriller because if you choke somebody with your bare hands the corpse will tale the marks of your hands, but the drowned guy is not evidence at all. Why you disappear the other guy that "accidentally" falls by the cliff and hits his head with a rock and (this is absurd) to tie a rock with your belt and your dog's collar and hide his wallet in plain sight? And don't talk about the cliche of the last guy driving and crashing into the river trying to reach his phone. Ridiculous Deus ex machine, by the way.

Adrian Lyne did it again: a excuse movie to showing a pretty actress naked (which I don't mind but is stupid) with no storyline.

The Changeling (1980)

Oldie but goodie!

[8/10 · 27 March 2022]

I just watched it (22 years after its release!) and as horror author I can say this is quite good. It starts slow, but give it a try. Unlike modern horror movies' awful/silly endings this one is flabbergasted, kind of The Sixth Sense (1999)

The Paramedic (2020)

Misery meets Fatal Attraction

[4/10 · 20 March 2022]

A deranged male nurse -instead of a female, as in "Misery" (1990)- got obsessed with an ex -as in "Fatal Attraction (1987)" the guy has an affair and she is the one obsessed- wants her baby from another man -in Misery it's a book written exclusively for the nurse, but is the object of desire anyway- and in the end he pays his due -quadriplegic instead of hit his temple with a typewriter, but is the same punishment-. SO. . . WHAT AN ORIGINAL MOVIE (it's sarcasms, by the way)

The Long Night (2022)

The Long Cliche

[1/10 · 4 March 2022]

Cult, masks made of bones, hoods, tunicas, dark wood, old book, equinoctial ritual, bonfire, burning symbols, stupid victims trapped in a house far away from anywhere. . . That doesn't scare anymore. That's horror 101, horror for dummies. The music is so lame too, as a bonus.

They Live in the Grey (2022)

I see dead people. . . again!

[4/10 · 26 February 2022]

Directors/writers aren't aware of The Sixth Sense of Shyamalan? They basically copied the movie. Instead of a child and a shrink they have a child service social worker who sees ghosts with a traumatic past (son's death) as the kid's mother (grandma's death). 3 characters in 1! Also the Vang Brothers "creativity" put some violent ghosts, suicidal ghosts, adviser ghosts. . . Meh! It's not Michelle Krusiec's fault, she did what she could. The trouble is the wannabe screenplay. Period.