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tyrael84
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The King's Man (2021)
Been a avid fan of all the Kingsman movies and this has to be my favorite.
I'd give it a 10 except I'm of the opinion nothing is quite literally perfect.
I certainly didn't think it possible that the 3rd movie in a series (if even a prequel) would be my favorite. This film had all of the awesome and entertaining aspects of the first two and more. It had all the comedy, all the action, all the drama and additional suspense, sadness, intensity that the former two movies fell short on. This was absolutely a roller coaster of a ride emotion-wise.
So well executed. Fiennes, Arterton, Ifans, Hounsou, and Dickinson (my introduction to him) all absolutely killed it.
They are every bit as high a caliber actors as you've seen them in any other film x 3. I really can't say enough about this movie. The story was great, execution amazing, effects wildly entertaining, dialogue on point and the general feel of the film is just overall incredibly intense and captivating. I usually shut the hell up while in a theater but I couldn't contain myself even 20 minutes in when I turned to my girlfriend and said with a big smirk on my face "I f*^$&#* love this movie."
Malignant (2021)
Please listen to the negative reviews.
Because they're true. This is such a horribly "stat-padded" score. This is an awful film. It's cheesy and campy and terribly disjointed. Half the time the movie doesn't even know what it wants to be.
Supernatural death dealer thing!? Sometimes. Yea, sometimes. Then not so much. Just a normal parkour enthusiast. Based on a scene or two I'm quite sure I can beat up this super scary villain.
Some of the plot holes are just hilariously blatant. At one point the lead says she couldn't remember anything before 8 years old, for whatever reason, then is shown a tape of her 9th birthday party (as illustrated by the big 9 number on the cake in the scene) and acts about as confounded and clueless as if she never remembered one second of that birthday!¡!¡ So she didn't remember 9 either? Also, she reveals one hell of a secret to her sister who she's allegedly very close with - a secret a sister would have divulged to her close sister ages ago. It makes no sense. This movie is lazy as hell.
I like Annabelle Wallis but for whatever reason she's awful in horror films. Her and James Wan need to stay away from each other.
Any positive reviews you may read that at least SEEM real might be real but it's likely from someone with bad taste in films, most notably horror films. Make no mistake, this is bad. Very disappointed.
The Nun (2018)
Loved the Conjuring franchise - super excited despite reasonable expectations - very disappointed.
The title says it all.
I loved the Conjuring franchise. Their weakest link was Annabelle due largely to bad acting and general boredom and lack of continuity. The two Conjuring movies and Annabelle: Creation, fantastic fun. If you agree with that baseline opinion of the franchise then you should probably continue reading. If not, you probably don't care about my opinion.
I put a lot of stock into IMDB ratings. I check every single movie on IMDB for ratings and reviews before even entertaining the idea of watching it.
I have been excited for The Nun ever since I knew it was a thing especially given a couple names associated with it such as James Wan. I was skeptical of Annabelle: Creation initially because you just never know at what point someone is going to make a crap money grab off the coattails of a successful franchise but with Annabelle: Creation I was very delightfully pleased.
All of these movies deliver jump scares - it comes with the territory. The most redeeming aspects of these movies is of course the acting and plot lines but what's more is setting a general mood of terror and suspense. Outside of the jump scares you should be WANTING to see what happens next. You should feel uneasy and creeped out. A perfect recent example is Hereditary. At a point, at least halfway through this movie none of those feelings were there for me.
This is absolutely a money grab. They inserted comic relief into the film in not only a very boring and lacking way but inserted WAY too much. It was very clearly excessive and wasn't even clever writing. The comedic timing was way off. At a point it felt like they were trying too damn hard to be an Army of Darkness but without all the redeeming qualities. The last 1/3 of the movie was largely riddled with out of place, unfunny lines delivered by a character I'm not even sure should have been in the film.
The jump scares were at best average due to the high predictability. I was genuinely surprised at how many people jumped at these scares in the theater. I realized after the lights came up that it was largely due to the inordinate amount of parent-supervised teenagers.
Lastly, what positives I walked away with regarding The Nun were few and far between. The Nun received a good amount of screen time relatively speaking, but somehow they cheapened the entire facade of the demon nun by HOW they presented her. They made her very 1-dimensional and as opposed to expanding on the demon's powers and history they instead decided to show you basically what you've already seen of her but more of it in an unoriginal fashion to the point that just seeing her face began to get monotonous.
It was cheesy, campy and didn't take itself serious at all unlike the fantastic other films in the franchise (except Annabelle). I gave it a 4 only because I still love the idea of the demon nun and I'll hold out hope for some sort of re-imagining though I won't hold my breath.
Hereditary (2018)
First time I've logged into IMDB in 10 years just to review this....2nd review ever.
Quick preface, yes I do love horror movies - anything from zombies to slasher films to your supernatural and all-too-human and real thriller types etc etc. I always have and I've seen more than I could even begin to count. You could say I have a bit of an affinity for horror movies, sure, but that doesn't cloud my mind when it comes to identifying a turd vs a masterpiece.
Hereditary is as close to a masterpiece as I have seen though I wouldn't brand it as a masterpiece for the simple fact that it's a bit too akin to "perfect" and nothing is perfect. There is not a single jump scare, not a single loud burst noise meant to startle you, nothing purposeful and obvious anyway (or at all). It's just a pure, unadulterated creepfest. Eerie, disturbing, uncomfortable, unsettling - all words I would absolutely use to describe this movie in the best way possible.
Many horror movies and thrillers like A Quiet Place (also a great film) have some very suspenseful scenes. But those are just scenes. Temporary settings in which the director can build up suspense to some fun climax. All I will say about that aspect of Hereditary is at a certain point, the entirety of the movie put me in a long, sustained state of suspense. Nearly literal edge-of-my-seat kind of thing except that I was too comfortable leaning back.
I don't even see it necessary to get into any sort of specifics with this film. Read the synopsis and reviews, etc etc. Just know that it is so much more than any words can truly describe. Do yourself a favor and see it. For me, an avid moviegoer especially concerning horror movies, this thing is a gem. Wonderfully acted, the soundscape and landscape is just so damn perfect. Off-screen noises coupled with a very appropriate visual just fills you with a sense of dread at times for what is happening on screen. I absolutely loved this movie. It affected me more than any other movie in recent memory, maybe ever.
I truly, truly do not understand even in the slightest how this movie is getting anything less than a 7 or an 8. These clowns bashing it and giving it a 1 are off their rocker. I don't know what they were watching but it wasn't Hereditary. My only guess is they were expecting some obvious jumpy typical Hollywood scary movie that didn't present them with obvious, orthodox scares. I was so stunned to see ANY 1s at all much less several. Ignore them entirely. Just see it.
Monster X (2017)
Enough is enough with rating padding
I only write this review to inform anyone looking this up that this movie is undoubtedly a product of rating padding. I'm not here to review the entirety of the movie because I saw just enough to know it's a giant pile of garbage that is only a 7.1 because the creators of it managed to guilt enough friends into hopping on IMDB and giving it a 10. It's just another low budget crapbox akin to even the worst Sci-Fi flicks, but worse.
I was so excited to see a monster flick rated 7+. Nope, just another fake 7+.
Disaster Movie (2008)
Not that you all don't already know this movie is terrible.....
First off, I'm not at all considered a movie critic of any sort. My expertise on movies derives from the sole fact that I've seen so many, and usually keep up on most current flicks. I also don't write reviews like this often.
However, sometimes I see a movie that is so incredibly awful, that I can no longer hold my tongue. This is a perfect example of such a creation. There are so many negatives to focus on, there's no way I'll get through them all before I suffer a massive brain aneurysm, as I nearly did watching this pathetic excuse of a motion picture.
If you see Carmen Electra in ANY movie these days, you can bet it's going to be total crap (I wasn't even a fan of the Scary Movie series, so my opinion may be biased to some of you). She had a part in "Meet the Spartans" as well, which is easily tied with this monstrosity as "Worst Movie of 2008", possibly even the decade. Kim Cardashian is in this movie! Enough said. Vanessa Minnillo? Yeah, she's pretty. Just continue with that. The abundance of tight female abs, bras, boobs and overall sex appeal wasn't at all, in any way shape or form enough to make this movie even a small fraction more tolerable.
The cameos were lame. The impersonations were half-assed and done by actors/actresses that don't at all resemble the person they were hired to imitate.
This movie also seems to revolve around characters getting squashed by random objects falling from the sky. That's not funny in most scenarios anyway. Imagine that same occurrence being thrown at you several times throughout a movie. Each time, prefaced and followed by some lackluster line delivered by a poor actor/actress.
There's ONE positive I can think of, and that's the Juno character, whose name is Juney, played by Crista Flanagan. I found that character to be funny AT TIMES, but that's because I'm highly sarcastic myself and find such humor amusing.
The general spoofs throughout are uninspired, cliché, and poorly executed.
There were several musical parts in the movie as well. I don't enjoy such things in movies most would consider good. To add them to a movie as atrocious as this, and make them as pathetic as the rest of the movie, is flat out torture for all viewers.
I'm nearing the fabled aneurysm I spoke of earlier, so I'll stop, as I did with this movie one hour into it. No, I didn't finish it, and if any of you have an ounce of dignity, you'll do the same, or not watch it at all.
I don't feel I need to provide you with any other evidence to contribute to your decision to not watch this. What I've said should deter anybody from watching this.
It is %*&^ing awful.