thebigzip Reviews

Midnight Mass (2021)

good ... and boring

[5/10 · 6 May 2024]

Like watching ice melt in a glass while waiting for your drink to get cold.

It's satisfying to know your drink is getting cold and there's nothing wrong with watching it, but the clock is ticking and you're just sitting. Is the ice getting smaller? Touch the glass. Is the glass colder? You stop touching the glass- the warmth of your hand might slow the process. So just sit. Did the ice move? It must be melting. There's a bubble. From the ice? You think of bubbles of air trapped in ages old glacier ice and how scientists can capture and study the air and learn about our past. Any air in this ice would be from what? A week ago? What would you do with a time machine that could only take you one week ahead? Would you do it? Would you miss anything? If i get up and get a cold drink from the fridge will i really miss anything in this show? Something's gotta happen soon. Don't wanna miss it.

Unfrosted (2024)

Fishing Without Bait

[5/10 · 3 May 2024]

I gave it a five because it's watchable, but it's barely watchable.

Everything's a joke. It's as if the writers sat around saying, "Here's another great idea...," but they never really developed any of the ideas to actually be great on film. So it's like listening to a list of punchlines being tossed out with no humor attached.

And the jokes are constantly being thrown at you as if Seinfeld's watching to see which sticks, but they never stop coming so it's just overkill; a death of a thosand cuts but nothing hits big. Even if something was funny there's no beat left to laugh. Timing can be everything in humor, and as director Seinfeld doesn't use it at all.

Nothing hits.

The Twelve (2019–2023)

Fun to watch, Ending loses it

[6/10 · 29 February 2024]

First thing to know: "The Twelve" is NOT a series about 12 jurors deliberating to find the truth of the case they're sitting for.

It's more a sort of soap opera about 12 people as their lives circle around a double murder trial. Most of "the twelve" are jurors, but others are witnesses, and one is the accused.

The series has ten episodes, each episode representing a different character (or two). (Not all jurors are part of the twelve.)

The acting is good the plot has just enough each episode to keep you interested. I don't know the Belgium legal system, so I don't know how true to life the series is.

So the problem is: Throughout the series you see how witnesses, jurors and even the victim lie, and then at the end you're given sort of a "the butler did it" resolution.

That ending is unsatisfying because the show simply circles around to where it began. All the intrigue was meaningless. It's just a soap opera.

But maybe with so much lying and misdirection shown throughout the series, does that mean the ending might also be a lie?

If it is, it's just as unsatifying, because then there is no ending, like writing a joke where instead of a punchline the script simply says: "Say something funny here.".

Knock at the Cabin (2023)

bad movie spouting a worse philosophy

[4/10 · 26 January 2024]

The directing seemed to be very workman-like. As if methods were described in a how-to book then followed word for word. And in a similar way the characters seemed to lack depth. As if the actors were told what they needed to communicate and then they did just that, only that and nothing more.

They brought nothing to the story other than what was written on the page.

A lack of depth permeated the movie. In direction, acting and actions, and the overall plot.

For me, that's a weak movie.

So let's address the philosophy of the movie. If hitler came to you and promised if you committed genocide on one group of people, then you could live in a paradise of the perfect germany, would you do it?

And what if he said if you refuse he'll stick you in a fallout shelter then nuke everyone before he lets you out, would you do it then, and would you live happily ever after if you did?

Are you a godly person? If god was insane and cruel... if those traits were at god's core would you still be godly?

I'm just asking. No need to answer.

And personally i don't get bautista. He seems like a character actor limited by his personal presentation. On the other hand, if he was supposed to seem limited in thought and ineffectual he did great. But i don't understand that specific presentation for this movie.

They Cloned Tyrone (2023)

best i've seen in a long time

[9/10 · 21 July 2023]

Scifi cultural commentary. Immediately made me think of "blue collar" with that 'conspiracy that's not a conspiracy' out to get us feeling.

Highly recommended from 16 to 69 and up.

Hey- why do whites think all blacks look alike? Why are they always acting the way they do? This movie answers those questions for both sides with spot on humor.

Never dumb and never talking down to the viewer be aware it's got adult content, but a good solid plot that's on point without hitting the viewer over the headwell worth watching.

It slows down just a little 3/4 of the way through but immediately rallies and pulls the whole thing through so smoothly you don't even feel the ride.

Dragged Across Concrete (2018)

misses the point

[6/10 · 24 March 2023]

Basically it's a noir-ish dirty cop film, and there are better movies than this out there. Movies that make you fell the protagonist teetering on the edge of self-ruin.

It runs too long, and a lot of the slow or repetitive scenes could be shortened or removed without altering any of the "integrity" of the story.

And if you think real-life buddy cops aren't as cute and smart as they look in movies, this movie will go a long way toward showing you the more boring aspects, but the problem is the movie still wants to be cute and smart, so you have to ask if it's just a poorly written script that's not cute and smart, or is the movie trying to be a self mockery? The problem is, it never connects, so you sit waiting, asking, is it trying to be boring, or is it just boring.

It's extremely heavy handed in showing the reasons why a cop is racist, or dirty, and sometimes it's better to just show them being who they are and letting the story tell us why. Too much exposition is a weakness. You want to feel characters are pushed into their actions, here you are just told why they maybe act the way they do.

I think the writer/director wants it both ways, to play at self awareness, but play it dumb enough so he can get viewers who agree with the racism, bigotry, and stupidity.

On the other hand all the acting is excellent which is why i'm giving it a six.

Colossal (2016)

A Great Movie, Cult Status- NOT a comedy

[7/10 · 15 March 2023]

If you haven't seen this you need to know it is NOT a comedy. And it's not a "monster movie" either. There are monsters in it, but they are sort of in the background, way over in Seoul, while the movie itself plays out (mostly) in Smalltown, USA.

And although it's great, it's great in a "cult" way, that is not everyone will like it. It's not middle-of-the-road entertainment. The movie seems like a metaphorical allegory, but the nice thing is you can watch the entire movie without the entertainment being weighed down by that.

I really liked Anne Hathaway in her role, and it's my OPINION that the male leads are all slightly miss-cast. They all reflect a duality of their characters too clearly right up front, so for me there wasn't enough of a reveal as we see their full-rounded natures (for good or bad).

For me this is a movie that gets added to a list of other off-kilter greats: Blue Collar, Miracle Mile, The Rapture, Shakes the Clown, Mist, Aguirre, and more.

Cruella (2021)

BOORRRING!

[4/10 · 31 May 2021]

I highly recommend NOT watching this at home. It's just too much "boring" and "who cares" to sit through if you can get up and do anything else. But I sat through it because I said, I'm going to make certain I NEVER have to watch this again!

If this was a stand alone, I might say this was not gawd-awful, but do we really need an overlong and overcomplicated prequel to explain the future "Disney-Joker" character? (Note to Disney: This is a HORRIBLE entry into DC/Marvel Universe type properties)

And I'll give you fair warning: This end of this movie does NOT CONNECT with the other Dalmation movies, which means this is really just a set-up for a prequel sequel.

Perhaps the best of the worst thing about this is taking turns guessing what other movies this seems derivative of.

Acting was good Make-up was passable Costumes were great Script - I don't think they wrote one for this.

Godzilla vs. Kong (2021)

Laughably Bad

[4/10 · 31 March 2021]

I was looking forward to seeing this. I didn't have unreasonable expectations. I was just looking forward to a fun flick Wednesday morning, and happily avoiding work to sit, watch, and enjoy this.

Sadly I have to tell you there is NOTHING about this that's a 10, or a 9, or even an 8, beyond maybe some technical things (Sound, maybe? I don't know, I wasn't watching it for the sound quality.).

So if it's not an 8, why didn't I give it a 7...?

I actually stopped the action twice, it was so boring.

So why not a 6?

Because the fight sequences were dull, just action. The monsters fought like men in rubber suits. Awkward and without any depth of character. I found myself thinking that even with CGI, filmmakers need to have choreography. Then I realized that of course the fights were choreographed. One little bit actually looked like a rubber suit scene, and it was neat for that second, but that's not what this was about. And a moment's homage, or the several various homages throughout the film, do NOT make a great movie.

It was the lack of any decent plot point that brought it down from a 5 to a 4.

In fact, plot points were completely wasted.

SPOILERS: MID WAY through the movie Godzilla and Kong fight, and Kong LOSES! So that's that, and you're only mid way through! But they set up for a second fight, but ...right before the second fight Godzilla does something so amazing that you realize Godzilla HAS to win. So the second fight is pointless going into it. And what did Godzilla do that was so amazing? He blasts a hole all the way through to the center of the Earth, to attack King Kong. And when Kong dives into the hole to emerge on the surface of the Earth, is Godzilla waiting for his mortal enemy...? NO! Godzilla is standing off to the side, looking at a building, ...maybe relieving himself? (IDK).

There is a long list of plot points that SHOULD have been addressed in script form, but obviously weren't: Kong is being carefully guarded, but no one has noticed he's having sign language conversations with a little girl. Early on a daughter explains to her father EXACTLY what's happening, but the adult doesn't listen to his child, and apparently although he's the expert in charge he is also so stupid as to not have thought of the simple explanation himself.

I Care a Lot (2020)

Spoiler Warning!!! This is a Bad Movie

[3/10 · 21 February 2021]

I used to read scripts. I used to teach. This is the sort of movie I'd use to illustrate what a bad movie is. The question is why did it fail so completely? (Actually, it didn't fail completely. A friend stated she was glad there's finally a movie that empowers evil, elder abusing lesbians who vape. ...In an unattractive way. Hmmm) For me, Dianne Wiest is the one sparkle in this flick, but she sparkles and is gone. Wasted talent. I'm certain they starting saying this was comedy just to confuse people.

Resident Alien (2021– )

Not that good

[5/10 · 10 February 2021]

I'm 4 episodes in now: The first episode was pretty good. funny and weird and a little bit dark, so i made a point of catching ep 2. which was pretty much a waste of time - maybe 10 minutes worth watching (the first and last 5 minutes, fast forward through the rest). Ep 3&4 picked up a little but it's slow going and hard to sit through. thank god i can work the remote and turn it off.

Midsommar (2019)

Borring and Obvious

[3/10 · 20 December 2019]

You can see this one coming at you from a mile away, and it's moving so slow you've got all the time in the world to be aware of that. The characters seem written to fulfill their parts rather than being real people who inhabit a real world. And they live in a world of movies where no one's ever seen a news report or a similar movie, or read a book. The plot reeks of obviousness. May be the perfect movie for people with no depth.

Joker (I) (2019)

BEAUTIFUL and derivitive

[5/10 · 7 December 2019]

Nothing wrong with stealing from other movies. this movie steals liberally from TONY (2009), taxi driver and king of comedy, so much so it's not part of the marvel universe as much as it it part of the scorsese universe. the sets, costumes cinematography are all gorgeous and beautiful throughout. you have the feeling it's the crew from Godfather. but beyond all that, who cares? it's like fan fiction. see taxi driver, king of comedy and tony

Twilight (1998)

VISUALLY GORGEOUS

[7/10 · 21 September 2019]

A tapestry of visual beauty, populated by Hollywood royalty, but 20 minutes edited from the original script (to make "time" for the studio release), hampers the plot and prevents this from being the classic it could have been. Still, it's a beauty to look at and seeing veteran actors interacting (and not trying to upstage each other), makes this a film worth watching. If you can snag a copy of the shooting script you'll enjoy what this movie might have been.

The Fate of the Furious (2017)

Two for Too dumb

[2/10 · 17 January 2018]

The longer you watch the worse it becomes! And to top it off it has all the acting prowess of the ROCK and Vin Diesel. Who will win the oscar first?! I can't describe how poorly wriiten this is without getting into endless spoilers, which would require me to relive this pice of crapola. On a philosophical note, this is a movie that makes murdering look morally right. The good guys are bad guys, and in a different time I could go along with it for fun, but 1.) this movie is too dumb to be fun and 2.) our current political times of equating might with right, ruins that equation.

Gifted (2017)

EXTREMELY poor script

[3/10 · 10 December 2017]

SO many problems with the script. It's as if no one watched the dailies, or maybe they thought no one would care. It has the level of a poor hallmark special. Characters say and do things against character, against the way things actually happen, just to move the plot along. The PROBLEM is the plot could move along AND still get these things right.

My Beautiful Broken Brain (2014)

Highly recommended.

[8/10 · 5 April 2016]

This film is an amazing and positive glimpse into the area of brain dysfunction. Although it is specific to a stroke, I found the symptoms very similar to those I suffered with Lyme and a separate incident of oxygen loss. I recommend it to anyone who knows someone with Alzheimers, Lyme, stroke or any brain disabling illness. The subject of the film is young, intelligent, beautiful and most importantly positive as she struggles to find her way through the situation she's in, pockmarked with the fear and loss of herself and her future from her disability. It's her positive traits and the telling of this as a human story, not a medical document that makes this a revealing glimpse into this world.

Gone Girl (2014)

Gone Girl is not the world's worst movie

[1/10 · 23 January 2015]

Apparently there are 2 versions of Gone Girl. I saw the bad one with Ben Affleck. I don't think there's a better version, just another bad one with Ben Affleck. And both versions are exactly alike. It's just a bad movie, but it's twice as bad. It's not the kind of bad you can enjoy either. More like herpes (There are two kinds of herpes too). So if you enjoy herpes, you'll enjoy this. Even so, I'd only give it a "1" on the Herpes scale. If the herpes scale had a zero I'd give it a zero. I wish they'd fix the herpes scale so I could give it a zero.

SPOILER: The entire movie is a dream and at the end you wake up. This was a technique of the director and writer to explain away the many plot holes, and dreamy like non- acting of the people hired to stand on the sets for 149 minutes.

The gay guy has one funny scene (his reaction at the table).

The black guy is fun to watch.

White people are the rest of the cast; they are all sort of "whitish." I think this movie may be a test to see if in the future people will be willing to pay to sit in a theatre with no movie, and just watch the white people sitting next to them. Sadly, I watched a screener, so I won't get that pleasure when they finally take movies out of the theatre going experience. But it will come soon, movies are the only uncontrolled variable. Movies will be a safer investment without them.

Hope this helps and good night.