lumpynose Reviews

Six Degrees of Separation (1993)

boring, tiresome

[26 October 2003]

I'm not sure why play writers and script writers feel the need to write stories about ultra rich people. Not that it would have helped if the main characters had been middle class living in the suburbs. This movie suffered from the same problem that so many do; there's nothing about the characters that you can empathize or connect with. So you end up spending the entire movie listening to these empty people natter on about nothing. It really got bad when we had to listen to the adult children of the parents screaming at them and telling them how stupid they were. Screaming at them in public places.

Really dreadful.

Chopper (2000)

tabloid tv comes to the theater

[1/10 · 29 June 2003]

At first I thought this movie was meant to be funny; the brutal, grisly, violence is so over the top that you laugh in that sort of crazy disbelieving way. But after a while you realize that it's not meant to be funny.

One the one hand, not knowing anything about the real person Chopper I wondered why anyone would want to make such a non-judgemental movie about someone who was obviously very messed up. Then after watching the bonus material on the DVD I realized that the movie makers were just cashing in on his notoriety. Apparently Chopper was very popular with the low brow types who are entertained by weirdo misfits out in left field. And the pseudo arty types love to think that doing movies about misfits is true art; it's so much easier than doing something that requires true creativity.

It's a great movie if you love tabloid tv; Oprah interviewing some messed up person who was sexually abused by her parents, Jeraldo interviewing neo Nazis, etc. It's not a movie that makes you think; it simply titilates those who like to sift stuff out of the gutter of life.

The Wrong Guy (1997)

really, really dreadful

[1/10 · 9 June 2003]

If you love to watch tv and think that there's a lot of great stuff on tv you may well like this.

The script is really awful. The kind of dreck that tv really excels at.

At first I thought, "Ok, maybe it'll get better." But it never did. It's the kind of humor that's designed for morons who need lots of help identifying what's supposed to be funny. The only thing it was missing was an audience laugh track.

Avoid at all costs unless you're a halfwit.

Mulholland Drive (2001)

boring, pretentious, boring, self-indulgent, and did I say boring?

[1/10 · 13 May 2003]

Yes, it was awful beyond belief. The acting was really horrid; no fault of the actors and actresses I'm sure, but the director's, as usual.

And the script was really lame. Another one of these "only on TV would you accept stupid lines like these" movies.

I knew I was in trouble because soon enough I was clenching my teeth and cringing from all of the arty camera moves, music, and whatnot. I wish people would realize that being arty is no excuse for being truly creative.

Part of me is disappointed that so many people liked this but considering how many people like the drek that's on TV, like Jerry Springer, daytime soaps, etc. I guess I should just accept that it takes all kinds.

1941 (1979)

best comedy i've seen in a long time

[10/10 · 18 January 2003]

I'll keep this short; read msa0510's review for a more in-depth review. The best part in this movie is Slim Pickens. Just thinking about his scenes makes me start laughing again.

It was nice having the "Making of 1941" on the dvd and seeing the remarks by Spielberg; I knew this movie had been panned by the critics but I hadn't known that it was popular in Europe. I can't understand why we Americans don't find it funny; it's hysterically funny to me.

It's a perfect 10 in my book; so few comedies these days are so over-the-top funny as this movie is.

A Private Function (1984)

priceless; waiting for the dvd

[10/10 · 10 November 2002]

This is one of those priceless British films where the comedy is so delightful. Maggie Smith, as usual, is perfect in her role of the snobbish woman. Michael Palin is equally perfect as her befuddled hen-pecked husband. The humor is absolutely top-notch.

Memento (2000)

does the job (exceedingly well)

[9/10 · 5 November 2002]

Like Kristina says, don't read the other comments here; they'll tell you too much.

The other important thing that I think a lot of people don't realize is that there are no complete solutions to what happened in the movie. If you watch the dvd there's an interview with the director and he points out that his goal was to put the viewer in Leonard's shoes. A very big part of being in Leonard's shoes is being confused, lost, and not having control of what's going on.

At the conclusion of the movie you'll feel confused and lost as well; don't take that personally, just consider how effectively the director did the job of making you feel that way. And how you won't be able to stop thinking about the movie for quite awhile.

Don't try to solve all of the questions you're left with; many are meant to not have solutions.

Greenfingers (2000)

saved by clive owen

[7/10 · 3 November 2002]

The movie was saved not by Clive Owen's acting but by his achingly handsome face. If they'd used someone with ordinary looks it would have been a lot more boring for me. The story was reasonably pleasant and wholesome but not exactly compelling. If they'd taken out the sex scene and the repeated use of the F word it could have gotten a G rating and been a fine movie to take the kids to.

The Hi-Lo Country (1998)

overall, enjoying, but not without flaws

[7/10 · 3 November 2002]

Overall I enjoyed this movie. It wasn't great, and yet it wasn't bad.

I found Woody Harrelson's acting lacking; something about it just didn't make me believe him as the brash, swaggering cowboy. Billy Crudup's acting was very good and believable. Crudup did such a good job that it made me wish that they'd used someone as good as him for Harrelson's part; it would have the movie a lot better.

The story was a bit hard to swallow; Crudup was in love with the same woman, Patricia Arquette, that Harrelson was, but she was too unlikable and shallow and I couldn't understand how he could have the hots for such a loser of a woman.

The ending had a nice twist; the way the movie started it made you think it was going to end one way but it ended differently than you were led to believe. The ending was also bittersweet which gave it a nice finish.

Being John Malkovich (1999)

self-indulgent tedium

[2/10 · 28 October 2002]

I also wanted to like this movie. About a third of the way through I suddenly realized that this movie sucked. At least it wasn't the nadir of suckiness that makes me reach for the remote and turn it off; there was a tiny shred of curiosity that made me want to see where it went.

After it ended I thought it was sort of clever. But on further reflection I realized that that's what was wrong with it; they were trying so hard to be clever. It didn't have that innate cleverness that comes from someone who's original and inventive; it was that labored cleverness that makes you uncomfortable and want to turn away and not watch.

The main characters (Craig, Lotte, and Maxine) were all completely repellent. I wonder if it could have been better if they had been made more normal or likable. As others have pointed out there are so many fixes that the script needed.

1 star out of 10.

The Thin Red Line (1998)

execrable waste of time

[1/10 · 23 October 2002]

The entire time I was watching this movie it always felt like I was watching a Hollywood movie maker's idea of what war is like, someone who had done no research or background reading. Always. I never once felt like I had any insight to what it was really like for the people there. Extremely heavy handed.

The characters were all over-acted. Nolte acted like someone's idea of what Patton was like. I've read a fair amount of WW II books and the there may have been generals back at HQ that were like Nolte's character but the officers in the field were not. The characters were either terrified and peeing their pants, nuts, or quiet with dignified bravery.

The fighting tactics were completely idiotic and unbelievable; the kind of twaddle I'd expect from a grade C script writer for TV. The soldiers were always just standing up or crouching so that they were visible to the enemy and walking into gunfire. I guess it's more important for us to see lots of soldiers get shot rather than they might have some brains and act in ways to increase the odds of achieving their objective.

This would have been a reasonable movie for a first time writer/director for the Lifetime cable channel but not much else.

Princess Mononoke (1997)

ho hum

[3/10 · 23 October 2002]

After all of the raving I heard about this I was expecting a lot more. The characters weren't interesting and none of them made me care about them. The character development was weak.

It seems to me that drama is hard to do with animation because they can't do as much with the facial expressions. Perhaps it's too difficult to be subtle with animation (or anime).

The story was only mildly interesting. It didn't have any epic qualities about it. The animation may have been great but these days with computers helping them it's hard to be impressed by mere glitz.

The scene near the end with the forest spirit turning into a headless monster gave me the feeling I was watching an animated variation on the Godzilla theme.

Very run-of-the-mill overall I'd say.

Swordfish (2001)

it amazes me ...

[1/10 · 5 October 2002]

It really amazes me that people give this movie a high rating. Or maybe I should say that it really disappoints me. I'm not sure if I'm more disappointed in the people who liked this movie or the people who made the movie.

I suppose if you were a young male adolescent whose hormones have just kicked in and your only forms of entertainment are TV and comic books you'd be entertained. But you'd be too young for this since there's sex and nudity (oh yeah, and lots of people getting blown away, but that's to be expected in an American action movie).

In case you haven't guessed by now, the script is *incredibly* moronic. On the other hand it's just the right vehicle for talents of John Travolta.

And what made it really laughable for me is the computer stuff. Unfortunately I'm a computer programmer and systems administrator and Hollywood never can do computer stuff correctly. I couldn't stop giggling at the screen shots of their "high tech" systems; they look just like what Hollywood imagines high tech is and nothing else.

Anyhow, don't rent this one unless you're of really low intelligence or like having your intelligence insulted.