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Reviews
Big Fish (2003)
Booooooooo
"I wish I was like you, easily amused" - Kurt Cobain.
I am, again, disappointed to see nothing but praise for a movie that I very much disliked.
This movie, like the past few from Burton, is visually stunning, but that's all. The story is crap. It's not AS bad as some of the most recent failures from Tim Burton such as Planet of the Apes and Sleepy Hollow, but that doesn't make it worth watching. It's just boring.
The beef of this film is in the retelling of tall tales, none of which got more than a chuckle and a shrug from myself and the two friends I saw the movie with. It just doesn't grasp what it's reaching for. The magic is not there. It's also draaaaaaaaaaaawn out, and aimless.
The main character, Edward Bloom, is an ordinary guy who tells hugely exaggerated stories of adventures that may or may not have happened to him. And the main point is that everyone, except his son, loves Edward Bloom and wants to be around him. The problem with this is that the character is NOT loveable or even likeable. I found him mostly annoying, in fact.
I love some of Tim Burton's earlier movies like Pee Wee's Big Adventure, Edward Scissorhands, Ed Wood and Beetlejuice. I don't know what happened to him. Why can't he make good movies anymore? I hope he doesn't ruin his upcoming project, the remake of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.
Ricochet River (2001)
Worthless Piece Of Crap
This has gotta be one of the very worst movies I've ever seen. I'm genuinely shocked that anyone liked it. The dialogue is laughably bad, the timing is all off, and the camera just lingers on shots for way too long after the scene should have ended. There's really practically no story, either. It's one of those movies that you shake your head at while watching because you can't believe how fricken bad it is. Getting good actors doesn't save a bad script. I really like Douglas Spain, but I wish someone would put him in something good.
Mystery Train (1989)
Two Out of Three Ain't Bad
This is an interesting little slice-of-life indie film. It certainly isn't made for a mainstream audience - which is probably why I mostly liked it.
Here's the problem I had with it, though:
The first of the three stories in the movie, which is very dialogue heavy, is in mostly Japanese. I rented the DVD and AND THERE WERE NO ENGLISH SUBTITLES AVAILBLE! This made the first part completely frustrating to watch. Were there English subtitles when this was in theaters?
The Pillow Book (1995)
Sickeningly boring, pretentious crap.
I've just finished watching The Pillow Book, and I can honestly say that there have been few times when I've hated a movie this much. Greenaway is lucky that so many people can confuse pretentious art-crap with intellect and actual art. The plot is thin, weak and boring. The characters are one dimensional and boring. The dialogue is a repetative blathering, boring mess. And even the oh-so-artistic cinematography was too cluttered and/or boring. Okay, SOME of the shots were visually appealing, but they'd look a lot better in the context of a music video for Bjork. There was seriously nothing I liked about this piece of crap. And did I mention that it's totally boring? I want my two hours back.
Le divorce (2003)
An unfunny Smart Comedy without the 'smart'
How many 'jokes' can hinge on the 'punchline' "...because they're french!"? Many, apparently. Though they're never funny. The only times anything was actually funny in this film are when you give up on anything worthwhile happening and start laughing AT the movie. Or wait - this was also supposed to be sophisticated and deep? Whoops, missed on those counts, too. All the characters are, mostly unintentionally, unlikeable. The story(stories?) were a pointless and convoluted, drawn-out mess. And the acting, in many instances, was disappointingly flat considering the caliber of these actors.
There were so many instances where a scene is clearly supposed to be making some big statement, but you're left wondering "Yeah? And..?" Also included were some unfittingly heavy plot-turns that never belonged, but are then too easily forgotten. "Wait, didn't she just...? Why is she smiling now? Huh?"
Annoyances: Cloying Hudson(with her distractingly crappy, sub-plot haircut); Watt's embarassingly unemotional performance(and she was so good in Mulholland Drive, it's a shame); Modine's madness which is supposed to be hillariously disturbing but is just sad and irritating; the Russian girlfriend's constant woman-of-India whiny singing (every damn time you see her!); long, boring scenes with one-dimensional characters who add nothing to the, um, "story".
Okay, there was one little scene that I liked where two French cops are talking in a car. So I give the film a quarter of a star. Then again that scene would have been better on its own (or in a GOOD movie). I take it back - no stars. This movie sucks.
The Magdalene Sisters (2002)
A light-hearted romp
Okay, my summary line is completely sarcastic. This film has got to be one of the heaviest movies I've ever seen. It was painful to sit through. It made me angry. It made me sad and upset. It's a great movie. And I'm not being sarcastic at all now. This is one powerful film. While shocking and disturbing, this film is also an elegant portrait of the human spirit, of survival and of determination. We even get to occaisionally laugh with the characters as they find small glimpses of joy in the most painful of situations.
This movie was extraordinarily well acted and shot. At least a few awards are due. I hope to see more from this writer/director as well as from the wonderful actresses and actors.
That this is a true story will give me the chills forever. This is not a movie you can watch and forget, whether you 'like' it or not.
The Bumblebee Flies Anyway (1999)
People LIKED this movie???
I really tried to like this movie because I really like some of the actors in it. But - it had so many flaws that any thinking person should have found it unwatchable.
This film is so full of confusing and implausible scenes and especially reactions that it's hard to accept almost any following scene without wondering what the heck had just happened. Or why it happened. And the cinematography was uneven. Some of the shots were nice, where others were shot so badly that I wondered if they had handed the camera to Forrest Gump himself.
Okay, to start, the Elijah Wood character is supposed to be stricken with amnesia, which would be profoundly disturbing and worrisome for any real person. Elijah does stress over this, randomly, now and again, in brief and obvious shots. But it's amazingly understated. That's just one example of how all the players under-react (or badly act) to every situation in Bumblebee.
As much as it tried to be different and, I guess, 'artsy', this film is as chock full of obtuse emotional manipulation as any mainstream, big budget, Hollywood piece of crap: feel sorry for the dying kids, understand the detached but not-really-detached doctor, ache for the long-shot romance, laugh with and love the funny kid, but worry about his health. Please.
The worst things about this terrible piece of work were the dialogue and the acting. I honestly don't think the actors are to be entirely blamed for their bad performances. There's only so much one can do with a botched script and bad directing. There are many moments when you feel like you're watching a teeny-bop romp (albeit, a depressing one) or a watch-by-numbers after school special.
It's all very confusing how the movie slaps scenes together which don't fit, and barely explains things which clearly need more definition.
The idea wasn't bad. It could have been an okay film, at least. But they screwed it up all the way through.
Thumbs (and other ligaments) down.