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Reviews
Interstellar (2014)
3 for the visuals, 0 for the story.
I'm usually happy to sit for half an hour and write a lengthy review. Today I can't be bothered.
All I can say is, having hundreds of millions in budget does NOT make for a great director, as Nolan proves here. Being fortunate enough to work with an amazing FX team and having the budget that Nolan does for his films should make amazing visuals a given, and we certainly get them with Interstellar, but that's where anything remotely impressive begins and ends.
Like I say, I would usually analyse every single aspect of the film in a review, today I can't be bothered. Simply because, the majority of the 10/10 reviews are DEFINITELY paid for. DEFINITELY.
The acting is shoddy, McConaughey in particular is very flat and unlikable. Hathaway is not much better. Even Caine is not at his best.
For such a big budget sci-if movie, the visuals (as impressive as they are) are accompanied by slow, lumbered, uneventful and quite frankly boring story. Lack of realism is never a problem for me in films, but lack of excitement definitely is. They could have done so much more, they didn't.
I cannot stress enough how much the 10/10 reviews are definitely paid for, and I encourage you to watch a 3 minute clip on YouTube of the best CGI moments of this film. That's all that's worth watching.
It's otherwise a real, real letdown. Nolan once again proving that he's extremely hit and miss, and extremely overrated. Anyone can make a good visual with enough money, but you can't buy talented writing/directing.
3/10.
10 Cloverfield Lane (2016)
...oh dear Abrams. Again.
I'll leave this review fairly concise.
This film was originally called "the cellar" the premise being what we see for the first 90% of "10 cloverfield lane": an excellent, brilliantly-scripted thriller set in an underground bunker, the tension lying in the "goodie-or-baddie" mystery that is the owner of the bunker, Howard. He is telling our hero, Michelle, that she cannot leave because the air outside is not breathable due to an attack, probably nuclear. She wants to leave because she suspects that Howard is insane.
That premise right there is perfect. Is Howard telling the truth? Is he a deranged kidnapper? Will Michelle eventually decide to leave? Is the air really breathable outside? The magnitude of that intrigue would have made for a brilliant film.
Would have.
This is when JJ Abrams and bad robot came in and basically did what they do with the end of every single project they ever take on. Ruin it. Ruin it absolutely horrifically. They have clearly seen monetary value in the name "cloverfield" and are insisting on making it a franchise. Do we expect monsters going into this film? Yes. Do we get them? Yes. Was it necessary? Absolutely one million percent no.
10 minutes from the end of what had been a gripping film, we finally see Michelle leave, and escape the bunker. She realises that the air is still breathable. Now, "pre-abrams" as I'll refer to it, this would've been an excellent ending. A bittersweet tale of abuse, of loneliness from Howard's point of view, of revenge, of victory. But with a huge psychological trauma to go home with. Honestly this film would be perfect had it ended here. But it wasn't to be.
This is when the aliens come. We seem to in the blink of an eye turn from "the cellar", a brilliantly told thriller, into an Abrams, overly-Hollywood, big budget cringefest. For me, it wasn't the moment the spaceship came on the screen, it was the moment our timid hero, portrayed brilliantly up until now, who'd just been crying uncontrollably with relief at the air still being breathable, suddenly turns stern action hero. She looks up and says "you have GOT to be kidding me", in the same emphatic way we've seen in 600 "five out of ten" films down the years.
I'm sorry, but you've just seen alien life. And that's your reaction? In what until now was a very realistic, well told suspense thriller? Not having it for a second. It was like we could see the moment Abrams took over. And it ruined what could have been a classic.
The remaining 9 minutes are nothing more than a glorified creature feature, culminating in our hero, who's suddenly lost all her emotions, driving off to help the "human resistance" fight against the aliens.
End of movie. What amazes me most is the number of critic reviews I've seen saying "the aliens are a metaphor for what is outside a person's lonely bubble of abuse" or some nonsense along those lines. Sorry guys but you're thinking WAY too much into it. This is a story of a money-grabbing company, who bought a perfectly good script, and ruined the ending with aliens.
I'm not entirely sure what I expected in all honesty. It's Abrams. I saw the ending to LOST and vowed never to make the mistake of investing my time in any of his projects again. Sure enough, I made the aforementioned mistake again and it's almost as bad as LOST was (minus the 5 years of my life id invested for the lovey-dovey, semi-religious, out-of- ideas cop out snoozefest that was the ending to LOST).
Abrams strikes me as one of those who inexplicably takes pride in disappointing his audiences, as if he feels he's somehow above them and that the negative reviews are just people who don't "get" him. I think in all honesty it's more a sign that he's just not very good at what he does.
My advice? Turn off when you see Michelle remove her oxygen mask. Pretend that's the end and you have your film of the year. Watch on for yet another example of "how to ruin a perfectly decent project: by JJ Abrams"
5/10. 10 for the first hour and a half, minus 5 for the last 10 minutes.
Sucker Punch (2011)
If you're going to see it, see it on the big screen... (or a big telly!)
This is one of the most surprised I've been by a film. Whether that's in a good way or a bad way I'm yet to decide.
One thing I will say... this WON'T be what you're expecting. Any synopsis you read will be true, but vague. Expect the unexpected.
Without spoiling it for anyone, the story of 'Sucker Punch' takes us on the journey of "BabyDoll" an abused young woman put into care by her evil stepfather. What follows is a very enjoyable (if VERY strange) action flick. If you like guns, monsters, and girls not wearing much for an hour and a half, then this is a film for you.
The thing that gives this review an undisputed 7/10 in my opinion is the visuals. Every sequence in this film has something about it. Whether it's the way the moonlight is caught shining through babydoll's window in the very first scene, or one of the vast landscapes during the action scenes, there will be SOMETHING that takes your breath away.
If you buy the DVD, and watch it on a portable TV, I don't think you'll enjoy it.
Watch it on the big screen, this could be a big success!
Kick-Ass (2010)
The most surprised I've ever been at a film.
When I saw the ad campaign over here in England, it was marketed as just the sort of film I'd turn my nose up at and wouldn't take any notice of. The campaign showed the 2 or 3 slapstick or obviously funny moments from the film, and I immediately dismissed it as being another "Wedding Crashers" or "Step Brothers" type film. That's why I saw it a whole 2 months after release. I'd heard good things about it from a few friends so thought I'd give it a go.
This film is just stunning. It's the antithesis to the dark knight, which I kind of enjoyed, but it is the most over-rated film of all time. This is possibly the most under-rated. There have only been a handful of films that have gone any sort of distance to changing me as a person, and it seems odd to be putting this film in the same venn diagram as the likes of the Shawshank Redemption, Fight Club etc... but as the end credits rolled, I was left with that numb feeling I live for, and found myself thinking about my own life, and what it could be.
If you haven't seen Kick-Ass, that's going to seem like a chronic exaggeration, but in my opinion, it deserves everything I've just written plus more.
Kick-Ass just has everything. Some of the best direction I've seen in years from Matthew Vaughn, who is hardly a familiar face in the film industry, which just sings his praises even more. When you add to that some genius camera-work, a script that grabs you by the nuts from scene one and doesn't let go, and some terrific acting (particularly from newcomer Chloe Moretz as the oh so lovable but oh so vicious hit-girl), and also one of my favourite ever soundtracks from John Murphy, Ilan Eshkeri, and others, you've really got a quite frankly stunning film.
If you read this and go and watch Kick Ass, you may not enjoy it as much as I did, but I defy anyone to sit through it's 2 hour duration without laughing, crying, shouting, or just smiling at it's sheer epicness. I did all 4.
Any film that makes me leave the cinema and want to ditch my profession to fight crime in my town gets my vote. Absolutely brilliant.
The Dark Knight (2008)
It's good, just way, way over-hyped.
I'll start off by saying if this film wasn't currently sitting pretty in the top ten films of all time, I would have given this somewhere between six and eight out of ten. It's a good film. Decent superhero flick with some cool action sequences. About what you'd expect.
However, how this film is in the best ten films of ALL TIME is absolutely beyond me. This film is saved by the action sequences and effects alone. There is nothing whatsoever in the average acting, or quite frankly boring directing, that saves this film from being any more than the likes of iron-man or spider-man.
To quote Jonathan Ross... "This film would have got nowhere near the hype that it has done, if Heath Ledger was still alive". Just my personal opinion, but that's the only reason this film has done so well. Oscar-nominated, don't make me laugh.
Tideland (2005)
Genuinely interesting
This is one of the strangest films I am ever likely to see, which is always expected with Gilliam, but this is "out there" even by his standards. I mean that in the best way possible.
For once, I kind of understand where some of the harsh reviews are coming from. Tideland IS hard to watch in places, and there are sequences that are so strange that you may find yourself losing track for a few minutes here and there, but this is also one of the most interesting, artistic, brilliantly shot films I have seen in years.
If nothing else, this film should be watched for the visuals alone. More or less every shot has something to take your breath away, be it the way the rows of corn seem to dwarf poor little Jeliza-rose, or some of the quite frankly disturbing graffiti in the dingy house, or the way two main settings contrast with each other so brilliantly. On top of this, despite how bizarre a lot of Jeliza's antics become throughout the film, they are depicted in such a way that they will always be synonymous with all the innocent thoughts you had in your own childhood, and forms a genuine emotional bond between you and our heroine.
This won't be the best film you've ever seen, not by a long shot, but it will be one of the most fascinating, and will leave it's mark on any watcher for a very long time.
Justin Bieber: Never Say Never (2011)
I don't hate him, but the good reviews on the last pages are fake.
Let me just start off by saying that before this film I didn't really have anything against this guy. I heard a couple of his songs, didn't like them, but I've stayed out of the whole chain of events.
Now comes the review on this film, and this film alone. I can guarantee you one million percent that the good reviews on the last pages are fake. No-one, not even his biggest fans, could find this film even remotely "inspiring". The entirety of what I saw of this film was nothing more than a shameless plug, in a desperate attempt to woo a few more underage girls with no genuine acquisition of the musical world. To say it was cheesy would be paying this bunch of crap a massive compliment.
I'm going to stop writing now, because this film doesn't deserve the anger that persuaded me to write this review. I walked out early, was nearly sick. My little sister hated it, and she loves the guy. That's it. Rubbish.