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theslowwizard
Reviews
The Abandoned (2006)
Nacho Cerdà's The Abandoned
Nacho Cerdà (Aftermath, Genesis) directs The Abandoned, an excellent ghost story with brutal gore and a dark, horrifying atmosphere. The plot may not be terribly complicated but the film is saved by good performances and an unrelenting sense of dread. Anastasia Hille (The Hole) and Karel Roden (Hellboy) are fantastic in their simply written yet stark roles. The Abandoned is a film that one is easily lost in with horrors waiting around every corner. The Bulgarian locations are stunning and haunting. Nacho Cerdà is, without a doubt, one of the new heavies in the realm of talented horror film directors.
I was definitely surprised by this film's sincerity and commitment to scaring the crap out of me and my wife. This gets my vote for the best theatrically released horror film of 2007.
Las trompetas del apocalipsis (1969)
Trombones of the Apoplexy
This movie is a pathetic mystery/thriller with anti-drug and anti-hippy overtones. A slightly interesting premise (a drug that forces you to commit suicide when you hear a certain piece of music), that is completely ruined by a director with no eye for suspense or drama.
The characters are developed terribly and it is impossible to care about anything they do. The mystery is only slightly engrossing and the payoff at the end of the movie is only heightened due to the extremely dull buildup.
Ohhhh, I urge you, do not watch this drivel. If this ever gets a proper American release, AVOID it at all costs.
Commando Mengele (1985)
This movie is...
This movie is horrible, awful, ridiculous, and stupid. I advise everyone to watch it immediately. It has anti-climactic kung-fu slow motion sequences, outraged Jewish circus performers, and evil monkey/human nazi experiments. Watch this and I promise you will be dumber after having seen it. You will probably drop out of college or high school once you behold the magic that is Angel Of Death (aka Commando Mengele). Oh yeah, it was written by Jess Franco and directed by Andre Bianci (Burial Ground: Nights Of Terror).
Blood Diner (1987)
Watch This Movie Or Else
If you are a fan of horror movies, then watch Blood Diner. It is NOT meant to be a classic or even a decent movie. It is meant to be bad and funny with lots of gore and t&a. Don't watch this if you don't have a sense of humor. Go rent it today and watch it... Or else.
Ravenous (1999)
Wow!
This movie is a must have for horror fans. It is an extremely well made horror flick with lots of gore and great acting. Guy Pearce is great as usual. The cinematography, setting, and music are all very cool. I loved this movie.
Inferno (1980)
Oh, Dario, you crazy crazy man.
Okay, here's the deal: If you need a coherent movie with an algebraic plot, skip this one. If you are interested in Dario Argento but haven't seen any of his films, start with something else. If you are a fan of Dario Argento, do yourself a favor and buy this one. Inferno is weird, makes no sense, but is a gorgeous horror film. I loved it.
Phenomena (1985)
Oh, I love this movie!
This is my favorite Dario Argento film. I must say that (despite the ill-placed Iron Maiden song), this is one of my favorite horror films of all time as well. If you are not a fan of strange movies, then avoid this. I love the atmosphere, most of the music, Jennifer Connely, the gore, the insects, the cinematography, the weird story, etc. If you have seen a few Argento films and enjoyed them, then pick this one up.
Quella villa accanto al cimitero (1981)
Okay, okay, fine but I still liked it.
Do not pay more than $5 for the DVD of this movie. Rent it if possible. I like it but only because I am crazy in the head. This is a pretty bad Fulci movie but it grows on you, especially if you are fan of his work. I enjoyed the atmosphere, the lead actress, and the gore. If you liked any of Fulci's stuff then at least watch this one once.
La chiesa (1989)
Great Horror!
Yes, this movie has plot and logic problems! But so what? Most good horror movies do. That's what makes them so great. I enjoyed this thoroughly. If you are an Italian horror movie fan, then you will like this. I enjoyed the heavy atmosphere of the church, the gore, and the acting. Give this one a chance. Just don't sit there with a pen and paper trying to pick apart the plot.
Zombi 3 (1988)
What was I thinking?
This movie is a conspiracy of epic proportions. It was so bad that I enjoyed it. The interviews on the DVD with the cast and crew try to get at the heart of why this movie was as bad as it was. The mystery continues. Rent this only for a laugh. Oh yeah, and one zombie baby.
Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002)
This movie stole my soul and then hurt it too.
I cannot figure out what encouraged me to go see this HORRIBLE movie. I should have been scared when the director was identified as KAOS, or in other words, the director doesn't want his name on this poo. WHY WAS THIS MOVIE RATED R????? There was no blood, no cursing, and no nudity. When a movie is as bad as this one, there should be at least be SOMETHING to make it worthwhile. Oh, Antonio, how far you have fallen! I remember when you were an unknown actor playing Tom Hank's lover in Philadelphia. Look at you now, you poor man. Well, actually, you're a very rich man. Anyway, Lucy!!! Lucy, what was that one movie you were in with the kicking and the explosions? Yes, that was a good one. I have no one to blame but myself for going to see this junky junk. Maybe I can blame my parents for raising me wrong. I am very glad that Florida movie prices are pretty low. That being said, here is my final statement: AVOID THIS MOVIE AT ALL COSTS!!!
Drawing Flies (1996)
I am going to move out to the woods now.
This movie is great! I had a good time watching it. It is fun to watch this group of actors do their thing. Jason Lee stole the show once again. Watching his character get more and more insane was really hilarious. I recommend this movie to all Kevin Smith or Jason Lee fans.