diz-syd-63 Reviews

My Guardian Angel (2016)

boring, slow, unoriginal

[2/10 · 30 October 2023]

Ok, so it's another low badget film. Incredibly slow paced with very bad acting. And takes an awful long time for anything to start happening that's vaguely Paranormal. The mother and father are truly awful. The girl is quite good then she starts talking and getting into voodoo. It's all very tedious and about as scary as a cupcake. When her dead sister angel appears to protect her it unravells badly. Messy dialog, boring music score and not in the least bit gorey. Really, to be honest give this a miss. It's 90 minutes of your lives you'll never get back. So many missed opportunities, so many continuity errors.

Legion of Fire: Killer Ants! (1998 TV Movie)

X-Files actor

[2/10 · 10 October 2023]

Terrible movie, bad graphics and would only be made better vlMitch Pieggi were to occasionally shirtless. He saves it really. The ants carrying off fingers and ears was laughable. Their ability to follow the road then rivet was also interesting. "I guess she could have left a forwarding address" regarding the ant queen. Even the flame thrower was useless, what the hell? The golden retriever was gorgeous, shame he had such a minor rôle. The music was a bit weird and annoying, the bass sounds certainly rattled my windows. Ok so the 'white water' rafting was well filmed, that's a plus! The slowmo was typical of this genre!

Crimson Peak (2015)

Allegory Hall ...

[6/10 · 8 January 2023]

Do NOT let children watch this, extreme violence (head being smashed against a sink) and ghastly, very evil looking ghosts. Of course, as it's American, nothing is left to the imagination: the music/nouse effects are variously quiet then so damned loud to only make one jump due to the sudden noise.

As to the story, British man meets American débutant, he's got a title (baronet) she's got money. She is a wannabe author. Skip forward and she marries the Englishman ...

Setting and costumes are quite breathtaking, and the little dog is toooooo cute for words. I am afraid the dialogue is flat, predictable and dull.

The Brit's surly piano playing sister is a first rate be-atch, but I am buggered if I can work out if her rôle is filler or loosely woven supernumerary.

I enjoyed it, honestly ... even just for the sets and frocks.

Primal Rage (2018)

3 quarters in you get it

[7/10 · 27 December 2022]

I didn't think this movie was as bad as all the negative reviews had led me to believe it. So I did watch it and paid careful attention. The story of the convict and his wife was a little redundant he didn't need to be a convict as it really didn't add any credibility to the story of his interactions with the shooters at all. The creature was scary but entered the film too early they could have kept that hidden . Overall I really enjoyed it wasn't the best film I've ever seen and it's certainly wasn't the worst. Oh yeah, the convict had a beautiful body, the river scene was hot.

The 2nd point I'd like to make is the connection to native Americans and bigfoot. While there must be some reason there's a bigfoot legend certainly I don't believe it's been no archaeological/fossil evidence for it however in this film it's handled with intelligence and I thought it was pretty good.

Miss Congeniality (2000)

Open wide - show me the food you're chewing

[2/10 · 24 September 2022]

I really can't imagine why this film rates so high? Amazing - completely over acted, no subtlety, but then again it was aimed for an American audience who DO need everything served up for them, so they won't have to use their imaginations, right? I mean there were some funny one liners, for sure "name your perfect date? "oh that's easy, 25 April, not to hot and not too cold" (I paraphrase because I don't remember the entire line). If the director was trying to make Sandra Bullock's character as crass as possible then I guess he achieved this.

William Shatner is seriously inept and tragically awful; Candice Bergin is more wooden than a tree (what was she thinking, er, money) and Michael Caine just plays along knowing its a seriously awful film (again, money). I loved seeing Sandra Bullock's molars, premolars, NOT. This movie was NOT funny, merely predictable and hugely irritating. This certainly was a massively awful vehicle for Sandra Bullock; just don't waste time wondering what the movie has to say about beauty - its sentiments are downright ugly.

Se7en (1995)

Dinner is dished up, no prep needed

[4/10 · 11 September 2022]

Yet another American movie where absolutely EVERYthing is put before you. Please, leave you brain turn off, you won't need it. There is no subtelty, no inference, no need to evoke imagination. It's all vomited up for the dummest of the dumb (clearly Americans need to be spoon fed). It's about a serial killer (boring been done to death). I found the music upsetting as it meant I had to have the volume low so I didn't jump out of my skin in the scenes where the sound suddenly was fortissimo; then it was hard to hear the dialogue, so turn the volume up. Yikes. David Fincher was supposed to have filmed the entire thing in "dim light". Um, ok ... yet another aspect of "dinner is dished up..." (turn off your imaginations). The acting is superb? Really (now I really love Morgan Freeman but not in this). Brad Pitt, he was acting? Hard to say. A big dump of s_h_i_t vomited up for the lowest common denominator.

John Wick (2014)

Predictable, over acted, spoon fed

[3/10 · 5 August 2022]

It was a fine movie. The reason I gave it 3 stars was there was nothing left to the imagination. Every bullet, every blood splatter every angry fist all there in high definition so you don't need to use your little brain. Are American audiences so stupid they need to be spoon fed? Probably not, but Hollywood thinks so.

Ready Player One (2018)

The book's author scripted it ... soooo

[10/10 · 31 July 2022]

Let me just say that I'm not a big fan of those virtual reality type scenario movies and I really was a bit hesitant and watching this but I'm glad I did. I thoroughly enjoyed it and those to those that say it didn't follow the book closely enough well the guy that wrote the book wrote script for the movie ,so that's good enough for me loved it.

Memoirs of a Geisha (2005)

surely Japanese actors were not so rare?

[4/10 · 9 April 2022]

Typical of big budget films ... nothing is left to your imagination. Because film audiences are clearly mentally inept, every emotion is explained by music, or showing every detail in the camera work. Tedious, predictable, and Williams uses an ErHoo (not idea how to spell it, don't give a blacksmith's cuss), why? It's a traditional chinese instrument.

Skip it, boring ... no redeeming features.

The Green Mile (1999)

For those with no imagination

[4/10 · 22 February 2022]

I am going out on a limb here. Probably will be slamed for this BUT ... Yes I think the acting is good. Yes I think the timing is good. Yes I think the scene and costumes are good.

What irritates me with modern cinema, is nothing is left to the imagination. It's all piled high on a plate, ready to consume without thought. If you want to exercise your imagination ... READ A BOOK.

I'm not a grouch, I did enjoy it.

Death Becomes Her (1992)

Funny, twisted and oh so macabre

[8/10 · 23 May 2021]

Inverted heads, broken wrists, floating nuns? "Do you know what you are, darling ... you're a burning bush, you're a miracle!" Goldie, Meryl and Bruce, who clearly excel in comedy, give subtle and hilarious performances. Who'd've thought spray paint was so useful? Honestly it needs a couple of viewings to get the copious subtleties. Bruce Willis, who is normally so masculine plays a very feminine henpecked surgeon turned undertaker. The script is witty, of course the acting hammy in a good way and the music fabulous. Enjoy it.

The Last Shark (1981)

Bad action, crap effects, poor ripp off of Jaws

[3/10 · 6 February 2021]

Not sure why I watched this through as really was excrutiating. The music had a motiv that repeated over and over. Bodies bitten in half with poor quality gore sewn on. The shark was slow and unconvincing. Don't waste your time.

Barbarella (1968)

Just let me adjust my tongue box ...

[7/10 · 10 January 2021]

Jane Fonda, what a body (though I'm no expert) gets sent on a mission to end proposed tyranny by the galactic president. Considering when it was made, the ScFi effects are not bad really, far too much use of bear fur for my liking as wallpaper and alien custumes, but meh. I loved this film, apart from the hideous biting dolls, most of it made smile.

"Why on earth we don't make love unless out psychocardiograms are in harmony". Hands held out for "the act". Very interesting. Barbarella strips off, the alien strips off to reveal an equally hairy chest to his fur costume; lots of weird imagery depicting a certain male body part deflating!

I think, to truly enjoy this film, one must be high as a kite.

Quarries (2016)

not terrible, very watchable

[5/10 · 13 December 2020]

Look, I found this on Tubi, which is liberally peppered with dreadful acting. The women were all quite decent actors if unknown. The story is nothing new, hunted by bogans (hillbillies), one of whom seems indestructible. Girls get revenge, the survivors crawl out onto a road (reminded me of The Descent). Give it a go, seen far worse and far better.

A Woman Scorned: The Betty Broderick Story (1992 TV Movie)

The epitome of first world problems

[2/10 · 6 December 2020]

I was a little bit amazed that the woman, the psycho, the scorned woman wasn't murdered before halfway through the movie. She is completely horrible it sums up America and greed really nicely. Bad acting (unless you call screaming acting), bad hair (shows its age). Don't waste your time.

Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2010)

This takes bad to a whole new level

[1/10 · 8 November 2020]

Seriously I am trying to find one thing about his movie that actually made me feel OK about watching it. The acting was dreadful the filming was very poor quality the script was amateurish in the extreme it wasn't in the slightest bit scary and nothing happened for 45 minutes. Go take up knitting or crochet or barndancing or learn to drive a combine harvester but do not watch this film.

The Raking (2017)

Better than the negativity here might suggest

[6/10 · 29 September 2020]

First off, many comments point to the acting and SFX being amateur. I had no issue at all with the cast, the two female (uni room share) leads were both fine. Noah I really liked, played with innocence that totally suited the role. I wasn't so fussed on the Assistant Tutor and I loved the little sister. The creature was freaky, made me go goosebumpy. I, personally, would have kept it more hidden, maybe just ruby red shining eyes in the darkness.

The story wss cool, hardly original, but had history and a little development. I might have made more of the child in the opening scene ... he loom scared but he could have been given a more prominent role.

I don't remember any music, so it was probably missing or uninteresting.

Attack of the Puppet People (1958)

It had potential

[4/10 · 11 September 2020]

It reminded me of Land of the Giants. Not enough of story development to carry for more than an episode of The Twilight Zone and far less effective in the FX department. That said, it was pretty amusing, I wished he have picked one of his dolls up and bitten it in half, or fedvit to the cats, rat, dog ... who play nice cameo roles.

Haunted by Her Past (1987 TV Movie)

A respectable thriller

[7/10 · 17 August 2020]

Two couples go on an adventure. By chance they spy a sign 'Antiques', against the better judgement of of the men they pull of the road and investigate. Karen discovers a portal to the past, yo the bewilderment of her husband, things go from slightly weird to quite unsettling. Definately worth watching.

Leave Yesterday Behind (1978 TV Movie)

mediocre all around

[5/10 · 11 August 2020]

Not sure why this got such high ratings. It's not terrible but also not fsntastic. John Ritter's acting is uninspired bordering formulaic. Grandpa just reminds of Hillbilly too much. Consuela (sp) the maid is excrutiating, as bad as Alice in Brady Bunch. The dialogue is neither good nor bad

Mandy the Doll (2018)

The worst load of rubbish

[1/10 · 9 August 2020]

This film has absolutely no redeeming features. It is so badly acted that it's excruciating, the camera work is amateurish, the music I don't remember it. So I give it 1 star, giving zero wasn't possible.

Big Stan (2007)

A good laugh is to be had

[6/10 · 14 April 2020]

Stan finds himself in a pickle, realising upcoming time in prison is not going to be good, weedy, weak, rich and small.

I generally find American comedy either just not funny or irritating. This was not the case, the scenario is basic: get fit, learn to fight and don't be at the bottom of the pecking order.

Casting is great, Schneider is perfect, as is his wife, his chain smoking martial arts teacher is really the weakest link, imho.

In the penitentiary, the cast of nazis, blacks, latinos is pretty spot on and some of the scenes dancing to latin music were a riot.

Definitely give this one your time, very enjoyable, caused me to hunt out more Schneider flicks.

The Night Caller (1998)

Spend your time baking, far better way to spend your time

[2/10 · 5 April 2020]

The only reason I didn't give it 1 star was because the camera work was great. This has no subelty, the story is unoriginal, the acting is dreadful and the music formulaic.

Spend the afternoon baking bread, it's easier than you think AND better than wasting your time on this TAWDRY muck.

Deadly Weekend (2014 Video)

Flimsy, unconvincing, dreadful dialogue, waste of time

[1/10 · 13 March 2020]

What a total waste of time. The 'sisters' were way too girly to be deranged psychos. The story is lame, camera work tedious and extremely unimaginative, please, play chess, learn French, stick pins in a voodoo doll of your high school bully but DO NOT WASTE YOUR PRECIOUS LIFE on this s_h_i_t.

The Gorilla (1939)

Dreadful waste of over an hour of one's life, don't bother

[1/10 · 25 February 2020]

This is tawdry humour at its American worst. Every situation deemed "funny" is so completely contrived as to be tedious, boring and decidedly NOT funny. The woman who plays the maid, totally unforgettable, spends most of her time screaming with a really grating voice. The so-called detectives are just stupid, I guess that was directed that way for comic timing. Well, sorry, just fell short really profoundly. Add to that stupid voice from the radio ... just go peel potatoes, or boil eggs. You'll end-up having done something worthwhile.

My BIG gripe is the American insistence in this film (just one example) on explaining puns, endless. No, it wasn't funny, and explaining the puns simply is just annoying. Total s_h_i_t, don't waste your time.