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Reviews
Gargoyle (2004)
Bad gargoyle no Acting!
OK now i love a good b horror flick as much as the next guy but this was just so below par. It starts off in the past where we find out the or-gin of the gargoyles and then moves to the present where they are making a comeback and attacking various people in Romania where oddly enough no one speaks Romanian. Acting = very bad for the most part. Stilted dialog and bad writing has the actor contradicting themselves almost ever five minutes. Direction= that was not so bad but could have been tightened a bit. effects= The effects were not bad and in a better movie would have worked fine.
Rules of B movie watching i thought i would share to help others avoid really bad movies. (If i had listened to my own rules i would have avoided this one myself)
1. Avoid any film with Michael pare in it. He just can't act and he is never in any film worth seeing. 2. Avoid films made between Russia and America. They just seem to suck at a consistent rate and don't show any signs of improving.
Hundstage (2001)
another day in dullsville
I rented this (the uncut version with hardcore scenes intact) with the thought that it might offer some insight into the daily lives of the people of this suburban neighborhood. I found instead just rather pointless montages of bland characters without any rhyme or reason. It's acted nicely and there is nothing technically wrong with the film it just isn't interesting really. We wander from one scene to another some brutal and vile and some just dull. I'm not sure what the director was trying to go for but short cuts or magnolia its not. I did not feel disgusted really but just disappointed in the lack of purpose the film had.
Suspicious River (2000)
Dark Wonderful Amazing film. Bravo Molly Parker!
I have read some of the other reviews of this film and obviously they were written by people who probably thought it was gonna be something sexy and erotic. IT IS NOT! It is sexy is some parts but this is about a woman at a crossroads in her life. She works at motel as receptionist and is also a prostitute for some of the customers. She is very unhappy with her life and looking for a way out of her current situation. Maybe a much darker way out than she will admit to herself.
I thought the acting by Molly Parker was amazing and she conveys every emotion perfectly in this film. All the actors in fact do a remarkable job and the direction is dead on. The film is very dark and contains some scary imagery but that should not put off serious film buffs. If you liked the film kissed or you like films like Mullhuland drive then you will really enjoy this. Its told in simple and pure tones and is riveting in its honesty. If on the other hand you thought a film like two moon junction was good cinema then stay away cuz this is nothing like that. It has a heart and some serious edge and will not leave you happy and sparkly feeling. It want to tell a real story about real people who are struggling with their own demons and trying to find a way to overcome them.
The Love Machine (2000)
the boring machine
This is a good example of how hard it is to do a faux documentary. The actors are OK but they fall flat under bad dialouge and fake set ups. The idea is that a group of internet users are being filmed for a documentary but they don't know the film maker knows them from their sex sites instead of the university they all attend. They find out they are being duped as the film goes on and then we get to see who they really are. The problem with this is that it all seems fake and self righteous and pretentious. None of the people in the film seem real. They seem like cookie cut outs of who you would assume would be on a sex site. It all comes down to this kinda "everyone should love themselves and not lie to others and can't we all just get along kids" message and it does not work at all.
The Passion of the Christ (2004)
No Passion in the Passion
Ok i finaly went and saw it so that i could properly judge it without just having heard about it. Plus my honey wanted to see it so i figured whats the worst could happen? Lose two hours of my day? Burn up in fire and brimstone? I got nothing better to do anyways so off we went.
I will give it credit for the acting and the effects were good but if i knew nothing of the bible i would have no clue what was going on in this movie. There is no set up or explanation as to why hes being persecuted except some arguments about blasphomy that don't explain much. Its mostly just torture although not as bloody or as much as critics would have you believe. I have seen much worse in Italian Horror.
The Thing that shocked me most was the lack of emotion i felt during the whole thing. I thought ok sure im not a christian but yeeesh this is a story that has basic elements of loss and sacrafice and love in it, i should be able to feel something but nada. It is almost void of any spiritual messege unless your a devout christian already i don't see what you could get from the film. I remember thinking at one point if they did not speed up his crucifiction i was gonna die of boredom. Even the whipping was really quite dull and i didn't even cringe really. I do cringe too when something is graphic and hard to watch. as an example there is a whipping scene in a 1974 film called "Don't torture a duckling" by lucio fulci and its much shorter and less bloody than the passion of christ but to this day i watch it through my fingers cuz its just excruciating to watch. The difference? Ducking has characters you care about and the passion is devoid of anyone you care about cuz you don't know them. The Passion has no passion.
I think Mel Gibson made a huge blunder in this and only very new gore hounds( and trust me the gore is very light in Passion. You want gore watch the original Dawn of the dead by Romero or Evil Dead trap out of japans new horror cinema) and those who are devout christians(the fundy kind most likely) will enjoy this film. It is not inspiring or sad just kinda......well Dull.
The Reflecting Skin (1990)
One of the best films about growing up EVER!
Ok that anyone thought this was funny must mean that they are two years old or that they are mentally slow and cant think. There is alot of people on here who post reviews who cant think. It must be some new disease you get by watching eddie murphy movies like haunted Mansion. This film is beautifully shot and captures the isolation and pain of growing up when you are stuck in the middle of a family crisis. The film is easy to follow and makes perfect sense throughout. There is never anything that is hard to understand or relate to if you have even half a brain. The metaphors with the vampires are very easy to understand. I would say its even something a 12 year old would understand although this film is not for kids. I wont list any details cuz i dont want to spoil it for you but if you enjoy dark films with something more to say that life sucks then this film will touch you and leave you breathless i think. Its one of my favorites and i hope you give it a try. You wont be disappointed.
The Last House on Dead End Street (1973)
Horror the way it should be done.
I had a horrible copy of this film on vhs from one of those buy rare underground movie places and i wasnt impressed with this but i could barely see it let alone be fair to the film. I got the dvd recently and i was very impressed. The director use of lighting and the props although yes low budget very effective. I found the mood very disturbing and it does not let up. The gore effects were better and much more graphic than i thought they would be and yes its not canibal holocaust with all of its grue but its alot better than Henry portrait of a boring movie or clean and boring another lame serial killer movie. I think this film stands way over other such films like last house on the left and it should be given its due. If your a big budget geek freak dont watch it you wont like it, go see Haunted Mansion or something ya Moron. This is for people who love Horror Movies and can let themselves get lost in the mood and dont need to pretend to be cool by making snide remarks about the acting or lack of budget. The acting for my money is perfect and the plot is exactly what it should be and its very disturbing Film. I dare anyone to sit and watch this in the dark alone without booze or drugs and not say it did not creep them out. If this does not creep you out after watching it like that then stop going to the movies and lay down in your grave man. Your done.
28 Days Later... (2002)
28 days later i want my money back.
This was a fun movie with a nice premise that held good through half of the movie. I enjoyed the begining scenes with the monkey and where all that lead and enjoyed the next hour but if you have seen it you know where it lost me. I think it could have worked better without any of the endings they came up with on the disc but a much more dark and visceral one. SPOILER I found the ending way to happy and light and i did not buy it for a sec. Not any of the four endings i watched on the disc. I found them all cloying and to happy. I think instead of ending up at the army base they should have just wandered and ended up turning on each other and then some more of them dying in a city to get food. Then at the end i think the black girl should have had to kill the lead man and the girl. I think it would have really worked had she known they were not infected and just in insane rage and despair butchered them on the spot. Thats how a zombie movie ends not with flags and happy faces. The ending of this movie made me feel like i was getting a hummer and right before i finished the person giving the hummer left. Resident evil is the only recent zombie flick in my opnion that got it half right and its ending rocks, it makes the movie in fact. Zombie movies while you can mess with all the elements of them and about them making them happy does not work unless its a comedy and in that case watch "my bf back" instead of this. Im comming down harder on this than i meant to but the more i think of the ending the more i go ick. I love this director though and hes done some great stuff but i expected more. I heard its so dark and negative and i felt like i was watching the wizard of oz. Fun and Entertaining but not scary and not a zombie flick.
Flesh for the Beast (2003)
This Isn't a No Gore Bore
Despite all the other negative comments for this film i found it halfway enjoyable and did not regret renting it. I did notice it did say cut version on the rental box so i am sure for those who did not get enough gore or t&a the uncut version has it all. I liked the naked girls and i liked the music and atmosphere and the gore was damn good for my money. Thought the red was a little to red but thats just my preference not the spfx guys fault. I thought while the lead girl could have used to some acting tips she did ok and the other actors did fine in their roles. YES THIS IS A LOW BUDGET FILM! But It is not as bad as say "the last broadcast" or any number of vampire movie sequels(you know who you are)or the awful bigger budget "the dead hate the living" which has a great title but was a no gore bore. Not that i just care about gore. A film can be scary as hell without any gore and i will love it, but when you don't have either you lose me. I don't know maybe i was in a good mood but i liked this film and i think when given a chance this director could do a good horror flick with more money and finding actors who can act more than just get naked, but naked is good :)
Wrong Turn (2003)
You have no idea how Wrong.
WOW this was so wrong. The first ten minutes made me go "oh god not another director who has no sense of pacing or suspense" but then it did get a bit better..... for a while. Finally it just fell off a cliff and landed in its own lack of originality and style. The actors were good, the gore was good(what there was of it)but the killers were just to easy to avoid and not convincing. I will say the little gremlin one was creepy enough. Way more of the cast should have died bloody shocking deaths very quick so what we got was one girl or guy we could identify with and share the next hour or more of the thrill ride into hell with. There are many things they could have done to make us afraid of these guys and make this scary and they did none of them. Worst scene had to be the tree scene. I had to hold my hand to resist just stopping the movie right there but i watched it all. I know this was (from the extras i watched on the disc) supposed to be back to basic horror of the 80's but i think they say all the wrong movies. My advice to this director watch the classics like night of the living dead and not with friends by yourself and not high. Do the same with texas chainsaw the 74 one, Halloween the original only, last house on dead end street,black christmass,Deep red hatchet murders uncut, Suspiria,The fog,City of the living dead, and last Lets scare jessica to death. I think if you see all those under the conditions i advise you will know what horror is and how to direct it.
Blow Out (1981)
Depalma's best
I was really struck watching this one again on ifc the other night. I had not seen it in many years and while i had liked it back then, I found myself enjoying it just as much this time around. John Travolta gives i think, the best performance of his career, including his recent roles. The plot is solid and the ending is still unforgettable. I would also like to mention the great opening sequence and titles, still fantastic after all this time. Although dressed to kill is more stylish and one of my all time favorites, this has to be my favorite Depalma film. A great thriller that never drags and always keeps you on the edge of your seat.
Sleepwalkers (1992)
Purrrfect trash
I hated this film when i saw it at the theater, but years later on dvd it"s actually quite an enjoyable campy horror film and Alice Krige is great in her role as the mother. The rest of the actors are bad to moderate in their ability to perform but this does not take away from the film.
The plot is about a pair of Shapeshifters, mother and son, who are also lovers. They can be killed by cats, so they avoid them like the plague. The effects range from poor(the effect when he transforms with the cop) to excellent(all the dead cat corpses at the first house). It could have been written better sure, if it was supposed to be taken seriously.The gore effects could have been more explicit, and it could have been much scarier, but then it would be Sante Sangre or Track 29 and it would not be this movie, and that would be a shame cuz this flick is purrrrfect the way it is.
The Badge (2002)
An interesting murder mystery although a bit choppy and unfocused.
I did not know anything about this film when i watched it so i was not expecting more than some mild entertainment for the night so that may have something to do with my opinion of this film. Overall though i think it is a fair time waster for what it is. The basic story revolves around a sherif who finds himself involved in the murder of transexual in his small Louisiana Parish. His inner struggle with his own homophobia plays a part too. The acting is fine. Billy Bob Thornton does a fine job as the sherif who has traded more than he wanted to keep his job and Patricia Arquete does a fine job as the widow of the murder victim. All the other actors are fine in their roles as well. Some of the real drag queens outshine the major stars in fact in their small roles. The problem with this film is the editing i think more than anything. its choppy in a bad way and seems to have no purpose. It cuts away from scenes that would have been nice to see more of and stays still when a quick jump or cut might have worked better to move the plot along. As for the writing it is ok but some of it does ring false and some of the resolutions do as well. I wish i they had explored the characters a bit deeper and explored the main relationship as well as the one with the brother and daughter more but you can't have everything. I gave it a 6 out of 10.