Change Your Image
mia-noisia
Reviews
Rock of Ages (2012)
Rock Fans will not like this!! Glee fans may
This movie could have been awesome, loads of stars, and its about Rock, apparently.But it seemed to completely miss the point on being a Rock homage.Somehow they managed to turn a bunch of classic rock into a camp Broadway musical.This is closer to Glee, than ACDC. And please, if you have a gun, and know who's responsible, shoot whoever cast Russell Brand in the face.This guy has to be the most annoying talentless person on the planet, after Honey Boo Boo.If I were religious I would be praying for cancer.I would become a believer, feed the poor everything.If only you would just strike him down painfully lord, pwitty pwease.
Terrible waste of time, and it has Russell Brand in it.I don't really need to continue ripping on it if you know he's in it.
Shameless (2011)
What happened to the comedy? lost in translation
I've watched the original series and loved it, so i had high hopes for the US version.Sadly it turned out to be a very dumbed down imitation. Shameless is supposed to be about a family in poverty, yet they live in a huge place that looks really nice.The actors all look too Hollywood and are very unconvincing in the roles.Frank is supposed to be a hopeless unwashed drunk, not a well groomed well spoken guy who drinks beer like hes having a cup of tea with the Queen. The whole point of Ian's character was that he wasn't, a camp gay stereo type.But the US version has cast a very camp effeminate boy who kinda looks like a girl. Also gone is the reality that most people living in poverty come into contact with drugs.A subject that was extensively covered in the original series.The US version has almost completely wiped this out.I think the US TV companies need to wake up and realise that in real life teenagers do drugs.If people get offended by real life then they surely need to seek psychiatric help. But the main thing that has been removed is the comedy.I've watched the entire 1st first series and only crack a smile on a couple of occasions.In the UK version i was in hysterics every episode.Some how they have managed to make the series depressing. This just goes to show that you can have the best actors in the world but if they're are miss cast they will still look bad.This series definitely got lost in translation.
And there is not a single actor to have lived who could top Ciaran Griffiths as Mickey.
Arthur (2011)
Why you don't use talentless Boyfriends of celebrities
How this guy keeps getting into movies i don't know.Shockingly bad you can see Brand's mind ticking over trying to do something funny, and failing.Most of the time he's just doing a poor Dudley impression.Its almost an insult to Dudley Moore.Hollywood sure is desperate nowadays.This is why you don't use TV presenters as lead in comic roles.Brand tried his hand at stand up, and it was a lot worse than this film (ponderland). He needs to stick to what he knows best, presenting trashy reality TV gossip shows. Hopefully the last instalment of a desperate attempt at a career in comedy.And on behalf of the United Kingdom may i thank Katy Perry for taking the annoying **** off ours hands.
The Perfect Sleep (2009)
Make it to the end and win a prize.
This was such a terrible film, almost a comedy sketch of a noir film.The budget was low compared to a blockbuster, but still higher than most.But its where they've decided to cut costs that is totally weird.Some actors are at least competent, while others look like they just been dragged off the street.One of them being the lead actor, hes so very bad that i cringed when ever he said anything (he talks through the ENTIRE movie).Then there's the weird costume choices.At the start of the movie all characters are wearing 1930's clothes.They drive a classic car, but the background is a modern day windfarm thats blatantly state of the art.And the costumes and some settings continue to follow this 30's film noir theme.Then BAM in drives a brand new escalade with 24 inch rims....WTF.Same thing again when a guy has a night scope on his rifle, you get a shot down its sight.Hes aiming at a guy with an mp5 and tactical gear on.In a even stranger contrast the locations are brilliant, and seem to have cost more than the rest of the entire film.The camera shots/angles a very good, and show these locations brilliantly in the scenes.The director has a keen eye for a good looking single shot, but no idea how to do much else.
People who should be shot for this film▼
The writer The director The casting agent The costume designer
People who should be tortured to death for their monotone, monotonous nails on chalk board voice.▼
Anton Pardoe- the lead actor, writer, producer If you ever seen the movie Hostel, i wish that would happen to this guy, but he doesn't escape.
Inglourious Basterds (2009)
Worse than prostate cancer and aids combined!!!!!!
Tarantino has managed to become a cliché all of his own.From the long corny monologues, to ridiculous characters, all Tarantino's failings are there.I honestly felt dirty after watching this movie.It felt like i was watching Quentin himself masturbate for 2 hours.This film was purely to massage his already gargantuan ego. Hes obviously in love with his own writing, but it just comes across as pretentious nonsense.Most scenes he just runs away with lots of this pointless dialogue.And its so corny and badly written, your quickly bored. The editing seemed to have been skipped in this film as large chunks are completely pointless.And with all the overly long scenes and drawn out dialogue, the film appears muddled.Even Brad Pitt seems embarrassed in some scenes, with the waste of his talents.Some of the actors do very well with what they're given.Christoph Waltz puts in a good performance, just a shame its all Quentins masturbating material. If you were wanting to watch the Inglorious Basterds, rampage through Germany.Killing dismembering any and all Nazi's, as the trailer hints, you will be disappointed.The Basterds aren't in the film much at all, 80% of the film is just conversation. In the end this movie was bad, very bad.And i think some of the actors should feel a bit of embarrassment for being involved.Christoph Waltz can hold his head high, but Pitt has got a major black mark to work off.Tarantino is way too in love with his work to make a good film anymore.And when he lacks he just copies from others, (just like Reservior Dogs which was unbelievably similar to a famous Asian film).He seems obsessed with becoming a legend or major name in cinema, like those who's techniques and styles he copies.He calls it homage i call it just plagiarism.While once he was original at least, now hes a self obsessed mad man.
Watchmen (2009)
Best super hero film yet
I just watched this for the first time, with no previous knowledge of the Watchmen, and was amazed.From the opening scene you know this is not your normal super hero film.Mainly by the violence, there's lots of it and its very graphic....awesome. Don't be put off by the costumes, they do look stupid but soon feel right. I waited for the directors cut to watch this, on blu ray, after being told its good.And i was rewarded with 3hrs of brilliant film making.The writing, directing and effects, all were great, faultless.The story was really good, and left me hungry for a sequel.I never heard of the watchmen before this film, now im searching for the source. The characters and the world depicted, are so well done, and so real.Never have super hero's been written this way.Each character is opened up and laid bare for the viewer, and you get so attached.Even the not so nice Comedian (brilliantly acted by Jeffrey Dean Morgan) pulls the old heart strings.I cannot comment on how it relates to the anime or graphic novel, but you get the feeling watchmen fans are more than happy.This is the kind of hero story I've always wished for, spiderman and the xmen are always way too politically correct for me.Where as watchmen is definitely not for kids.
My hats off to Snyder, and to Alan Moore, Dave gibbons and John Higgins.Im off to explore a DC comics store, and see what other brilliant stuff they been hiding.
Chi bi (2008)
just about watchable
Being a massive fan of Chinese period films, like crouching tiger etc, i thought i would love this film.Sadly no, it reminded me of much lesser known extremely low budget Hong Kong kung fu films of the 80's.And i guess the last reviewer is a John Woo fan boy, and wrote an advert not a review. The thing that really annoyed me about this film was the trailer, it shamelessly lies about the film.The film is not epic or spectacular in any way.I watched the film in the cinema, and couldn't help but notice the lack of quality in the picture and effects, that were evident in the trailer.As with many war films cgi makes up the numbers in battle sequences, and this is true in Red Cliff.But its just a 2 second, long distance shot from the air, then its back close up with the 30 or so actors for the majority of the time.Its impossible to ignore that there's only a handful of people actually there, as the background is just a baron dessert.
Once the film gets going the story is almost non existent, other than two sides are fighting.There's no attempt at getting you on side with the "goodies", so you don't really care for anyone in the film.You become a sort of neutral observer, completely detached, as the viewer.The hero's and villains are all introduced pretty much by name only, some not even that.So over all the script and writing is terrible. The worst of the writing was, the actual military tactics, they are ridiculous.Any other film that depicts battles, they use strategies that are (maybe far fetched at times but)believable.Well in Red Cliff they're something else entirely, i was almost speechless, but im not going to spoil that for you lol.At the tortoise thing i(don't worry not a spoiler)would have walked out of the film right then but i was interested to see what else would be done. The cast are actually very well known in Chinese cinema, but seem far above Red Cliffs offering.With the little they're given to work with they do well, but its evident they lack direction. The directing for the battle scenes is OK, but not what you would expect from someone as acclaimed as John Woo.As i said before, you just cant help noticing the lack of people on screen in fights.And there are bits when a formation of soldiers is seen close, you can see they're obviously standing on a structure (its visible) of some sort, but are supposed to be standing on each other.Its like watching a puppet show and seeing the strings, or a magician who actually shows how its done while doing it.The plot has almost been completely abandoned to make room for these battle scenes.But when some actual plot does come around its so sparse and badly scripted that you feel happy its short.The only good thing i can say is that one or two scenes are filmed in a really beautiful shrine or temple.This is no doubt some Chinese landmark, or famous place.But it does look nice for the couple minutes you see it, then its dessert for the rest. In conclusion this film left me bitterly disappointed, cheated in fact after that trailer.It just goes to show "never judge a book.....", well never judge a film by its trailer.If you like the really low budget kung fu films of the 80's n 90's, then you will find this is an average film.But if you were expecting something like, Crouching Tiger, House of flying daggers, or Hero you will be massively disappointed.Woo should stick with cheesy clichéd action films, because they're supposed to be bad.
Lost in Translation (2003)
Amazing film
Everything about this film excels.The cinematography is amazing and manages to capture an atmosphere along with the beauty of Japan.The director should be proud of this piece of work.She manages to compliment the great performances from Bill Murray and Scarlet Johanssen perfectly.The script is very minimal at times leaving the talent to shine, so rare these days.Any of you whom have traveled will sympathise with the characters and form a real bond.This is a film about two people so different, but very alike, and the bond they have.I consider this a must see, and if your wondering what makes a good film this will teach you.
War, Inc. (2008)
Don't even bother
This is a terrible film, poor directing, script, and cast.It was like someone was trying to make a modern remake of "Catch 22",but failed.The comedy sucked, the satire sucked, everything sucked.I hope whoever wrote the script is out of a job, along with anyone else involved.Cusak does his best to carry the film, as lets face it hes not going to turn down a million bucks just because its s**t.This could have been good, the general concept is sound, just not the execution.But i will be making a note of the director, and writers so i can steer clear in future.I felt sorry for Dan Aykroyd and Joan Cusack , two comedy greats put to shame in this debacle.And how they ever got Ben Kingsley to be in it i don't know.This film is everything thats wrong with Hollywood at the moment, I'm just glad European films are carrying the team.Looking at past projects of the writers and director will tell you all you need to know, they have never done anything good.Please i beg you don't watch this film, because if i see this win an award, i do not think i could take it.So many bad films win awards these days despite, everyone thought it sucked.Just because a lot of people watch a film does not mean its good.