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Funkymunksta
Reviews
Hollywoodland (2006)
Holly Wooden-Acting Land.......
This the first of many reviews I will be doing....mainly to help people save themselves from the mind-numbing drivel that is currently being lauded as 'The Greatest Movie Ever' or 'The scariest movie of all time' or 'The Funniest Movie Ever - SO funny you will sh!t yourself!'....
Onto this pile of rabbit dung, entitled Hollywoodland.
What can I say......except that throughout the movie you are wondering if, Ben A$$Flick is ever going to do us all a favour and just not appear on the business side of the camera ever again. He has to be the most non-descript and inept 'Movie Star' in the last 32 of my short-lived years I've ever clapped eyes on.
So......if your leading actor is a useless sack of sh!te, then the only redeeming factor for a movie has to be the storyline and the supporting cast members. The latter garnered the same evaluation as 'The A$$Flick' and the storyline plodded from start, through to middle and then to ..... what they lead you to believe is the finish. It just ended. No explanation of anything. If I wanted to use my imagination, then I'd be working as a window dresser......not spending two hours or so of my life watching something labelled as entertainment.
If you fancy spending a couple of hours watching a good movie then you have two choices.....don't watch Hollywoodland OR DON'T WATCH HOLLYWOODLAND!! You've been warned people.....
Cold and Dark (2005)
Should have been called 'Tepid and Dimly Lit'.......
I ended up switching it off after the first ten minutes or so. The story starts with Luke Goss (of Bros fame), pretending to be a double-hard b@stard. Except he sounds and looks like a bum bandit with a penchant for fake tanning products.
The story then managed to drag itself through the next ten whole minutes making me feel really really bad about the impression us Brits have on the rest of the world, if this is the calibre of movie making in our country.
There are many words to describe this movie, but to be honest I wasted ten valuable minutes of my life watching it, so don't think that another ten minutes spent writing about it is wise.
Simply put......don't bother.......