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kenmarino13
Reviews
The Deaths of Ian Stone (2007)
Time stops in Ian Stone! For real! That's how TEDIOUS it is!
Too bad Ian Stone is so terrible, because on paper the plot is interesting - a man is being pursued by creatures that look like the Death Eaters from Harry Potter, they apparently feed off pain and fear. They have the power to appear and disappear at will, yet they really like ripping apart doors and elevator ceilings with their hand/claw hybrids when they're chasing Ian. You wonder if they can pretty much go where ever they want why they have to chase him, and why waste time ripping apart the door, just appear on the other side of it, but logic's not really present in this incredibly boring and insultingly stupid ''horror" film.
A good example of how tragically stupid this movie is - Ian doesn't understand what's happening to him. Weird things keep occurring, he's disoriented and confused. A stranger approaches him and basically says "IAN - weird things are happening to you, you're in danger, I can help you.." Ian's response? "You're crazy, get away from me." Oh, for real? Someone KNOWS YOUR NAME, KNOWS YOU'VE BEEN EXPERIENCING WEIRD STUFF...and you tell him to go away? The acting isn't bad with the HUGE exception of Jaime Murray. I was so surprised to see she's acted in a lot of things, because she was so atrocious. Her acting technique seems to reflect study of cartoon baddies, or a fourth grader in a school play, every line was said with a cliché "I'm a sexy villain" purr, with a simpering smile on her face the whole time. She was so incredibly annoying, I've seen more believable acting in telemundo soaps. The ''harvester" who tries to help Ian is actually quite good, every time he was on screen the movie improved, only to sink again lower and lower each time as it progressed.
I've seen this movie compared to Jacob's Ladder, which is a joke, the only similarity is names in the title. Jacob's Ladder is moving, smart, and incredibly intense, while Ian Stone is dull, not scary, and a huge time waster. Its ironic that time stopping is a major part of the story, because within the first 15 minutes I was looking at my watch and thinking, this has been on only less than half an hour? It felt like 3 days. Terrible, terrible film.
From Within (2008)
A Final Destination movie that thinks its deep
I won't rate this movie a "1-awful" because the last 2 minutes were kind of fun. Too bad about the rest of the movie.
I didn't have high hopes for a movie that cast rejects from "America's Next Top Model," but the Tribecca Film Festival listed this film as atmospheric, smart, and scary...I'm not sure what film that was, but it sure as hell wasn't "From Within." Its boring and silly, and like other reviews mentioned it has so many horror movie clichés you can't help but shake your head and wonder if the filmmakers had ever seen a scary film before. The characters are textbook and forgettable, and one, the goth brooding cousin, at first seemed to be a glimmer of something slightly different, but she quickly deteriorated as every line was said in the same flat, mopey, wise ass delivery. Every actor seems to be playing their "type", like alcoholic, rebel, Goth, religious freak, etc.
If you like Final Destination movies but thought they should be dull, predictable, and have trite messages tacked onto them, From Within should rock your world.