Change Your Image
novatone
Reviews
The Swan (2023)
I remember reading this as a story
I had a book of short stories by Dahl, and I remember this as quite a powerfully dark tale.
It was only after about 5 minutes into this (the point they introduce the railway tracks) that I suddenly twigged what I was watching - and to be honest I was a little horrified.
To the uninitiated - and it's not a spoiler to say - this is a tragic story about bullies. But it's worse than that, this tale is reminiscent of the James Bulger case, albeit with a different course of events, but no less disturbing when you remove the candy-coating of Wes Anderson gimmickary.
To see that this has no warning at the start about the nature of this story - which includes quite graphic depictions of animal cruelty - as well as the systematic torture of a defenceless boy - and that instead Netflix have packaged this as 'darkly comic entertainment' really does make me question my subscription.
A terrible misstep... this should remain in print as a cautionary tale about the depravity that humans inflict upon each other. I don't consider first-hand accounts of suffering to be entertaining, and nor should you (or your children).
Don't say I didn't try to warn you.
Honest (2000)
S***e
I remember getting my mum to record this onto VHS for me way back when (I was about 20 and like many others thought the Appletons and Blatt were fit) so looked forwards to seeing a feature-length excuse to see the girls trying their hand at acting.
Obvs there's nudity in it. That's literally the first thing anyone knew about this film. What becomes apparent very quickly however is that this film absolutely sucks.
I think I ffwded through the VHS to find the nudity, but don't ever remember actually seeing it because in reality those bits are just two blink-and-you'll-miss-it glimpses of boob. I didn't actually watch the film.
Here in 2023 I discovered the film is available to stream via a site in the states (an English film about London you can't actually watch in the U. K. unless you're silly enough to waste money buying or renting it, lol)
Watching it I wished I'd still got a ffwd button. I persevered though, but the whole thing is absolute s***e. Really unenjoyably low-rate. St Trinians is probably better than this.
Still haven't finished it but I will force myself to. It will be good to know I never have to watch this again. Absolutely awful.
Happiness for Beginners (2023)
Gave me flashbacks to "Buddymoon"
Now for anyone unfamiliar with my mind and memories - there's a film out there called "B********' which has a very similar vibe to this film. But it is also a film that brings back haunting memories because B******** might be the worst film I've ever seen.
This film is utterly simple. You know what's gonna happen, if you are surprised by the direction the plot goes then you might need to see a doctor - it's like someone thought Kimmy Schmitt would work as a serious study of group dynamics... IT DOESN'T!
And now for the good things:
I have a tax bill to pay, I have credit cards to pay, I have invoices to complete and I have eBay messages to catch up on. This film made all that seem enticing. For this I thank everyone involved, so a couple of stars for that :-)
Generation Wealth (2018)
4/10 stars for the 40% that stayed on topic
This is one of docs where you have some really, genuinely interesting people and you begin to get absorbed for the producer to then suddenly whip you away and start a new, and rather bland story about themselves. Occasionally we are back to the 'good' stuff, but again you're taken out of the moment by another pointless tangent about the filmmaker.
And another thing that REALLY grates is that a lot of these people corrupted by money are really only corrupted by their own behaviour. Not everyone wants to earn enough money so they can throw it at a stripper, or so they can buy endless boats they don't need, a fake body, a plastic face, or build a dickhead house that's so big it can't be completed.
Where are the people who earn enough money to pay off their debts, and then settle down and act normal? Where are the people who have a goal - such as a dream home - and then accomplish it and then settle down and act normal. What about the artists who work hard to make a name for themselves and free their time up to indulge in their passions... then settle down and act normal.
What about all these people Lauren?
Big Sky (2020)
I don't understand
I don't get this show. It was really good for about 6 episodes, then it kind of went weird.
Plenty of other reviews have touched on the general issues but there's one thing that particularly bothers from about ep 8 onwards - and that's the two main P. I women who 'solve' the crimes...
So they both basically wander about, go to the same locations to look at the same clues, ponder together over what said clue may mean, both then decide to phone person X or Y and then both decide to head back to the office, where presumably both of them try and print their paperwork at once, with hilarious /annoying consequences.
Problem is that the show doesn't go far enough following this. I would love to see them both fighting over the same sandwich at lunchtime, or both talking at once at the somewhat bemused member of bank staff as they both try and pay in the same cheque.
It's just a totally inefficient!
Luther: The Fallen Sun (2023)
I don't get the reviews that don't get the bad reviews
We were genuinely excited that this was coming out - my fiancé being a big fan of Luther. All Netflix had to do was make something passable and we would have been fairly satisfied, but no - Netflix really are losing their edge in a big way - this was rubbish.
Andy Serkis can't act, Idris Elba can act but it's like he's playing a Luther tribute act. It's just not good.
Also, why won't my phone write "Luther" properly? It's either Lither or Luter... conspiracy theorist in me thinks Netflix and Apple are working together to try and hide ppl from the truth that this is simply a bad film.
What a waste of a bottle of wine! On the plus side we had some nice chips and some baked oysters a did you know tomorrow is Baked Oyster Day?
Back to the film... we'll we turned it off. It's just not believable - especially the stupid 'hacking' scenes where the bad guy can 'hack' anything and it is flawless when he does. It's a very BBC world - you never get a Windows Update when you're a BBC hacker do you? It's always a flawless hack. Try opening outlook or iPlayer though ...
Back to the film... seriously? Do I have to? Everytime I try to talk about this corny piece of rubbish I get distracted, which isn't a great accolade for a film based on one of the most popular series of the last decade. It feels like someone let JK Rowling write a Luther episode and didn't let anyone edit it. Nonsense.
This will be forgotten very quickly.
Bullet Train (2022)
No.
Well, I'm not getting my money back... so here is a review of the first 20 mins:
It's just not very good. Rewatch Snatch, or anything by Tarantino.
"Hold on - you didn't watch the whole film... you can't post a critical review you less you watch the whole thi-"
No. I watched enough to know I wasted £4.99 on a film that is trying to be something it's not. Actually it's trying (very hard) to be something that it is: which is a bad film... with bad characters... and unbearable dialog.
The only positive is that it's broad in how derivative it is - taking in several genres and mashing them up. Unfortunately the result is simply unpleasant to watch. I can handle a popcorn actioner - but this just feels like a pointless flashy waste of time.
Shame - because I paid for it, and I was really expecting it to be good.
Watching Age Of Adeline now instead, which is weird - but better.
Chickens in the Shadows (2010)
Yes - this is a fine movie
The popular clip of the duo performing "Taste The Biscuit" is what whet my appetite to see the full-length feature, and so I did a little detective work (it's currently free on YT) and just finished watching it. They actually perform the song twice in the film, the second time on the sidewalk under a busy flyover.
The music mockumentary is now a well-trod format - pioneered by Spinal Tap, and further honed by Flight Of The Conchords - but there's a rawness and honesty to this piece that feels fresh. The music is first and foremost - which is why it works. Someone really thought about these songs and they weren't just shoe-horned in.
The bit with Moose on on the beach with Toaster's solo piece providing the soundtrack is actually quite a moment. There is hardly any chemistry between anyone and for some reason that works really well here - they are not trying to make anyone like anyone else - it's very natural.
If you like your films irreverent and unusual you'll probably like this, maybe even love it. I can see this being very popular as it finally gets the worldwide attention it deserves.
Bravo Toasters, and bravo Moose 🙌
End of the Road (2022)
Move film, get out the way!
Hard to believe this was the most expensive film Netflix have made so far - consuming a budget of nearly £100,000,000,000 . What was it spent on?
Lol - only joking. This movie was cheap trash. If you want to make an engaging film about racism, you need to put some time and effort into it. What message do you want to make? What solutions are you putting forward? Where is the historical context? Have you considered the motivations behind your characters?
Queen Latifah and Ludacris should take out an injunction against everyone from the production team to ensure nobody else is able to watch this roasted turd, and so they don't have their names associated with it going forward - they can do so much better than this.
Nope (2022)
Good film, but wait til it's cheap to watch
No spoilers here - the film is entertaining in a slow-burn way - but I would like to warn people against falling for the hype.
Paid £15 to watch on streaming, it's certainly not worth that. Maybe £1.99?
There's nothing novel here - just a creature feature set in the Wild West, with a bit of an anti-Hollywood spin on the casting.
Was expecting some kind of meaningful sub-text (after all this is from the house of Get Out) but alas, no. To be honest half the time I was a little lost - up until it actually sort of got going - because a LOT of this film is filler.
The dialog is plain weird. Half the time they mumble - and what you can make out seems to be unrelated to anything that's actually going on in the movie. There's a side plot about a chimp that was the star of an old sitcom - which I guess might be some kind of allegory, but I really don't know - it's just all kind of random.
I feel strangely satisfied by the ending, and I'm actually not too worried about the money and time I'll never get back - perhaps because I'm hoping this review will do that for someone else.
In summary: I really don't know - it's a good film but I still don't know why they made it ... a bit like Jean Jacket I suppose.
The Sandman (2022)
An experiment
Before turning the TV off:
- The plot dragged
- I couldn't really hear what each character was saying
- It was a little confusing
- The special FX were ok
- I didn't really notice the soundtrack
- That Coleman girl reminded me of Dr Who
- I should have been doing something more productive
After turning the TV off:
- The plot literally stopped
- I really, really couldn't hear what each character was saying
- It was a less confusing
- The special FX stopped
- I certainly didn't notice the sound
- The Coleman girl reminded me of Dr Who and I looked online and found out why
- I did something more productive - sleeping.
Mandy (2019)
Toast Of Radcliffe
Took a few episodes to really find its feet - but series 2 really gave me Toast Of London vibes
Mandy as a character is interesting and somewhat aloof. Initially I saw this as a send-up of 'chav' culture, but there definitely more depths to Diane Morgan's comic creation. I'm left wondering if that was the ultimate point of the show, which on the surface has little in the way of an overarching plot - other than to say she tries various jobs / careers and we as viewers are whisked along for the ride...
Loving that the same ensemble cast appears in each episode (ala Toast) - it really is a great bunch of comic talent
The irreverence and strange properties of the world they inhabit kept me chuckling. It's that kind of "this is how the world is - deal with it" kind of comedy - little is explained (very much Toast)
Another Toast-ism is the little details that as a regular you pick up on. Mandy walks on a permanent slant (no idea why) and just thinking about it makes me laugh. The music is on point. Strange cheesy jingle music - perfectly suits the moments Mandy doesn't something that makes perfect sense to her - like cooking her steak bake in a trouser press in a strangers house.
Each episode ends somewhat abruptly - and often without a suitable conclusion. This will probably annoy some people - but fans of Toast will get that it's all about the journey, and the destination is unimportant.
As another review said: try a few episodes to see if it tickles your biscuits. If you like series one you're in for a treat in S2 😅
Great stuff Diane - and I'm glad Mandy finally found her Twix when she made it to Mars 😆
No Time to Die (2021)
James... bombed.
I have to go with a 6. I wanted to do a 7 but it's just the wiping out of the main character at the end that doesn't sit well with me.
The whole point of Bond is that even after the film ends, you are supposed to feel like he is still out there, helping keep us safe.
Mr Bond doesn't retire, he doesn't settle down, he doesn't sire children (despite trying... a lot) and - most importantly by far - Bond doesn't give up.
Which leaves me to the stupid post-credits message: can't kill-off a character and then tell the audience they will be back. That's just beyond stupid.
I absolutely loved Casino Royale, such a good film. It had everything. It felt like the franchise was going to really hit new highs. But gone is the chemistry and the intrigue. Bond isn't turning heads any more when he walks in the room. Bad guys aren't fearful of him, in fact they look more dangerous than he does a lot of the time. Bond gets shot, he looks scared at times and he spends a lot of the film with his guard completely down.
Many of the same characters return from the previous film, too - which just seems a bizarre thing to do - and begs the question: why do films have to be strung together so often these days? I want my Bond films to stand apart - not become a dull sludge of trailing plots from previous features. I thought that these were meant to be films, not episodes.
Don't get me wrong it was a film worthy of a cheap night out at the cinema but it's not the Bond many are expecting.
Zoo (2015)
I'd love to see the lion tie that knot...
This was the only thing missing in episode 2 when they flashed back to the pride dragging that guy into the tree. They should have got one of the cast to don lion-paw gloves and tie the rope and I'm sure it would have really added to the realism.
Other than that a flawless show with powerful performances. The English couple in Slovenia deserve an Oscar - I could really relate with their journey and their struggle (up until the point that the dad got eaten by their pet dog ... ouch).
The show jumps around the planet to well over two different locations, to show how all the earths animals (albeit mostly dogs, cats and lions) develop supernatural powers and handy skills.
Overall I'm just glad that this show is here to warn us that we humans need to learn to be a more dominant species, and that we haven't subjugated animals enough.
Some ignorant folk may state that we've wrecked the environment, but then a show like this comes along and shows us that you only need one lion to learn the clove hitch and we're basically all f*#%*d.
A genuinely stupid programme, but one that I genuinely enjoyed for that very reason.
The Haunting of Hill House (2018)
Don't be fooled
Saw Bly Manor (good), then Midnight Mass (great) and then went back to this as many reviewers of the two sequels mentioned how much better Hill House was.
Well that's just b****cks. Hill House is one of those shows that makes you think the last episode will swing at you with a twist so good that it pulls everything before it into genius alignment (something that kind of happens halfway through the far superior Midnight Mass) - except when the time comes for this to happen you realise you're not even half way through the show, and nothing actually happens - it just slows down to a somewhat depressing crawl.
It's one of those shows where the characters have all the mod cons of modern-day living and have all the privileges of the top 5% of society but then beats you about the head with that irritating "money and comfort isn't everything" mantra that is way too prevalent in dramas these days.
I get it - families are messed up and people don't always find happiness in a big house, a loving family, a dream job or just having plenty of money in the bank to live off - but this is supposed to be a HORROR show, about GHOSTS!
Did someone switch scripts half-way through production?
What a hot mess. Avoid and watch the two subsequent shows where Mike Flanagan really hits the ground running... not this maudlin borefest.
Midnight Mass (2021)
A fine recipe with just the right quantity of a good many ingredients
If this show was a recipe my only warning would be that it takes a long, long time to cook. But - good Lord - it makes a fantastic meal.
Without spoiling anything this is a show about a small, disconnected island and the inhabitants who live there. The community is grounded by their Christian beliefs, but each character has their own degree of involvement.
Without dropping any clues there's a malevolent force that happens by one day. A priest turns up and begins to galvanise the populace, but could the benefits of his arrival be a cover for something far more sinister?
So many times while watching I thought to myself "this show has literally everything in it", but then it took a step further and I was yet again left reeling.
Is it horror? No. It's deeply affecting drama.
Is it scary? Yes - there are a lot of uncomfortable scenes and definately a lot of gore. BUT it's not just for show - it's really well placed
Is it religious? No and yes. It's an existential tale more than anything else - but there's a clever play of faith against belief. I'm not a religious man but I definitely enjoyed it - even the monologues!
Are there long monologues? Yes! But sit back and enjoy them. I guess a little editing would have gone unnoticed but if you really give it time and attention the whole series really does build to a satisfying conclusion, combining the best bits of several genres. I really, really enjoyed this show!
Highly recommended!
The Cleaner (2021)
Thunderstorm advice
PEOPLE OF THE WORLD
Allow me to correct some serious misconceptions about thunderstorms.
I refer to episode 3 of series 1 of The Cleaner - along with countless films and TV series over the years...
Thunderstorms DO NOT announce their arrival with one peel, and then subsequently without fail deliver rain. THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN.
Secondly, when there is visible lightning it HARDLY EVER occurs at the same time as the audible thunder. This could ONLY HAPPEN if there is a direct (or significantly nearby) strike - whichonly comprises at most about 3% of all lightning strikes in a mature storm system.
I REALLY REALLY hope it's possible directors can learn from this information as bad thunderstorm scenes completely ruin shows for me - and there are SO MANY.
I wrote this while episode 3 played in the background - which showed how bothered I was to concentrate.
Regarding the series as a whole - it was okay but a little pointless, somewhat meandering and not very funny. If they had gone the way of something like the Detectorists it would have been good, but it just felt like a waste of time.
I definitely didn't risk laugh cramps on this one.
The Stranger (2020)
Is this where TV drama is headed?
Are there no new stories? Have we REALLY hit the point where there is nothing new to say? Have we finally hit 'peak drama'?
When I read the synopsis about The Stranger (something along the lines of "... dark secrets can't stay hidden forever! Wooo!") I sort of joked to myself that they were aware of how saturated this genre is already and were *hopefully* preparing to wow us with something a little leftfield and exciting... but no. Hard no. It's just the same basic ideas of a hundred other shows, rehashed.
Basically you can pretty much guess - just from the summary - that at least one of the following will happen:
- Someone will reveal to be a father, mother, brother, sister, daughter or son
- Someone will reveal to be gay
- Someone will reveal to be having an affair
- Someone will reveal to be pregnant
and / or
- Someone will reveal to be a murderer
Usually the order or combination of the above is changed for a little bit of excitement, but basically that's it - the future of mainstream drama in four points - all now done to death (no pun intended).
To make things worse they thought that by disguising this soap-flavoured middle-england dramathon as a police procedural it might digest a little easier, but the people with the typewriters at Netflix haven't bothered to put enough hours in at the writing desk to make it work.
The only half-decent character is Katz (Cats?) who brings some quality villainary to the table (and probably only because I've often wondered what Dennis Pennis would be up to these days) but other than him it's a bunch of fleshless characters fumbling their way through 8 episodes of convoluted side-script, culminating in a convoluted hot-mess of a denouement that really doesn't feel like a payoff at all.
Another thing that really grates with this show is the over-the-top lefty politics and tokenism. Listen, I'm liberal as - but even I know that 4 out of 5 couples picked at random from up in the north of england are statistically HIGHLY unlikely to comprise of both a white and black male/female. Come back to me in 2060 and we'll see... but right here and right now in post-pre-Brexit Britain? Who are you trying to fool here?
I'd love it if it were the case - but portraying something like this on-screen as the 'real world' of now, and then expecting us to suspend belief enough to believe it... it's not happening.
I few end-of-ep cliffhangers did get us excited, but as usual the next episode just watered all the tension down again.
Save your time and find something innovative to watch ... if you are lucky enough to find it.
Joker (2019)
Chandler Fleck
I was going to give this film one star but then I discovered the true spirit of the film - that it is the sequel to the series 'Friends', only set 20 years in the future...
Think about it - Ross, Joey, Rachel, Lisa and Courtney have all moved on in their lives and left New York for pastures new, but Chandler has inadvertently moved to Gotham, and now looks after his ageing mother with his glory days seemingly behind him.
Chandler had been practicing his stand-up routine throughout the 90's, but never quite hit the big time. Unfortunately he was burned-out after the tiring and endless series of humorous events - many involving a monkey - which unfolded over 15 heady years in the Big Apple.
In a state of poor health - and suffering from mental trauma - the laughter track in his head has begun to manifest itself as an inappropriate hysteric outburst that he can no longer contain when he gets anxious - so he takes on a job as a clown.
As the price of coffee rises way above inflation, Gotham's new generation of wealthy, white and privileged thirty-somethings begin to get restless, sack and sacks of untouched arabica beans begin to fill the city streets and caffeine addicted 'super-rats' move in. Social order rapidly begins to break down...
Chandler decides he needs to try one last time to get out there and make the world smile again - but this time he has no monkey - and a series of bad gigs throws him way off the rails - leading him into a dark and disturbing new reality.
When viewed for what it actually is - Joaquin Phoenix's turn as the deteriorating Chandler is stellar. It is simply stunning. Gone is the happy-go-lucky flatmate we once giggled at, and in his place is a broken man - one whose ties to his old life are starkly absent.
Robert De Niro's role as Robert De Niro in 'King Of Comedy' was also spot-on, except he much was funnier in the earlier film.
4/10 - because I can't see how Batman is going to fit into the 'Friends' universe
Living with Yourself (2019)
The phone thing
Ok I admit during the pilot I was almost intrigued, but this show contains so many well-worn tropes and bits from other - better - films and series that I really can't bring myself to recommend it to anyone.
The tone is off throughout, the writing particularly uninspired, and the characters have no value at all. The Rudd-on-Rudd scenes were done well, but amidst the rest of the mess that is LWY it kind of becomes a moot point.
The crunch point for us came when his wife rings the better him (the clone - I think) telling him to pick up the dry cleaning (he is on his way to the airport at the time to leave):
(Here follows the main points of discussion and questions raised from the phone scene in the taxi at the end of episode 2)
***
> So, does Sad Rudd actually have his own phone at this point, or are we to assume he gave his phone to Clone Rudd?
It's not clear if he did but this would mean he can no longer run his life, or organise his work.
> Well, maybe the spa gives a cloned phone to each clone?
Clone Rudd has all his photos on the phone, plus the contact stored for Kate. He wouldn't have done this himself, or he would have had to know he was a clone from the outset, so this must be Sad Rudd's phone, or at least a clone of his phone.
> If there was a clone phone, would the two phones share the same number?
Surely not, otherwise the two would engage one another. Ironically Sad Rudd is working on a pitch for a cellular services company. He would potentially have access to the resources to do this, but it doesn't fit into the timeline - so I can't see that he did.
> If they both have phones, do they both ring and do both Rudds answer at the same time?
Surely this couldn't work, because clone Rudd is emotional and sad Rudd isn't. The tone in their voices would be different and Kate would hear the two voices fall out of sync - as Clone Rudd is quite hesitant in his replies.
> Why on earth would Sad Rudd even give Clone Rudd his phone?
Sad Rudd wants rid of Clone Rudd, but there is no reason he would hand over his phone - as an Uber was already booked - and he doesn't want Clone Rudd to interfere any more in his life. It literally wouldn't make any reasonable sense to hand over his phone.
***
As you can tell, this scene raises significant potential issues which have far reaching consequences on the continuity of the show.
We did try and plod on through episode 3, but the damage was already done and we called it a day.
I hope all involved move on to bigger and better things, because - quite frankly - this was rubbish.
Serenity (2019)
Not a good film, but one that's worth watching
Serenity
I'll start this review with a preamble - as it's definitely a film worth going into 'cold' and I wouldn't want any spoilers to be immediately apparent to anyone who hasn't seen it yet (but wants to).
To summarise deftly before I go into any detail: this is a bad film, but a film I consider to be worth watching. As another reviewer commented - it's definitely an entertaining watch. I'd like to add that you'll want to know what others think once you've seen it - so in that respect kudos to the producers for making a film that at the very least makes you use your brain a little and does deliver on certain grounds.
And now for the problems with the film (deep breath)... LOTS OF SPOILERS...
I think the idea of a film shot initially from the perspective of a character in a game is a good one. The issues I have are these:
Firstly... the character shouldn't be linked to a real-life character - namely, the weird idea that MM's fisherman character is somehow an extension to the entity of the real kids father. This doesn't make any sense - is he in some sort of purgatory or afterlife then? Is this forever? Won't he get bored or go mad now he knows the situation he is in and is becoming self aware? How is he psychically linking to the boy if he's only a game character?
Secondly... the self-awareness part doesn't work. If he was just going about his business in a world which didn't make sense to the viewer then the twist would have worked much better - but he shouldn't have any idea that the strange things happening around him are anything out of the ordinary, perhaps a little perplexed when the 'creator' changes things, yes - but remembering his previous life, developing real emotions and questioning the world around him, no!
It's almost as if the director wasn't certain about his intentions and as a result trod too carefully through the majority of the film. The tone of the film is definitely off right from the start (which -again - would work if we were experiencing life from within the 'game' but I'm not sure that's what really was supposed to be what was going on). Because of this slow approach - particularly on the lead-up to the 'big reveal' (and the ham-fisted clues along the way) the denouement clumsily presents itself long after you've pretty much come to your own (invariably correct) conclusion anyway - a bit like being slapped gently in the face with a soft toy fish, rather than being hit head-on by a speeding shark (if you'll excuse the topical analogy here).
I think this nervous approach to producing a piece like Serenity comes at its own expense to the telling of the story, although thankfully the tension and suspense is still carried off rather well - but the premise of the film fails to recover from this point forwards meaning that what could have been a very emotional conclusion to a story involving characters we do have some feelings for just doesn't work and (for me personally at least) I just didn't care enough to feel much by the end, at least for the fisherman.
The kid's story - on the other hand - is quite a powerful one but I also think this suffers from a little bit of over-sentimentality and you just don't feel like you know enough about him by the time his tale reaches it's climax. Is it a tragedy or a blessing that he does what he does in the final stages? Why does his 'father' need to do likewise - supposedly he's not even real!
Supporting characters were good (but the dialogue and acting suffered a bit here, sorry). Wouldn't call Hathaway's character laughable (she's a computer game character so she's bound to play up to the role) but it's a bit phoned-in. The bad guy is bad-by-numbers and in reality I'm sure she wouldn't put up with the relentless abuse, it's just waaaay over the top and he has no redeeming qualities whatsoever).
To wrap-up - the film clearly doesn't know exactly what it's trying to say, and attempts to present a pretty good idea in a variety of stupid ways. As a result you're left feeling a little lukewarm towards any of the characters - no fault to the actors themselves who perform admirably - but in my opinion because the director didn't have enough confidence to execute their story well enough.
6/10 for the acting, the ambition and the technical work, also because I still recommend it as something quite unique and found it entertaining. 4 marks off because it could have been so much better!
Thor: Ragnarok (2017)
Ragna wrong
Oh dear oh dear oh dear.
Where to start?
Well, Thor 1 and Thor 2 were great. Loved those films - as someone previously said - the humour had a place in those films. It was all referential to an individual in an unknown place and out of their depth - and most crucially it was Thor being a dufus and the rest of the world around him playing the 'straight man'.
Now - since Guardians Of The Galaxy was 'apparently' so good - they've gone to town on the funnies, and the plot or any believable emotional response to any event in the film takes a distant back seat.
The result is a boring, unenfaging film. Not to mention confusing.
I'm writing this film as Thor is sitting down talking to the hulk about fire. That's a scene almost exactly half way through the film. I haven't seen 50% of this garbage film yet and i'm Already bored and writing a review. Wow. Hopefully it will save some else the £9.99 Of wastes earnings buying it. Yes BUYING it. Marvel Studios don't even want to let me rent this utter trash.I could write more but the longer my review is, then the more of this film I have to watch.
Forget Thor - in fact forget Marvel Studios, because they don't even understand their own films.
Awful. 1 Star. Avoid
Tangerine (2015)
The Real Transgender Streetwives Of LA
...should have been the title for this film. I'm not a big fan of 'scripted reality' shows and this is basically an SR show made into a feature length film with a few added gimmicks thrown in to get attention.
The film starts abruptly enough, and at this point I was thinking 'ok well judging by the reviews the film obviously has great characterisation or something' but no it just becomes a mess of bitching, swearing, walking about, "cool" music interludes and the protagonists being generally unpleasant to anyone and everyone they meet.
Throw in the fact it's all shot on iPhone - which conveniently excuses the cast for their atrocious acting - and let's not forget the hype generated by the transgender / transsexual angle - and you've got a film which isn't going away in a hurry.
It's great to see trans women - in fact anyone from an LGBT subgroup for that matter - represented on-screen by people from that actual community - but just imagine how much better it would be if they tried to actually act!
I like the fact this film gives a voice and some screen time to otherwise marginalised actors and actresses - but it's done so amateurishly it's impossible to feel anything for any of the characters because they are depicted as either unlikable or just unrealistic human beings. You'll find yourself asking how some of these people made it to adulthood if this is the way they treat each other. Where's the love?
As for this being a Christmas movie, if they didn't feel the need to remind the viewer that 'it's xmas eve!' every 6 mins you would be forgiven for assuming it's the middle of July.
Please... discount the gimmicks and give Tangerine a miss. Maybe someone will do a film like this properly in the future, but for now just avoid this cheap and boring movie.
ALTERNATIVE SUGGESTIONS: Sense8 covered some similar themes and delivered superior performances compared to this tosh - and if you really must watch scripted reality watch something like TOWIE instead... at least in that they respect each other as human beings.
Buddymoon (2016)
Amateurish
I payed £3.49 to watch this. So where's the actual film?
There's no substance here at all.
Instead you get thrown straight into a half-baked 'buddy' movie which is basically a string of failed attempts at clichéd moments stolen from other films (better films - by directors who knew what they were doing).
Very quickly it dawns on you that what you're watching is a couple of real-life friends discovering that making a film actually takes more than just a third person holding an HD camera (and a man with an acoustic guitar who knows a few basic chords and some simple fingerpicking to do the obligatory 'indie soundtrack').
It is at this point you realise that the second lead actor is insanely irritating and the film's only been on for the first 5 mins of its 80 minute runtime. Yikes!
Other catastrophic issues with this 'film':
The 'eccentric' characters they meet along the way are just boring. There's one bloke supposed to be high on mushrooms (oh yeah, haha) and then a bit later there's some campers watching a man playing a guitar. Then there was that group of flutists. Wow, riotous.
The 'pranks' they play on each other are completely unremarkable: "Hohoho he wrote a note for me pretending to be the girl I fancy". Give me a break.
The flashbacks go nowhere. At least have something to offer if your going to bother flashing back - otherwise just leave it out and save the viewer some mins.
The core story isn't at all fleshed out and is basically ignored for most of the movie. This means for the most part the viewer is watching a movie without a plot.
There's no humour in this film. None. It's not a funny film. It's not a comedy. Why did they call it a comedy?
The drinking and drug taking scenes were so lame I actually forwarded through one of them.
I keep asking myself why I'm wasting time writing this review. It's because this feature is not a film. If you read about it it's actually a vanity project by the two leads during 10 days they weren't working on other stuff. They went for a forest walk and then realised it needed a plot. It's a glorified home video.
It's well photographed I guess so if you like to not laugh but to look at scenery - and pay to do so - be my guest.
I'm hoping I can stop people from watching this and spend their precious mins on something interesting instead.
The Wolf of Wall Street (2013)
A pointless and crass film.
Well ... yawn.
Here we have yet another Leo Dicaprio film where Leo Dicaprio plays Leo Dicaprio channelling someone or other and probably getting an Oscar as a result.
I am sick to the back teeth of Leo Dicaprio films these days. He's not the only actor in the world. He's not even a particularly good character actor any more, as he always plays the same person in all his films. And all the films he's in seem to be about him.
This aside, WOWS is a bad film. It's a long, long film. Seriously I don't think it was edited. It's a film that portrays a disgusting, degenerate, greed-driven conman who actually ruined the lives and futures of many, many REAL hard working people. And now he makes money while you watch this sordid bit of propaganda which essentially walks you through how he enjoyed wasting these ill-gotten gains and having sex and basically groping women along the way.
But wait - this is where it mis-steps once again. He doesn't even ENJOY wasting the money he conned out of these people. In fact the film seems to be a walk-through of the life of a man who has everything, but isn't happy - at all - with his lot.
Okay okay already! I get it - very rich and privileged people want you to know that it's a serious burden being rich. Wow, er ... thanks?
That is literally the only point or message I can think to take away from this film.
So if this sounds good to you - well - be my guest and add another wad load of cash to this guy's pension fund. I'll let you decide if you think anybody involved with this film deserves it.
I've already made my mind up.