Change Your Image
xxxneon
Reviews
Visioneers (2008)
Quirky, hilarious at times, with more compassion than I was expecting
MasterMath® Reviews ... Visioneers If you work at Jeffers Corp., your life's a mess even if you DON'T explode. The first fifteen minutes of this film are absolutely hilarious. If that had been sustained throughout the entire film, this would've been the best comedy I'd seen in years, hands downMonty Python-esquire, but more consistent in quality. And yet, it gradually becomes apparent that isn't what this film is really about. It goes off in a direction I wasn't expecting. Not a bad direction, mind youone that was just softer, compassionate, more introspective, though rather less focused. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
George Washington Winsterhammerman (Zach Galifianakis) works as a Level 3 tunt at the Jeffers Corporation, in the same room as Cindy (Fay Masterson) and Todd (Chris Coppola). No, I'm NOT going to tell you what a tunt is. Jeffers is the friendliest, most profitable corporation in the history of mankind. You'll love the 'Jeffers morning' greeting. Charisma (Mía Maestro) on Level 4 sends the day's workload to George via pneumatic tube, on which is a Post-It® with a smiley face. The PA system then announces, 'Mike won't be in today, he exploded last night in his garage, there will be an announcement.' Cindy's reaction is, 'He didn't seem like the type to explode.' The PA system has further announcements, each more bizarre than the last. After Charisma leaves, Cindy gets promoted to Level 4 goob. That's largely the extent of the scenes at Jeffers Corp., other than the large teddy bears on everyone's desk, after the exploding becomes an epidemic. All the tunts have to fill out a questionnaire on their relationship with their teddy bear.
George becomes increasingly disillusioned with work and with the meaning of life itself. His wife, Michelle (Judy Greer), becomes obsessed with a TV talk show and a self-help book, 10,000 Things to Be Happy About. Then his brother Julien (James LeGros, of Ally McBeal fame) arrives. His primary activities are pole vaulting in the back yard and assembling a Woodstock-esquire band of misfits. Jeffers (D.W. Moffett) himself stops by to find out what is wrong with George and how / if he can make it right. Charisma is now a waitress in a coffee shop WAY off the beaten path. George begins spending a lot of time with her, and less with his increasingly distant wife. I can't quite put my finger on precisely what the latter part of the film is about, but it's certainly worthwhile for you to give it a shot.
Galifianakis is outstanding as a man trying to fit in, both at work and at home, who becomes more and more desperate in his efforts to maintain the status quo. Maestro gives a quiet yet mesmerizing performance as the dark-haired woman with an unknown past and uncertain future, whom we want to learn more about. And Moffett is ably authoritative as the head of a large corporation, yet kind and personable when circumstances dictate.
During the Q&A after the film, Jared said there were eighteen days filming primary and four second unit. On working with his brother on the film, he said, 'We love working together, but it's hardwe argued, but we trusted each other.' According to Moffett, 'This is the kind of script that doesn't get made.' Obviously, he was glad it was made. Jared to Coppola at the audition, upon the latter asking which scene he should read: 'Let's just work on the walk.' Coppola thought he was getting punked. Not! MasterMath® is a registered trademark of W. G. Raley.
Wellness (2008)
A stunning dark and downbeat portrait of a man in a business which doesn't exist
MasterMath® Reviews ... Wellness Thomas Lindsay (Jeff Clark) is a dedicated, hard-working, tireless employee of the Wellness Corp. All of which takes on special significance when one realizes said business doesn't actually exist. His boss (Paul Mahaffy, the director's real-life father) explains proper sales technique to Tom during a training session in the former's car in a parking lot: When asked what the product is, say there's different levels. When asked about assets, say there's factories and real estate. Say you're going to the headquarters building tomorrow.
There's also levels within the corporation: regional manager, district supervisor and manager, business unit manager, the latter making $400K a year. It's left as a mystery how many employees there actually are. We gradually learn Wellness is an actual, physical product, with alleged pharmaceutical properties, though what these are seems to vary from scene to scene and from one potential customer to the next.
Without giving away too much of the plot, let me just say that the scenes of Tom getting his bonus; renting a car; buying photocopies; phoning his wife; phoning HQ to inquire why his product shipment hasn't arrived; and running an important sales seminar are all entertaining in their own fingernails on a blackboard sort of way. His conversation with a blue collar city worker in the field about his failed attempt to get in to see the mayor is simply priceless. And the images of cattle watching him cut down a hornets nest on the side of a snow-covered road, and of the solitary figure of him wheeling his suitcase down a lonely country road, speak volumes as to who he is and what he's about.
This film doesn't drag, which isn't easy when there's often only one actor on camerathe level of interest and anticipation is consistent throughout. By the endhell, ten minutes inyou have such an emotional attachment to this guy, you want to jump out of your seat, pound on the screen and yell, 'Hey dudeWellness doesn't exist!' As to the script, according to director Mahaffy, 'We made it up as we went along.' I asked him, 'How did you come up with so many bad things to happen to this guy?' He replied, 'It was really easy. Jeff didn't know how it was going to end. I told the rest of the cast to screw with him.' In other words, this is metascrewing. I'm not sure that's a word, but that's what's going down herescrewing with an actor above and beyond the screwing of his character in the script. Clark gives a top-notch performance as a clueless yet decent guy, trapped 24 / 7 in the ultimate job from hell. He was in Mahaffy's film, War, and has done improv on his own, but has no formal training in acting. BTW, Paul Mahaffy actually collects hornet nests.
The sad part is, there ARE businessmen very much like this one, MANY of them. In businesses which barely exist. It was tough to watch this guy throwing his life away and not even knowing it. And yet, I'd gladly watch the film again. Is it wrong to feel that way? I'm reminded of the Mel Brooks line, that tragedy is when I get a paper cut, and comedy is when you fall down a flight of stairs.
For a low-budget indie film, it doesn't feel like that at all. Given that, and the fact that a single camera was used, the cinematography of outdoor scenes and the numerous indoor shooting locations is simply outstanding. In the end, this downbeat, sometimes dark portrait of a man is truly stunning. It needs to be seen by anyone in business. And by everyone else.
MasterMath® is a registered trademark of W. G. Raley.
Go Go Tales (2007)
If you speak French, you'll find looking for inconsistencies in the subtitles more entertaining than what's going on on screen
If you speak French, you'll find looking for inconsistencies in the subtitles more entertaining than what's going on on screen. For any good film, I take well over a page of notes. For this one, I took less than half a page. 'Nuff said? Perhaps not. How can a film with Willem Dafoe as a strip club owner, and with Bob Hoskins, be boring? Well, this one is. How disappointing. Dafoe does more acting (and we learn more about his character) in the first scene of To Live and Die in L.A. than he does in this entire film. Dafoe as Ray Ruby, owner of the Paradise Club; Hoskins as the Baron (greeter / maître d' / bouncer); and Matthew Modine as Johnnie Ruby, the Salon King are nothing special here. On the other hand, Sylvia Miles as landlady Lilian Murray; and Stefania Rocca as Debby, a dancer who is also a screenwriter, are decent and believable.
As to the plot, there isn't much of onenothing out of the ordinary happens here, nothing unexpected. There's no more conflict, no more actual heartfelt emotion at Ray's Paradise Club than there is at your own neighbourhood bar or pool hall. When a hundred seconds of plot are stretched out to a hundred minutes of film, that is NOT 'a good thing.' Likewise when any five minutes of a film look essentially the same as any other five minutes.
The sole exception is Selena Khoo as Leila, a dancer who is also an accomplished pianist. She should've been on screen a half hour more than she was. Oh well, maybe in the sequel. Oh, whom am I kidding? There isn't going to be a sequel. God, I hope not.
South of Heaven (2008)
as far off the path from a traditional Western as you can getmore offbeat than your wildest dreams
MasterMath® Reviews ...
Talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time! Dale Coop (Aaron Nee), fresh out of the Navy, has the misfortune to return to his brother Roy's (Adam Nee) San Francisco apartment right before two thugs named Teddy (Thomas Jay Ryan, Jon Gries) show up. At first, they don't believe he isn't his brother. And then, they don't carethey just want to vent their boss's wrath on someone with that surname. When you work for a guy named Bobo, there's a strong incentive to get results. The tall one's a tad nicer than the other, but when your blood's spilling out like heat over the desert, you often miss such minute details. And to think, all Dale wanted to do was write the great American novel, The Last Stand, then relax in the lap of luxury the rest of his life. Instead, he's tortured for information he doesn't have. That's never 'a good thing.'
A mysterious dark-haired stranger in the person of Veronica (Elina Löwensohn, of the Seinfeld "The Gymnast" episode fame) arrives. She tends Dale's wounds, provides a ready ear to his dreams and a shoulder to cry on. But like everyone in this film except Dale, she is NOT who she seems to be. She's right about one thing, thoughthe two of them have to find Roy before 'they' do.
Cut to Roy and Mad Dog Mantee (Shea Whigham) at the latter's hideout off Highway 301. They've kidnapped a young girl, Lulu (Lena Hill), who isn't doing well. Roy tries to ease her pain, with dire consequences. You see, Roy is nearly as scared of Mad Dog as Lulu is, with good reason. And yet, Mad Dog is NOT a mindless barbarian. His moves are calculated, his every action designed to keep in balance his somewhat skewed sense of right and wrong. In his own words, 'I'm not crazyI'm just mad.' An aside: Mad Dog's fable of the dancing chicken is worth the price of admission alone.
After Lulu is, well, out of the picture, Mad Dog and Roy are on the run. They wind up at a place called Union's Roost in South of Heaven, TX. The owner, Rooster (Joe Unger), owes Mad Dog big timewell, at least three times, by the latter's math. Rooster lives there with his daughter, Lily (Diora Baird), whom he adopted, to use the term very loosely. She's basically subservient to the others, but she's got a good heart and a good head on her shoulders. She can think on her feet and act decisively when she has to. And believe me, she indeed has to. For example, when the character now known as Nobody arrives to settle old scores. They get settled all rightthe HARD way. It may seem like there's no way all this could possibly tie together in the end, but trust meit does.
Warning: these characters will grab ahold of you and NOT LET GO! The minimalist sets, especially the cheesy Western backdrop, serve to draw you in to them. The lack of long or outdoor shots results in slices of this claustrophobic world being all the characters see, and hence, all that WE see. But that's all we NEED to see. When you're looking into people's souls, you don't care if the background is Hoover Dam, the Grand Canyon or the loneliest road in America in northern Nevada, in the vicinity of the Pawn Daddy pawn shop.
The whole production, with its disparate scenes, and with characters in one set seldom interacting with those in others, comes off more as a play than it does a film, to good effect. According to the director, this look and feel was intentional. Everything is punctuated by Russ Howard III's unobtrusive yet mesmerizing score. Excellent performances all around, especially Whigham, who appears to have been playing Mad Dog every day of his life. In person, he's quite a nice guyno, really. The real life brothers Nee fit their respective roles like matching gloves, and Baird, though her character's subdued compared with the rest, is strong as a woman who's tougher and smarter than she looks.
Make no mistakethis is a VIOLENT film. But heywhen you create strong characters with unsavoury pasts, well, that's pretty much unavoidable. South of Heaven is as far off the path from a traditional Western as you can getmore offbeat than your wildest dreams. And WAY more entertaining.
MasterMath® is a registered trademark of W. G. Raley.
Daredevil (2003)
Garner + some decent action overcome Daredevil's recklessness and the numerous faux pas - barely.
(some spoilers)
If you're a systems analyst like me, I hope you're addicted to Daredevil comic books or have a severe crush on Jennifer Garner. Otherwise you're gonna be in for some major disappointment in this one. If you're not a systems analyst, you'll probably like it.
Matt Murdock (Ben Affleck) was blinded by toxic waste as a child, which immensely heightened his remaining senses. He's now a mild-mannered defence attorney, possibly as breathtaking to female audience members as Elektra Natchios (Garner) was to me.
OK. As Matt's boxer dad would say, now the gloves come off. I truly lost count of all the credibility gaps, stereotypes and continuity faux pas. This film is a textbook example of what horror writer Tom Monteleone calls an idiot plot-if everyone didn't act like idiots, there wouldn't BE a plot.
To wit: after he loses a rape case, Matt exacts his own revenge on the perp. But he starts this in a crowded club, killing several total strangers, while the bad guy gets away! He catches up with him later and kills him. Guilt by association and don't worry about the punishment fitting the crime-what a nice lesson for young people.
The villain (the Kingpin) and his yes-man give performances as deep as comic book paper. We never learn what Elektra does for a living, other than practice martial arts and prance around like your typical atypical billionaire's daughter. Her dad, who works for the Kingpin, wants out. Yeah sure, pal. At a fancy party, Kingpin basically tells the guy he's going to kill him; then when he leaves in a limo, he takes NO evasive action whatsoever. Duh! Could someone please tell me why the driver and another guy in the front seat (who are obviously Kingpin's employees) are killed also? Thought not. Then Elektra inexplicably removes the murder weapon from her dad's chest before making sure he's dead (something even first-year ER viewers know not to do) and despite abundant evidence to the contrary, thinks Daredevil killed her father!
Had enough? No wait-it gets worse. The director must've had a fixation about full moons. Even though the action takes place over several weeks, it's ALWAYS a full moon. Uh huh. That it rains a lot is fine. That Elektra is the first woman Daredevil has taken to the rooftop whose views he loved as a child is fine. That in the middle of a thunderstorm, she expresses amazement that he sensed it was about to start raining ISN'T. He hears the words "Kingpin" and "gun" from the street below and says he has to go help. Elektra pleads with him to stay. I confess I'D rather go inside and have sex with Jennifer Garner than fight crime, but I don't think Daredevil should shirk his duties in such a fashion.
Quiz time: why is a murder weapon in the morgue and not a police evidence locker? Why is a dagger bloody when pulled out of one person but not when pulled out of another? Heightened senses are one thing, but how does Daredevil recover in a matter of minutes from being stabbed though the heart? On a related note, why is it that in scenes later that night, his suit doesn't have a hole in it? And why does Daredevil say he's been waiting years to deal out justice to the Kingpin, when it was some OTHER kingpin who had his father killed? By the way, if the Daredevil is so interested in helping the little guy, why is he so wanton about property damage?
Some friendly advice to the players: Ben, read the script next time. And Jen, don't quit your day job. I was far more interested in the CREDIBLE performances of Colin Farrell as Bullseye the hitman and Joe Pantoliano as Ben Urich the reporter.
Overall, the pluses slightly outweigh the minuses. The stunts are good (though not spectacular) and the visual and sound effects are top-notch. The pacing is decent and the obligatory material on Daredevil's genesis is handled well. But some of the "action" sequences were downright boring. And then there's the avenge this, revenge that and never mind how many innocent people get hurt "plot." How original. And is it just me or does having Garner wear EXCLUSIVELY outfits that show off her cleavage come off as gratuitous? Even a bad episode of Alias is more interesting than this fare. If you've got some on tape and have a big-screen TV, call me.
Siu Lam juk kau (2001)
Truly an AWESOME film-Shaolin not only rules, it rocks!
(some spoilers)
Shaolin is a renowned martial arts temple in China, as well as a philosophy of body and mind. Think combining it with soccer is an oxymoron? Not here. Not by a long shot.
Fung a.k.a. Golden Leg (Ng Man Tat) was a champion player once. Then he missed a penalty kick in a big game. In the ensuing riot, the crowd broke his leg and his career was over.
Fast forward twenty years. Fung is now a lowly equipment manager for Hung, who is coach of Team Evil. Fung's life is going nowhere. That is, until he meets Sing (Stephen Chow), a guy who can't even scrape together 60¢ to buy a couple of sweet steamy buns. But he has the physical prowess of a dragon and a heart pure as jade. He is known as Mighty Steel Leg.
Sing befriends Mui (Vicki Zhao), who works at the bakery. Despite the severe skin damage on her face, he tells her she's beautiful. With her hands and the filmmaker's eyes, even the everyday task of making sweet steamy buns becomes a work of art.
Then Fung, along with Sing and his father, Iron Head (Wong Kai Yue), set about the daunting task of cajoling Sing's former classmates into forming a soccer team. The national tournament is coming up soon and first prize is a million dollars.
But the road they must travel first is as long as it is rocky. Like an ancient Chinese proverb says, it is not wise to cross a chasm in two leaps. Following some dismal practice sessions, Fung arranges a match against a group of local thugs. After being decimated by them early on, both physically and in the score, Fung's guys apply discipline, use shaolin and learn to work as a team. When the game is over, their opponents are so impressed, they agree to join them.
Then the time for the tournament arrives. Sing's friendship with Mui has deepened, though she had hoped it would be something more. By this time, she has transformed herself both physically and mentally into the beautiful young woman Sing always knew she was.
Hung laughs out loud when Fung's team enters the tournament. But much to his surprise and consternation, the team wins their early matches handily. However, in the semi-final match against the all-female Team Dragon, the time for fun and games has ended and they realize they're facing players who are their equals in both ability and desire. The match is a close one, but Fung's team prevails.
The night before the final match, Sing visits the bakery to give Mui a ticket to it, but discovers she no longer works there, for a very compelling reason. But he hasn't seen the last of his friend, who has slowly learned to respect herself as much as does Sing.
The setting for the final game is auspicious-Fung's team is no longer playing before a stadium empty except for the cleaning crew, but for one packed with tens of thousands of fans. The performances of Shi Zi Yun and Cao Hua as Team Evil's center and goalkeeper are noteworthy. The former's shots are as forceful and inventive as Sing's; nothing phases the latter-he doesn't blink, he's totally unconcerned and getting the ball past him is next to impossible.
So, do our heroes surmount the staggering odds and win the tournament? I'm not going to tell you, not only because that's the one rule I have in writing reviews, but because it doesn't matter. This film isn't about winning or losing. It's about the game. And the love of it. And the heart that goes into playing it at this level.
This film has an intenseness to it that can't be overlooked or ignored or forgotten. Kind of like playing Rush CDs over and over with the bass turned up to ten. I honestly lost count of the times I said "Oh my God" at the crispness of the cinematography as well as the special effects. Some may consider them overbearing, gratuitous or even unnecessary-and Sir Isaac Newton might object to the laws of physics being broken-but not me. Call it poetic licence. Or just call it shaolin.
Is this an action/adventure film or a romantic comedy? It's both. Despite its alternate title, Kung-Fu Soccer, I don't really consider this a kung fu movie; it transcends that genre. Though they number in the hundreds, the digital special effects are not the star of this film. Neither is Chow or Zhao. Shaolin is. And shaolin not only rules, it rocks. Is this film a fantasy? Sure it is, pure and simple. Though sometimes fantasy can not only entertain, but inspire the most awesome of realities.
The only real complaint I have with this film is that I wish it had been longer, e.g., in the interactions between Sing and Mui and in the semi-final tournament game. This film will keep you on the edge of your seat, despite its lacking drugs, nudity, profanity and having minimal violence-no small feat, that. Even though it was shot in China with an all-Chinese cast, this didn't feel like a foreign film. I guess that's due to soccer's universal appeal. Shaolin itself isn't universal, of course. Then again, perhaps it should be.
Shanghai Knights (2003)
The action and romance fortunately overshadow the so-so plot.
(some spoilers)
Three continents, three heroes, one quest-recover the imperial seal of China, which has been stolen from the Forbidden City. Chon Lin (Fann Wong) sees her father, the keeper of the seal, killed. With his dying breath, he gives Lin a puzzle box containing a message for her brother Chon Wang (Jackie Chan). When word reaches him in Carson City, NV, he ditches his job as sheriff and goes to New York to enlist the help of his friend Roy (Owen Wilson)-whose personal integrity and a dollar wouldn't get you a cup of coffee even back in 1887. Chon's sure he's settled down and is no longer a womanizer. Yeah right.
Chon and Roy go to not-so-merry old England to join forces with Lin, who has followed the killer there-Wu Yip (Donnie Yen). His benefactor is Lord Rathbone (Aidan Gillen); it's a you scratch my ruler ambitions and I'll scratch yours kind of thing. Our trio is assisted by Scotland Yard detective (Tom Fisher) and a street urchin named Charlie Chaplin (Aaron Johnson).
The basic premise here is solid, but the plot elements oscillate between overbearing, predictable and incredulous. Also, the numerous historical references come across as gratuitous and the '60s music on the soundtrack is (duh) out of place. Did I mention the continuity faux pas involving the brandy carafe?
That said, the action sequences are up to Chan's usual standards and the romantic angle between Lin and Roy is handled quite well. While Chan's and Wilson's performances are decent, Wong's dynamic onscreen persona steals the show. Despite its flaws, this one is worth a look. Now if we could just get Chan, Wong and Jennifer Love Hewitt in the same flick ....
P.S. Your Cat Is Dead! (2002)
Guttenberg definitely puts the noir in film noir.
(spoilers)
Poor guy-he's having a bad day, on New Year's Eve, no less. But that's typical karma for Jimmy Zoole (Steve Guttenberg). Come to think of it, he had a pretty bad year, too, even by bad-aspiring-actor/writer standards. Yes, life has kicked him hard and repeatedly in his not-so-golden globes. Trust me, if the highlight of your year is a one-man show of Hamlet with puppets, you're in need of some serious help.
Guttenberg tells us all this in the opening voice-over, piquing both our interest and our sympathy. Well, WHAT ELSE can go wrong? we wonder. Plenty. His best friend died a while back and his girlfriend Kate (Cynthia Watros) is leaving him, moving out and spending New Year's Eve with new beau Fred (Tom Wright) instead. Ouch! And that's just the start of Jimmy's misery. Did I mention he's being evicted? All he wants to do is go home, make a TV dinner and go to bed. Uh uh. Before we're done, his cat dying will seem like GOOD NEWS, relatively speaking.
Kate walks in on a burglary, the third to hit Jimmy in recent months (yep, same guy each time). Eddie the thief (Lombardo Boyar) astutely hides in the closet while Kate leaves a Dear John letter (with that bummer of a P.S.). Then Jimmy comes home and they get into a fight about his Aunt Claire (Shirley Knight), his liking to be alone and a couple dozen other things.
So Kate leaves. Then Jimmy finds Eddie hiding under the bed and just plain loses it-he ties up Eddie (he's so pathetic, he doesn't even have rope and duct tape to do it properly). Then he steps out to put in an obligatory appearance at his aunt's party. She gives him his monthly support check but balks at providing front money for any more writing projects (good move, I say).
Number one on Jimmy's angst list is the fact that Eddie previously stole the novel he wrote. To make up for that, when he gets back, he proceeds to interview the guy (I told you he wasn't thinking straight). Eventually, they arrive at a sort of camaraderie, kind of a male Vampire Lesbians of Sodom. He comes to regret inviting over Crazy Carmine (A.J. Benza) and a couple of his pals. I'm not gonna say what THEIR idea of "fun" is, but it makes Jimmy's previous tales of woe pale by comparison.
Watros is ideal as the kind, misunderstood, yet subject to random rants and raves girlfriend. Alas, she's onscreen less here than in an episode of Titus; but considering what goes down in that apartment, perhaps that's for the best.
Guttenberg utilizes a nice, slow pacing throughout, the soothing jazz and opera strains playing a nice counterpoint to the building tension. I was left wishing the relationship between Jimmy and Eddie, two opposites that somehow attract, had been explored further. Maybe in a sequel-P.P.S. Your Girlfriend's Still Gone, perhaps. The confinedness and isolation of the apartment are palpable and reminiscent of Rear Window. In this sordid downward spiral of a tale, Guttenberg definitely puts the noir in film noir.
Just Married (2003)
That '70s Show's Kelso goes on a European vacation.
(slight spoilers)
This is your somewhat typical NOT quite so happily ever after tale. Tom Leezak (Ashton Kutcher) fears he has ruined his wonderful ten-month relationship with Sarah McNerney (Brittany Murphy) by marrying her. An aside: throughout the whole movie, I felt I was watching Kutcher's alternate persona, Michael Kelso from Fox's That '70s Show. But here, said typecasting is actually a good thing. Murphy, on the other hand, is pleasantly the diametric opposite of her role in the soon-to-be-released Spun.
The onscreen chemistry between these two is both admirable and believable. Tom's a radio star. Sort of. OK, so he's a second-string graveyard shift traffic reporter. Big diff. Sarah's a gofer at Sotheby's and the sweetheart of a family that's rich with a capital R. Did I mention how snooty they were?
But as with any decent romantic comedy, we got conflict. Once their European honeymoon begins, things start to go horribly wrong, even before they run out of money. The spectacular scenery of the French Alps and Venice serve as a nice counterpoint to their misadventures. Some tense moments pass before they realize honesty is the best policy regarding their respective alleged indiscretions.
There's plenty more sight gags than those in the trailer, some of which are laugh-out-loud hilarious. I've been to Venice and believe me, it was heartwarming to see the pigeons in the Piazza San Marco give someone else a hard time.
That said, the plot drags noticeably in places and the segues between serious and comic moments are frequently uneven. But some of the slow scenes DO work: Tom and Sarah's revelations when they open up to each other; and memorable the heart-to-heart talk Tom gets from his dad (Raymond J. Barry). Tom subsequently passes on the lesson to his father-in-law (David Rasche).
So do they live happily ever after? See for yourself.
Morvern Callar (2002)
This one's dark even by my standards.
(some spoilers)
I generally don't care for the practice of movies and TV series using as a title the name of the main character. I'll let it slide here, seeing as this film is about little else. Let me state up front this film is DARK (not something I say lightly or often). If you don't like the sight of blood, don't go see this one (metaphorically speaking, since there isn't THAT much blood).
Samantha Morton is captivating in the title role. As the film opens, she awakens to find her boyfriend James dead on the floor, having slit his wrists. As if a plumpish, marginally cute supermarket checker needed something else to worry about. Yet she DOESN'T worry-she just gets on with her life, like she was expecting this. She doesn't even bother phoning the police. Too busy getting dressed up for a dimly-lit club and its population of wasted blokes, I reckon.
Morvern likes fire, darkness and solitude-the unholy trinity of Scottish Goth chicks. She DOES like hanging out with her best mate, though. Kathleen McDermott is believable and sympathetic as the semi-innocent girl next door type, Lanna. Several days after the suicide, Morvern tells her James has gone off to another country. Did I mention she hasn't bothered to move the body yet?
The READ ME on his PC refers to an onscreen suicide note. In addition to the standard "it wasn't your fault, I love you" fare, it mentions a novel on diskette and a list of publishers to send it to. Morvern doesn't hesitate at typing over his name on the manuscript with her own (I thought only people in Hollywood did that). The deliberateness with which she taps the Delete key is downright unnerving. Then she mails it and puts it out of her mind. You'd think she might make a backup copy of that diskette, but obviously her brain isn't operating on Windows XP Pro (or even DOS).
It turns out Lanna had a bit of a fling with James. In a fine piece of cinematography, when she's lying in bed explaining this to Morvern, the shadows of the trails of raindrops on the window run down her face like tears. Then the two of them go off to Spain on holiday in search of more dimly-lit clubs, more strobe lights, different guys. You realize by this point that despite the interjection of some actual sunlight into the outdoor scenes, things AREN'T going to get much more cheerful for our doom-laden duo, if any. A nice guy Morvern meets in room 1022 says, "Stay and talk to me." She responds, "I can tell you about my foster mum's funeral if you like." Um, no thanks.
The next morning, for no reason at all-her usual modus operandi-Morvern announces they're checking out of the hotel. They get someone to drive them deep into the interior of the country. They get caught up in a running of the bulls festival, Lanna loses her luggage and then they go for a walk and proceed to get lost even further into the middle of nowhere. Once it gets dark, the night's creatures and sounds arrive. In other words, a perfect time to finish that chat about James.
In the middle of the night, Morvern writes Lanna a note and leaves her to fend for herself. From a phone booth on the coast the next morning, she rings London about the book. As quickly as you can say cha-ching, two of the publisher's reps fly out to talk turkey with her over tea and light refreshments. Morvern explains the creative process behind her "writing" the novel, then asks, "Is that OK?" The reps fall for it and are especially pleased with one aspect of her situation: "That's how we like it-no agents."
Morvern remains expressionless when they tell her how much she's going to be paid-not much, it appears. Then they tell her it's that many THOUSAND pounds. Oh. They then ask about her new material, what's she's working on next. "I'm on holiday," she says. Good answer.
Incredibly, when Lanna finally gets home, she isn't mad at Morvern, since she met a mental bloke from Leeds who made it all better. Huh? In the end, Morvern thinks she needs even MORE change in her life and announces she's moving to London. Lanna has to decide whether to follow her best friend one more time or stay with everyone else familiar to her.
For a film this quirky, a fair amount of the action was predictable. And in places, it wasn't just about confused characters-it was confusing itself and lacked focus. The club scenes looked like a less tightly-written version of Liquid Sky.
The whole trip to Spain came across as totally unnecessary; the two could've gotten wild like that with blokes in town (or maybe Blackpool if they didn't want any of their friends to know). I'd have much rather that time been spent with Morvern actually READING the novel, thinking about why James wrote it and talking her way out of a few more probing questions from the publisher.
But perhaps the film's unevenness simply mirrors life itself. It has a grittiness like sand in your hair, only you can't brush it away. Not to mention an atmosphere more downbeat than an episode of EastEnders-no easy feat, that. A lot of the impact of this film is beneath the surface. The unshown scenes, the implied ones, speak as loudly as those which are present.
Morvern is often seen in railway stations, airports and on roads. But she never knows where she's going and she's probably better off that way. I wouldn't want to participate in her adventures, but they are definitely worth watching. Hmmm, I wonder if the Academy® has an Oscar® for Best Gloom....
Love Liza (2002)
By the time the movie was half over, I didn't care if he opened the letter or not.
(some spoilers)
I can usually tell how good a film is based on its trailer. This one was no exception, but I went to see it anyway.
Before she shot herself in the head, Liza wrote Wilson Joel (Philip Seymour Hoffman) a suicide note. But he can't bring himself to read it. He takes time off work (aerospace, website design or some such) to go on holiday to chill out. And, apparently, to strategize how he'll alienate and lie to anyone who tries to help him through his crisis. This includes his mother-in-law, Mary Ann (Kathy Bates), who alternates between being nice and getting in the way.
His brother-in-law, Denny (Jack Kehler), is into remote control planes, boats and cars, so he pretends to be, also. Turns out his true interest is the fumes. Alas, the majority of dialogue in this picture is Wilson pleading with gas station attendants and hobby shop owners to get more of the stuff and throwing hissy fits with them and the authorities when things don't go his way. That and a debate on New Orleans's lack of beaches. To his credit, he does buy a couple planes along the way. Did I mention he sleeps on the floor because it's "a place [he] found" and he goes to the zoo to see the sun bears?
Depressing fare, this, but NOT in a meaningful sort of way. By the time the movie was half over, I didn't care if he opened the letter or not. If you ask me, his wife was better off dead. Not only that, I already knew what the major plot "twist" near the end was going to be.
Hoffman and Bates's performances are upstaged by Sarah Koskoff in the role of Wilson's boss, Maura, and by two teenage fumes addicts (Daniel Farber and Kelli Garner). Under the aegis of misery loves company, Wilson gives them gas and fuel so they can get high. At first, he recommends they just get drunk instead, to which one replies, "We don't like it." Sounds reasonable to me.
Good movies should tell a story-one with a beginning, a middle and an end. This one's all middle and a muddling one at that. If I'd have said "What?" at every non-credible event herein, I'd have been thrown out of the theatre. Wilson NEVER thinks clearly, which for a high-tech go-getter, not even his depression and his fumes can account for. Even when I've had a whole pitcher of Coors Light, I can still shoot a mean game of pool, operate a jukebox and carry on a normal conversation.
If you're looking for scenery in a feature film, you'll need to look elsewhere. Prescott, AR and Slidell, LA are not exactly my idea of location, location, location. And to think if they'd gone a few miles farther east on I-10, they could've used the spectacular bridge over Lake Ponchatrain. Oh well.
Then there's the soundtrack. For easy listening music in a film to be overbearing isn't, well, easy. But here it is, every single time. Where's Enya when you need her? She obviously decided to stay away after reading the script.
The main consideration for me in rating films is memorability and this one just doesn't have it. It's good I'm writing this down, since a week from now I couldn't tell you what the heck this movie was about.