theENK Reviews

Elephant (2003)

A failure and disaster words cannot describe

[1/10 · 8 June 2004]

Elephant is without a shadow of a doubt, one of THE worst movies I have ever seen. I understand that I am making a very bold statement you hear all the time from others, especially review authors on IMDb.com, but I cannot stress the seriousness of my statement regardless.

Where do I start? First of all, absolutely NOTHING happens 52 minutes into the movie. NOTHING. All that is shown is pointless and unconvincing plot. NOTHING interesting. The camera follows around a few characters for the purpose of building sympathy or some kind of emotional connection to them. When crappy direction and hardly any script or even plot is involved, it becomes a big bore fest that leaves the viewer angered and frustrated with impatience. All that happens within these 52 minutes is very limited plot interrupted by long, long, long, long, long, and pointless scenes of NOTHING. For example, the scene of a girl walking across the gym, guys playing football, people walking down the hallway, two kids driving, and one of the kids developing pictures in a photo lab. WHY? WHY? WHY? These scenes are utterly pointless and only take away from whatever element of value (in my opinion zero!) and purpose of the damn movie! I can understand this method in films such as The Shining, Apocalypse Now, and movies of that sort, but the failed attempt at the same effect is just devastatingly horrid in this filthy piece of complete garbage called Elephant.

Don't get me started on the acting. I laughed myself to tears when that stupid blond guy took it upon himself to be the hero and warn others not to go into the school. I can't for the life of me, believe the director(s) included this scene. If you ever saw the movie you'll see what I mean. If I (or anyone with a soul) saw some kids carrying suitcases full of weapons into the school, I would try a little harder and warn others about the imminent danger and do a hell of a lot more to try and stop it. Some of the things I would attempt would be calling the police, physical effort to try to stop them or at least stop others from entering the school, pulling the fire alarm, asking the kids with the guns to please stop, SOMETHING. The disasters in Elephant caused by acting is not isolated to this scene. If I even begin to mention some of the others scenes, I'll only get fired up again.

I beg you to PLEASE avoid this crap movie at any cost. I can't possibly describe to you how terrible it is. To those responsible for its existence, shame on you and I hope you never work in the motion picture industry again. You idiots have created a boring, meaningless, unconvincing, atrocious, and offensive piece of trash. Go to hell! Once again, one of the absolute worst movies ever made. 1/10. Worse than bad. Unwatchable.

Howling II: ... Your Sister Is a Werewolf (1985)

In the pale, pale light....Pale, pale light of the moon....

[8/10 · 17 April 2004]

Perhaps, the best werewolf movie there is. Not saying much, but I still mean it. When do you ever see a decent horror movie with an interesting story and kick ass attitude? Scream? I know what you blah, blah, blah? Urban Legend? Underworld? Eight Legged Freaks? All terrible movies, but Howling II is pretty special. Not exactly The Godfather or Pulp Fiction, but come on....a cheesy 80's horror flick?

I loved the characters, scenery, and the eerie filming style. Unlike other werewolf movies, the bad guys in Howling II were of supernatural like origin, which I think is a pretty nice touch. They are big, nasty, hairy, viscous creatures and their howls are just amazing. In my opinion, this is the only werewolf movie that actually got the howling part right. Was the series was name, "Howling", inspired by the creation of that howl or other way around? Hmmm....

Guess who my favorite werewolf of all time is....yep, Sybil Danning. I just have to say that whoever cast her as Stirba deserves a nobel prize. She is one of the hottest damn women I have ever seen. Coming from me, that means a world of compliment.

Most of you will probably curse Howling II's existence as some of the review authors already have, but seriously, this is a damn good movie (please read paragraph one again). Original, exciting, and interesting. I love the sudden-flashback-cut sequences, Sybil Danning, the surprises, Sybil Danning, the kick ass action, Sybil Danning, Sybil Danning, and Sybil Danning.

So in summary, Howling II is a very enjoyable movie with original and redeeming values. Ignore the bad press from this website and enjoy it for what it is.

Sling Blade (1996)

Convincing and thought provoking.

[10/10 · 1 March 2004]

Sling Blade is a very well acted, well displayed, and interesting masterpiece. I just loved it from beginning to end.

First I would like to comment on the excellent acting across the board, especially the late John Ritter and Billy Bob Thornton's ensemble portrayal of Karl. I could not help but feel very attached to Karl from the opening scene, his release from the mental institution, his struggles with the outside world, and how he related to the town people. Sling Blade is one of those movies that I would love to sit down and talk about for hours with a friend. I would also love to hear others' perspectives about what made this movie great.

It seems that every scene was worked to perfection. From the lighting and camera's viewpoint to the acting and music. I enjoyed every scene, but thought that three really stood out. Without giving too much away, they are as follows. No spoilers here:

1. Inside the house after band practice where Karl does not move from the couch.

2. When Karl is visited at work and we see him make eye contact for the first time.

3. The scene where Karl is in the garage late at night. The chilling music really captures the mood. My heart was pounding during this one!

I hold Mr. Thornton to a very high respect. He created a masterpiece that is emotional, thrilling, dramatic, humorous, and entertaining.

Underworld (2003)

Avoid this one. Just wait for BLADE 3.

[2/10 · 1 October 2003]

To be fair, I'll start with complimenting well written story....the first time it was told a few years ago, but ripped off to make this boring and unconvincing tragedy of a film. Here we have Vampires without any real strength or power, fighting werewolves who seem to be almost immune to silver. Those who only want to judge this film compared to the average action/horror flick, don't bother. The only action we see are very wussy vampires shooting werewolves. SHOOTING. As if there is a shortage of movies that contain action solely featuring firearms. And DAMMIT, THEY'RE VAMPIRES. WHY ARE THEY SO WUSSY? DOES ANYONE AGREE WITH ME? I guess my biggest complaint is the lack of real action one would expect from a movie that has BOTH werewolves and vampires. There is only one fight shown in all of Underworld. Not a good one either. The rest of the fights consisted of confrontation, 2 fighters throwing down, a close up, then a cut to the end of the fight where only one character is shown as the victor. Since I do not feel this movie had much of anything to offer besides very mild entertainment, I give it a 3 out of 10. Please take my advice and avoid it.

Identity (2003)

Don't Miss This Brave and Talented Thriller

[9/10 · 30 September 2003]

I see Identity as a hidden treasure. John Cusak, Ray Liotta, and others give great performances in one of the most mysterious and thrilling movies of all time. I know that is a bold statement, but it a statement that is very much justified. I've seen enough spoilers in others' reviews, so I won't reveal anything in mine. You can read on in confidence if you have not seen this movie. I would first like to comment on the story itself. You will hear people refer to "twists". I happen to be very sick of "twist" endings because they are overused and filmmakers these days rely immensely on "twists" to yield drama or reaction from audience. They tend to abandon the rest of the plot and the storyline and focus purely on this reaction. Well, this annoying trend leads most of movie audiences losing interest in movies in general because if you are like me, you'll feel that most of these movies are predictable and lose much of their impact. Oh yeah, almost forgot to mention that 90% of action, mystery, horror, or thrillers are in some way (mildly or even blatantly), a ripoff of another story. Identity however, is unusually original. It also has a very strong storyline which was not compromised for cheap thrills. The thrilling sequences in this film are very solid and are backed up by a great storyline. I give it 8.5/10. I sincerely hope others enjoy Identity as much as I have.

Mulholland Drive (2001)

Shame on you, Mr. Lynch!

[1/10 · 17 June 2002]

I usually enjoy mind bending and thought provoking films, but this one was just awful. I just don't buy it. I'm actually a Lynch fan, but I'm very disappointed in him for making this hunk of B.S. Very bad acting from the supporting cast and very awkward dialogue with even more awkward pauses in between lines throughout the whole movie. VERY ANNOYING.

Please do not judge Mr. Lynch based on this film. He has done a few other films that are very well written and played out. Mullholland Drive, in my opinion is a cheap attempt to kiss Hollywood ass, not show Hollywood what it is missing and desperately needs in such films as Blue Velvet and Lost Highway. Both are great films by the way. I don't know about you guys, I'm I am really sick of wannabe thrillers (especially the last couple of years) where the plot does not make sense, or is set to confuse you until the end...when you "Get it". It's been tired, tried, and worn out. You know the films I'm talking about...they use elements such as amnesia, flashbacks, random characters and twists to make up for lack of plot, a true story line, and character development... Anyway. This film really has nothing to offer and is not original in any sense. Don't believe the hype!