j2k_ Reviews

Devil's Workshop (2022)

Waaaay better than its current 4.5

[7/10 · 2 November 2022]

A smart, well made film with a good premise and all-round decent acting.

I would say while Emile Hirsh is always a solid performer, his character's screen time threw things a bit for me and didn't seem to bear much relevance to the story.

That aside, this is a good genre peice, well researched and had a sense of foreboding, which might've been realized in a more satisfying way, but was an enjoyable watch nonetheless.

Give this one a try if you're stuck for a supernatural horror to watch and don't want the usual cookie-cutter formulaic stuff which neither scares, nor entertains. Probably not for the teenage audience.

Lamb (2021)

Not a slow burn, Just incredibly slow

[3/10 · 9 January 2022]

I haven't seen a film more sparse and devoid of intrigue, tension or scares than this. Dialogue was minimal and none of it was relevant to the plot.

The opening scene had a bit of promise, however it just evaporated before it even began. There was no sense of creeping dread, and shouldn't really call itself a horror. At best it's a 5 page fairytale for morose grown-ups.

To be honest, it was really boring. I don't understand the high(ish) score,except to think they speak more to a rejection of the mainstream offerings, than actual appreciation for the film itself (it definitely IS 'different'). If you must have a bit of adult fairytale Scandi weirdness, you'd do better seeking-out 2018's Border.

The cinematography, SFX, and acting were all good though, so a 3/10.

Monsters of Man (2020)

Why the Low Rating? It Does it's Job Well

[7/10 · 16 February 2021]

Gread production, FX, direction and cinematography. I mean, it's a sci-fi action film with the emphasis on 'action' but if that's what you sign up for when you press play, you should be pretty darn satisfied with this. Yes, there were a few moments of cheese, but overall the story was as solid and not half as formulaic as most stuff being made nowadays. 7+ all day long IF you want an action sci-fi.

Run Hide Fight (2020)

For Teens, Not Grown-Ups.

[5/10 · 23 January 2021]

Very much a teen movie for a teen audience. Not badly made or acted, but totally far-fetched and lacking in any sort of the depth required for mature viewers. Trust me, if you're over 20 and aren't of below average intelligence, you'll find this one possibly watchable, but eminently forgettable.

30 Coins (2020–2023)

High Pace, Low Brow

[4/10 · 5 January 2021]

Disappointed with this one, it had the potential to be a dark and brooding masterpiece, with a solid premise. One episode in, and it feels the studio went for a far more actiony, low-brow approach, perhaps intended for a young audience, or just dumbed-down for mass market appeal.

The dialogue is way too fast and 'peppy', akin to CSI and such. And in many parts sequences have clearly been dubbed in a sound-suite post filming. Those parts really have the feel of a Spanish day-time soap.. really tacky and cheap, and very unlike the HBO productions one has come to expect from the US side.

If they'd sllloooowwwed it down considerably, pared-back the cast and action spent more tiime developing the central characters and theme, it would've been a winner for me. As it is, condiser this light-entertainment which will neither tax, nor scare you.

Nocturne (II) (2020)

Promise Lost

[4/10 · 16 October 2020]

Nicely shot and styalised, and a good premise. Sadly the potential for a memorable Faustan horror was lost due to flabby, ponderous and ultimately pointless scenes which seemed to drag on for too long. The 'devil's bargain' element which should've carried the whole film was a nebulous mess with no clear definition. A real shame.

Acting was pretty decent, and I guess the lead got the teenage angst' down pretty well, not that it means anything to viewers outside that age group. The dynamics between the sisters was a bit boring and cliche'd too. The music was beautiful though. If only there was less time on the meaningless navel gazing and more time deliniating the central theme. 4/10

Shooting Heroin (2020)

Trust the low star reviews!

[2/10 · 13 September 2020]

A kids movie plot for grown-ups. The plot and story are so ridiculous, one cannot even suspend disbelief to get through it. The acting is pretty lousy and the action is true made for TV circa 1993. The central concept is what attracted me, but it was executed so poorly, is so far fetched, and the 'revenge on the baddies' is so lame, I couldn't finish it. How this has 6.6 after 27,000 votes is beyond me.

Doctor Sleep (2019)

Best King Adaptation Since The Shining.

[9/10 · 9 December 2019]

Finally, almost 30 years since the last movie truly worthy of Steven King (Misery), another one. I've personally found the more recent adaptations/remakes either mildly entertaining 'Pet Cemetary' or so cheesy I couldn't sit through it for more than 45 minutes 'It'.

This one however; the story AND the film was so well crafted I found it utterly thrilling. Hats off to Flanagan, who not ony directed it, but wrote the screenplay. Pitch perfect the whole lot. His craft is exemplary in this and I expect his trajectory will stay on an upward arc from here on out. I hope so at least, because well thought out, well executed, intelligent horror is in short supply.

Freaks (2018)

E.T. for Infantilized Millenials

[3/10 · 1 December 2019]

I can only assume those are the viewers who rated this movie above a 4. Sappy, dis-jointed piffle.

The acting was pretty good, as to be expected from the cast. Dern excellent as always, but that wasn't enough to save this movie. Aside from feeling I've wasted a couple hours of my time, it's the depresing thought that the adults who speak so highly of the film in the comments here are going to be the soy soaked flag-carriers of the future. What hope?

Perhaps it was because I was lucky enough to have side-stepped the brain melt of decades of computer gaming that I'm able to see this tripe for what it is. Anyway, if you're an actual grown-up with a fully functioning pre-fronal cortex, trust me when I say this garbage is not for you.

Hunting Lands (2018)

Boooooooooring!

[3/10 · 20 November 2019]

This film had quite a promising start, but at the end of the first act, the story stiltifies to a glacial pace and becomes so crushingly dull the 83 minute runtime feels like 83 hours.

We watch our man (who's a little wooden in his hadful of speaking scenes, but otherwise quite credible) follow his target around in a pick-up for a dialogue-less eon to seemingly no end whatsoever. .. and the finale does absoluey nothing to resolve the plot. For such a simple story to not even be resolved is just a confounding finger in the eye to all those viewers who showed so much patience and determination slogging their way to the end.

Pyewacket (2017)

A really well crafted, scary and original horror.

[9/10 · 30 September 2019]

I'm surprised at the relatively low score for this. Can only assume those who didn't rate it highly were expecting the usual mainstream formula.

If you like occultish, witchy horror, you'll love this. The sense of dread is palpable and builds wonderfully. I'm a big horror fan, and it's a rare treat to find somehing intelligent and as original as this. between this and Backcountry, Adam Macdonald is one to watch.

The Black String (2018)

Solid Occult/Witchcraft genre peice.

[8/10 · 15 September 2019]

As a fan of the more esoteric based horror, dealing with the occult, black magic and demonism, I found this a decent attempt. The tension was there all along, and ramped up in the 3rd act. The acting was decent all round.. I never watched 'Malcom' but thought Muniz showed real talent here and was a believable, albeit a little bit charicature is his manic state.

The final act was well done, although perhaps a bit muddled and there could've been a more complete, fleshed out conclusion. On the whole though a well written and crafted film with good production value and a very interesting premise. Worth way more than its current 5.4.... a solid 7.5 for me.

True Detective (2014– )

Time-Line Head-Spin for 3rd Season

[7/10 · 27 January 2019]

Enjoyed the first 2 episodes but by ep 3 I was getting a headache from the time-line jumping. Why do directors and editors feel this is neccessary to do it to such a degree that it leaves one confused and barely able to follw the story?

Hoping the time-line settles for the rest of the series or I'll give up on it, like I did midway through Season 2.

The acting from Mahershala Ali is superb nonetheless.

Astral (III) (2018)

Sadly, Less than the Sum of its Parts.

[6/10 · 23 November 2018]

There's a lot to like about this film, the premise is excellent and being a fan of the more theological/occultist area of the genre, it was refreshing to come across something possissing origianlity and quality. The script was well written and the film was beautifully shot/directed, despite what I suspect was a small budget, not that it was often evident in the production.

Where I thought things came unstuck was the acting which I found wooden and transparent, pretty much all round, and the casting of far too young protagonsits, This kind of film/script screams 'It's for Grown-Ups!' so having a teenage student ensemble nearly ruined it for me. Although the setting was first rate.. kudos to whoever snagged that beautiful off-term college for your set! A post-graduate/academia centric cast would still have worked in situ, but been more credible somehow.

The pacing was the other thing which I felt could've been greatly improved upon, particularly the second act which dragged on immeasureably longer than its 40 or so minutes and ate into what should've been a longer, richer and more detailed final show-down. Again, I felt the clairvoyant was cast way too young. Someone more suitable could've played a pivotal role in the final act, adding much needed texture, suspense and context.

That said, whist its conceptual strengths might not have been fully realised, overall I was impressed and I willl definately keep an eye out for whatever the brothers' Mul come up with next.

Scoring wise I think it's deserving of at least one star more than it's current 4.5, more like +1.5, for an all-round 6/10.

The 15:17 to Paris (2018)

Baffling Waste of the First Hour Give's Way to a Decent Finale

[5/10 · 15 June 2018]

I am still baffled how Clint Eastwood could've wasted so much of this film's 94 minute runtime on utter pointlessness in introducing the characters from an unremarkable boyhood through adolescence and into young adulthood. There was nothing to be gained from this flaccid and rambling hour in terms of plot development or adding to the story. In fact the first hour and 10 minutes could've been compressed into just 10, with nothing lost.

The event on the train was excellently handled, and the end sequence with our heroes receiving honours from the French president was alright too, if not with a little too schmaltzy a piano accompaniment.

Bit of a let-down I'm afraid Clint, especially when compared to your last two superb efforts.

Danny the Champion of the World (1989 TV Movie)

A Superb Dahl Adaptation

[8/10 · 30 January 2018]

I revisited this film, having caught some of it on television not long after it's release. I was seeking a bit of charming nostalgia and wasn't disappointed.

The storyline, quite faithfully enacting one of Dahls less fanciful but nonetheless entertaining novels means it has class in spades, and I feel the positive reviews this goes alongside give a good account of the film's merits.

What I would add though is the feeling that this fim stands above many other Dahl adaptations because of the low-key way it was produced, acted and directed. We don't see any of the usual fantastical sequences found in more modern or big budget Dahls, instead we find a sweet little drama played out without fanfare, but with great sympathy toward both the characters and the original book. The headmaster is... masterful in his understatement, as are some of the other minor players, the Policeman too.

It's not a gag fest and it's not syrupy or overly sentimental (I think the word 'charming' is the more appropriate adjective here). The pairing of real life father and son works too, and I was surprised to see the young Samuel Irons hasn't gone on to act further, as he showed promise here.

Anyway, a thoroughly enjoyable and entertaining bit of understated British nostalgia. What's not to like?

Atomic Blonde (2017)

Overly slick and superficial. Ultimately boring.

[4/10 · 13 October 2017]

The film 'looks good' in a way few others do. That is not meant as a compliment, it felt as though the aesthetic was the ONLY thing the film's creators cared about.. even the soundtrack became irksome as one cool track after another was put in, for no apparent reason other than to keeeeep saying 'how 'COOL' are we?'. The lesbian sex scene.. Ugh! Like everything else; so contrived, so choreographed and so self-aware.

This film will likely best be enjoyed by the vapid, shallow generation who care about image and nothing else, or those who like end-to-end fight scenes without any story-line or character development to make them interesting.

I should also like to add it feels like the alcohol and tobbacco industry financed a lot of this movie, as the smoking and drinking follows the same 'cool' line and is as ever-present as the fight scenes.

Looked good, bored the pants off me. One hopes this isn't the direction film-making is going.

Jack Reacher: Never Go Back (2016)

Like an 80s Action Movie but with more Mahogany

[9/10 · 3 February 2017]

The titular Jack Reaching, played by a buff, but older looking Tom Cruise with a slightly blown middle, is the star of this show.. A queer character, he demands to wear tight tee-shirts to do his ace work despite having an older, all be it buff mans physique with that blown middle. Our man Reaching is as a sort of private eye, pulled back from self-imposed exile to solve the case of a lot of baddies from the shady world of Army logistics.

He has one particular adversary who is really rather good at his job of a baddie, and boy! does the final showdown satisfy.. Rather than a shoot-out, or even a fight to the death, they settle their score by pouring balls of opium out of a rocket launcher, or something like that, and have an almighty go at it... Reaching is the last man standing (thank Hanks above!) and all the opium is taken off the streets of New Olons. Needless to say, Jack does a final change of tee-shirt in the latter scenes to show us that 'Yes!' he did get the lady.

The acting was superb throughout, with nearly all lines delivered on time and with feelings which ranged in intensity from pine, through cedar and maple all the way up to oak and mahogany. I highly recommended this film to my colleagues at the London Philarmonic, and to a one they've not seen it yet, which is a shame as they're missing out on a cotton and polyester treat. I give this one 9 starts. It would've been 10, but for a few wardrobe continuity issues I noticed in the second and third scenes.

The Hateful Eight (2015)

Save Yourselves.. It stinks!

[2/10 · 2 January 2016]

There are many reasons to dislike this film, here are a few:

Storyline: Simplistic, turgid and doesn't go anywhere. Someone told me there were some twists in it, which is why I didn't bail early on. There are no discernible twists (and I really wish I'd bailed)!

Characters: Unlikable to a man. There's really no one to root for (at least those who aren't killed-off after a few scenes). As a result, I didn't care about any potential outcomes.

Waaaay too long: Some films I never want to end.. This one I spent an hour and a half thinking 'when's this going to get going?' and another hour and a bit thinking 'is base gratuity all Tarantino has left?' Believe the people who say there's nothing which engages the viewer with this one.. IT"S A STINKER.

However, one has to acknowledge there MUST be an audience for this; and I can only imagine it's those sadistic, idiot types who whoop with joy to Bum-Fights and the crueler clips in Jackass.

I fear the high rating for this howler is more an indictment on the changing audience than it is a reflection of genuine merit.

Bear Island (2014)

The Wegge Bro's 'Run Deep'

[9/10 · 23 April 2015]

Well crafted and intelligent document of a genuine adventure. There are many things which made me want to applaud this film; the herculean effort of the brothers Wegge to even undertake it was impressive, not least because they aren't 'trustafarians' who rely on the bank of mummy and daddy to pay for cool stuff like so many of their contemporaries..

These guys funded the trip themselves by ingenious, resourceful means like liberating wasted food from dumpsters, chopping, cooking and drying it to make up their rations, and by using equipment that hadn't passed QC from the manufacturers therefore being scheduled for the rubbish heap.

I loved their indomitable spirit, and fearlessness too.. Damned if I'd even think about dropping off an unknown mountain on a snowboard where the nearest help was.. ..never.

The perilous drama too when young Håkon took a short-cut in a tiny found rowing boat along with all the expeditions gear, only to find himself eventually stuck in an 'icy hell' with the oars disintegrating around him.. I'm not sure how close they realise they all came to the end there, but the way it was dealt with was little short of heroic. Where many a person would have been a gibbering PTSD wreck after such an episode, upon finally getting to land once more, Håkon was treated, and acted like it was nothing at all.. I was blown away.

Great surf and ski shots too, but this is a story of much more than that. I was left with the notion that I would like to salute the parents of these young men, they raised a trio humanity can be proud of.

Monk Dawson (1998)

An awful film on every level.

[20 August 2011]

I cannot state enough how bad this film is. Twee, poorly acted, boring, disjointed. It's an hammy embarrassment of the highest order.

The moral ambiguity teaches nothing, there are no answers and no real questions. I suppose the premise of a monk leaving his order and going out into the world had some potential, but this was entirely wasted.

I honestly see no point in this film. It is a total waste of time, and I strongly advise you not to bother with it.

There is one thing which I was impressed with though, the house master at the school Dawson attended, aged tremendously well. He didn't look a day older over the 40 odd years the film spanned, they couldn't even be bothered with a bit of hair whitening or ageing make-up.

Wrong Turn 3: Left for Dead (2009 Video)

What utter toss.

[1/10 · 24 October 2009]

Wrong Turn (1) was a real specimen of its genre, don't mistake me for a film snob who doesn't get the idea, at all. This piece of sh1t however, can't even begin to hold a candle to it.

From the outset, the quality is soo lacking, the (I use this term very loosely) 'filmmakers' have to resort to the cheapest of clichés, a random pair of nice tits here, a muscled torso there, anything to deflect ones nose away from how much this thing stinks. It really is harking back to the worst days of 1980s B-Moviedom. Even the freakish protagonists clothes are fresh out of GAP, the wardrobe department couldn't even be arsed to skuff them up and make them look used/dirty.

In short, there is absolutely NO credibility whatsoever with this movie. It's UTTER TOSS, and my best guess is it was cobbled together by the idiot offspring of one of the companies 'money men' after said 'idiot' lost his job as a toilet-trading-nob-jockey.

Smart People (2008)

Bland, flat and pointless dross.

[1/10 · 20 April 2009]

I can see why Rachel Wiesz pulled out of this stinker. And stink it did. Not surprising considering how far up its own arse its head was stuck.

The whole film smacked of cynical 6th form pseudo-intellectualism (a role Ellen Page constantly carries off with aplomb {watch out Ellen, you're becoming typecast as a smug, conceited and bitter cow}).

I noticed this was pretty much a first effort from the director, so I suppose the amateurish, unpolished nature of it is somewhat forgivable (not to be mistaken for genuine, quality indie-film making. It isn't). Less forgivable, and perhaps the single most annoying thing about this movie, the soundtrack; or rather how the director seem's to've felt compelled cram every last, boring song he's ever 'really loved' into the picture. Not a minute goes by without the next bland tune striking up, often to the detriment of the barely audible dialogue (no great loss).

Praise should go to the set design team however. The home really did look lived in - and lived in by the movie's characters .

I don't think I'm insensitive to the main concept of the film, it is a worthy message. I just think it's message which should've been told better.

Withnail & I (1987)

Class in a Glass

[10/10 · 27 March 2009]

Forget about confining Withnail & I to genres like 'best comedy', 'best British' etc. Simply put, W&I is one of the best FILMs ever made. If you don't believe me, read the script, study the craft and marvel at Uncle Motny.

Those who don't like it are superfluous. People who write comments suggesting lovers of this film are suffering from 'Emperors new clothes' syndrome cannot see beyond their own ignorance - they can watch Friends and live off gruel.

I would however like to see a better, more concerted effort at distributing this film elsewhere. It is, after all, a British export which perfectly encapsulates the stuff we're good at; punk, p*ss and prose.

Swingers (1996)

Still cool

[9/10 · 26 March 2009]

This is a real gem of a movie. If you prefer depth of character, great acting and intelligent dialogue over idiots and explosions, this is for you.

Mike (Favereu) and his charismatic sidekick Trent (a superb Vaughn) throw out hilarious and poignant one-liners with a casual nonchalance all to rare for this sort of writing. Too often 'clever' dialogue is delivered in the sort of self-satisfied way which grates on ones nerves very quickly. None of that here.

The subject/s; matters of the heart and friendship are bravely, honestly and quite beautifully dealt with as well. Mikeys problems (both internal and external) will resonate with a lot of us, and who wouldn't want a pal (the total antithesis of Mikey) like Trent?

In short, I'd say this film just oozes class, it's as cool and relevant today as it was when made back in 1996 and well deserving of its cult status.