Bit of an odd duck this. This movie could very well have been a radio play without losing much of the end result. The set design (for as much as there is a set) brings back memories of high-school shop class, Lighting is hit and miss, and during the movie the main character looks blue, pink and 'human colored' every other scene. Same goes for sound, which (for the main character) goes from 'great' to ' speaking into a tin can'. The story itself is engaging enough if you can get past the rest of the movie. That story is told by exposition-style monologues from the main character, fixed dead center in your screen at all times, supplemented by forced-feeling adlibbing and further expositioning by the characters on the radio. Not all actors hide that they are reading their lines from a script very well, so the whole of the movie feels a bit homemade because of it. If you like exposition and filling in the blanks yourself, this might be for you. For the rest of us: Skip this one unless you have nothing else to watch.
Reviews
14 Reviews
A Day to Die
(2022)
My Review
11 December 2023
Imagine, if you will, your typical low-budget film. Then imagine that movie had its budget cut in half. Furthermore, the movie had to hire a (former) A-List actor, so ANY money they had went to that end. The director, now pennyless, has to fire the prop crew, any and all vfx artists, en most of the camera crew. Editing is farmed out to a nephew, and stunt coordination is done by an art school student on internship. There wasn't even money left over for a plot, or decent actors.
This movie doesn't even tickle the "it's so bad it's good" reflex. It's just a very badly made, straight-to-vhs, low budget pewpew action flick which happens to also star Bruce Willis for reasons unknown. Horrible cinematography, atrocious audio, it really has NO redeeming quality I could find. Would rather be rodgered by a rhino than watch this again,
This movie doesn't even tickle the "it's so bad it's good" reflex. It's just a very badly made, straight-to-vhs, low budget pewpew action flick which happens to also star Bruce Willis for reasons unknown. Horrible cinematography, atrocious audio, it really has NO redeeming quality I could find. Would rather be rodgered by a rhino than watch this again,
Carter
(2022)
My Review
11 December 2023
"No memory. One mission.": That mission clearly wasn't "Find capable actors" or "film on professional camera's". Positive: 10 minutes in and everybody on screen is naked or semi-naked. Negative: You have to watch 10 minutes of the movie to get there. As far as I can tell this is a cross between a zombie-movie, the scene where Neo tries to escape the agents in The Matrix, and Crank. Put together in the worst way imaginable. From weird angles, unnessecary prolonged shots of people starting at eachother to the very stunted and forced-feeling dialog; this is the worst version of the movie it could have been. The (admittedly nicely choreographed) fight scenes redeem the movie somewhat, but are themselves let down by atrocious audio design and frankly insane scoring. Avoid like an infected zombie.
Cloud Atlas
(2012)
My Review
11 December 2023
This is not a short movie. In essence, it could very well have been several movies. It tells an epic, interconnected and weaving story about love, trust and the fleeting value of human life. As such, it starts out as a very VERY confusing series of flashbacks, flashforwards and possibly flash-to-the-sides. If you give it, say, 30 minutes all those threads connect.
Normally I have no time or patience for a movie this long. Other things to see, distractions aplenty. This one gripped me till the end. It is WELL worth your time, even if to spot which of the very few actors plays which man or woman (yes really) in which timeline. While doing that you will also see an epic tale, expertly told.
Highly recommended!
Normally I have no time or patience for a movie this long. Other things to see, distractions aplenty. This one gripped me till the end. It is WELL worth your time, even if to spot which of the very few actors plays which man or woman (yes really) in which timeline. While doing that you will also see an epic tale, expertly told.
Highly recommended!
Bloody Sunday
(2002)
My Review
11 December 2023
As near as you can get to a documentary without actually making a documentary. The movie does very well to capture the suppressed rage of the Irish, the disdain of the English and the very loaded atmosphere that creates. When it all comes to a head you will feel what most felt when they heard what happened. The movie is very well done, the subplot-love-interrest could have been skipped.
If an atrocity needs a dramatisation instead of a pure factual recount is a question left for the viewer. But if you are at all interested in why some Irish still hate the English: This is a fair place to start finding out.
If an atrocity needs a dramatisation instead of a pure factual recount is a question left for the viewer. But if you are at all interested in why some Irish still hate the English: This is a fair place to start finding out.
Savage Salvation
(2022)
My Review
11 December 2023
Yeah, this is just not a good movie. Not even for a dime-a-dozen action flick. Even the actors know this. Robert deNiro fumbles through his lines, John Malkovich puts in a half-hearted performance. Admittedly, the plot doesn't give them much to work with. The first half of the movie tries to have us care for the protagonist and his girl, to justify the things that come after. Problem is that the characters both are comprised of tired cliches, and the backstory that ==needs== to be told is skipped. So we end up not caring for 2 characters for 40 minutes, after which the action finally starts. Not so much the movie, mind you, just a prolonged action sequence interspersed with characters reciting weird lines while driving a vehicle. It ends on, for an action-flick at least, small twist, after which the movies doesn't really know where to go next, so it stumbles to a very insincere heartfelt moment then fades to black. Leaving a lot of people dead, and not a lot resolved.
It's not horrible to watch (Better than Fortress, if that means anything to you, dear reader) but by God are there better things to see than this thing.
It's not horrible to watch (Better than Fortress, if that means anything to you, dear reader) but by God are there better things to see than this thing.
The Resistance Fighter
(2019)
My Review
11 December 2023
If you are into semi-documentary war movies (or rather: Dramatisations), you might want to give this one a watch. Staged in the latter part of WW2 it follows a courier who travels between Poland and England at the risk of his own live. In following his journey we see what the war has done to the people, the atrocities committed by the occupying forces, and the spy-vs-spy games played in this very murky theather of war. The movie spends just enough time to introduce all the key players and sets the stakes, after which you get hurried along an up-and-down path where every actor absolutely exudes the gravitas of the situation. The whole thing is respectfully made, without unnessecary hero-worship but with some light on the ordinary people who did extraordinary things. Loved every minute of it!
Dual
(2022)
My Review
11 December 2023
This is a tough one. Let's assume that the monotone, emotionless delivery is a stylistic choice by the director. Maybe to help us focus on the absurdity of cloning. The problem that follows is that "humor" (and any other emphatic emotion) is experienced because the person making the joke feels the funny aswel. But no-one in this movie feels like they are acting in a (dark) comedy. The result is that the movie neither felt like a drama, nor like humor. Just a very depressing look in a humdrum live, lived by people who have stopped caring about it all. At the end of it all it's hard to care about people who don't seem to care about themselves.
I ended the movie without even having chuckled, and not even caring if the ending was a twist or not. There was no drama, there was no (dark) humor. There was just humdrum till the end credits rolled, and the contemplation of the myriad of more useful things that could have been done with the spent time.
My conclusion: This movie may be too artsy for me. I'd rather see Karen as Ruby Roundhouse, even if that means looking at The Rock as well.
I ended the movie without even having chuckled, and not even caring if the ending was a twist or not. There was no drama, there was no (dark) humor. There was just humdrum till the end credits rolled, and the contemplation of the myriad of more useful things that could have been done with the spent time.
My conclusion: This movie may be too artsy for me. I'd rather see Karen as Ruby Roundhouse, even if that means looking at The Rock as well.
Delicatessen
(1991)
My Review
11 December 2023
This movie has a weird relationship with both colo(u)r and rhythm. Scene's are either 'set' to a specific colorscheme, or somehow based around rhythm, sometimes subtly hid in movement. This movie has a 'weird', period. Very arthouse-y, beautifully made. I feel it, on occasion, prefers symbolism over storytelling to the detriment of the story itself. That being said: The story that IS there is mainly used to give rise to absurdist situations, some dark humor, a complete portmanteau of oddity wrapped in a small tale of a postapocalyptic butchershop. This may be a love-it-or-loathe-it for most, but I enjoyed it. Not overly 'French', artsy without being pretentious, just long enough to retain your attention. Recommended!
TFW NO GF
(2020)
My Review
11 December 2023
This may have been a sort-of grungy look into incel subculture and their rancid online homes. Unfortunately it'll have to be JUST a look, as all audio seems to be recorded on a 1987 walkman, and put into the documentary without levelling. Most of the people sound like they are in an _actual_ pit of despair, and speaking from the bottom while the mike is hung in another county. Combined with footage that wildly oscillates between 'fair' and 'filmed on a second hand iphone 5' this is borderline unwatchable and unusable as a podcast. How this got past selection on a fairly prestigious film festival is completely beyond me. It wouldn't even pass as a first-year filmclub test project.
Die Hart
(2023)
My Review
11 December 2023
"All I needed was ... an actor who was afraid of being forgotten". This line makes me doubt this is an action film, and makes it feel like a biopic. Because if, as a serious actor, you are NOT taking a role in drivel like this because you expect it to be a box office success. On the face of it this movie is onanistic narcisism, with Kevin Hart making a movie about Kevin Hart being Kevin Hart in another Kevin Hart movie but now about Kevin Hart. If you start this movie with this in the back of your mind, you are in for a very mediocre movie about making a 'real life' movie. You are _still_ going to see a movie with Kevin Hart about Kevin Hart, mind you. But there'll be other actors too. Briefly. And a plot, passingly. All in all: Not good. Good enough to waste 90 minutes on, bad enough that you'll have forgotten about it before your next drink. Not bad. Just a Kevin Hart movie, in conclusion.
My Review
11 December 2023
This documentary explores the op-ed article that appeared in the Times about SA en CSAM at Pornhub. In doing this, it adds very little, if anything, to the procedings. We get some faces and voices with the article and a bit of extra background but essentially nothing new or groundbreaking. So on that subject the documentary does not go beyond skin-deep, which is fitting.
The added value then, compared to the Times article, is the opinion on the breadth of the industry by the actor and actresses themselves. The difficulty they have monetizing their product, the uncertainty of it al. It's a shame that the lead-in to this actual 'new' material takes most all of the runtime, so it all ends rather too soon and no real resolution or realisation is gained.
For those thinking to watch this for the nekkid ladies: Please don't bother. The whole thing features 3 pairs of naked breasts (6 boobs, if you will) and nothing much more else. So unless your fetish is 'off screen moaning': You'll have to get your rocks off elsewhere.
All in all: Fine concept, subject matter warrants the attention, but the documentary just skims the surface and sits on the Netflix lineup just to draw in people, I fear. Skippable, unless you missed the Times article "The Children of Pornhub" or want to avoid reading it.
The added value then, compared to the Times article, is the opinion on the breadth of the industry by the actor and actresses themselves. The difficulty they have monetizing their product, the uncertainty of it al. It's a shame that the lead-in to this actual 'new' material takes most all of the runtime, so it all ends rather too soon and no real resolution or realisation is gained.
For those thinking to watch this for the nekkid ladies: Please don't bother. The whole thing features 3 pairs of naked breasts (6 boobs, if you will) and nothing much more else. So unless your fetish is 'off screen moaning': You'll have to get your rocks off elsewhere.
All in all: Fine concept, subject matter warrants the attention, but the documentary just skims the surface and sits on the Netflix lineup just to draw in people, I fear. Skippable, unless you missed the Times article "The Children of Pornhub" or want to avoid reading it.
The 355
(2022)
My Review
11 December 2023
This movie explores the fact that NO agent of ANY secret service EVER learns to shoot a moving target, and builds on that premise to form a rudimentary plot. Luckily all the time saved training to shoot people was spent learning languages, so all players speak all languages. By a stroke of chance the women turn into pistol-marksmen/women about halfway through the movie to avoid shooting bystanders.
None of the characters are introduced, no character has an invested stake, so you need a fair amount of suspension of disbelief to get into this one. If you can get past the obvious faults, and the plethora of 'convenient she knows that' and other Checkov's guns, it's a decent movie. Standard bad guy plot number 3, multiple agencies after a MacGuffin, but fairly well put together.
None of the characters are introduced, no character has an invested stake, so you need a fair amount of suspension of disbelief to get into this one. If you can get past the obvious faults, and the plethora of 'convenient she knows that' and other Checkov's guns, it's a decent movie. Standard bad guy plot number 3, multiple agencies after a MacGuffin, but fairly well put together.
Expend4bles
(2023)
My Review
11 December 2023
The point is **not** that this is a bad movie. Ofcourse it is, it's the Expendables, so the badness is a given, and expected. The franchise is known for their over-the-top action scenes, tongue-in-cheek nods to 'real' action movies, and allround 'bro-ness' of the protagonists. You cannot fault the movie, cast or director for that. You can even forgive the regular crew (Statham, Lundgren, Stallone, etc) phoning this one in a bit. They are getting on in age for one, and they know what kind of movie this is having done it three times before. So all that is fine by me, and would make a mediocre but enjoyable action flick (see parts 1 to 3). But _why_ for the love of Aisha did they cast Megan Fox? I mean, the scene where she walks on with her brights on is all fine and good, but after that her role is played out. She adds nothing to the procedings. Still, and this might be a controversial opinion, miles ahead of 50 cent though. He thankfully only has a handful of lines he has to mumble and stumble through, looking like a shell shocked marsupial, but even those are enough to cement him as the worst actor of the bunch.
Oh right, the story. There IS a story. Thin as it may be, and not much different from any of the last movies. Bad guy does bad thing, bro-brigade (augmented with Miss Useless and the marsupial) jump on a plane, and moments later things are exploding and on fire. There are some callbacks to the last movies but be honest: Who remembers those plots...
All in all: It's the worst of the series, adds little to nothing, and major swing-and-a-miss on casting. Skip unless you are completionist in your moviewatching.
Oh right, the story. There IS a story. Thin as it may be, and not much different from any of the last movies. Bad guy does bad thing, bro-brigade (augmented with Miss Useless and the marsupial) jump on a plane, and moments later things are exploding and on fire. There are some callbacks to the last movies but be honest: Who remembers those plots...
All in all: It's the worst of the series, adds little to nothing, and major swing-and-a-miss on casting. Skip unless you are completionist in your moviewatching.
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