[e-mail] Reviews

Guinea Pig 2: Flower of Flesh and Blood (1985 Video)

Are you ready for the snuff? It's fake of course!!

[7/10 · 2 July 2005]

Aww yes, the film that out does them all. This entire collection is amazing. Amazing that is to the truly desensitized or the truly unstable people of the world. This is the best of the collection if you ask me, and if you can make it through the whole thing without ralphing once feel good. It is not impossible by far but the sheer lake of plot make it seem like it's being performed just for you. That is what is truly disturbing about the film. This film was supposedly made to be the worst of the worst. Horror and gore like not slasher film could dram of and no magna film had ever done. It is that in deed and know this: it is hard to watch and at times difficult to stomach.

Now if you have not seen this and you're a person who has "seen it all" you may feel proud to make it through this movie. It would scare me to really meet someone who claimed to enjoy a movie like this but to each their own.For those who like the extreme you'll like this. For those who don't well why watch it. I can't say I enjoyed this films but I can say I did watch them. I always say to myself I'll watch any movie once so I can judge for myself. It won't make my top ten list.

The Sword and the Sorcerer (1982)

Ahh the film with the 3 bladed sword.

[24 December 2003]

This film is one I can watch only on those rainy Sundays where you don't want to go outside. I really remember this film though me and my friends just loved that 3 bladed sword when we were young. The sequel never happened cause someone connected to getting this one died.

This film has to many flaws to list, but it is classic 80's cheese in the tradition of Red Sonya, Conan the Destroyer, and a bunch of other bad 80's adventures. I'll never forget it though, Richard Moll as the demon covered in blood, our hero escaping from the bad guys after being crucified on that wheel only to kick butt with a 3 bladed sword that looks like it weighs about 100 pounds. Lee Horsley makes this film though, he has enough charisma to be the only high point in the film.

Everything else in the film with the exception of the T&A is outdated (T&A never goes out of style) the whole thing looks really bad by today's standards. Yes I must admit I enjoy watching this from time to time. I won't lie here and say it was a good film even for the time but still real adventure films don't get made anymore and it can be a nice nostalgia piece.

Mystic River (2003)

I'll keep it short.

[18 November 2003]

I will say about this film is I liked the story. It is drawn out a bit but very good over all. The performances were also very good, the four main actors were top notch as usual. However this is the coldest film I have seen in awhile. When it ended I had to go be with friends cuase it left a big empty spot in me. Strange reaction for me but so be it, I'll recommend it to couples first.

V: The Final Battle (1984)

I watched it so much I ruined the tape.

[25 August 2003]

When I was young this show was it. Aliens coming to take over our planet just like we always thought. Now they didn't do it via a all out attack, (although they could) no they had watched us for awhile and realized the best thing to due was to use politics. Then we would willingly turn our selves into slaves, and then when they got what they needed from us they would simply destroy the planet and leave. What a simple, easy, and almost traditional Earth plan.

Of course not everyone on the planet was willing to be led like sheep by there leaders. They don't believe the news reports, and they cause trouble for the aliens and the elected officials. Storming news conferences, trying to expose a so called conspiracy, so on and so forth.

It was an obvious re-working of the Nazi parties attempt to rid the world of what they thought were inferior people (jews,blacks,most everyone else who wasn't blond haired and blue eyed Aryans). This is mentioned in the very beginning of the series and is never in question. And although the effects are extremely dated at this point in time, the entire series was a up to date for 1983. You need to remember that Return of the Jedi was just coming or just did come out. As I remember Battle Star Galatica was still on, and CGI was a distant dream.

Everyone was loving Sci-Fi and this mixed it with politics, humor, suspense and old memories of our own tragic past. The girls looked good in there body suit uni's and there were new weapons and vehicles for the all important merchandising tie ins. It was a movie so we all knew who would win out. And all the aliens came in Russian red. (I wonder why they picked red in the middle of a cold war? Hmmmm...)

I remember watching this over and over, my parents just got a new vcr and we discovered that if you watch a movie 100 or so times and use one of those speedy rewinders you can ruin a VHS tape in no time. I believe I was about 8 when it first aired and everyone I knew watched this thing live and on tape, plus we knew about every line. When my copies of this and "The Final Battle" got destroyed from abuse, my parents asked my Uncle to throw his copy away as opposed to giving it to me.

This is one of my all time favorite movies along with the follow-up and series. It inspired more sci-fi after it then people will admit to. And although like I said before it looks really dated now days, it was still one of the most popular mini-series of all time. It deserves more credit then people give it. For those who haven't seen it, watch it for the fun story. For those who have seen it, don't hold the effects against it. It is 20 years old now and even ROTJ looks severely dated at this point. Not to mention that The ships in ID4 look like they were digitally removed from this movie and layered into that movie.

The Quick and the Dead (1995)

Not a great western but better than most that came out in the last 10 years.

[10 July 2003]

In a era where our movie westerns consist of American Outlaws and Bad Girls, is a film about more than just the violence of the old west. Not to say this movie doesn't have it's fair share of gunplay. However the gun fights are secondary to the characters in this movie. Filled to the brim with capable actors playing characters with depth and dimension the only place the film comes up short is in the main plot.

This is a sort of re-working of High plains drifter with a returning hero (or in this case heroin) to face down the men who wronged her long ago. However this part of the film is the part that doesn't work as instead of coming guns blazing and taking back the town the plan here is a sort of Street Fighter or Mortal Kombat win the competition to get to the main bad guy film.

The other sub plots are more interesting. The kid trying to win his fathers approval, the gun fighter turned priest trying to stick by his convictions. The rest of the town trying to rid themselves of the tyrant who runs the town.

This film was really bashed by critics cause of the female lead in a western and the lack of originality in the script. I don't feel that every movie has to be completely original. Many great films have followed the lead of earlier films. The female lead is a bit of a downer in this one I thought only cause it was obvious the character lacked confidence in herself.

I own this film and enjoy it a lot. Hackman is great as the tyrant and the gun fights are good by today's standards. Crowe gives a great "before he was a superstar performance" that shows he had it back then as well. A good western in a time of few good westerns. I still like "The Good, The Bad and the Ugly" the best but am glad they still make a effort like this.

My Blue Heaven (I) (1990)

Not the greatest show ever but hey it is still funny.

[9 July 2003]

This is a low key comedy that stays low key throughout. It is filled with clichés' and Steve Martin overacts in every scene he is in. The film make the people of his new hometown look stupid. Between the dense cashier at the supermarket to JC as the kindest ADA ever. Now that I have put my two cents in as to why is flawed.

Let me say I love this movie. Don't get me wrong I know it's flawed but still this movie makes me laugh every time I see it. The sets are so "American Dream" it is sick. It is the performances that make this movie. The humor at times is so dry it is hard to pick up on. Martin and Moranis play off each other so well they carry the whole thing. JC looks great and plays great as the uptight ADA. The rest of the cast does well although some of the "other" mobsters relocated to the area look a little to midwestern.

I know it is not the greatest show ever but it makes me laugh and that's what comedies are supposed to do. I give it 6/10.

Bloodsport (1988)

Van Damme may be a bad actor but why is he so famous?

[19 June 2003]

When I watch this movie anymore I remember what Van Damme said about how he got the part for this movie. He went into the producers office and he asked Van Damme to sit down. In front of his desk were two chairs so he pulled the chairs a part and did his now famous stretch.

I will not argue that Van Damme is a great or even good actor but to say he is the worst of all time just isn't true. There are much worse films in this and other genres that can battle it out for that title.

I will say this though, of all his films I liked this one best. The plot (although not great by any means) is better than most in this genre. How many times have you seen the "I must train to take revenge" theme. At least here he is training to take the place of his friend and carry a tradition of his "adopted" family. Donald Gibb is perfectly cast as the American, beer drinking, I can beat everyone cause I am American, look at me, I got my a** kicked other guy. It has some of the best fighting scenes you will see in a VD flick. His acting was kept a minimum here cause he couldn't act ( I not saying he has gotten better with time, just more attempts at it) and the producers know that. For the most part he shuts up through this one. It is a cheesy martial arts film made for people who like cheesy martial arts films and truly it does succeed in what it tries to do. It tries to tell a basic story with some good fights with the standard good guy wins ending.

I'm not sure who Forest Whitaker upset to get put in this picture but he is the only eye opening part of this flick. Everything else is basic and uninteresting. The fight between the monkey fighter and the big sumo type fighter is funny, not Jackie Chan funny but funny. Bolo is the best part of the fighting and deserved more in this but what can one do. Van Damme has made quite a few films now and some how most were worse than this one.

Is Bloodsport a great movie? No, but it is my favorite VD flick.

Catch Me If You Can (2002)

A story of how gullible people can be.

[6/10 · 11 June 2003]

When I first saw this film it scared me. This movie although funny and engrossing tends to remind me of just how much we assume things in our daily lives.

I found myself going to the doctor a few days later and thinking to myself "what if one of those nurses came out without that white coat on. I mean is the fact they have the coat on that makes you think they're a nurse or the fact they came from behind that door. What I loved about this film and in fact the whole thing was this kid actually did all these things for so long just because people took for granted he was who he says he was.

I have talked to some people who work at hospitals who tell me they wear the white coat not because they are required to but because people give them less problems when they do. I talked to several nurses who told me when they don't have their whites on patients have actually screamed and harassed them out of their rooms cause they though they weren't real nurses and were there to kill them. Cops too, I spoke to several cops who said that when they are off duty people don't stop for them even when they flash their badges. One told me he has actually had several people get off cause they told the jury the badge looked fake, and he didn't look like a real cop. Also several people who have worked at banks tell me they have seen the real guy before as he did several educational films for various banks about how to spot bad checks. Apparently he really was that original when he was young, and after he was caught banks changed security procedures for good. Not many criminal can say their actions changed a industry, much less now work for the industry as experts.

These days people a allot more jaded then when these events took place and people have a more inquisitive nature. But as 9/11 showed us things are still not perfect if really better at all.

My favorite scene in this film is when he becomes the head of the department at the hospital. The two doctors look scared and all he does it what he saw on TV. I think he was watching General Hospital or something, but I am not sure.

I like the acting in this film especially Walken, Hanks character was really drool but from what I heard in interviews, that was the way the guy really is. Leo does well in this as usual. The film is well paced and believable. People can argue about all the things in this movie that are wrong. To me though this movie is about a kid who wants to help his father so he can get back with his mother and they can be a family again. Once he realizes he has gone to far, he keeps going and does what he can to go on with his life. He had one h*ll of a ride though and he knew it. It is a good story that is well told and well acted. When I go to see a film that's what I'm looking for.

Payback (I) (1999)

All he wants is his $70,000

[10 June 2003]

Movies like this can be hard to stomach. It is rare in life or film to have a person who actually lives by the motto "Don't get mad get even". Now this is a well known phrase, but when this philosophy is put into practice people look like self absorbed *ss**les. That is the problem with the movie, the protagonist is complete jerk, thief, bully, and cold blooded murderer. He actually gets what he deserves but the job is done poorly and he actually lives. Where he goes to recover is unknown but after being shot like that he has to have other friends/ business associates somewhere fairly close. No matter though the real story picks up when trying to get back what he rightly stole. Don't get me wrong this film is very entertaining, it is funny, the violence is generally over the top and not really believable. But what bugs me the most is that not one character in this film could pass for a decent person. This movies leaves you wanting to cheer when our antihero is down near the end of the picture and at the same time you want him to be successful. Their is a real Count of Monti Cristo revenge to all that unfairly punished me feel to this movie. The punishment though is not really unfair. I like to watch this movie when I want to see someone kick some serious *** with a evil smile and demonic wit. I cannot recommend this movie though for those who are easily impressionable. If someone gets in their head that living by this motto is socially acceptable we will end up with a bunch of people being killed over parking spots or something. All in all this is a action movie and that's all. Not everyone gets what they deserve in this flick and the underlying theme seems to be crime can pay (if you kill everyone before they kill you).

Tequila Sunrise (1988)

This is my favorite Mel Gibson movie.

[10 June 2003]

Now after saying that, let me say this. I do not think it is his best movie. I realize he has made much better movies. This movie is flawed but if you look hard enough everything is flawed. The reason this is my favorite Mel Gibson movie is A: Mel's performance, it was very good. Probably not his best but he plays paranoid well. B: Raul Julia he was awesome in this. Same with Michelle Pfeiffer and Kurt Russell. Next is the story. A tale of a drug dealer trying to clean up his life to impress a restaurant owner, but is derailed by everyone else in his life. His brother is trying to set him up, his high school buddy is trying to stop but not bust him, and steal his would be girl. His other old friend who is supposedly the biggest dealer in Mexico is trying to get him back into dealing. His ex-wife wants his money, the DEA wants him in jail, his lawyer isn't really helping and all his kid wants is his attention. This is a character the has every reason to trust no one and still tries although he is usually right and shouldn't. To me this is a fun film with interesting characters doing what should be uninteresting things. True it all ends in true hollywierd fashion but seeing Michelle Pfeiffer looking great in some power woman suits and Kurt Russell looking like a 50's cigarette poster and trying to be slick is fun. Plus the performance by J.T Walsh (one of my favorite character actors) as the seedy DEA agent makes this worth the time.

Johnny Got His Gun (1971)

This is the most depressing movie I have ever seen..

[27 May 2003]

Now I admit I first came upon this little gem due to the Metallica video. I to found it to interesting not to seek out and watch. Wow, what a way to spend a couple of hours. The film came out in the early 70's but you would think it came out in the 40's or 50's. I never read the book as after the movie I couldn't bring myself to read something that is no doubt as depressing if not more than the movie. However if I had to rank this movie in the top 100 anti-war films category it would be #1 hands down.

Films like this will never, and I mean ever, be a summer blockbuster. I don't care what Spielberg did with SPR. WW1 was the last of un-mechanized wars. Yes, I know they did have trucks and tanks and such, but mostly this war was fought on the ground or on horseback as it had been for centuries. I can only imagine what recreating the trench battle scenes took as far a production time and what a pain in the ass it must have been. Then just think about fighting the actual war. Some big names in the movie here and there but the actual characters they play don't take up much screen time. The scene of Joe laying on the bed banging his head, spelling out kill me in Morse code with a bunch of officers around is gut wrenching. They way they move from him being conscious to dreaming can sometimes be confusing, but hey the character is blind, deaf, and mute how easy can the transition be.

I have spoken to several people about this book, none of whom have seen the film or even express a desire to see it for the reason I don't want to read the book. The story itself is so off setting that once you heard it you don't want to make it a everyday thing. This is not a film you sit down as a family on a holiday and enjoy. Still everyone I have spoken to who read the book say they were glad they read it and recommend it for what it is, Anti-War. If you want to scare kids with the horrors of war, make them watch this film/and or read the book. The grainy black and white makes it look like a documentary or one of the sober episodes of Mash. The story is engaging but the visuals can be off setting and hard to watch which makes the film drag on. It's not a short movie in the first place either. All in all I have to say it is a important and well done film that has many flaws. I still recommend this to people and they always talk to me about it once they have seen it. The only way it could be more depressing is if it was true.

The House of Yes (1997)

You gotta love a crazy movie like this!!

[16 May 2003]

The House of Yes is one of those movies we watch movies for. It's not the summer blockbuster or the heart felt sentimental journey. It's a fun, funny farce. Parker Posey and basically everyone (including Tori Spelling) did great. There was just enough of Tori to get the character across and not to much to ruin things.

This is one of my "check out this crazy movie" films I suggest to friends who say "have you seen anything unusual lately". Others include Heavenly Creatures, Boxing Helena, The Rapture, Cold Blooded, and a few others. I love to tell people absolutely nothing about these movies and have them watch them. I get the most interesting reactions.

What I love the most about this movie is the way the family functions. Clearly this is a possible poster family for dysfunction but you wouldn't here that from them. They know they have problems but don't seem to mind and couldn't very well understand why anyone wouldn't like there family. Parker Posey makes this movie and Josh Hamilton does a great job as the wannabe normal person in the family.

I suggest everyone watch this and take it in the good hearted fun it was meant. Sure the ending is outrageous but that's the fun.

It's My Party (1996)

Please don't make me watch it again.

[15 May 2003]

Who this film is supposed to benefit, entertain, or do anything else for is beyond me. It has a remarkable cast but the story is completely depressing. I can't say much about the acting cause all anyone did in this movie was try to look happy to be there. I'm not to sure if that what the director told them to do or cause it was just what they did. Essentially it's about a guy who finds out he's going to be dead to the world by Monday. His boyfriend left him so he invites everyone else he knows to come over and keep him entertained before dying.

I can't say I saw this recently (thankfully) but I can't say I remember a single funny moment in it. I can't recommend this to anyone either, it's just to bleak. This cast is wasted on a story I would wish on no one. I understand AIDS is a terrible and scary thing, that is no reason to depress people with this.

This is not the most depressing thing I have ever seen but it comes close. It tugs at the heart, but leaves you completely down.

Silverado (1985)

The western, their just good stories

[15 May 2003]

This is a western in a style that no longer exists. Young Guns came out soon after and we've been stuck with the rock and roll western ever since. There has been a few exceptions since but basically Silverado was a film that knew what is was and tried to be the best it could. Even by the days standards it has a great cast, Rosanna Arquette, Kevin Costner, Linda Hunt, Joe Seneca, Jeff Fahey, Brian Dennehy. Not to mention the listed stars, Danny Glover, Scott Glenn, and Kevin Kline. If you insist on trying to find flaws in films I'm sure you can find some but what I like about this film is the action isn't the showpiece of the film the story is. There is no fastest gun in the west in this film, it's not about kids running amuck, or even about a bunch of hired guns. It's about people trying to get back home to tie up loose ends and go to California to make a new start, the fun of this movie is like life itself. The fun is in the journey...

If you like a good western, check out this movie cause it is just plain good.

Holiday Romance (1998)

A story of a man who thinks he got the best of somebody only to find he himself was bested.

[14 May 2003]

This is a incredibily funny film. A woman needing a house sitter looks for help and finds it in a bumbling theif. Not only does he get trapped in the house with the dog, but she drives him to the brink of madness laying down rules and constantly bugging him. This is a well done film that deserves the accolades it got. It tells a fairly complex story in a short amount of time, and keeps you glued to your seat the entire time. A Brit flick for sure the humor can be dry at times, although it is not hard to follow. I don't want to put in anymore spoilers then I've already got here but this film is worth the time, watch and enjoy.