xkgbtzh Reviews

Road House (2024)

I wanted the throat rip.

[6/10 · 23 March 2024]

Another masterpiece of action for the man, Jakie G, baby! He can do no wrong. Outside of that, this film does a couple things wrong. One thing it does great is thrill! You are always cheering for the good guy, and jeering at the bad guys. And, there is plenty of opportunities to do just that. The fight choreography is filled up to the brim with exciting movement. Every punch and kick felt like they had weight to them, and the over the top destruction of every set was nothing short of explosive. That bar is going to go broke just from buying tables alone.

Billy Magnussen, I hope, will continue to appear in films that I watch. I have enjoyed him in every film I have seen him in, and he has played his roles well. He can be funny, he can be a support role, and we now see that he can at least play the rich bad guy. He's not the threatening villain that comes in swinging an axe, but I believed that he could be the son of a wealthy criminal who is trying to make a name for himself. By the way, that hotel model was gorgeous!

Speaking of the real villain, we have Connor McGregor. He can't act his way out of a wet paper bag, but d*mn can he menace! He, obviously, is extremely believable as a fighting monster, and I can see that he enjoyed the choreographed fight scenes. His character was the full blown, over the top psychopath with zero fear of anyone or death. And, all of this is totally acceptable in this movie! Even the bad acting! It's ROAD HOUSE! Yeah!

The supporting cast was overall decent. Everyone played their parts in the action genre. Set pieces that add to the scenery, and move the story along. Sometimes with great humor. Speaking of which, I am truly starting to love Arturo Castro. You see him in smaller parts, you saw him in The Menu, but you never see him as they allowed him to shine in this movie. He was the comic relief, but it wasn't just a joke. You could see a backstory behind the humor. I know that was the point of the writing, but Castro just does it better. I want to see more of him as well.

Did you like Top Gun: Maverick? If the answer is yes, then you will probably like this as well. If you are a fan of the old Road House, then you will probably fall into one of two camps. One, you see this for what it is, a cash grab vehicle to put some cool action on film. Waa! Waa! Art is dead! You took my beautiful 90's overblown B movie, and remade it into a 2020's overblown B movie! Two, you see this for what it is, and you realize that Hollywood is not going to stop doing this. Ever. So, you ride the wave, watch my man Jakie G go to town on some local thugs and then have to face off with the big boss man (the actor of whom happens to be a former MMA bad*ss), and then feel like you do after every big budget action movie. Satisfied that there was a little excitement in the form of a movie, that happens to come free with your Amazon subscription. Free 3 day shipping too? Amazon Music? Nice.

It is what it is. If this movie didn't have Jakie G, baby!, Billy Magnussen, and Arturo Castro, I would have rated this much lower probably. 6.25/10 slightly lame endings.

Draft Day (I) (2014)

Edged into eternity. Saddest no ending ever.

[5/10 · 11 March 2024]

I guess this is a spoiler, so I will mark it as such. The film was so great until the end. I'll make the epilogue.

The two players that Cleveland drafted ended up being par players.

The Jennings fell to RB sickness in his first year, and then he played another 4 seasons averaging about 800 yards on a huge amount of carries. He was out of the league after being a backup for many teams, including New England where he missed on one of the years that they didn't win a Superbowl. He retired soon after, and still had his legs and he never suffered a true concussion. He made out good for what it's worth.

Mack was huge in his first two seasons. He won defensive rookie of the year all off of 12 sacks and a healthy number of tackles combined with a couple picks. Then, his back gave out. He was a pro bowler for one more season, but that was just because he played through the pain. He got 8 sacks and one pick six. This would be his next to final year in Cleveland. Getting a trip to Hawaii for the Pro Bowl was nice though. After that, he went on the free agent market. He got a great deal for a three year, but was lackluster after getting traded to the Eagles. Cleveland got a 5th round from that from the option supplemental.

Callahan went on to be a serviceable QB with skills to lead good drives when it mattered. In his rookie year, he led the Seahawks to the playoffs with a divisional round win. They lost to the Giants, but after that, they made the Super Bowl, but lost in a barn burner. Callahan threw for four TD's, but, of course the Patriots were better. Bo fell into obscurity after that, he was traded for a second rounder and a handful of other players. He made an outstanding backup after a few good starts ending in a slowly tanking injury. His teammates did attend his birthdays. In fact, after learning the reason he dropped in the draft, he was adamant about being a team player.

The Browns made many trades other than that in the years to come. They did actually squander a few firsts in a trade for a quarterback coming off of injury and some allegations. Sonny Weaver was fired after the season to follow.

Coach Pimm was ousted within a couple years. He faced allegations of racism himself.

There, you have an ending.

This movie was good. Not great, but good. Tension was made by a literal time clock on screen. This was the only safe way that the "No Fun League" could allow. This was basically propaganda.

It was worth the view, and it was only made better by my ending. Or, your ending. Or, any ending at all. I was disappointed. They could have had an epilogue. Heck, Cleveland fans would have jumped for joy if this fictional team did something in a single moment of "what if."

5.25/10 bad drafts from the Browns.

Love and Monsters (2020)

Good movie, misguided, got edged most of the time.

[6/10 · 9 March 2024]

This movie has a great concept. It also has a really good, almost no name cast. Rooker pulls a heavy load, but doesn't take the spotlight. The main character is actually very good at handling the whole movie. However, while the movie has a great concept, it doesn't follow through on some main storylines.

I'm trying to write a no spoiler review, so I'll try to stick to the facts (and what was exposed in the trailer). Main character and his love interest were taken away by the monsters and the invasion. Suspension of disbelief is high here. The monsters are very dangerous, and they did a lot to make them very possible. Good on that front. The acting was mostly too notch, especially Ortega, Rooker, and the main. There are some major disappointments though.

This film should have been great. The effects and suspense were on point, but it never came to a real climax. I am left with a movie that just pulls itself in a circle. I am however satisfied with it actually having an ending. A TON of movies have no ending lately, and it is a breath of fresh air in that column.

The monster were great. The actors were mostly great. The story was great at the beginning. The visuals are pretty dang good. The payoff is lackluster.

6/10 is a gift, but a slightly earned one.

The Lobster (2015)

Good acting... as characters that are terrible.

[2/10 · 8 March 2024]

I love the main actor. I won't mention his name, because I don't want him attached to this movie in any way.

I get art. I get metaphor. I get parables. This movie strokes the people that say, "you don't get it." I guess I don't get a terrible story that is awkward in its telling. This movie is abhorrent. If you get its message, great. I got it too. However, it's still a terrible movie.

There is one star for the fact that I can't rate lower than that, and there's another for the lovely actor that shall not be named.

If you are pretentious ****, please go tell your friends to watch this and tell them that they don't get it, all the while not really understanding it yourself. Then, reflect on it, watch it again... then, you should remind yourself that movies should do something. Then, if you are still soulless, go tell your friends again what a **** you are.

If you are not a total ****, avoid this movie. Go watch The Room. It's dinner to watch how bad that is than to watch this stuck up its own a** flick.

Garbage/garbage.

For real, just stare at the sun for however long this stupid flick is. You'll have a WAY deeper understanding of life at that point. If I had a choice to stare at the sun, and the amazing superhuman actor that I won't name was starring (no pun intended) the sun, I would choose to watch the handsome sun.

The Lobster is terrible. Good God, please give me that time back. I beg of you! I'll turn around and watch Peppa the Pig or a new Transformer movie. Heck, I might even watch a puppy stuck in a well, while knowing that I can't do anything about it. I can hear it calling in the air of the night... I'll hold on. The despair it would bring me would be better than what was puked up on the screen in The Lobster. I hate almost everyone that made this film possible. They should go home and feel bad about themselves until they turn around and make a good movie like Poor Things.

I wish that I had a spray bottle, a rolled up newspaper, and a locker that I could unceremoniously say, "bad!" Spritz them, whop them on the nose, and then shove into said locker. Give me that belly, I'll punch it. N**d.

Ugh. Bad filmmaker! Bad!

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017)

4 stars for visuals; none for anything else.

[4/10 · 8 March 2024]

This movie had so much potential. I am a huge fan of The Fifth Element. When I heard that there was another movie coming out that was from the same people, I flipped! God had answered my prayers! I knew it wouldn't be the same, because I'm not dumb. However, seeing clips of the first scene gave me hope beyond hope. I should have stopped there.

The good is all from the amazing visuals and soundtrack. If you could somehow enjoy a movie without needing acting, this is something to watch. If you could invent a remote that could clip simply the awesome action and skip the rest, this is something to watch. You really can't, so here we are.

The bad is simple. The whole thing has zero direction or writing or acting or substance whatsoever. The chemistry from this movie's leads is worse than a 4th grader's volcano. Heck, replace some of the actors with a bottle of peroxide, and you may improve this movie.

Watch the beginning, and stop. Almost a worthless movie.

Ricky Stanicky (2024)

Suspend disbelief and laugh.

[7/10 · 7 March 2024]

Is this a goofy over the top premise that takes way too much leeway with what our imaginations can do? Yes. Is it funny? Yes. I'm a 90's kid. This is one of those films that I would watch a few times when I rented it at Hollywood Movies. It isn't great, but it's good. It wasn't a waste of my time, and I love the cast. I hope that everyone involved is happy with this product, cause it made me happy.

Obvious problems were mentioned earlier. You have to seriously forget how much tightrope walking that the characters have had to do (their whole lives) to make this whole thing happen.

Good parts are that there is actually well written skits. John Cena is just ham enough to make the second main character and comic relief a true treat. There are jokes fired pretty rapidly if you sit back with this one.

I liked it. If there is a switch in you that can turn off the ultra serious, watch this. If not, stay far away. This isn't an Oscar movie, and no one is Marlon Brando. It's a 6/10 movie.

Chef (2014)

Ode to food, but a story about growth.

[9/10 · 19 February 2024]

I dabble in cooking, so I have a huge bias here. That aside, this film was spectacular! Jon Favreau directs, stars in, and is this movie. He's been great, good, ok, bad, and everything in between. This is transcendent for such a talented person. Everything was on point. Like a chef in a good kitchen, mise en place.

John Leguizamo has had about a million great characters he has played. A handful were perfect for him, and he delivered perfectly. This role made me forget him. That sounds bad, but Leguizamo is bigger than life. He's a legend. You see him in a film, and go, "hey, that's John Leguizamo!" This role made you just see him as the character. It honed in his mega energy and presence. Unbelievably well casted and acted role.

Emjay Anthony is one the only child actors that I can say didn't seem like a child actor. Heart strings pulled, disappearance of critique, and overall just good job and atta boy!

The rest of the cast was great! Sofia Vergara is always intoxicating, RDJ makes use of his tiny role, Bobby Cannavale is true to form, and Dustin Hoffman is the best three minute villain in a fun movie. Oliver Platt is such an underrated actor. I wish he was in much more than he is in. He skimmed the surface in this, but still made his mark. Heck, even Russell Peters is great in his cameo. Even if it was out of place, it still added to the film. And, who can forget Amy Sedaris? That firecracker is loud and quick, but still doesn't feel shoehorned in.

I could say that I wished they would have expanded on "the menu that could have been," but honestly, that's just me being stupid. They chose the right route. I am definitely not the expert, and the choices made in this movie make me realize this 100%.

9/10 why can't there be at least "smell-o-vision"es.

Europa Report (2013)

Far better films that do the same thing.

[5/10 · 15 February 2024]

Nothing wrong with the film. It's just boring. The last few minutes are pretty good. However, there are just too many of the same thing seen in too many of better films. The actors did fine, the setting was the usual beautiful space and boring interior, and the pacing was fine, but it just lacks something. I really am not the proper person to tell more educated people what it lacks, but it's just another film like any other to me. I am glad that I didn't pay anything but my time to watch this. I could only imagine moviegoers coming out of the theater having wasted time and money. It's either a loud car ride with discussions about what was missing, or a quiet car ride trying to figure out what they were able to do to salvage the time that they lost and get some fun out of the rest of the night.

4.75/10 yawns and "I mean, the last minutes were okay, right? We can still go to the local restaurant! You know, the one that we have been meaning to try? Yeah, let's do that," conversations.

The Iron Claw (2023)

People talk about legends. Legends speak for themselves.

[8/10 · 15 February 2024]

Set aside some condensing of history, as this movie would be way too long and would almost seem unreal. This film portrays some of the most spectacular, over the top, engaging entertainers that have ever lived. A wrestling dynasty that was before many channels on tv, the internet, and even 10 digit phone numbers.

Efron and McCallany are powerhouses. Efron once again transforms himself. I mean, did his hands get bigger? Even his jaw seemed wider. Maybe some movie magic or some other enhancements, but he looked fantastic. Holt McCallany held a fine line of pushing for greatness while being just absolutely terrible as a father. You want to punch him at every corner. However, you also can see that he demanded respect. The brothers were raised to be "gentlemen" and "men" of that era. It's not the worst, but far from the best.

The part about the above mentioned stress of a fine line of thin ice is what is very much explored in this film. Players crack, players show weakness, players burn the inside of your heart through empathy, and most importantly they are actual people telling the story of actual people.

The movie deals with the male brain, the sports/fame brain, and the masculine brain very well. You're not supposed to cry. You can't show weakness. Stop being a p*ss and go out there and be tough for your mother! This is one of those times that you just have to live it. For those that didn't, it's ok. The last part of the movie really moved stone. Fellas, it's ok to feel things. We aren't in the 50's. Fritz was a product of another time. He couldn't break the wheel. The ending (and the life of Kevin) proves that you actually can break the wheel.

Not many films can take you away from your own head and delve into another set of lives. The whole cast made you feel their characters' lives. Jeremy Allen White makes you walk a mile in those 1 1/2 boots. Efron makes you walk without shoes. Also, Harris Dickinson greatly portrays CTE.

8/10 Ric Flair is a scumbags.

The Beekeeper (2024)

Let's call a spade a spade.

[10/10 · 14 February 2024]

We all know what this movie is about. If you understand my first sentence, then you understand why we can't just openly say it.

This is a revenge p**n flick that is on par with kitboga! I only don't like when he killed two innocents. Frig it, there are two deaths on screen that didn't have to happen. In the elevator scene. As long as he actually got folks out before the OKC bombing, this is a semi-victimless crime.

This is a revenge movie for anyone that had something happen to their loved ones. If you are looking for a one man army flick, yeah... this is your bag. If you are looking for a film that should have not been set in America, because we know what's up.... This is definitely your bag. I will never call for death, but this is a GREAT representation of how things should be in this new world. They say a sucker is born every day. Well, it's every second that a SUCKER is born. Look it up.

Purely good film if you have had someone fool a loved one.

India is a great country.

-10/10 in the opposite world. Only for my last sentence. And the following - I want to see India prosper soooo much! I love Indian films! They are so good! I hope that the world sees their films and loves them! I mean, come on! A couple billion people can't be just terrible at everything! They definitely aren't the enemies of this movie! No way!

Coherence (2013)

I am writing this from another universe!!!

[8/10 · 13 February 2024]

Please know that I can't tell you how badly I don't want you to watch this movie!!! It's absolutely terrible! Jason Priestly, Matthew Perry, Tina Fey, and Samara Weaving are absolutely terrible in this film! I really can't remember the rest of the ensemble cast, but they were just awful! The story was stupid, and kinda easy to figure out. It really was telegraphed from the beginning. I mean, come on... everything is going right the whole time??? What is this? Stupid if you ask me. Quentin Tarantino made the worst film of all time here.

I give this movie absolutely -8/-10. May Satan have mercy on your souls.

Olympus Has Fallen (2013)

Suspend disbelief for bit, but it goes so far.

[6/10 · 10 February 2024]

I can suspend disbelief for a while, but Rick Yuen was a super weak villain. I was literally taken out of the film at every action he was in. Terrible villain. His over the top voice, his over the top violence, his over the top action sequences were completely unbelievable. He is not a main character. The film was good outside of that.

North Korea being a major threat is something that I hold in high suspension of disbelief. I will allow that there could be a threat. But, only to South Korea with the aid of China.

Either way, this was a good film. Action packed setting, good writing in a technical sense, and major stars. Outside of "Kang," this is a really good film.

5.25/10 Shane Gillis's.

A Quiet Place Part II (2020)

Jimothy redeemed himself. DO NOT WATCH THE FIRST FILM.

[7/10 · 9 February 2024]

The first movie should have never been made. This is the movie that should have been made. This is the actual "Quiet Place" movie. The first movie was the third Godfather. This is the first Godfather so-to-speak.

What a return! Out of poo comes diamonds. I hope that this was one of those pitches that ended in a studio exec that listens to his aides going, "the first one was terrible, John!" And, John saying, "I know! I have to make it up to the people! Just give me one more chance!" And the exec goes, "It's your final chance, Krasinski! Don't let the badge down!" It probably didn't go that way, but it still would be nice.

Cillian Murphy is to acting what Michael Jordan was to basketball. Well, LeBron James... another actor is Jordan. Guess which one. He is always transformative in everything he does. He drips into roles, and makes you not see Cillian Murphy. Emily Blunt does what Emily Blunt do, but the star of the film is Millicent Simmonds. Simmonds is far and away the carrier of this film. She takes a role that has really very few lines and does so much with it. Even moonfaced, she can tell a story with her expressions.

The story here is much better than the "film which will not be named." It's an actually well paced tension filled horror film. There are almost zero plot holes. Ahem... did you hear that? Little to no plot holes! Hopefully anyone involved with the old film will hear that and learn a much overdue lesson. Terminator 2 was so good that it sort of eclipsed the first one. This didn't kill the first one. It actually made other generations want to see the first one. I hope to God that this movie doesn't make people to see the first one. This sequel is far and away the only film that I can say was nuclear level better than its former.

Quiet Place 1... die in a ditch, cold and alone. The right brother died this day. Long live Quiet Place 2!

7.99/10 Michael Scarns!

The Menu (2022)

Hope and Joy comes back in a heart.

[9/10 · 7 February 2024]

Ana Taylor-Joy just has "it." "It" is indescribable, but just watch her in her many films. Especially this one. A fun, then very much not fun film is laid in front of us, and she is the vein that pumps the blood throughout this film.

I often complain about movies with no clear ending. This film ends. Properly. John Lenguinzamo is fantastic in a resurgent role. I say that knowing that he really didn't have a huge role, but that's the genius of this film. No one had a huge role outside of ATJ and Ralph Fiennes. Transitioning, Fiennes is again, the best actor of any film he is in. Reeling myself in, we go back to the cast. It is perfect. Writing is perfect. Setting and setup is perfect. This film just makes you think about life, and when does joy in life stop. You never know when you put your kid down from your shoulder the last time when they begin walking. You never know when is the last time you'll play catch with your dog. You never know when it stops being worth it to do what you do. This film frames this perfectly.

I cried at the nearly end. It was joy flooding back into someone. An imperfect person remembering a perfect time. We think we are always better, and striving for best. When someone reaches their best and becomes plateaued, that's when they have truly lost hope. This movie portrays this in a very visceral way. ATJ and Fiennes usher this along in an unorthodox way.

This is one of the most well put together films in recent years. Act 1, act 2, act 3, ending. The writing, directing, production, and et fu**ing al are worth their weight in gold.

9.5/10 ATJ is the hottest alien ever's.

Lockout (2012)

So bad that it's good.

[6/10 · 6 February 2024]

I am watching this from the fuuuutuuurrreee. So, quick shout out to the real heroes of this film. Guy Pearce, Maggie Grace... great performances for my review below. Peter Stormare, Vincent Regan... much better performances than should have been in this film. Lennie James, I love you. You can do no wrong. But! The writing did a lot for you in this! And, that's probably the only thing the writing really did.

So, this movie is so bad. It's just so bad. However, me being from the future does allow me to go back and think where I was in 2012. Ok, nah, it's still pretty bad for then too. If this movie was sent back to the 70's, 80's, or 90's... even the early 00's, this would have blown their minds. The former three would have had this as the best film of all time. Casablanca would have been burned in the streets. However, if you are in current times (2024), this movie is just so bad that it is good. I did waste my time, but you know what? I enjoyed it. I was taken back to a simpler time. That time was not 2012, which blows my d*mn mind that this movie was made in Obama's second term. For 2012, this would have been a 4. For now, it's much better. You just have to forget that it was 2012.

Graphics are subpar, and look like a bad cutscene from a game in that era. Writing is passable at times, but overall just B tier movie quality. Acting is ok in certain areas. Overall story is pretty good. Action is pretty fun, but still not enough. I enjoyed it for what it was. I laughed at the terribleness of it, and enjoyed the odd twist every now and then.

5.75/10 Lennie James I love you for you, and no one can take that away from me's.

The Gray Man (2022)

I wanted to love this movie soooo much.

[7/10 · 5 February 2024]

I love Ryan Gosling, and I love Chris Evans. They are both phenomenal actors. With that being said, Chris Evans is not the guy for this part. He's just too lovable. He could have been in Ryan Gosling's part! I wouldn't have wanted to see him go though, but then we wouldn't have had Evans! Argh.

This was a super fun, one man army type of movie. The characters (regardless of how charming either of them might be) were very well written. The attraction of having a bad guy that is also kinda "funny and alluring" is great. However, Evans was just too alluring and funny. Not his fault at all!!! It's just something that takes you away. I hate saying that someone is too good of an actor to take anything away from them. Like a heal in wrestling though, you can't make them a face and a heal at the same time. Even The Rock could barely pull that off for a half of a second in the WWE. And, yes, wrestling is definitely a dumbed down narrative, and the Rock couldn't shake a stick at Evans in the acting department. But, hopefully you see what I mean.

Action was awesome, settings were awesome, actors were so good. 7.25/10 too hot for your own goods.

Bone Tomahawk (2015)

Not for the squeamish.

[8/10 · 4 February 2024]

The first scene opens to something very visceral. If you can handle that, well... you can handle that. It only gets worse from there. There is a good pause in action for a moment, but after that, its intensity exponential.

Everyone acted perfect for their characters, who were written perfectly. The backdrop is classic western with a slightly more "honest" aspect. This just hints at the further to come.

A band of merry men set forth to avenge the kidna... oh wait, nope. Everything sucks and it's basically hopeless. Without trying any spoilers, just know that it is truly hopeless. Anything granted from there on is a gift from the cruelest writers I have seen in a good long while.

I can't say anything more about this film if you are looking for a methodical stomping of a gory soul. If you don't want that, there are many more movies. This three act play is two western, one horror. It's two and a half acts of tense violence.

8.5/10.

Automata (I) (2014)

Avoid this movie

[4/10 · 3 February 2024]

This was absolutely awful. Robert Forster is the only one that should be happy with their work here. This movie even made Javier Bardem sound wooden, and he's a robot in the whole darn thing! Melanie Griffith and Antonio Banderas were especially bad. The stars that I am giving is for the environment, some of the camera work and sound, and for the folks that did the wardrobe and robots. The scenery is good. It's hard to mess up copying every other post apocalyptic Bladerunner style movie. I do feel like they missed the mark with lighting and angles. There were some really boring shots. Sound was good. I wasn't turned off by anything. The wardrobe falls in with my statements about the scenery. Good job putting for Pat on that one.

The worst thing about this movie is the pacing. Building up with some new reveal with the vibe going up; then derailing it with a completely unnecessary ten minute speech about what life really means, bleh. We get it, somebody got through their existential crisis! There is never enough time to adjust to what you are watching. Is it a serious part? Should I be tense? What is that guy's motivation? That doesn't make any sense.

To top it all off, you've got the worst bad guys I have seen in forever. Just bad for no good reason at some points. They are the type of poorly written characters that you wonder if they are going to just pull out a kitten at some point.

There is really only a couple things to make a decent movie. Story (writers), pacing (direction), and acting (duh). This movie had a story that has been done a million times, but they somehow made it too convoluted. It had the pacing of somebody that directed two films and then spliced them together. And, the acting was just bad. There is a scene near the end with the bad guys talking, and I could've gotten a better performance out of Mrs. Frank's third grade remedial reading class. There's also this homeless fella that you can't understand a word he is saying???

It's less than a 4, avoid it.

Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard (2021)

Zero roots. Separate movie in every bad way.

[5/10 · 25 January 2024]

What a terrible sequel. They had gold to work with. I don't know if there was a casting issue, but an amazing storyline was completely abandon with the love story from the old film.

Separating the two films, they did an action pivot. Cool. Kinda lame if you like the actors though. Salma was reduced to t*ts and *ss. Samuel Jackson was reduced to Mofo personified, and Reynolds was nipped in the sack with discarding a perfect storyline from the other movie. Recast the role of the long lost love. He was hollow in this one.

Action film with an amazing cast is reserved for the expendables. This should have been more. Great placement of Avion Gin though. I like Reynolds, so it isn't bad. At least it isn't 6 underground.

(Insert weird rating) 53 boofy point out of 67 derodonks. (4.5 out of 10)

Ready or Not (I) (2019)

Something different! But, stop the scream!

[8/10 · 24 January 2024]

This is a very cool twist on a genre that pops its head up now and then. The whole Hunter/hunted thing is a pretty basic concept, but this throws really good setting, amazing cast, and a bunch of curveballs into the mix. Thus, making what you see here. Amara Weaving is someone that should be looked at for more roles than currently. Andie McDowell plays her part to perfection. The comic reliefs totally steal the scenes they are in.

The only thing I didn't like is the amount of screaming from Weaving. It's not that she shouldn't be screaming, but that it's not the screaming that you should repeat over and over. If you don't want to read something that you will never un-hear when watching the movie, then stop here. Again, I can hear the pure terror in her scream, and it is definitely the right setting in a couple scenes. However, it's non-stop and it sounds like Tarzan. The breaking of the scream in waves was just too much and took me out of one of the scenes so bad that I really almost muted and put on subtitles until it stopped. This is not totally Weaving's fault. The director should be able to listen to it himself the one thousand times that he had to rewatch his film for edits. You could have easily re-dubbed in a certain scene when the mouth was not visible. Hell, call in a designated screamer for just that scene if Weaving couldn't stop with the wavering. I have heard the scream in another of her movies, but those movies stopped when it got excessive.

The movie is something that I would watch once, and maybe again with someone to share it with. It's good. What else is there to say? (Apparently needed wacky scoring to set myself apart) - 83 scibbidy-doos out of 73 moopity-poos! (7.75/10)

Fantastic Four (2015)

Turd.

[2/10 · 24 January 2024]

Overall, just a turd of a movie. I feel bad for anyone that was not paid right for this movie. I hope that the people on the credits were able to look themselves in the face after they went home. I truly hope that when everyone saw this that worked in this film, didn't get depressed. Great cast! Obviously, this movie has been tried multiple times. And, it's basically failed every time. Well, intellectual property be darned! They did it again! If the budget and technology was there for the weird 1990's version of this, they would have done better. If the early 2000's version had this much time to see the error in their ways, they would have done a much better version. This movie was the worst polished turd of all time. I don't blame the actors. They did their part. But, everything else should have been (simply put) shot. A waste of everything. My time included. And, my time isn't worth much. But, here's my two cents: this movie stinks.

Good God, 2 for just the cast alone. Please rid me of this stench. I hope to never watch a film like this again. I would watch The Room on repeat over watching this runaway train to zero again.

Ugh.

End of Watch (2012)

A little late to the party, but man... what a flick!

[8/10 · 23 January 2024]

Jakey G does it again! How can this guy be so many people?! The guy can be Mr. Sad in one movie, Mr. Happy in another, then be goofy, and then portray something like this. Michael Peña deserves more awards. Like, how is it possible for him to not have at least one major award? Give this guy something! A lifetime achievement award or ANYTHING! The chemistry between the two is top notch. You could tell me that they have been raised together, and I wouldn't question it.

This boils down to a cop drama with a thriller timeline and heart rate. Anna Kendrick at her (sort of??) rise (she really hasn't been on a downfall or anything, and just seems to be the it girl in everything) touches the heart strings with her small part. Natalie Martinez sets the whole screen on fire with her likability and comfort in her role. All of the other police cast did a phenomenal job just being the best set pieces. Casting was the best.

It comes down to this, you want a (slightly shaky cam) movie that portrays a very crazy situation and has a very rough edge to it? This is your film. Action is high on this one with an intermission every now and again. Suspend disbelief with the "documentary" style... it's the biggest detractor, and you have an extremely well put together film. There are a few storylines that could have been sharpened, but it's overall amazing. You won't like this film if you are "ACAB," but if you are normal, this is a bang up movie. 8/10

Also, I guess it's better to give reviews with something unique.... Well, 8 out of 10 star like objects. Skittles? 3.397 out of 4? How about 20 lollipops out of 32 watermelons? Dorks.

Safety Not Guaranteed (2012)

A Time Machine back to whimsy.

[8/10 · 22 January 2024]

Starting off, Duplass and Plaza are absolutely electric with chemistry. You really don't see a duo that exudes this type of believable interest. That is basically all of the stars in this review. It could be literally 2 hours of them running around in character, and it would have been a triumph. On to the other parts. This movie took me back to the time of movies like, "Real Genius," and "Short Circuit." There's a simplicity of those that you just had to believe, and it would be real. Back to a time when Steve Gutenberg was in everything, and Matthew Broderick was an audience analog with complex youth. It makes you warm and fuzzy if you were alive during those times. Adding the above mentioned chemistry, this movie quite possibly could have swept the awards in ye olde times.

With all that said, there is no ending. Now, to be fair, when watching it, I did forget how old the movie was due to it being fresh with actors that are really top of the charts in a lot of things. So, again to be fair, this was probably one of the earlier ones that this was still charming. However, if you are watching this in 2024, it just looks like every A24 film and Wes Anderson impersonator. I'm a fan of both (sort of), but I am not a fan of just cutting to black and leaving the audience to piece everything together. You are important and very highly paid directors, writers, and producers. I am just a dumb guy that sells stuff for a living. There is a time and place for this stuff, and it was this film. Dang it. Ok, so this movie gets a pass. All the other ones suck. 8.5/10.

No One Will Save You (2023)

A punch in the mouth.

[7/10 · 21 January 2024]

Kaitlyn Dever. What a d*mn performance. I don't think that I have ever seen a completely wordless performance. I will refer to the bad guy and "bad guys" to hopefully not give away anything. The trailer does give away a lot, but it's still something that I would really hope to keep secret. So, this film starts quick. Only the first ten minutes is setup. It does a pretty good job at making you piece things together very quickly. Then, it goes right into the action. The bad guys come very quickly. They establish themselves as the most bad bad guys that are possible. The way they move, the way they speak, and the way they just intimidate you is something I haven't seen in many films. The sounds used by the bad guys is as creepy as it gets. I haven't been tense watching a film in a very long time. This movie pumps tense into the viewer like an IV bag. Everything moves so quick, and the bad guys keep getting worse as you go along. The story gets a little hazy as the time moves on, and that's not a completely bad thing. There are moments of clarity, and moments of WTF?! That just make you think. I constantly was questioning if I wasn't getting something, but it's pretty straightforward. Tales from the Crypt and Twilight Zone are conjured forth to end the whole thing. For everyone out there that goes "huh?" At the end... there is nothing deeper than what you see. There isn't an allegory for agoraphobia, there might be some slight tendencies toward religion maybe, and there is definitely nothing that needs to go deeper. Think about it for a few seconds, and you are good to go. Either way, Kaitlyn Dever was absolutely perfect. If you like Arrival, this is its cousin. Minus the aliens??? Maybe the bad guys are the guys from Home Alone??? Maybe they just speak Greek??? Eh, it's aliens. Or is it?

Amazing twist on a tired genre.

Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023)

I am not a player of D&D, but I should be.

[8/10 · 18 January 2024]

This film was great! I enjoyed every moment. It didn't lean too heavy on its roots, but I still think it paid homage to them. I have never played D&D, but I do understand the lore and the amount it has affected everything that is fantasy. Tolkien started this whole thing, and I do believe that someone like him would enjoy his creation's grandchild. This movie took you up one hill and down another mountain in a story, that while was very reliant on some plot armor, did do its job. Suspension of disbelief is just something that comes with this sort of genre, but this wasn't one of those things that you had to stop thinking to enjoy. The fun sorcery and magic of cinema had me hoping that the characters would strive! The cast was perfect. Michelle Rodriguez came out of left field and made a great comic relief while still being powerful. Sometimes the "girl power" goes a little far in some films; it's just a fact in Hollywood. But, Michelle Rodriguez played it perfect. Complete balance in her acting.

Overall, this is a film that transcends its source material. Do not hesitate like I did. Please watch this for a nonstop action packed thrill ride.