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The Sitter (2011)
2/10
Bizarre, racist, nonsense movie is not funny
30 December 2011
This is the first and only time I've reviewed a movie on IMDb but this movie was so awful I felt like I had to.

The main problem is it's just not funny. I realize comedy is subjective but there isn't anything in the movie that could be interpreted as humor unless you think an exploding toilet is funny, in which case 3 seconds of the movie will entertain you.

The story makes no sense - this guy takes 3 kids to a drug dealer, steals a car, breaks into a jewelry store and steals diamonds, has the drug dealer beaten up, goes to a black club where all the black people are criminals and thugs, meets one normal black person who inexplicably is at the same bar (of course - because she's black!), steals thousands of dollars of cash and checks from a bat mitzvah, gets in a car accident, etc. All while solving three disturbed kids emotional problems (tells a disturbed, violent adopted orphan to "chill out," tells a boy he's gay, and tells a girl to take her makeup off).

It was just weird and made no sense. The racist stuff really bothered me but ultimately it fails just because it wasn't funny.

I give it 2 stars instead of 1 for the black girl love interest, who was the only normal person in the movie (except that she looks like a supermodel and was too shy to talk to a fat, ugly jerk in her astronomy class).
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Cloverfield (2008)
1/10
overrated
21 January 2008
Warning: Spoilers
i went in expecting a scary monster movie.

what i got was 15 minutes of bad TV dialog, and 45 minutes of shaky-cam running through the streets. the acting was OK but the characters were really unpleasant. not only did i not care if they died, by the end of the movie i was rooting for the monster.

there were a lot of plot holes and the decisions everyone made were totally unrealistic. it was hard to stay in the movie because of the constant lapses of common sense and logical flaws. those kinds of things really annoy me when they could have been fixed with a line or two of dialog.

finally at the end of the movie there were a couple minutes of cool special effects. the rest of the movie was a waste of time.
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