Seagalogist Reviews

Legion (2010)

'Legion' tries to do too much and falls flat

[4/10 · 8 March 2010]

I just got back from watching Legion. I knew going in there that the reviews were awful, but I still fancied giving it a real chance.

So we start with many non-sensical scenes. One of Michael (Paul Bettany) just prodding around what we later assume (if one even cares to try and figure out the plot after seeing it) is downtown LA. He cuts the area where his wings were, and sews the wounds up.

Tyrese Gibson shows up at a diner and seems very strange, like he's on the run or something, but that's not explained either so who cares. Then there's some talk in the diner, every character gets their chance. Including Dennis Quaid, who obviously thinks the script is garbage and just plays his character comically (to good effect).

Some old lady shows up, and from the camera angles and score, we know there is something not quite right. Then crazy stuff happens that isn't really explained, Michael shows up, there's lots of fighting, Gabriel shows up, nothing is explained. Mankind will either live, or die.

I found this movie weak on plot, and it's lack of follow through on any of the major plot points is a let down. However, take the whole thing with a pinch of salt, laugh inappropriately and Legion is not all bad. One wonders whether the humour was intentional, but it certainly is there.

Legion really is only for those who enjoy to laugh at a ridiculous plot and scenes that are seemingly random. Also, the action isn't half bad, but you really don't root for any of the characters, so it comes down to seeing the best explosions/deaths. 4/10.

The Blind Side (2009)

Not just another uplifting sports movie

[8/10 · 7 March 2010]

I went into this movie expecting a made-for-TV style true story, with a bigger cast and inflated budget.

I was spectacularly wrong.

Without revealing too much, this movie is the true, uplifting story of Michael Oher. He is an overgrown, black, misunderstood young man who comes from a broken home. By chance he is accepted into a wealthy, predominately white, high school (due to his size and potential in football).

From here we see the true challenge he faces. He struggles to find shelter and warmth at night and lives out of a plastic bag.

Then begins his journey with the family of Sandra Bullock's character. In what is an outstanding performance, the best of her career, Bullock is believable and tough in portraying a woman of true strength and character.

Overall, this movie is great, capped off by strong performances. It is almost difficult to believe it is a true story. The sporting plot plays second fiddle to the true plot - the racial and class divides in the Southern States of America.

Seven Pounds (2008)

Pretentious Crap

[3/10 · 28 February 2010]

This movie is very preachy. So if you don't like being preached to, forget about this movie.

There are major let downs in this movie. Will Smith stars as...well... Will Smith, you know the same character from Happiness, Bagger Vance or any Will Smith drama. I'm not saying Will Smith is bad, I like him. However this character is getting tired and overused. I'd like to see him make an 'evil' turn in a role. I hear he might be doing the OldBoy remake, pray to God that's not true.

Woody Harrellson is criminally underused, getting about 10 minutes of screen time. His character seems real, and you just wonder what his life was like really.

Rosario Dawson gives a nice performance in this movie, as she probes to find out more and more about Smith, even though he won't budge.

I won't give it away, but there's obviously a twist, and some of the viewers will cry and buy into it, and most will be a little bit ticked off. Then the reason for the twist surely will enrage everyone. It's so so pretentious and we realize Will Smith's character is just pouting and feeling sorry for himself unable to get on with his life. I hated it.

A high note for me is the score. I loved it, it was typical drama movie, but just well executed and I feel that no other music would have fit in. I was tempted to give it 4/10, but it doesn't deserve it. 3/10

Fortress (1992)

A classic sci-fi movie

[8/10 · 24 February 2010]

As I child, my parents let me watch all sorts of violent movies and I really can't thank them enough for it. I will name a few that stayed in the memory to this day: Speed, Hard Boiled, Under Siege 1 and 2, Terminator 2, Highlander, Braveheart and this movie, Fortress.

Fortress stars Christopher Lambert in his best role (yes, even better than Highlander). In the future you can't have more than one child or something like that and he and his wife are sent to a new super prison where escape is impossible, or so it seems!

I have a problem with the tagline 'the only thing it couldn't hold was an innocent man'. Lambert is not innocent. His wife is pregnant again and no matter how stupid the law is, he broke it. So I suppose the only thing it can't hold is a group of guys who plot to escape using the explosive stomach bombs that are planted in them on arrival. Yes, you heard correctly, stomach bombs! If you go out side the perimeter...BOOM!

Kurtwood Smith makes a great turn as the Head of the Prison, and as the pawn of the complex computer system that runs THE FORTRESS!

I loved this movie as a kid, and I watched it recently. Guess what? I still love it. It's got character to make up for it's clichés and a whole bunch of originality to make up for Lambert's French-Canadian-Lambert accent. His acting is what I call Lambertesque.

The non stop action makes this movie a great watch for any 1) man 2) fan of 80s/90s action 3)Lambert fan 4)Anyone open minded

I highly recommend it.

Rumpelstiltskin (1995)

Early 90's horror (pre-'Scream') defined

[6/10 · 24 February 2010]

Did you ever see Leprechaun? If you answered 'yes' continue. Did you like it? If you answered 'no', get out of here fast and don't watch Rumpelstiltskin.

Sorry, that was just a quick filter to stop potential 'haters' of this movie seeing it or reading this. So if you like horror, you'll be aware that between around 1988-1996 the genre was ridiculous and terrible, bar a few noble exceptions. Only 99% of the stuff that came out was terrible. However, as a kid, it was great to be able to watch things like Leprechaun/Rumpelstiltskin and be mildly scared (mostly by the box cover) and be amused also.

I have fond memories of Rumpelstiltskin, and when I watched it yesterday I still enjoyed it. It's nothing special, but Rumpelstiltskin looks quite evil, says lines like "this ain't no fairytale" and even raises the dead once. Awesome!

You can see the director thought 'shit, look at my budget, I don't need all that', so he just decided to blow stuff up. There are some great explosions of trucks...yes, there is a Rumpelstiltskin car chase!

Criticisms. Acting: the acting was so bad, not quite 'Manos' bad, but everyone bar the mother of the baby and the cop who dies early on were terrible. Even little Rumpel is only OK, would have liked less comic humour and more sinister stuff. Plot: It's weak and sometimes it's too slow, others too fast. Like when Rumpel is unleashed the pacing goes out the window. Though I must say, there's plenty of the little guy in this movie and that's what we want to see so I can't complain. Rumpel: He's a good character, but if it wasn't for Leprechaun's cult following would they have made Rumpel more sinister? It may not have worked because he's laughable even before he speaks.

This movie works only if you suspend all belief and expect as little as possible. It helps if you're bored and just don't care what you watch also. 6/10 just because of it's faint charm and explosions. There is no horror to be found in this movie!

Road House (1989)

Don't overlook this like I did

[9/10 · 24 February 2010]

This will be a strange way to start a review but I was told not to speak ill of the dead. However I will anyway. I don't like Patrick Swayze as an actor and never have. Until I saw 'The Beast' I just thought he was a lucky guy who had a couple of hits that were made in his comfort zone. Then I watched Road House.

This is energy from start to finish and Swayze will obviously be criticised for acting this terribly. That said, could you see anyone else in that role? Or could you see Swayze playing his character any differently? No.

Swayze is great and ridiculous as the meditating taichi skilled bouncer straight outta hell (not literally from hell). I've never heard of bouncers being recruited/traded, but obviously it happens because why would a movie lie? He shows up to clean up this bar in a small town and it's all fun and games until someone gets hurt. By who? The racketeering dude who 'owns the town' of course! What, you didn't know that every small town had one of those guys?

Swayze gets driven to the edge and it's only the love of a good woman, and the friendship of a great cowboy (Sam Elliott, the dude from big lebowski) that can stop him going over.

Anyway, an epic battle ensues and when Wesley (the bad dude) pushes Swayze over the edge we hear an epic cry "WESSLLLLEEEYYYY" from Swayze. Then we know...its on!

Great movie which I overlooked for years because I didn't know the Swayz-Meister did any movies like this. Well he did, and by God it's one of the best 80s actioners in existence! See it, laugh at it, love it.

Halloween H20: 20 Years Later (1998)

The best of the Halloween sequels/remakes by far, but that doesn't say much.

[8/10 · 24 February 2010]

Let me say, this is a strong slasher movie. It has all the elements one expects and a hint of nostalgia with tween slasher queen Jamie Lee Curtis reprising her role as tormented object of the slasher's affections. However, she plays a stronger woman this time around and that was a good move, considering she's a mother now and needs to be strong for her son (played by a young Josh Hartnett).

For a slasher movie, the acting is acceptable, definitely above the standard. The kills are good and Michael Myers is his usual sinister self.

Where this movie falls down is simple to identify. Remember a small movie by the name of Scream? Remember Scream 2, I know what you did last summer, Urban Legend...the list goes on. You see what I'm getting at here? Now you can add Halloween H20 to that list. It just follows the same framework as those movies, but with less blatant humour, which again was a smart move. Humour + Michael Myers (not to be mistaken as the guy who played Austin Powers) = FAIL. So kudos to H20 for providing us with a silly title, but a solid movie that slasher fans will enjoy.

Marked for Death (1990)

One thought he was invincible, the other thought he could fly....They were both wrong!

[9/10 · 17 November 2009]

Of course they were! (That is the best line from this, or perhaps any movie)

This, the third of Seagal's 4 greatest movies ('Above the law', 'hard to kill' and 'out for justice' being the others) delivers on all fronts. It is vintage Seagal. If you have seen and enjoyed 'Under Siege', then check the afformentioned titles out. They are truly gritty action movies, with the usual glimpse of Seagal-like humour. Simple stories with simple and often brutal outcomes.

In Marked for Death we focus on John Hatcher, who is forced to retire from the DEA after his partner and friend is killed when undercover. Fed up with the system, he returns to his hometown and finds gangs of 'Jamaicans' (known as Posses) selling drugs to schoolkids. This sickens Hatcher, and when he and an old friend try and stop it, they become 'Marked for Death'.

I must say, this is a great action movie, they just don't make it like this anymore. My personal favourite, 'Hard to kill' is slightly better in my opinion, but they are all great movies. They don't try and complicate the plot too much, because it knows the audience wants action, not plot twists and a simple story, that's somewhat believable.

One fault is the ridiculous body doubles used for some Jamaicans in some fight scenes (white people with Bob Marley wigs painted brown), but for me, this just adds to the enjoyment.

Check it out for sure.

The House of the Devil (2009)

Suspense builds slowly and leads to a frantic finale

[8/10 · 30 October 2009]

I saw the trailer to this and liked the idea of it. First of all, fans of Rosemary's baby will love this. I feel like it will grow in popularity after it's cinema spell and become a bit of a cult classic. That's high praise but the film is not perfect.

Fans of horror may be disappointed. The first hour to 70 minutes is very slow and don't expect a high body count either! It does however leave you feeling dread, like a sense that the inevitable is coming yet it's only a question of when. The movie just falls down a bit by taking to long on that build up.

When the end begins, it all kicks off. Disturbing, graphic, twisted, scary...just a few words that come to mind. It really puts the pedal down and runs you over relentlessly. A couple of scary and real old school horror moments happen in the flash sequences near the end.

Overall, this movie belongs in the 80s, yet turns out to be a whole lot more sophisticated than 80s horror. Great movie, strong performances from the lead and the 'man of the house'. Horror fans check it out, fans of more suspenseful movies mark this as a must see!

Paranormal Activity (2007)

A Valiant effort, yet ultimately, it falls down a bit

[6/10 · 29 October 2009]

I saw this movie enter the US top 10 out of the blue and instantly was intrigued. I knew nothing of the movie, hadn't even read a trailer or a review. I kept it that way and got my hands on this movie asap. I prepared, and judging from the huge reception and hearing Spielberg had to switch it off half way through because he was so scared, I was expecting this to be very chilling.

Granted this movie does a superb job at keeping suspense going with it's minimalist attitude, but at the end, for someone as enthusiast about horror as I, it became predictable. The last 20 minutes I could have scripted myself. That's not an insult, it was just a bit predictable.

It's a great effort by a 1st time director but for me, it just wasn't scary enough. I would recommend people to see it, but don't expect a great movie. If you thought Blair Witch was the scariest movie you ever saw, see this! If you're more of a 'Don't look now'/'Rosemary's Baby'/'The Shining'/'The Exorcist'/'The Mist' person, don't expect to be kept awake at night!

Dexter (2006–2013)

Leaves other crime dramas trailing, simply brilliant

[7/10 · 18 May 2008]

Dexter was such a sleeper it that when I watched it, after hearing the buzz from the US, I expected it to be pretty OK, but nothing spectacular, especially since crime dramas (csi,24, etc.) aren't my favourite. As well as that I don't really like Lost and I've grown tired of heroes. But as soon as I heard the twisted monologues of Dexter, I knew this show was interesting to say the least. And not only that, I was really produced well, the plot was flawless and the acting amazing with superb comic timing from the cast when it's needed.

I must say, Dexter is the best show on TV at the moment along with Entourage and South Park. Just don't take it too seriously, and get engripped in the story. Brilliant, bring on season 2!

Strength and Honour (2007)

Clichéd, Bad Acting, Terrible Dialogue...It should win a razzie!

[1/10 · 4 December 2007]

I saw Strength and Honour last night. I expected a lot and was let down. I walked out of the cinema talking about some faults it had. I slept on it and when I woke up I realised that there was so much more wrong with this film. I think it was the worst film I saw this year. It is set and filmed in Cork, Ireland (my hometown) so I really want to say it was amazing. It was just a massive letdown. It wasn't even a movie that was 'so bad it's good/funny', it was just a horribly acted, poorly written piece of clichéd rubbish. I applaud that the 1st time Director Mahon has put his heart and soul into this and I must admit the film is beautifully shot, but how this movie got produced is beyond me. I think that he should get some help with writing from a Hollywood veteran because his idea was good. I hope his next film about Brian Boru starring Leo diCaprio will be much better. This film simply deserves the Razzie for worst film(for being oblivious to how bad it is) and worst performance(by Madsen). Madsen is a great actor, but this role was not for him. It pains me to say it, but Strength and Honour is a stinker that should be avoided at all costs. I hear there's a sequel in the pipeline...but I have a question...why?

Shrooms (2007)

A good effort, but it doesn't work very well

[6/10 · 25 November 2007]

Kudos to a great director for having a go at such a genre. The Director of I WENT DOWN and MAN ABOUT DOG, both great Irish movies, now tries to scare the Irish movie-goers with this horror effort. In my opinion It just doesn't work well. The film doesn't get it's point across. I mean while watching it I thought 'is this all a trip from the shrooms or is it reality, or is is a ghost after them or an actual killer after them!?'. Confusing enough? Then try get this through you head - The teenagers come from America for the world-renowned Shroom Season (being irish I don't know how I missed this in all my years here!), and a girl falls down...then sees shrooms and decides to eat one (WHY?). Oh and as usual, there is one well informed English guy who is a shroom expert! So the premise of this film is flawed.

What's good about this movie is the beautiful cinematography and the scary story attached which spawns the killers! Now the main killer is a hooded figure who is quite scary, a bit like the child-catcher in chitty bang bang. Very scary! Then there are the characters I dubbed 'bag boy' and 'beast'. I couldn't figure out who they were meant to be or what but they were damn sinister! Overall, a good effort, but it falls down in many areas. Very funny, but unintentionally so at times! For horror fans only!

Sharpshooter (2007 TV Movie)

Solid action, but tries(and fails) to be a crime thriller too

[6/10 · 10 October 2007]

For a TV movie, this isn't at all bad. I thought the opening was excellent and the back story of the lead feasible and solid. I only browsed through the channels and came upon this. I read the synopsis and it seemed to be a cheesy shoot 'em up style movie which I am a huge fan of (eg - Seagal, Bosworth etc.). If you are into movies like those, then watch this if you can catch it on TV. Its solid and the performances aren't half bad. I thought that it went a little bit by the numbers in its plot, and I also have to criticise the slow middle section of the movie where action is sacrificed of espionage. One can see that they creators are trying to make a credible movie so they can be forgiven for that.

Also have to mention Mario Van Peebles especially. He is a great underrated actor. Great performance by him.

Overall, it's a good solid watch, but no classic.

Hard Boiled (1992)

Greatest Action movie of all time?

[10/10 · 30 September 2007]

"Give a man a gun and he's superman...give him two and he's God" That is a quote from this movie and how true it is. This was my first John Woo movie I saw and what an experience it was. I was about 8 when I first saw it and I just recently watched it again and it brought back that feeling I love when I see a good movie. You just go somewhere else when you see this. It is far fetched in the way that one man can go in and face hundreds with just a few guns, and in the way that the characters very rarely re-load the guns, but isn't that what you should expect from a movie like this. I'm an action movie fan to say the least but some of the old classics like Die Hard, Terminator, Rambo and Hard to Kill struggle to keep up with the explosive pace of this. A great movie, and I don't think John Woo has made a better one since.

Attack Force (2006 Video)

Seagal really let the side down

[2/10 · 18 September 2007]

What was Steven Seagal thinking? I mean firstly I love Seagal. I love all his movies up to the mid 2000s. His early stuff is some of the best in the genre. This however does not live up to its excellent name. Attack Force (with protagonist Marshall Lawson {Seagal}) would be expected to be a mindless action movie with Seagal in typical one-liner ass kicking form. However, what we get is a crime mystery, bordering on a political thriller with little or no action. Seagal is always in shadows because of his weight. I could not follow this story. There's people who mutate to superhumans when they take a drug. What happened in this movie. The dubbing of Seagal is a disgrace, a shambles and a shame. Why dub the man? The story is terrible. This got a 2/10 from me because of the scene where Seagal asks for backup despite having an army with him, and an hilarious fight scene where seagal swings his hands like a girl facing the camera! "Revenge is a two way street" seagal says in this movie...well forget revenge Steven, you need redemption!

1408 (2007)

A great balanced traditional horror movie

[9/10 · 11 September 2007]

It has been a while since a movie such as 1408 has graced our screens. Firstly, this is not a gore fest. Actually I can hardly remember any blood in the movie let alone full on gore. The story is well written(as we have come to expect from King). It is putting King's work on the screen and doing his work justice. For me, this is the best transition of A king novel since The Shining or Misery. in fact, the story sort of gave me the impression that this is what would have happened if Jack, The main character from the Shining, had gone into that room! Cusack is perfectly cast as the non-believer with a lot of emotional baggage to boot. He has great comic timing, to ease the almost tense nature of the film. The balance between old fashioned in-your-face scares and more thought provoking scares is great. The downfall of this movie is the final 10-15 minutes. If you can bypass that, then you will find this movie enjoyable i suspect. It is a MUST for horror fans, and I would say for general audiences, this is a summer movie you should see before it sneaks past. It may not be the biggest blockbuster, but I found it one of the best movies this summer and the best horror this year. 9/10

Pulp Fiction (1994)

The greatest movie of all time

[10/10 · 4 September 2007]

For a film to be this good is depressing. The words perfection and legendary are thrown around to frequently nowadays but this movie is perfect. It already has legendary status, but its reputation will only further grow as the years pass. Tarantino is a little eccentric, but he is a genius no doubt and the best director of all time. Also add in the great cast...Bruce Willis(very underrated), Sam Jackson(So unique), Uma Thurman(Great actress), Harvey Keitel(legendary supporting actor). This movie revived careers, and changed lives. It changed the way people make movies. How it didn't win every prize and award that year is beyond me. Still, the Palm D'Ór is a fair achievement! If you see one movie before you die, see this!

Knocked Up (2007)

Great date movie; Great guys movie...a rare occurrence!

[9/10 · 4 September 2007]

Comedy is very easy to get wrong, but very hard to get right. Making a good comedy is the hardest type of movie to make. Knocked up is by far the best comedy this year but I eagerly await SuperBad). It's better Than Blades of glory which was the last comedy I laughed at so to beat a Will Ferrell movie means your on to a winner. The story is great. It's modern and true to life. You sit there and think that you would react the same or do the same things as the characters in the movie. It has a great story to it as well. The stars are great with Katherine Heigl's acting being very impressive, she should have been given more to do. Paul Rudd and Seth Rogen are amazing together with the off the cuff comedy style they showed in "40 year old virgin" shining through here again! See this movie, it's great and you feel good after it.

Stone Cold (1991)

The Boz does the Biz in this out of control masterpiece!

[10/10 · 4 September 2007]

I mean I gave this movie 10/10 simply because it is so bad that i rate it how good it was by the laughter count. I'm a big Steven Seagal, Chuck Norris etc. fan and now Bosworth is on that list. It was completely random how i found this. It was in d bargain bin at a local store and I got it because it seemed funny and I wasn't disappointed. The fact that everything explodes at the least touch of a car or a bullet is hilarious...on 1 occasion a helicopter exploded before it was hit. This is a great movie you need if you are one of the following: 1)Bored 2)With some friends getting drunk or stoned 3)Just a huge fan of late 80s/early 90s action over the top flicks.

Check your brain at the door before you watch!

And then some...

Terminal Entry (1987)

Absolutely terrible, not even many stupid laughs

[2/10 · 4 September 2007]

This movie sucks. I mean I found it in a bargain bin at a store and I expected a movie that was so cheesy and terrible it made you laugh. Instead what we get is a story about a group of teens who love computer games and spend 19 hours 'online' non stop. I stress online because when was the internet ever like what it is in this movie? Its so inaccurate. This movie has dated badly. Movies made in the late 80s/early 90s generally do, but they still remain some charm. Terminal entry does not. The only thing good about this movie is how bad the acting of the teenagers is and how the magnum PI wannabe guy is so Uber cool! Watch it at your peril. If you want unintentional humour watch 'Stone Cold' or 'Hard to Kill' (classics).