dozatzz47 Reviews

Salem's Lot (2004)

Truly a Horror Movie!!

[1/10 · 15 October 2007]

Oops! I meant that this was truly a HORRIBLE movie. Actually it was a mini-series; a never ending and absolutely boring parade of greasy characters. The least of these is the untalented Rob Lowe. This stinker couldn't attract major talent to carry the load so they settled for the category C actors. With the exception of Donald Sutherland, I didn't see a face I recognized. Must have been extras gleaned from the film site's unwashed population. They certainly can't act. Probably that explains why very so few of them are on screen for longer than one minute before we pop over to another so-called plot line.

Sadly there's no real plot line or continuity to carry it along. The screenwriters saw to it that there's so many disjointed scenes that super glue couldn't help. There's silly things like flashbacks and narrations (all done by Lowe) to do what?? Add to the already irritating foolishness.

I read the book a long time ago, so I remember some of the fearsome story. Like the kid vampires. That's all gone. The main characters of Mark Petrie and the Glick brothers are now played by adult actors old enough to buy drinks in any state. How disappointing. There are sleazy sex scenes including one involving two elderly octogenarians. Get out the Pepto if you want to avoid nausea!!

I haven't see a real good Sephen King horror movie since "IT." Add this one to the long list of flops. Even "Rose Red" was better.

Now THAT should keep you from sleeping at night!

Marple: Ordeal by Innocence (2007) Season 3, Episode 2

Do You Hear That Rustling Noise??

[2/10 · 29 August 2007]

It's the sound of Agatha Christie turning in her grave!

Yet another garish and poorly done segment in this series that changes Christie's wonderful plotting and characters into a laugh-worthy mess. Jane Seymour looks horrible (Lordy, the makeup!!) as the matriarch of a disjointed family. Every darn one of them needs Prozac and Shrinks. As in other episodes of this "New" Miss Marple series, all the characters are unbelievable. Does anyone really believe the housekeeper in a British well-to-do estate would be allowed to talk to anyone with disrespect? It of course happens here. There's more parading of silly characters that never existed in Christie's book. Isn't it FRAUD to name it "Agatha Christie's Miss Marple," when it has nothing to do with her books? Of course they're selling it so this is for profit....meaning FRAUD by deceit.

Anyway, it matters little to people who don't know anything about Christie to learn that Miss Marple never was in "Ordeal by Innocence." They also won't see the radical differences between this badly done version and her book.

I wish they would allow Geraldine McEwan and the other "stars" a reasonable amount of good lines. But no. Sadly, this time she looks even more silly. The makeup on this old gal!! Geez, we are to believe that this is a conservative spinster and daughter of a village pastor? She's made up to look (and act) like a vaudeville clown. Tons of pink blusher on her cheeks, curls, and perfectly tweezed eyebrows.

Someone who directs these pieces must believe that eye-popping is part of acting, because Miss Marple and the main characters do a lot of it in in this "Ordeal." Many people stutter, but there's a character in this who does it and is basically so annoying that I just kept hoping that he was the one to get bumped off (I'm not saying he does or doesn't, I just wanted him out).

Also in keeping with the new series of deleted, added, and changed characters, the murder is radically changed as well as the plot. It's so darn unbelievable when it unfolds.

Okay, I've saved the best (or worst) for last. At the end PLEASE keep the nausea medication handy!!!! There's a KISS that will make anyone gag if not Hurl, Upchuck, Barf.....well, you get my drift.

Please folks, if you really want this series, ask a friend to record it for you before you even think of spending money on it.

Marple: Miss Marple: Nemesis (2007) Season 3, Episode 4

An Assault on the Eyes, Ears and Brain

[1/10 · 12 August 2007]

This new Miss Marple must be intended for people who are deaf and absolutely clueless of Agatha Christie's books. Every character, every part of the plot, and the wonderful development of the mystery has been changed. What we get is an extremely loud, garishly filmed (in bright reds, yellows, ....eeek!!), MESS. The main characters of Jason Rafiel and Michael Rafiel have been changed of course. In keeping with this new series, their characters have been changed to make them German! Michael Rafiel's relationship as well as how he met Verity Hunt has been changed also to an untasty dish served cold. Enough to turn the stomach. The "sisters" who are pivotal to the plot, are now nuns.....real sisters in the Catholic Church sense. The wonderful Amanda Burton is such a good actress, but she's totally wasted here as one of the new characters of a Nun. Richard Grant, also a good actor, is also wasted as Miss Marple's nephew, Raymond. They now make Miss Marple's nephew into a comical, silly, womanizer. Gee, I almost forgot to talk about Miss Marple and her role in this dreadful crime (I'm talking about the series). Can you really believe Geraldine McEwan when she states, "I am Nemesis," in this mystery? She twitters, twinkles her eyes and dithers around. It's really hard to pick out the worse of the lot in the new Miss Marple series, but this comes real close. I think "Bertram's Hotel" is the one that disappointed me most since it was my favorite book, with "Nemesis" as second. The scriptwriters, directors, set designers, everyone associated with this lousy series must have absolutely no sense of Christie's work. Believe me, you are NOT getting anything near to her impeccable mysteries.

Marple: At Bertram's Hotel (2007) Season 3, Episode 1

This Bertram's Hotel is Loud, Brassy, and definitely NOT Classy

[1/10 · 10 August 2007]

I saw the recent adaptation of Agatha Christie's Bertram's Hotel a few days ago on PBS and thought I would need emergency dental care, my jaw just kept falling to the floor. "Bertram's Hotel" has been so changed in virtually everything that I had to keep looking at my TV listing to confirm that I was watching something with that title. The first thing you do see is Miss Marple entering the sumptuous Bertram's. Then, all bets are off. Instead of being a lovely, wonderfully cared-for hotel with older patrons, there's loud, brassy female nitwits running to hear Louie Armstrong and a tremendously big jazz singer in the lounge. There are no elderly matrons enjoying high tea, or even tea, with beautiful silver pots. Well, what they do have are a lot of characters running about that never existed in the book. Okay, the viewer is so stupid we have to lower the standards to fit his or her muddled brain. Let's dump the real mystery and replace it with Nazi's, a weird and creepy-looking hat designer, and more noise than you get at the Superbowl. Try to keep up, folks. This Bertram's was rewritten to appeal. So let's have one of the silliest shootouts I've ever seen, thrown in for good measure. The major characters (Bess Sedgewick, Lady Selena Hazy and Canon Pennyfather) are totally rewritten, as is their place in the plot setting. Many wonderful Brit actors are wasted with stupid dialog and vacuous characters. Polly Walker, an unrecognizable Peter Davidson, and especially Geraldine McEwan can't beat life into this dead horse. They also thought that McEwan needed help so they created a Maid to give Miss Marple a hand in figuring it all out. I read all the comments here and "Shanty Sleuth" obviously doesn't have a clue as to what he or she is reviewing. To state that "Towards Zero" was "virtually untouched" and "Bertram's Hotel" is comparatively close to Christie's books is a dead giveaway. Miss Marple never even appeared in Towards Zero (the book) and for the differences in Bertram's Hotel, just to back to the top of my comments. These remakes are horrible.