This is a very unfunny movie. Watching it you are left wondering if the actors were just desperate for money and never bothered to read the script before signing on, or what. None of the jokes or situations work and it wouldn't have mattered who the actors were or how they delivered the lines... A badly written comedy is never going to be funny no matter what and that is what you have with this stinking pile of pooh. The premise could have been funny, but apparently it was written by someone that had no clue. Don't watch it, don't even watch the trailer... it's just bad.
Reviews
21 Reviews
Zombies
(2018 TV Movie)
Parent Beware this one is worse than most Disney movies, much worse.
19 February 2018
While the movie may have been made by the same people that created Descendants it comes off as something that was thrown together way to quickly by people that had no clue what they were really doing. While Descendants had Kristin Chenoweth give some support to the musical side, this stink has all the quality of your local high school musical done by rejects. For the love of god the lipsyncing was so horrible. I was also left wondering if some of the actor were actually singing or if it was someone else doing the singing for them... Was hard to tell because some of the vocals were so over processed it was lthe equivalent of cheese in a can.
I would like to say at least your kids will like it because that was the only reason I watched it, figured for a family night movie it would at least keep the two kids happy... Nope... they found the entire movie to be so bad that they spent most of the time pointing out the problems with the movie. So if you are thinking of using this as a family flick for the family think twice. Maybe if your kids are under the age of 10 they might enjoy it but any older and they won't.
I would like to say at least your kids will like it because that was the only reason I watched it, figured for a family night movie it would at least keep the two kids happy... Nope... they found the entire movie to be so bad that they spent most of the time pointing out the problems with the movie. So if you are thinking of using this as a family flick for the family think twice. Maybe if your kids are under the age of 10 they might enjoy it but any older and they won't.
Mine
(II) (2016)
Water is wet, you can't have a movie that ignores reality
26 April 2017
Warning: Spoilers
Sorry but the main setup of the movie is fatally flawed. Mines don't go click and if yous step on one it doesn't do nothing until you step off of it, it goes off because once you step on it you will have tripped the mechanism that lights the fuse. It might not go off for a second or 2 depending on the timing of the mine but it will go off whether you keep walking or just stand on it.... So this fatal flaw is enough to make you stop watching after the first 10 minutes... Did we mention the "sniper" that has second thoughts about shooting the target because it happens to be a wedding? Again complete disregard for reality... a sniper that was trained and sent on a mission like this would never be some wussy that loses his nerve so again it just makes up stuff to make the story go where they wanted to go with it ignoring reality.
Jaco
(2015)
Mediocre documentary about a very great musician
9 December 2015
The movie tells the story of one of the biggest bassists that ever lived, who was at the top during the 70's when Jazz and Rock had a brief romance that blended the two together before music became a very segmented compartmentalized business.
I'll assume anyone considering the movie will already know the basic story of Jaco's rise and fall. If not, then I would certainly not recommend this documentary. Some documentaries work well for people that aren't even familiar with the central subject, and example would be Senna, or Finding Sugarman... Both of those two told a story that drew you in so that you felt a connection to the character even if you weren't familiar with him before. Jaco does none of that it pretty much just retread the information you probably already were aware of and throws in some old photos and film clips that you might not have already found surfing on Youtube when looking up Jaco.
The production values are generally good, the real down fall is that too much time is spent running old grainy footage from the past that doesn't really help the story as much as it simply serves as a media to throw out footage someone found in a basement somewhere.
What will probably upset more people even more is that the documentary was marketed on the internet using clips of artists such as Flea talking about Jaco, so that you expected to see more of that type of thing in the documentary... sadly it is missing. The majority of the interviews are with a few select people that worked or knew him personally but they don't give a lot of insight into him. You also are missing any discussion of what Jaco did or how he was doing it... I would have much preferred to have the film spend a few minutes going over the harmonics he was getting out of the bass and how it was achieved instead of hearing about how he used to crash at so and so's house and just hang for a days...
Sorry but I am a fan of his and was expecting more... this didn't deliver. Even a hard core fan will be hard pressed not to hit the fast forward button to zip through some of it... The up side is I think the only way you can see this is to buy the Blu-ray or DVD of it... I would recommend the DVD over the blu-ray because there is so much old grainy footage that you don't really need the clarity of blu-ray to view SD video... Don't expect to watch the whole thing in one sitting it too me two days because I got bored the first night and finished the second.
I'll assume anyone considering the movie will already know the basic story of Jaco's rise and fall. If not, then I would certainly not recommend this documentary. Some documentaries work well for people that aren't even familiar with the central subject, and example would be Senna, or Finding Sugarman... Both of those two told a story that drew you in so that you felt a connection to the character even if you weren't familiar with him before. Jaco does none of that it pretty much just retread the information you probably already were aware of and throws in some old photos and film clips that you might not have already found surfing on Youtube when looking up Jaco.
The production values are generally good, the real down fall is that too much time is spent running old grainy footage from the past that doesn't really help the story as much as it simply serves as a media to throw out footage someone found in a basement somewhere.
What will probably upset more people even more is that the documentary was marketed on the internet using clips of artists such as Flea talking about Jaco, so that you expected to see more of that type of thing in the documentary... sadly it is missing. The majority of the interviews are with a few select people that worked or knew him personally but they don't give a lot of insight into him. You also are missing any discussion of what Jaco did or how he was doing it... I would have much preferred to have the film spend a few minutes going over the harmonics he was getting out of the bass and how it was achieved instead of hearing about how he used to crash at so and so's house and just hang for a days...
Sorry but I am a fan of his and was expecting more... this didn't deliver. Even a hard core fan will be hard pressed not to hit the fast forward button to zip through some of it... The up side is I think the only way you can see this is to buy the Blu-ray or DVD of it... I would recommend the DVD over the blu-ray because there is so much old grainy footage that you don't really need the clarity of blu-ray to view SD video... Don't expect to watch the whole thing in one sitting it too me two days because I got bored the first night and finished the second.
The Perfect Sleep
(2009)
The most self indulgent film I have ever seen.
25 October 2009
Imagine Diane from Cheers, the self centered over intellectualizing character, now imagine she was trying to make a film moire movie. This would be it. If you just looked at some of the shots without any sound you would think Hmmm.. this could be a good film.
Now if you turn on the sound and listen for anytime at all you quickly realize that the person that made the film knows nothing about films beyond what they read in a book. I was continually thinking is this thing a foreign film, it was that bad.
If you don't remember Cheers, then think of Mr. Beans Holiday... remember the DeFoe character that made the horrible movie... well imagine that horrible movie without Mr. Bean saving it. That is what this movie is. I'm not saying anything about what the movie is other than it is an attempt to make a dark moody film about a hit-man going back home.... at least that's about all I could get out of it.
Now if you turn on the sound and listen for anytime at all you quickly realize that the person that made the film knows nothing about films beyond what they read in a book. I was continually thinking is this thing a foreign film, it was that bad.
If you don't remember Cheers, then think of Mr. Beans Holiday... remember the DeFoe character that made the horrible movie... well imagine that horrible movie without Mr. Bean saving it. That is what this movie is. I'm not saying anything about what the movie is other than it is an attempt to make a dark moody film about a hit-man going back home.... at least that's about all I could get out of it.
Nights in Rodanthe
(2008)
Beyond belief.
28 September 2009
Warning: Spoilers
While I am not a woman, I can enjoy a chick flick if its good. This one however is beyond bad. You have the by the book story, girl is getting divorced, boy with issues shows up. BOOM magic happens and his demons are banished as she realizes her life has a new purpose.
Now while I can believe that kind of thing might happen, I am not an idiot. It wouldn't happen over a weekend of geriatric rumpy-pumpy, it would take time. Yet here the producers know they only have 1 hour and 30 minutes so they force the changes of the two to happen, I suppose a night of getting hammered and a night of gramps and granny going at it like dogs in heat might be enough if you believed romance novels were the gospel... but most people don't.
Now, if that isn't enough... the producers remembered that a chick flick needs to make the viewer cry... well they tried to make you cry with the two senior citizens getting jiggy with it by failed... so how could they hit you again? Why I know, lets kill off one of the characters for no good reason at all except that a random death will surely bring a tear to the eye.... and now lets have the teen daughter magically bond with heart broken mom for no reason besides the fact that it would be nice (completely unreal, but who cares).
So there you have it... girl find boy, boy find love, death finds boy and mom cries.... what a movie - NOT.
Now while I can believe that kind of thing might happen, I am not an idiot. It wouldn't happen over a weekend of geriatric rumpy-pumpy, it would take time. Yet here the producers know they only have 1 hour and 30 minutes so they force the changes of the two to happen, I suppose a night of getting hammered and a night of gramps and granny going at it like dogs in heat might be enough if you believed romance novels were the gospel... but most people don't.
Now, if that isn't enough... the producers remembered that a chick flick needs to make the viewer cry... well they tried to make you cry with the two senior citizens getting jiggy with it by failed... so how could they hit you again? Why I know, lets kill off one of the characters for no good reason at all except that a random death will surely bring a tear to the eye.... and now lets have the teen daughter magically bond with heart broken mom for no reason besides the fact that it would be nice (completely unreal, but who cares).
So there you have it... girl find boy, boy find love, death finds boy and mom cries.... what a movie - NOT.
Stricteternum
(2005)
Nice to look at, but pointless as a movie.
13 November 2008
The production values are quite good for a short. Up until the final minute you are hoping that something will happen that you will get a pay-off for waiting. Unfortunately the ending is little more than a gimmick that leaves you thinking I can't believe they wasted that much money on such a silly thing... and I can't believe I wasted 8 minutes watching it. I would have been accepted as a 2 minute short but the amount of build up in the film to that type of ending is simply mean.
As for the actors... well they are both decent in what they do. The production work is first rate and you are left wondering why some movies can't be this good production wise. The only complaint is the story is so bad. Good production and good acting can't save a horrible story and that is what you have.
As for the actors... well they are both decent in what they do. The production work is first rate and you are left wondering why some movies can't be this good production wise. The only complaint is the story is so bad. Good production and good acting can't save a horrible story and that is what you have.
The Children of Sanchez
(1978)
Not as bad as most would have you believe
10 September 2008
First this is not a movie for people seeking action. This is a movie that is for the most part the a character study of a poor man in Mexico. Consider it a bit like and there will be blood except that it doesn't have the greed of one man holding everything together instead it has the religious duty of keeping his family together as the glue.
I suspect a large problem with the movie was the music. Prior to the movies release Chuck Mangione performed the entire soundtrack on a PBS show live from wolf creek... while this managed to generate some buzz on the movie it also resulted in false expectations. The upbeat music did not prepare people for the drudgery that was the life of a poor Mexican. Had people viewed it as a life of a poor man, they might have viewed it differently. The acting by Quinn is perfect.
Its worth a look but make sure your in the right frame of mind.
I suspect a large problem with the movie was the music. Prior to the movies release Chuck Mangione performed the entire soundtrack on a PBS show live from wolf creek... while this managed to generate some buzz on the movie it also resulted in false expectations. The upbeat music did not prepare people for the drudgery that was the life of a poor Mexican. Had people viewed it as a life of a poor man, they might have viewed it differently. The acting by Quinn is perfect.
Its worth a look but make sure your in the right frame of mind.
It Runs in the Family
(1994)
Sequel to A Christmas Story without the stars or charm
14 February 2007
Funny how a studio thinks it can make a sequel to what was a classic Christmas story with an entirely new cast and expect it to float. Sure they used various actors for Batman, but in that instance Batman was a classic character before any of the actor donned his cape. In this instance you had a classic character in the blond headed horn rimmed glasses wearing Ralphy that wanted a red ryder bb gun for Christmas... Somehow we are supposed to forget him and accept another little boy that share no resemblance to the original... If I had not known it was a sequel I wouldn't have guessed it from the cast... except of course Charles Grodin tries so hard to imitate Darrin McGavin that your are constantly reminded that the original was far better...
In the end it might have work if they had cast the movie better. They should have looked for look a likes or simply ignored the original and not tried to copy its look and feel. This one is just a cheap imitation. The Ralphy evokes no sympathy just a desire to seem his character shoot his eye out or die.
In the end it might have work if they had cast the movie better. They should have looked for look a likes or simply ignored the original and not tried to copy its look and feel. This one is just a cheap imitation. The Ralphy evokes no sympathy just a desire to seem his character shoot his eye out or die.
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
(2005)
poor casting and undecided direction for film
29 June 2006
I watched the film with zero knowledge of what it was even about, no trailer nothing. That said, the film doesn't have a clear direction. It tries to be quirky and funny while trying to be an action/thriller/who don it... It doesn't really deliver on any of those to any high degree. It has a few funny moments but only a handful... it has a few action/thriller moments but maybe only a couple.... as for th whodunit, well its pretty clearly a formula whodunit because you figure things out way before the characters on screen. So it fails to know what it is supposed to be.
The second more damaging problem is the casting. There isn't a problem with Downey it with the Michelle and Val. With Val you just don't buy him as the gay detective... he does a pretty good fat detective but I doubt a gay detective in Hollywood would ever allow himself to pack on as many pounds a val has in this movie. The second problem is with Michelle, she is just two young for the role. Her character and Downey's are supposed to be the same age (34) and quite frankly it just doesn't work. Lets face it reality is wasn't even 30 when she made the film and he was already past 40... so what were they doing splitting the difference and picking 34 as their age? Sorry but he looks 40 and she looks like her mid twenties. Now considering their supposed past in the film it doesn't fly... moreover they didn't even need to have had a past for the film to have worked, it would have worked better if they had no past together.
The second more damaging problem is the casting. There isn't a problem with Downey it with the Michelle and Val. With Val you just don't buy him as the gay detective... he does a pretty good fat detective but I doubt a gay detective in Hollywood would ever allow himself to pack on as many pounds a val has in this movie. The second problem is with Michelle, she is just two young for the role. Her character and Downey's are supposed to be the same age (34) and quite frankly it just doesn't work. Lets face it reality is wasn't even 30 when she made the film and he was already past 40... so what were they doing splitting the difference and picking 34 as their age? Sorry but he looks 40 and she looks like her mid twenties. Now considering their supposed past in the film it doesn't fly... moreover they didn't even need to have had a past for the film to have worked, it would have worked better if they had no past together.
The Constant Gardener
(2005)
Unbelievable
24 April 2006
The problem is not just bad film making but a bad story. It might have been a better story or a least felt fresher if it had been made in the early seventies where conspiracies of big business were just starting to take off in the public mind. At the current times the who story seems a bit of a, "so what". Corporation and government can't be trusted, so what. Are we really supposed to believe that a person schooled enough to become a British diplomat would be so naive as to the main character? The film apart from the bad story is just plain slow. It had all the pacing of a Melville novel. I'm no fan of Rambo action crap, but if I had a choice between watching this slow movie or watching an action version I would clearly chose the action. This one actually has you wanting someone to die or get murdered just to hurry the film up a bit. I had no idea watching it that it was made by the director of City of God. If I had know that, I would have been even more disappointed.
Primer
(2004)
Poor quality
29 December 2005
I'm sure people have already got a clue about what the film is about so I wont even bother with that. I'll just comment on the quality of the film.
Sound: Horrible, horrible, horrible. Who ever was in charge of the sound on this film should be shot. The quality sucks. I have better sound on my home movies. Not to mention, to many people are talking over on another. If it hadn't been for subtitles on the DVD I would not have been able to tell what half the things said were.
Picture: Bad, looks like your typical film student project where they didn't know about proper lighting. Lots of scenes with yellow/orange tints.
Score: Well if you think someone dinking on a piano qualifies for a musical score, the film has one. Otherwise it makes those dreary 1980's euro-trash films with the single viola sound like a John Williams masterpiece.
Script: Well aside from the hole that exist in any time travel movie. It was just poorly written. For the first 10 minutes everyone is talking about something, your never sure what. Character are put into the film for no other reason than filler. I don't mind sub-plots but I find no reason to have two character placed in a movie and set up to have some reason to be there only to be all but forgotten about for the remaining part of the film. It makes you wonder if the budget was being pressed and they rewrote characters and story out just to make budget.
Hmmm... I don't think I've left anything out. It is a confusing story that had promise but never delivered. Don't bother renting it wait till it comes to the IFC channel on cable.
Sound: Horrible, horrible, horrible. Who ever was in charge of the sound on this film should be shot. The quality sucks. I have better sound on my home movies. Not to mention, to many people are talking over on another. If it hadn't been for subtitles on the DVD I would not have been able to tell what half the things said were.
Picture: Bad, looks like your typical film student project where they didn't know about proper lighting. Lots of scenes with yellow/orange tints.
Score: Well if you think someone dinking on a piano qualifies for a musical score, the film has one. Otherwise it makes those dreary 1980's euro-trash films with the single viola sound like a John Williams masterpiece.
Script: Well aside from the hole that exist in any time travel movie. It was just poorly written. For the first 10 minutes everyone is talking about something, your never sure what. Character are put into the film for no other reason than filler. I don't mind sub-plots but I find no reason to have two character placed in a movie and set up to have some reason to be there only to be all but forgotten about for the remaining part of the film. It makes you wonder if the budget was being pressed and they rewrote characters and story out just to make budget.
Hmmm... I don't think I've left anything out. It is a confusing story that had promise but never delivered. Don't bother renting it wait till it comes to the IFC channel on cable.
Crash
(I) (2004)
Left-wing Pulp fiction
10 December 2005
Pulp fiction was entertaining when it came out. There was something fresh about having multiple stories dancing around into one quirky film. Yes it wasn't a novel idea, but it was well made and didn't pretend to be anything other than an entertaining movie. That however can't be said for Crash. It doesn't just try to entertain it is more or less preaching diversity and stereotypes throughout. Watching the film you get the sense that your in A Clockwork Orange and you are being treated for saying something racist... here watch this movie... let us bang you over the head about the evils of being a racist... no.... let us bang it into your head again.
I have to admit that the movie is well done and generally has decent performances but give me a break. The whole thing has the feel of an old after school special that was redone for adults.
I have to admit that the movie is well done and generally has decent performances but give me a break. The whole thing has the feel of an old after school special that was redone for adults.
Legong: Dance of the Virgins
(1935)
Boring unless your a silent film fan
28 September 2005
I think people should know what to expect. Lets face it the synopsis gives the entire story away. So why watch this thing...
Well... its an interesting silent film with some very bad music scored to it (it reminds you of the music from part of Disney's Snow White, just not the good parts).
It is in color but quite frankly has the look of a bad home movie.
For lack of a better way of saying it... This movie is what you would have expected from National Geographic if they had shot movies in the thirties and wanted to make fun of native tribes.
It was interesting only to see the way in which people viewed non-European's... it otherwise has no artistic merit. Very bad... I would have given it a one, but I only give ones to movies so bad that you can enjoy them for being bad. This one is just a waste of film/videotape/DVD.
Well... its an interesting silent film with some very bad music scored to it (it reminds you of the music from part of Disney's Snow White, just not the good parts).
It is in color but quite frankly has the look of a bad home movie.
For lack of a better way of saying it... This movie is what you would have expected from National Geographic if they had shot movies in the thirties and wanted to make fun of native tribes.
It was interesting only to see the way in which people viewed non-European's... it otherwise has no artistic merit. Very bad... I would have given it a one, but I only give ones to movies so bad that you can enjoy them for being bad. This one is just a waste of film/videotape/DVD.
Man with the Screaming Brain
(2005)
The movie makes any Rodger Corman movie look like Spielberg
18 September 2005
Warning: Spoilers
Let me start by saying I have been a fan of Bruce's sense The Evil Dead, so don't think I say it lightly when I say. This is one of the worst movies that has ever been made. If Bruce hadn't also written and directed the stinker I would have thought he only took a role in it as a favor to someone or was forced to be in it because of a lost bet.
Why is it bad? Well the story is not only stupid but makes a story by a 6 year old look good. To save anyone from ever wasting time on it but wondering what the story is, here it is in a nutshell... Bruce is a head of a medical company and in Eastern Europe to discuss a new plant. While there he gets bashed in the head. Weird doctor saves him and a cab driver by putting half of each ones brain into Bruce's head. Wife is also killed and has brain put into the dumbest looking robot ever thought up. Bruce and wife look for gypsy that killed them both and kill her only to die because the brain transplants don't last. Okay does that sound like any movie you would want to see? Didn't think so.
Production values? Well I don't actually think production values come into the picture on this one. It was utter crap. I would expect any film students first movie to look better than this. My God, if you are going to have a robot/android in a movie and it is going to be a major part why would you have it look like a reject from a K-mart window display? The effects are terrible. The sets are terrible. It just looks like a bunch of frat boys said hey lets make a movie and tried to do it while they were still drunk.
I never liked Corman movies, but after this one. I think I would rather watch Corman movies for a year straight than set through five minutes of the Screaming Brain. If you dare watch it the only screaming brain will be your own asking you why the f**k you are watching such crap.
Why is it bad? Well the story is not only stupid but makes a story by a 6 year old look good. To save anyone from ever wasting time on it but wondering what the story is, here it is in a nutshell... Bruce is a head of a medical company and in Eastern Europe to discuss a new plant. While there he gets bashed in the head. Weird doctor saves him and a cab driver by putting half of each ones brain into Bruce's head. Wife is also killed and has brain put into the dumbest looking robot ever thought up. Bruce and wife look for gypsy that killed them both and kill her only to die because the brain transplants don't last. Okay does that sound like any movie you would want to see? Didn't think so.
Production values? Well I don't actually think production values come into the picture on this one. It was utter crap. I would expect any film students first movie to look better than this. My God, if you are going to have a robot/android in a movie and it is going to be a major part why would you have it look like a reject from a K-mart window display? The effects are terrible. The sets are terrible. It just looks like a bunch of frat boys said hey lets make a movie and tried to do it while they were still drunk.
I never liked Corman movies, but after this one. I think I would rather watch Corman movies for a year straight than set through five minutes of the Screaming Brain. If you dare watch it the only screaming brain will be your own asking you why the f**k you are watching such crap.
Ichi the Killer
(2001)
flashback to chopstick schlock
15 September 2005
Okay, you have a strange story twist; so the movie is a little better than your average kung fu movie. BUT, and this is a big BUT... The quality of the effects is so bad, so over the top that it quickly becomes a flashback to all the old kung fu movies from the past with spurting blood. I don't mind evil in a movie and I don't mind violence. But this one takes such cartoonish takes on violence that it just comes off as silly.
Example... it doesn't take a genius to know that when someones juggler veins are cut the lights go out in the brain, they don't walk or stumble around. And if someone is completely cut in half from head to crotch they don't walk, they don't talk, they just die.
Example... it doesn't take a genius to know that when someones juggler veins are cut the lights go out in the brain, they don't walk or stumble around. And if someone is completely cut in half from head to crotch they don't walk, they don't talk, they just die.
The Phantom of the Opera
(2004)
Not too bad, unless you've seen the stage version.
16 August 2005
If you like musicals then this one isn't half bad.... that's the upside. The downside is that if you've seen the stage version (even a touring version) then you will be disappointed in the signing. The Phantom's signing is iffy at best. Christine's is actually pretty good. The real stinkers are the other roles. You get the feeling that the producers didn't have any faith in the actual movie and wanted to get named actors to get some buzz (not a bad idea, except they seemed to forget that the movie was a musical and the actors were expected to sign).
So you get to hear Miranda Richardson try to sing (not good)... And you get to see Minnie Driver act like she is signing (they use someone else's voice which is rather odd seeing that her character isn't suppose to be as good as Christine - it makes you wonder just how bad a signing voice she had). Another clue the producers were just looking for names to get buzz is the choice of two Brits in roles of a French and Italian... I'm sorry but Minnie Driver does a terrible impersonation of an Italian I have ever seen. It brought back memories of Ted Danson in black face.
Overall the visuals are pretty good, maybe a little over done in the sewers. The main fault is the signing is marginal, and the score still has the schmaltzy euro-disco feel in a few places.... Something one would have hoped would be left out.
The best you could hope for is that someday someone will dub the movie version with the Michael Crawford soundtrack... Until that time, your better off waiting for the touring stage version.
So you get to hear Miranda Richardson try to sing (not good)... And you get to see Minnie Driver act like she is signing (they use someone else's voice which is rather odd seeing that her character isn't suppose to be as good as Christine - it makes you wonder just how bad a signing voice she had). Another clue the producers were just looking for names to get buzz is the choice of two Brits in roles of a French and Italian... I'm sorry but Minnie Driver does a terrible impersonation of an Italian I have ever seen. It brought back memories of Ted Danson in black face.
Overall the visuals are pretty good, maybe a little over done in the sewers. The main fault is the signing is marginal, and the score still has the schmaltzy euro-disco feel in a few places.... Something one would have hoped would be left out.
The best you could hope for is that someday someone will dub the movie version with the Michael Crawford soundtrack... Until that time, your better off waiting for the touring stage version.
Closer
(I) (2004)
proof that critical praise equal a warning to movie goers
11 August 2005
Warning: Spoilers
Lets cut to the chase. Here is a movie about a bunch of characters that lack the ability to have a healthy relationship and seem perfectly happy to play partner swap between themselves. Hmmm.... how could a story so perfect for late night on cine-max be so royally ruined? Bad script, bad editing and bad acting.
First warning any movie patron should note is that plays rarely translate into good movies. Face it, plays are filled with pompous preachy diatribes that stage actor seem to love and some people seem willing to watch. But I want a movie where the words from the character have meaning and seem real, here they are too often over extended speeches that push the realm of reality. In most any scene you start to wonder why one of the characters doesn't just walk away. You get the feeling they all just want to yammer on and on for the sake of hearing themselves whine and moan.
Editing: I'm sorry but if you want to jump around in time, give me a clue that you are going forward three years or back one year or whatever. Don't make me listen so closely to what they are saying to figure it out. I don't have a copy of the playbill from the original play so I don't have the advantage of a written guide to what scene I'm watching.
Acting: Okay, I can accept Clive Owens acting... Even Julia was acceptable.... BUT, Jude Law seemed to be do the same character he did in the last two movies he was in, only now he talk on and on about nothing. And lest I forget Portman, GOOD GOD was this a mistake. Yeah she seems believable for a while but when you get to the part of the movie where she goes back to being a stripper.... I'm sorry but if you want to play a stripper and be believable take your clothes off. I could only laugh as she is up their as a strip among other actors that are actually bare breasted and she is wearing more than you would see on a beach. If you take a job acting as a stripper get naked, otherwise you come across as a joke. You start thinking, "Oh, she wanted to get away from being the nice queen of Star Wars... Ooops did she read that script the first time? guess not and so you no longer believe her portrayal...
I could rant on but suffice it to say the movie sucked... maybe it was a good play, but as a movie it ain't even worth the time on cable.
First warning any movie patron should note is that plays rarely translate into good movies. Face it, plays are filled with pompous preachy diatribes that stage actor seem to love and some people seem willing to watch. But I want a movie where the words from the character have meaning and seem real, here they are too often over extended speeches that push the realm of reality. In most any scene you start to wonder why one of the characters doesn't just walk away. You get the feeling they all just want to yammer on and on for the sake of hearing themselves whine and moan.
Editing: I'm sorry but if you want to jump around in time, give me a clue that you are going forward three years or back one year or whatever. Don't make me listen so closely to what they are saying to figure it out. I don't have a copy of the playbill from the original play so I don't have the advantage of a written guide to what scene I'm watching.
Acting: Okay, I can accept Clive Owens acting... Even Julia was acceptable.... BUT, Jude Law seemed to be do the same character he did in the last two movies he was in, only now he talk on and on about nothing. And lest I forget Portman, GOOD GOD was this a mistake. Yeah she seems believable for a while but when you get to the part of the movie where she goes back to being a stripper.... I'm sorry but if you want to play a stripper and be believable take your clothes off. I could only laugh as she is up their as a strip among other actors that are actually bare breasted and she is wearing more than you would see on a beach. If you take a job acting as a stripper get naked, otherwise you come across as a joke. You start thinking, "Oh, she wanted to get away from being the nice queen of Star Wars... Ooops did she read that script the first time? guess not and so you no longer believe her portrayal...
I could rant on but suffice it to say the movie sucked... maybe it was a good play, but as a movie it ain't even worth the time on cable.
One of the best foreign films you'll ever see
14 August 2003
The story line is your basic underdog movies so I can't say it has an original story. Having watched or rather endured numerous foreign films, I normally expect production quality to be poor at best. This one has production quality that rivals your Hollywood studios. Add to this it has managed to blend drama, sports competition and musical dance numbers into one film which actually works and its simply one of the best movies I've seen foreign or domestic.
Oh, don't let the length of the film scare you off... though it may be longer than Gandhi, you'll never be bored or restless during this one.
Oh, don't let the length of the film scare you off... though it may be longer than Gandhi, you'll never be bored or restless during this one.
Big City Blues
(1997)
An average story line with production quality that destroyed everything
7 April 2002
If you liked watching Mel Gibson in Million Dollar Hotel then you might enjoy watching Burt Reynolds in yet another film so bad it could never be distributed. I can only attest to the DVD version so maybe the VHS version is better quality wise but the movies night and dark scenes have been so poorly done that everythings seems red. I first thought my DVD players was messed up. It wasn't. If you insist on watching it I recommend you adjust the color on your TV until it is black and white. If you don't you will never be able to get through the film. If you do it will simply remind you of a poor film students attempt to revist the style of Pulp Fiction.
You will either love it or never finish watching it
18 March 2002
Movie excess at its best. Ever imagined chariot races that were pulled by nude women? Well you can see it here. Directed by the same twisted mind that created Emmanuelle and The Story of O, he now makes a movie which is pure camp. From my opinion it was the perfect sendup of Raiders of the Lost Ark - only this time Indiana is woman and all the villans are large breasted women that romp around naked.
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