gordem1 Reviews

The Last Templar (2009)

Don't waste your time

[2/10 · 24 January 2009]

This groaner ran in Canada a week earlier than NBC and I don't feel privileged because of it. The production, directing and acting are strictly amateurish. It was produced by Global TV in Canada and it reflects the poor economy and tight budgets likely shadowing the production. Even the "middle-ages" boating flashbacks look like they were filmed in a bathtub. Mira Sorvino's character is unrealistically like a female Indy Jones, jousting from the back of a mounted-policeman's steed, overpowering 3 hoods and performing various other unlikely feats of daring-do. It's devoid of mystery, drama or intrigue and too reminiscent of most dull network movies of the past decade.

Brokeback Mountain (2005)

Yuck, maybe I am homophobic

[2/10 · 23 January 2007]

OK, I'll admit it, I am one of the dreaded straights who has seen this movie. My wife said, "Gord, trust me, you won't like it!" and I wanted to prove her wrong. I see myself as a sensitive, caring, kind and generous football type.(or in days gone by....a real cowboy) I also thought I had come to totally accept that there were guys who preferred guys but I have found that this observation is somewhat qualified. I can accept it as long as it's tacit and kept in the bedroom. When it's waved in front of me I tend to gag. It's like watching someone pick his nose and eat the catch. I was proud of myself, curled up on the sofa and enjoying the Alberta scenery......and the acting of 2 burly, good-looking guys doing range work. I might have been alright if they had just embraced and left the rest to my imagination but when they started poking around each other's body trying to make entrances out of exits, I chucked my popcorn.

It grieves me that in so few years, perhaps since the 70's, as a society we have been forced to accept that homosexual activity is perfectly normal and acceptable. At the risk of being politically incorrect, we now must endorse a way of life that is at cross-purposes with nature. I have to explain to my pre-teen that the mostly naked guy at the gay-pride parade who is rubbing his hand all over another guy's posterior is just being "caring". Even worse, I had to explain that the 2 guys in the movie, who are portrayed as perfectly normal, diligent workers, are not just breathing hard from work.

It's difficult for me to weigh in on this film for its artistic value when I see it as exploitation, not art. The talking point is nothing other than homosexuality....and that's not my favorite topic.

10.5 (2004)

Don't waste your time

[1/10 · 3 May 2004]

This "movie" is further proof that the networks continue to produce garbage. Bending an old cliche, tis worse to have produced and failed than never to have produced at all. I don't know why NBC would have bothered to produce, promote and air this clunker. It could do nothing but damage any reputation they gain from the occasional, decent news production. I like action movies, dramas, disasters etc., but this isn't even worthy of genre classification. In retrospect, I would have preferred watching the Shopping Channel for 4 hours because this was full of bad acting, amateurish effects and a plot unworthy of description.....and unlike the Shopping Channel, they allowed us no opportunity for redemption by offering a cheap reproduction of the real thing. There was absolutely no realism in this farce. If they have the nerve to rerun 10.5, don't even consider wasting your time.

The Guardian (2001–2004)

Unexpressed feelings

[4 November 2003]

This series is about people who can't seem to get in touch with their feelings. I keep trying to find some redeeming qualities in these characters but they all keep living down to my expectations. It's obvious that the writers intend this to be a one-dimensional, emotionless and bland storyline but I can't imagine why. It's almost as if they are intentionally trying to chase viewers away. If Nick, or his father, or Lulu......or any of the others could just manage an "I love you" or "you're a jerk" it may add a touch of reality but if you were ever surrounded by this many dead characters you would likely be in a mortuary.

Out of Time (I) (2003)

Denzel the Great at his Greatest

[29 September 2003]

This is a master at his best. Without a cast of stars, Washington makes this movie into a gripper. You won't be disappointed, trust me! It has suspense, intrigue great acting, my favorite State as a backdrop and my favorite actor making everything very believable. Get to the theater, pay your admission, forget the popcorn, after the first 10 minutes, you won't be able to pick up the kernels. This is e-n-t-e-r-t-a-i-n-m-e-n-t. Washington goes Hollywood....maybe HE should be Governor of California.

1st to Die (2003 TV Movie)

How bad can it get, let me count the ways.

[1/10 · 23 February 2003]

I am usually disappointed by network movies. Even flix that attract big name actors are usually ruined by the TV people. However, this one is the worst of the worst. The screenplay is weak and the acting, especially that of Tracey Pollan is abominable. I've trudged off to see my kids'high school plays and been treated to better acting. Pollan acts as if she is reading the script as she speaks. When she tries to express fear, anger or grief, it's extremely hollow. Because of the overall quality of the production I found it difficult to take it seriously. If you decide to brave this one just be prepared for a big disappointment. Scary things won't scare you, sad things won't make you sad, romance won't make you feel warm and fuzzy and you will likely be as anxious as I was to see the end arrive. "First to die" says a lot about this movie.

Bad Company (2002)

Peter's Principle comes into play here

[4/10 · 29 December 2002]

The trouble with this flick is primarily Chris Rock. He's a rap-genre comic trying to support a knighted, renowned, talented, professional actor. Nothing fits here but Chris Rock is still trying to put Shaq's foot into a Size 10D Sisman Scamper. If you don't turn this puppy off in the first 10 minutes you're either visually challenged or one of life's unfortunate human vegetables. Poor Sir Anthony suffers from guilt by association. Just imagine the pomposity of the producers who thought that the masses would be duped by such a misfit of talents. Chris, you ain't funny, you ain't cool and you cain't act. Shame on you for this abominable waste of time and shame on me if I get sucked in again.

Missing Pieces (2000 TV Movie)

The stage was set for Coburn

[4 August 2002]

This was a vehicle for James Coburn but he's too one-dimensional to carry the whole load. He's a character from the past and far too stilted to play anything but a tough-guy cowboy. His emotions seem contrived and Hustonesque. This Hallmark special was a major letdown because Coburn is a support actor not a star. Don't waste your time watching Missing Pieces......it's missing too many important pieces.

Vanilla Sky (2001)

Esoteric, convoluted drivel

[2/10 · 5 July 2002]

People who see this movie as artistic, creative and "fascinating" must have been watching a different flick than I was. It appeared to me to have been scripted during a bad acid trip and I couldn't even find any redeeming "highs" for momentary enjoyment. If you want to be entertained without having to guess which nightmare flashback you're watching, don't waste your time on this piece of trash. I've tried to wade through it twice now and it just keeps getting worse with each viewing. I think it was a gross misuse of fine talent.

Heist (2001)

Not up to Hackman

[5/10 · 30 April 2002]

but down to DeVito. How can you take a plot seriously if Danny DeVito is in it? Can a 4'6" Jersey joker really play a heavy? It's just not credible. It's kind of like when he's cast as the romantic with a 5'6" woman. Some things just don't work and this flick is a prime example. Delete Danny and it moves from a 5 to a 7.

A.I. Artificial Intelligence (2001)

Like a backhouse explosion

[20 April 2002]

I must have watched something different from all the viewers with flowery views on inane fantasy. I've had nightmares that made more sense. For those who would pay $1M for a painting of snow this may be an "artistic" success but if you prefer photographs to Dali's "sticks" don't waste your time on such a silly flick. It's too complex for kids and too simple for the average adult. There is no target demographic. No wonder it was a box office bust.

Murder on a Sunday Morning (2001)

Gripping affirmation of what we already know about Southern cops.

[10/10 · 31 March 2002]

I'm pleased that this was the work of foreign cinematographers because it can't be accused of unfair bias. With absolutely no cause, the Jacksonville cops rush to judgment in this case and pick the first black suspect to accuse of the murder of a white, foreign tourist. They picked a 15 yr. old kid who is just about as close to a saint as you could randomly find and then make fools of themselves trying to pin an unlikely case against him. In addition to the unfairness resulting from the blatant prejudice there is the matter of 6 months of unjust imprisonment of a completely innocent young black teenager. It makes one question whether as a society we should compensate those who are charged, imprisoned and subsequently found innocent. This docudrama is well produced, professionally recorded and presented in a captivating package from which you won't want to take a 1 minute break. If you care about social justice, don't miss this one. It certainly deserved its Oscar.

Disclosure (1994)

Suspense with great cast

[8/10 · 31 March 2002]

This has a top notch cast, great plot and it's definitely worth an 8 rating. Michael Douglas is his usual mysterious self, Demi Moore is superb as a manipulatrix and Donald Sutherland is once again the dark master. There's some interesting tech reality stuff for a 1994 flick and overall it's good entertainment.