anthonyiaclaims Reviews

Boy Kills World (2023)

Disengage your brain and enjoy

[7/10 · 23 May 2024]

If you've never watched Archer or Bob's Burgers do yourself a favor and see a few episodes of each before watching this. It's the same voice actor in all of them. He narrates for the main character who is deaf. "Boy" the main character does Archer type stuff with Bob's style of speaking. This adds a new comedic level to everything he does. I think it is on purpose but either way it made me laugh several times.

It is a parody of sorts, but I found it much better than Jackie Chan movies or the Jean Claude VanDamme movies it lampoons. It's closer to a Jason Statham movie for the fight scenes. So if you enjoy them, you should enjoy this as well.

Aussie Gold Hunters (2016– )

Fast becoming a fast forward show

[6/10 · 23 May 2024]

Started great, petered off and now it's 9% made up drama using people who can't act at all. They are fine when doing their actual job but wouldn't make the cut for a high school play when it's scripted which just makes the bad script even more obvious.

I just saw the last episode where Kat former office worker want a tree uprooted because she knows there is gold there. Then she pulls a large very clean, I mean really clean nugget out of the red dirt. Hmmm, was that nugget there for centuries or seconds?

I think you could start a minim business and sue the producers of this show if you go belly up for false and misleading content.

I love the shows, but the fake crap needs to stop. I don't give a can of beans about the drama either.

On the same shoe Jaquie "hits" her hand with a hammer. Watch it and laugh about how bad it is. She is hitting a spike into rock, then she just starts swinging all over and pretends to hit herself on the hand. There is fake blood and everything. We are spared the "wound". Later, her blood soaked bandage is clean and white!

An 8 without the fake crap and the drama, a 4 with it.

Sting (2024)

Better than expected

[7/10 · 16 May 2024]

I went in expecting a syfy type movie, but I grew up on creature feature movies, so I gave it a try. I was pleasantly surprised. It's got quite a few plot lines that come across as fresh. Even the ones used in previous movies were changed enough to feel "New" to me.

With all the crappy movies we've been fed for the last decade, I'm surprised to see a lot of ratings under 5. I would say, if you are into creatures etc, you will enjoy the movie. You aren't going to put it at the top of your favorite movies, but you should get enough enjoyment out of it to be glad you watched it.

I have a niece who used to watch the Chucky movies with me when she was little. She loved any kind of horror. This would have been a perfect movie for us.

6.5 tars rounded up to 7.

Arthur the King (2024)

Reminds me of movies from my childhood

[7/10 · 3 May 2024]

Back in the 60's-80's there were lots of anima movies like this. Cats, Dogs etc. That traveled thousands of miles to be with the family th.at they loved.

I would add a star or 2 if you plan on watching this with your children.

I hated Marky-Mark but I never miss a Mark Wahlberg movie. He has become one of those sure hit movie stars where even if you don't love the movie. It's hard to fault him. Always brings something extra in my opinion.

You aren't going to see anything new and/or amazingly re-done, but it is well told and well-acted by everyone. So much better than the slop they've been passing out in Hollywood for the last decade.

Love Lies Bleeding (2024)

Soft core Lesbian porn is better on 1990's Cinemax

[4/10 · 3 May 2024]

The first 35+ minutes are bad soft core porn. If you enjoy that, Cinemax did it much better for decades. Kristin Stewart's character looks like every guy that has ever changed the oil in my truck. Her partner is a homeless body builder. Whoever wrote and or directed this knows nothing about body building. First off, no-one at a body building contest blows raspberry's or hoots and hollers at female contestants. They'd be thrown out by hulking people of both sexes. Second, you don't get into "stage" shape working out every once in a while. People who do this work out 6-8 hours a day every day.

Third, steroids do not cause the kind of reactions portrayed in the movie. I understand that they took liberties, but this was ridiculous.

Maybe I didn't get the sarcasm or it is quite possible that I was not the intended audience, but I feel like 4 stars is generous. While I'm not a huge Kristen Stewart fan, I always feel like I will be entertained. I was not, at all. Quite bored and never felt any connection to what I saw as fake, made up characters. Way beyond a characture and beyond belief to me.

Thumbs down for me, wouldn't recommend.

Sweet Dreams (I) (2024)

I liked it better when it was named Dodgeball

[4/10 · 21 April 2024]

Another film where we are going to lose the summer camp/ski lodge/gym/halfway house, Etc. Unless we get a lot of money fast and low & behold there is a tournament where they can win exactly what they need to save their beloved whatever. Just not done nearly as well. Almost no comedy unless you find Bobbie Lee funny. Entirely predictable and so badly written. A softball team where 3 of the players never get a hit, 1 only swings the bat 1 time and the rest of the team is far below average athletically, but they win the tournament through....what? Luck? No wonder millennials are so unhappy, they've been taught that you don't need to practice, put in any effort, or really even care. You just need to be a victim... Can't recommend this.

Ghosted (I) (2023)

Like watching teenage girls argue

[2/10 · 8 April 2024]

Chris Evans shows his range by playing a 12 year old girl who is in a constant fight with the girl she has a crush on. No men in this movie at all. While I enjoy female empowerment movies, this empowered no one. Just total crap. I've seen better high school plays.

An 85 Lb woman beats up dozens of assassins while Evans does his hair and whimpers. It's just such a tired trope and this isn't written acted or directed well. The female lead is even worse than Evans, she's cute but can't act at all, really poor chemistry between the 2 as well.

Nothing good to say at all, I watched it all but could have turned it off after 10 minutes and still would have known the ending. Re watch Mean Girls instead, These 2 will have you convinced that Lohan deserves an Oscar.

Road House (2024)

Better than I expected

[6/10 · 24 March 2024]

Maybe because I expected slop, maybe because movies are so bad lately, or maybe because I read the negative reviews but this was better than expected. Connor McGregor should only be used for fight scenes. If you want to give him lines, use the Arnold S playbook and make all of his lines 12 syllables and this would have been a 7.

No it isn't a great story, but I was entertained and that's all I look for anymore. I guess I'm relieved when it isn't total crap (I watched Madame Web this week also).

Gyllenhaal was really good- I didn't expect that in this movie. The sheriff, the love interest, the rest of the cast not so much. Not a lot of story here so if that's your thing it's probably not for you.

Also this is more of a chapter in Dillon's life than it is a retelling of the original He's a former UFC fighter for example.

Mild recommend if you like slap fights...

Share? (2023)

Ho Hum should have been a short

[4/10 · 22 March 2024]

This is just cube redone as a bunch of people in separate rooms. The only difference is most of the people are supposedly happy being prisoners. I guess that makes it original... The main character is ok but boring. No way people are paying to watch him fart.

It was hard to stay immersed in the movie, your mind wanders as it drags on and on. It should have been a short on Black Mirror. The yoga chick is the only one worth watching.

This was a tight budget, 1 camera same rooms over and over, Crappy TV monitors. Whole thing reeks of cheap.

I would not recommend but it isn't awful, just boring.

The Late Game (2024)

I Got tricked into watching a beer league hocky game

[1/10 · 7 March 2024]

This is not a movie, it's a beer league hockey game and nothing more. There is a reason that there were only 2 guys in the stands. While I didn't pay for the "game" I wasted my time. If I wanted to watch a hockey game, it would definitely not be this one. Some comments and locker room banter do not make this into a movie.

Watch Shorsey or Slapstick or even Mighty Ducks (which is referenced several times in this movie. They are all far superior.

I would have given it a 3 but I took off 2 stars for the fake out.

This is not a movie, it's a beer league hockey game and nothing more. There is a reason that there were only 2 guys in the stands. While I didn't pay for the "game" I wasted my time. If I wanted to watch a hockey game, it would definitely not be this one. Some comments and locker room banter do not make this into a movie.

Watch Shorsey or Slapstick or even Mighty Ducks (which is referenced several times in this movie. They are all far superior.

I would have given it a 3 but I took off 2 stars for the fake out.

Don't Suck (2023)

Better than expected

[6/10 · 30 December 2023]

While this is no 10, it's not a 1 or a 2 either. I'm guessing that the 2-3 jokes about Biden (they were pretty tame) upset some snowflakes so they gave low scores. I don't know or care about Jamie Kenedy's politics but the jokes weren't mean, just jokes. This used to be normal but hollywood has everyone super sensitive these days. This movie won't break any new ground but it had some very funny parts. I also agree that Matt Rife (who I'd never seen before this) was the weakest link. But that's comedy, not everyone is going to be on your same wavelength.

If you like Kenedy, you'll like this, if a woman screaming F me Brandon while having sex puts you on tilt then rent a llama instead.

Suitable Flesh (2023)

3 stars for Heather's boobs

[3/10 · 30 October 2023]

Unless you just have to see Heathers boob occasionally fall out of her robe there is no reason to suffer through this. Just really bad. I like her in some movies but she can't carry a movie. Plus the writing and directing were a crap fest.

This is a poor copy of many movies that have used a demon who constantly changes bodies. Just watch one of those, you'll be better off.

Unless you just have to see Heathers boob occasionally fall out of her robe there is no reason to suffer through this. Just really bad. I like her in some movies but she can't carry a movie. Plus the writing and directing were a crap fest.

This is a poor copy of many movies that have used a demon who constantly changes bodies. Just watch one of those, you'll be better off.

Ahsoka (2023– )

I can't stay awake through an entire episode

[4/10 · 18 October 2023]

I'm a fan of Rosario Dawson so i was really looking forward to seeing this. But the writing is total crap. This is a snoozefest. Anyone rating this over a 6 is a shill or a 9 year old. I watched the first 2 episodes multiple times and I still can't tell you what they are about because it's sooooooo booooooring that your mind wanders, I can't stay focused because the story is not focused. Star wars fan fiction is far better than this mass produced, full of fat and filler. Like a twinky with no taste...It left me with 0 desire to watch further and from the real reviews I can see that I'm not alone.

Expend4bles (2023)

All of the MONEY WENT To the actors

[2/10 · 15 October 2023]

This was written, directed and edited by 3 12-year-olds. Honestly, if it were, at least then I could give it 5 stars. The only decent thing was Statham and they screwed him with the cheapest digital effects and green screens since the original A team. I'm talking the TV version. The explosion were those computer-generated graphics you could do way back before CGI but they look almost 3-D but really cheap. Every time he was on a dune buggy or motorcycle, we got the 1970's cut out look as they apparently couldn't afford 1990's technology.

You're probably going to watch this anyway but do yourself a favor and wait till it's free, it's still not worth the price of admission...

The Mill (2023)

Lil out of shape Rey does his best Conan impersonation

[4/10 · 11 October 2023]

If you are old enough to remember Schartzeneger in Conan, you'll remember him pushing a similar wheel with 3 other men and then through the magic of a Hollywood montage he became huge over time and pushed it alone. Lil Rey has smaller arms than the kid from Conan (bigger tits though) and when he started pushing it he couldn't even budge it. He had to throw all of his weight onto it 3 times to get it to move an inch or two. Somehow, he worked 16 hours and made 5 laps.... Is that believable? No, but even worse, if you've ever worked that hard at something you are not used too, you know that the next several days are hell. Aches, pain, cramps and he got 1 bottle of water a day. Somehow, he does 100 revolutions though, then 370, then over 700. I'm guessing none of the writers can do a single push up as they know nothing about how the human body works. Not the worst movie ever but what is irritating is if they showed this to a kid in 9th grade who has worked out before, that kid could have done a quick 30 minute re-write that would have improved the story immensely. This film is just watchable, if that's why you make movies, congrats, you did the bare minimum.

Blue Beetle (2023)

It's ok if you are under 12

[3/10 · 31 August 2023]

First, I have to admit I can't stand Lopez. Why anyone would use him in a movie is beyond me. It's like he's the only Hispanic they know, which is sad because I live in Mexico and there are so many others to choose from who can actually act.

This was made for a very young audience not sure why they felt the need for Spanish curse words in a movie made for kids but hollywood seems to like destroying any moral boundaries that are left. Like most superhero films put out lately the script is nothing new, just different characters doing the same things we've seen them do over and over. It's like boy bands whose music is computer generated, it's fine for kids but boors me to tears.

There are much better movies for your kids, unless you enjoy spending $15 each to sit in a theater listening to other kids making noise because even they seemed bored at our viewing.

Skip this one until it comes on your streaming service...

The Last Voyage of the Demeter (2023)

Very much like the TV mini series

[7/10 · 31 August 2023]

I enjoy Dracula movies, but the source material has been done so often. This was different, but at the same time it was very similar to the 2020 TV mini-series Dracula which I had hoped would continue. Both are mostly about the voyage to London. This one used a Golom like Dracula which we were told could blend in as human but never did, the mini-series had a more human looking Dracula. It isn't great but it's also not bad. I come in at a 6.5 rounded up to 7 which for me is an enjoyable movie. I don't give 10's (I've never seen a perfect movie) as that means not 1 single frame would be changed. I don't remember the last 9 I gave.

There are some stupid acts by the crew, looking for him only at night? WTF. Also, they couldn't leave the ship because it would chase them but the one who left, went at night. Maybe try daybreak?

For reference on my tastes, 30 days of night is one of my favorite vampire movies, a great watch if you want something different than the traditional Transylvania story.

Don't overthink it and you'll most likely enjoy it.

Twisted Metal (2023– )

Reminded me of Blood drive, just not as good

[6/10 · 29 August 2023]

I've never played the game so I went in blind. Story is pretty good, nothing you haven't seen before in Deathrace or the afore mentioned Blood Drive. Anthony Mackie is a bit over the top. A loud, not as funny or cool as he thinks he is character. It can be annoying but it's not awful. Stephanie Beatriz plays the exact same character she did on Brooklyn 99, just not nearly as well. It's odd, like she lost her mojo... You would think she would have the angry, I'm not talking and when I di you won't like it character down but like I said she somehow lost the ability to play the part. Again, not awful, just not what I expected from her, Basically, it's exactly the show you expect, just not great. As everyone said already, the clown is the best part.

The Beanie Bubble (2023)

Not bad, just not good...At all

[5/10 · 6 August 2023]

Almost a remake of the old Dolly Parton movie 9-5 without any humor (how is this a comedy? Just because it stars comedians doesn't mean it's funny. The only joke is the entire story. It's like a female empowerment movie where none of the females (except Maya) are very bright. Of course, the male lead is an idiot, you can't make a movie with an intelligent male lead anymore, I think it's illegal. But Elizabeth Banks role was never flushed out you hear she is brilliant, but they never show her doing anything for the business other than wearing pink dresses at toy conventions. All of the great ideas came supposedly from Maya the assistant. The wife did nothing wrong but had nothing to do with the business, her 2 little girls were more instrumental than most other characters as they gave insight into what kids wanted and Ava even designed some.

If you want to watch a reality type mockumentary where almost every character is a moron playing a moron, then you will love this. Movie is well put together sets, scenes, costumes, acting all fine. But who gives a crap? What is the hook? That people are stupid? Just spend 2 minutes on Twitter for free or watch reality TV for free. This movie gave me zero return for my time, no laughs, no story I care about at all and only 1 or 2 characters I cared whether they lived or died, and they were all under 20.

Huge pass for me, a very generous 5 stars as it appears to be what they set out to make I just don't know why, and I was in retail at the time. I can't imagine anyone born after 199 would have any interest at all.

The Bear (2022– )

One of the best shows out there

[8/10 · 2 August 2023]

I don't give 10's as there is no such thing as perfect in cinema, however this is really good. A show about working in restaurants but also about trying to also have a life.

My one reservation is season 2 episode 6. Why, would you bring in Jamie Lee Curtis and Sarah Paulson to scream and yell for an hour? I get it, they want to show you why the kids are messed up and what they came from but that episode is not enjoyable to watch or listen to. If you want a reason not to go home for the holidays (or any other time watch it, otherwise, unless you need to see emotional abuse, constant, repetitive abuse, pass this episode up.

From (2022– )

Lots of made up drama "filler"

[6/10 · 24 June 2023]

I like the idea of the series but way too much made up drama and filler from lazy writing. The director is a big problem as they do things like have the little boy get a severe leg injury. The kid isn't horrible but he can't use a crutch or limp to save his life. Not really the kids fault, he hasn't built up the coordination to do it. But how is it that episode after episode we watch him limp on the wrong leg, use the crutch on the wrong side and or leg? At some point don't you go another direction? Why couldn't the mother (who is possibly the worst actor in the show) be the one with the injury? Anyone but the kid who can't do it? Then you have the boss lady of Colony house. She somehow manages to remain angry and fat for years even though the food is 90% plants. She seems to believe that the loudest person in every situation is the correct one which is almost never the case in life. More lazy writing, everyone who ever holds a knife and gets touched or grabbed automatically spins and "accidentally" stabs the person behind them! This is used several times- sooooooo lazy and unlikely. The Sheriff, his son and his son's girlfriend along with the paramedic do a good job for the most part, but it's easy to see they won't ever resolve how to get home because that would be the end. They are going to milk this until it dies- the ending will either be just fading to black with no answers or a planned ending which this does not appear to have. My recommendation is to watch a few of the 1st series, then wait to see how they tie it up. Why invest yourself in a series that appears to be going nowhere?

Chelsea Handler: Revolution (2022 TV Special)

Girlfriend nite- now she knows why no one finds her funny

[1/10 · 25 May 2023]

My girlfriend picked this to watch so we watched. So bad. Is there a dumber human being alive today? The good news, my girlfriend will never want to watch her again lol She's cured of ever needing to learn more about the world's dumbest person. Actually asked my if she had some form of illness (mental) If you actually enjoy her, we just have different views on humor. I liked comedians before they became so smug, so F you if you don't agree 100% with their agenda. Why does comedy need an agenda? Why can we laugh at some people but not others?

Take me back to when everyone and everything was on the table. I've never been offended by a joke. But she doesn't tell jokes, she makes statement based on nothing and it's just not funny at all. Comedy, real comedy is dead.

Cocaine Bear (2023)

Tylenol PM Bear

[4/10 · 16 March 2023]

I was really looking forward to this. So much potential but the bear maulings were graphic, (which is fine but not for kids) and the comedy was childish which I kind of expected. Something like Up The River but with a bear on cocaine. Instead you got graphic violence patched with poor attempts at humor. I fell asleep halfway through. I finished it earlier today but even with medicinal help this was not funny, not horror -not good.

Adult swim had a sketch once where the abominable snowman had cocaine balloons rupture in his stomach at an airport. Find that, it's only a few minutes long and far more laughs than 90 minutes of this. I don't know what they were going for. The teenagers had to have parents in showbusiness, Leota was fine in a Meh role that meant nothing. The bear ate at least 4 kilos of coke but had to have more. Apparently, it's true, some bears get hooked the first time.

I'm not saying don't watch this, just do not pay for it you will never get that money back.

The Comeback Trail (2020)

De nero needs to go on permanent vacation

[3/10 · 9 March 2023]

For someone who made great movies at one time, Robert/Bobby/Mr. Over rated seems to just show up, read his lines and waste what could be decent movies anymore. How about one of his "fan boys" tells us 1 decent movie role he's played in the last 20 years. Someone actually listed those Focker POS movies as "gold" ??? The only joke is that fockers sounds like morons with no ideas trying to make money off of 13 year old boys who are the only audience who can possibly find that funny for 90 minutes. Deniro is 1 of many old actors who no longer have any respect for their craft, the days of researching roles, motivation etc are long in his past. Come in late, read directly from a teleprompter with no tone, emotion or feeling, berate a few of the staff, pick up a big check, rinse/repeat. He has now become Bruce Willis, a reason to avoid any movie they are in. But at least Willis has a reason, he is very ill. Deniro is just a waste of oxygen anymore.

Cool Hand Luke (1967)

The only 9 star I've ever given

[9/10 · 9 February 2023]

I don't believe in 10 scores as that means not one single thing should be changed. This movie came close for me though. Might be my favorite of all time along with Brian's song, One Flew over the Cuckoo's nest, or even Rocky. If you haven't seen any of these movies do yourself a favor. You can most likely find them for free or really cheap and they put the Hollywood of today to shame. Brian's song will make you cry, a lot. Cool Hand Luke will bring out the rebellion in you, as will One Flew over the Cuckoo's nest and Rocky the fighter in you.

Saddest thing about all these streaming services is that they need product so bad they will show almost anything. No standards anymore.