Melkor_pt Reviews

The Tomorrow War (2021)

It's a fun action movie ruined by the ending.

[6/10 · 7 July 2021]

My first gripe actually is with the mechanics of time travel involved. If they were worried about stuff like paradoxes then this is one of the "single timeline" sort of universes, but then they kind of chicken out and make it a multiverse were you can actually change the future so the entire premise of sending millions of people to get eaten in the future makes no sense. Just send back samples and all the info relating the location and we could have found the ship and blew it up.

But what really twisted my panties is that the last guys coming back form the future right before the gate collapsed aren't even debriefed, apparently no one cares to know what happened. "Oh, they made this toxin and told us to mass produce it and kill the aliens? We have no time for that now, you go ahead in your kitchen." Preposterous. Even if the American government was that dumb the next step would be going to the Russian embassy, that's a nightmare in itself but still better than doing nothing. But didn't even bother to make a tweet about it, off they went, the only people who knew anything about the threat - to the unexplored Russian tundra with half a dozen idiots without so much as leaving behind a sample and a map with a lawyer. C'mon, I can suspend my alien disbelief enough to buy ancient carnivore alien molerats but this is too much human dumb.

The Empty Man (2020)

The most underrated movie ever

[8/10 · 22 March 2021]

Seriously, 5.7? I've watched well over one thousand movies in my life, this isn't the best horror movie I ever saw but it is a solid 8. It is not what it looks in the trailer and that is for the better.

Nocturnal Animals (2016)

Strangely underwhelming ending

[6/10 · 12 February 2017]

*** WARNING ALL PARTS OF THIS REVIEW SPOIL THE ENDING OF THE MOVIE ***

He stood her up. *That* was his revenge after stewing on this for 19 years? *Really*? The truth is that 19 years had passed, it's a lifetime! Even if he knew her that well and guessed right that she'd live to regret her choice he had no way of knowing at which point in her life she was. He didn't know about her husband's "financial troubles", he didn't know she knew she was being cheated on or that she was feeling empty nest syndrome. For it to be any sort of revenge he had to hurt her emotionally, just standing her up would be the equivalent of Tony telling Bobby he was fine with Ray walking away with it. Given that Tony kills Ray only to die himself I expected Edward to pull a Vicomte de Valmont, show up for dinner, chat with her, quickly realize she was ripe for being seduced and then dump her after sex with "wow, you really *did* become your mother" or something else really cruel and personal. You know, really drive in the dagger even if it hurt him as well and still left him empty after 19 years. For all he knows she got *annoyed* and bitched about how her loser ex- husband and his shitty novel wasted her time while she and her husband planned their upcoming scuba diving vacation in Bora Bora over the phone.

I dunno... seems strangely underwhelming for something that took him 19 years to cook.

Nukie (1987)

By and far the worst thing ever put on celluloid

[1/10 · 29 October 2004]

Through the years i managed to watch most of the movies in the bottom 50 IMDb and i can only say this, "Nukie" beats them all. This movie makes "Manos - The hands of fate" look like "Citizen Kane" by comparison.

I am in fact puzzled how someone DARED to actually film this!

I mean... c'mon people! Didn't you realize what an utter piece of garbage this was when you made it? No words can describe how bad this movie is... it has to be seen to be believed. But make no mistake, encourage you to watch this movie, in fact that is a MUST. How else can you judge other movies if you lack the base standard unit in "retardness" to compare other movies to?

Fear X (2003)

Fear what? Fear "Fear X"!

[1/10 · 24 September 2004]

I wanted to like this movie, i really did. I am a fan of Lynch and movies with a slow pace that gradually build up, but i am sorry to say this movie is total garbage.

Try as i might there is no sense to this plot (!), i have read some opinions but ultimately they are all simply made up by people trying to find some meaning in the hour and a half of their lives that went down the drain.

This plot looks like a dog chewed the scripts of "Memento", "Lost Highway" and "1 Hour Photo", someone picked up the remains, glued them up and said to themselves "wow, this would make an interesting movie". It doesn't.

There is no point in talking about plot holes, there is no plot, that is the surprise ending. Or it would be if it wasn't so obvious halfway through the movie that it would lead nowhere. Saying it has a slow pace is an euphemism, a turtle on Thorazine moves faster than this. And what for? Does it lead anywhere? NO! It just goes nowhere slow...

Gosh, i have seen some bad movies in my life, but most have some redeeming quality to them, and those that don't are so bad that it becomes obvious it wont be worth your time and you simply drop them like a sack of bricks. This movie starts in and interesting direction but after 1/3 of it you start thinking that the director is lost. He isn't lost, he just has nowhere to go, simple as that! And that is how you watch the last half of the movie, with the conscience that it will end up going nowhere and that the director is just playing with you to gain enough time to fill up the 91 minutes.

This is the lowest rate i ever gave to a movie 2 out of 10, it's just too bad to be true

Avoid it like it where an Ebola carrying monkey. Do something more useful and interesting with your time such as finding anagrams for newspaper headlines.