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firedude34
Reviews
Push (2009)
Egads... where to start...
Well I went into Push with low expectations, and it was a good thing I did. There were so many holes in the plot of this movie... yikes!
Like... how does 13 year Cassie (Dakota Fanning) who somewhat sees the future by drawing things in her little notebook... survive on the streets of Hong Kong with no visible means of support, always has cash, and dresses like an underage prostitute? Uhm... what?
Like... how does our hero, Nick (Chris Evans) go from NOT being able to effectively manipulate gambling dice with his telekinetic powers, to controlling, aiming and firing multiple handguns - hands free?
I won't get into the ending as I just don't have the patience to list everything that happens...
It was an excellent concept, and the movie had it's moments (some of the action sequences are great). BUT, this movie has the flavor of a made-for-TV SciFi Channel movie... wait for the DVD...
The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008)
Tree huggers will love it... anyone with a brain... not so much...
Yet another 'wake up before we destroy the Earth' tirade from the liberals in Hollywood. Aye yi yi... At least in the classic 1951 original there was a legitimate threat of nuclear annihilation. The modern version uses the fallacy of 'Global Warming' as the impetus of... I"m sorry what's that you say? The Earth is cooling now? Oh... uh... OK... then the fallacy of 'Global Climate Change' (that way we can blame carbon emissions, cow farts, and SUVs for ANY climate change up or down) as the justification for our extinction. All the other animals on planet Earth get the 'Noah's Ark' treatment from the benevolent Aliens, but not us evil humans... apparently we missed the memo and torqued off said Aliens. The Aliens strut around our planet, judging us to be unworthy (like it is their planet or something) with all the emotion and passion of a three toed tree sloth. Wait a sec... maybe it is their planet... were we seeded here? Intelligent design? Who knows. The movie doesn't address that sticky topic. I say we blame the Indians (dot, not feather) and the Chinese. They aren't buying their fair share of carbon credits. The Alien even rides around with a 'responsible' scientist who drives a Hybrid no less (it would be hypocritical for an advanced being destroying us for our carbon emissions to get escorted around in an Escalade, right?). Product placements galore! There is also some heavy anti-military overtones in the movie... the little kid's dead father would kick the alien's butts if he wasn't... uh... dead. Because he was in the Army... and they kill stuff... you know, 'cuz they're the Army. *sigh* There were so many holes in the plot and silly leaps in logic it was ridiculous.
This ranks as the second worst Sci-fi movie of all time (narrowly beaten out by the slaughtering of L. Ron Hubbard's sci-fi novel Battlefield Earth in 2000).
Uhg... c'mon Hollywood! If you are going to continue making this kind of tripe at least preach to us with something original! Holy Toledo...
Eagle Eye (2008)
If you have half a brain, wow did this movie blow...
Where to start with this movie. There are so many unbelievable premises I don't even know where to start. Conspiracy theorists will love this movie. Everyone else will just constantly find themselves saying "Riiiiight
." & "You've got to be kidding me
" Let's just cover some of the premises we are asked to believe:
1. There is a Super-Super Computer (called Aria) designed to recognize threats to national security by monitoring every cell phone, computer, video camera, and radio frequency in the world. All by itself. Stupid evil Patriot Act.
2. Aria can make high tension power transmission lines overload and snap exactly where she needs to just so the wire can fall and kill someone that disobeyed her (Aria has a female voice).
3.Aria has decided that the President and his entire cabinet must be eliminated because they didn't listen to her advice on a missile strike in the Middle East, and thus must be a significant threat to the national security of the United States. Pres and his cabinet must be Republicans.
4. Aria can read lips and follow conversations just by observing the vibrations of the conversation on the surface of a cup of coffee.
5. Aria can hack into any security camera, cell phone, airport metal detector, remote controlled crane, etc. on a moment's notice and take control of them. Totally anonymously.
6. Aria can control anything and everything electronic in the world, but can't overcome some internal programming that prevents her from accomplishing her mission.
7. There is a newly discovered crystal that when properly triggered, a 1 carrot diamond sized piece of this crystal will demolish the Capitol building.
8. It seems we have remotely piloted vehicles (RPV) that look just like a Predator RPV sitting around the U.S. on military bases fully loaded with missiles and machine guns
just waiting for a demented Super-Super Computer to take control of them.
9. Apparently it takes about 4 days to get to D.C. from the Midwest by passenger train. No wonder Amtrack is always in trouble...
10. If you slow your metabolism enough, you can survive a ride in the un-pressurized bay of a military transport aircraft.
11. A single missile strike in the Middle East triggers the 'real' Jihad world wide and threatens the U.S. and it's evil capitalistic interests.
12. If you dress like a cop, you can waltz into the Capitol building when the President and his entire staff are there and Congress is in session. With a sidearm. Oh, and there is a secret access tunnel under the Capitol.
13. The rest of the world has to pass through 20 layers of heavy security to get to Aria's secret level of the Pentagon. But, if you know the right computer, you can get direct access to Aria's level via a service elevator that is nowhere near any security.
It just goes on, and on, and on through the entire movie. Jeez I couldn't wait for it to be over
and boy was I glad when it was! Uhg. Nothing in the movie was believable. I thought Vantage Point was a bad movie
this was worse. Wait for the DVD.
Vantage Point (2008)
What a mess of a movie...
I remember thinking about half way through this train wreck "wonder if I can sneak into another theater and watch something else?". What an incredible concept for a movie - but what a horrible application of said concept. One horrific event, from 8 different perspectives. Yes 8 perspectives. You get to watch one perspective... then rewind... then the second perspective... then rewind... then the third... well... you get the idea. The hype on this movie suggested clues would be evident within each perspective, allowing you to put the pieces together as it goes through each agonizing rewind event. Ha. Hardly.
Spoiler follows, but I don't think it really matters that much!
OK, see, what happens is... these terrorists... they want to kill the U.S. President at a summit in Spain... or so we think. But wait! Actually they want to kidnap the President. So apparently the terrorists coerced this special forces GOD by threatening to kill his brother...and said special forces GOD manages to take down the entire Presidential Secret Service contingent (whom, as a whole, are a bumbling batch of idiots with a traitor in their midst), pretty much by himself (with some help from a suicide... er... homicide bomber), waltzes into the President's hotel room, and kidnaps him. Oh, it really is the President as the real President just watched his "double" get blown to bits while impersonating him at this summit. And then...
Aw hell never mind. It doesn't really matter...
Presidential doubles? Special forces guy coerced by terrorists? Terrorists can figure out the whole Presidential double thing while the rest of the world is clueless? Turncoat Secret Service agent who commits high treason? Are you kidding me? Oh. My. God. And I never knew terrorists had cool James Bond type gadgets! Or that the head-terrorist is willing to kill dozens if not hundreds of innocent people at the summit, but baulks at running over a little girl in the street - dooming his cause to failure in the process.
This movie is a wreck. It is one implausible situation after another. Wait for it to come to cable... or rent it... but good lord don't buy this crap! You'll only encourage them...
Who the heck are all these mental giants giving this movie a 7 star average? Guess they needed something to watch while they wait for the next Ernest movie to come out... Newsflash: Jim Varney is dead! And so is this movie.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)
Don't expect "Raiders" level of magic, but still worth seeing!
As many others on this site have stated, I intentionally kept my expectation low before seeing this movie. Good thing I did. The movie just kind of gave me a shadow feeling akin to a Dukes of Hazard reunion show. As with his Star Wars prequels, Lucas couldn't recapture the magic of the originals. The script was lacking... the plot was lacking... Only thing that saved the movie was the acting. I was, and still am, a huge Indiana Jones fan! My favorite was the original Raiders, followed closely by the Last Crusade, and in a very distant third: Temple of Doom. This movie lands somewhere between Last Crusade and Doom. I really really really didn't like Doom - with the annoying kid sidekick and fragile, delicate, whiny female interest. Blech. It pays homage to the previous 3 movies with some obvious and some veiled references to them. There is even a little Star Wars tribute (I got a bad feeling about this...)!
While Harrison Ford has aged gracefully, Karen Allen has not. The tough as nails, drink you under the table whirlwind of a woman from Raiders comes off as... well... a tired worn out soccer Mom dreading the arrival of her first grandchild... Indy pays her a compliment and she gushes and blushes like a little school girl. Say what? It's almost as if Lucas and Spielberg threw her in at the last minute without giving her any advanced notice to ready herself for her return as Marion. Quick, someone give her the number of Ford's personal trainer! I liked the character of Mutt Williams, played very well by Transformers Shia LaBeouf. If the series carries on with LaBeouf taking over as the lead character he should do fine!
I would recommend you see this movie on the big screen. No doubt about that. There is just something about seeing movies in a theater that add a level of magic you can't get watching at home. Leave the laws of physics at the door and just sit back and enjoy the movie for what it is.
D-War (2007)
yikes...
OK this movie was bad. Really bad. How bad is really bad you may ask? Battlefield Earth bad. Ishtar bad. Bolero bad. Planet of the Apes (2001) bad. That is bad. I think USC film school students could have done a better job... hell this wouldn't even make a good Saturday morning cartoon. It has the ring of a low budget made-for-TV Sci-Fi channel movie. Uhg. Horrible plot. Horrible acting. Horrible writing. Horrible everything! Talk about a resume' killer. The CGI was O.K., but nothing special. That was the only positive thing I could come up with. Bad bad bad BAD! The script was choppy and hard to follow... as was the plot... as was the point of this whole stinkin' movie. Wait for it to come out on DVD. BAD!
The Astronaut Farmer (2006)
Not nearly as good as I had hoped...
This movie could have been so much more...
Yes, this is a nice little family movie... but if you are over... say... 13 you will probably be disappointed. This movie has it all: Evil government entities trying to 'keep the dreamer down', bumbling FBI agents that can't seem to walk without a laugh track, local good old' boys sheriff department right out of the Dukes of Hazard, evil bankers repossessing the ranch, lectures from Family Services about losing your kids, everyone trying to tell you that you are nuts, etc., etc. Almost like watching a dramedy on the ABC Family Channel. And that doesn't even touch the suspension of the basic laws of physics anybody who didn't sleep through 9th grade science class learned.
Improbable premise #1: Man builds rocket capable of putting him in orbit using old NASA junk from the 'rocket graveyard' including working Atlas motors (looks just like an old Mercury launch vehicle from the 1960's).
Improbable premise #2: Man self-launches said rocket, using home-made rocket fuel, has a misfire, rocket tips over 90 degrees and streaks across the landscape like the Roadrunner, eventually crashing in a heap near some cows (I swear, I thought this was a dream sequence).
Improbable premise #3: Man survives crash, rebuilds the rocket from scratch with extra spare parts laying around the 'launch barn', and then launches within several months of the first botched launch.
Improbable premise #4: The launch platform is built within the man's barn. A timber frame wood barn that somehow doesn't burn to the ground during either launch sequence(Atlas rocket motors produce a plume of combustion somewhere around the 10,000deg Fahrenheit range).
I've always been a big Billy Bob fan, and his performance doesn't do anything to diminish my opinion of him. In fact, all the primary characters are well done. But this movie has the feel of a made-for-TV movie complete with special effects that are pretty bad for a major theatrical release. If you have to see it, see it at a matinée.