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Reviews
Morto Não Fala (2018)
Not worth the $1.25+tax I paid for it.
I gave it a chance because I saw "SHUDDER Orignal" on the case. I thought " how bad can it be?" That's because at the time, I couldn't imagine how bad it could be. Don't make the same mistake! Poorly written, poorly acted, poorly directed, poorly edited. There are some truly gruesome special effects from time to time, but it's inter-spliced with terrible CG. CG worse than the writing, acting, etc. Combined. The cliche-ridden plot is over-convenient at first, twisting into a stale haunted house/possession/jump-scare piece of garbage by the end. It's 150 minute runtime will be sure to have you checking to see how much longer it is at multiple points of the film. If you see this at your local Dollar Tree (which I did) leave it in the bin (which I didn't). Skip this one if you value your time and $1.25.
Psycho Goreman (2020)
Great effects and make-up, unforgivably bad acting.
An ancient galactic evil falls under control of the most annoying child to ever (dis)grace the screen. The movie has awesome visuals and a fun plot, but the acting (besides the voice-acting) is where the true horror in the film lies. It also normalizes and protagonizes bullying, so yeah. The character of Mimi is written almost as badly as it is performed. It's like Amanda Bynes somehow had a baby with herself, then produced an exponentially more annoying actor. Then that person, from infancy, studied the worst child actors from the worst shows on the Disney Channel and replicated the worst of it. The other actors suck too, but you might not notice since Mimi steals the show-of being obnoxious, that it. Costumes, gore, make-up are wonderful. Fight scenes look like old Power Rangers episodes but even lower rate. Watch the kill count on YouTube and skip the rest!
Chop (2011)
Longest 82 minutes ever.
This one feels like it goes on and on. A man is stalked and taken brutal vengeance upon by a mysterious figure from his crack-smoking past. Going after his family and eventually, his body parts, the antogonist won't stop until the protagonist remembers and apologizes for a transgression he can't remember! Although it's not as confusing as it sounds, it's twice as tedious. The plot is ambitious enough but the (over) acting is usually obnoxious, with occasional decent moments. The premise is creative, but silly. The special gore effects sequences range from 'meh' to pretty good, but nothing outstanding-that is, when the camera doesn't cut away from the violence. By the end of the film, I had quit caring about the big reveal and was saying "big deal..."
Mr. Sycamore (1975)
"You covered up my hole!"
Yes, that's a quote from the film! Yet, it is amazingly G-rated! A disgruntled postman stands nightly in his yardhole, dreaming of taking root. You might find yourself dreaming of becoming a tree during the film too, as it's sure to put you to sleep. It's dull, slow, faded, and quiet. I'm guessing (and hoping) that it was made for TV. Perhaps it would have made a better play, although that would still have been mind-numbing. I recommend avoidance.
There Was a Little Girl (1981)
An interesting evil twin shocker...
A traumatized twin is plagued by her past and paranoia of her demented sister, who has escaped from an institution, resurfacing in her life. Making things worse is her weird priest uncle being a weirdo. Nasty dog attacks, knifings, and lots of bleeding all ensues culminating in a predictable twist and a most gruesome final kill. It's a mental health, crazed canine, evil twin, creepy uncle -unrated- death-fest where children are not even safe and the chase scenes are edited a bit too long. If you love shashers or gory 70-80's horror, you'll enjoy this and I recommend it highly. (Seek out an UNCUT version) Otherwise, proceed with caution.