Very good actors, the recognizable ones at least, and yet, a plot so thin you could use it to thread a needle. Quite obviously the production team knew it too, otherwise, why add this gratuitous and totally out of place shower scene? First of all, they're at a South Pole research base, yet the shower is big, roomy, and in a bathroom that looks like it is in a hotel in a major city, not the tiny stall on an actual research facility. Of *course* there just has to be clear glass on the shower, and just enough strategically placed 'fog' to keep away from an NC-17 rating, all to try (hopelessly) and prop up a movie with almost no other redeeming features. You're think Beckinsale would have more self-respect than put that in the movie, when there is literally no reason for its inclusion. Does not advance the plot, help understand the character(s) any better, or have any impact whatsoever on the rest of the film. Everything is else is predictable as the next sunrise, and a real yawner, despite the 'eye candy' they went with.
Reviews
39 Reviews
The Nest
(I) (2020)
One one nothing burger, really.
25 January 2024
A couple fantastic actors, wasted badly on a truly weak script, combined with some of the worst editing I've ever seen. The same shots, repeated dozens of times. Staring out a window at a field. Waking up and smelling the coffee... day after day... the same scene, different resting position in the bed, for no good reason. The same drudgery... a truly gloomy, awful existence, for everyone in the entire family. And it's at least an hour longer than it needs to be, simply by deleting silent, empty, repetitive scenes you've already scene. No backstory, of than veiled hints at a messed up childhood for at least one of them... no real love between any of the characters, a daughter that is a modern reincarnation of the shrew, a wife that clearly hates her life... and does nothing about it, other than one minor scene in a restaurant, when she makes a fool of herself for no real reason, then goes right back to being a doormat afterward. Just... endless, and ultimately, by the final scene, just pointless.
The writers really hate Ty...
8 September 2023
Why else would they make him, time after time, after time, after time, *always* take the weakest possible path when it comes time to make an important decision? He's the main 'gelding' in this series, and this episode, more than other, totally proves it. He can't seem to avoid a train wreck, and volunteer for them at every turn. I get it that it's all a soap opera set over a horse backdrop, but wow. You'd think at some point, an actor would say, please give me some choices that make sense for a sentient human to make, or write me out of the show. About the only character in the show that makes rational decisions more often than knee-jerk ones is Jack, and he only manages that about 52% of the time.
Heart of Stone
(I) (2023)
Not since Minority Report...
27 August 2023
Have we had a production team rely so heavily on glitz, CGI and pure BS tech to carry a practically nonexistent script. Our hero in trouble? No worries, this secret agency has access to 3D, high-def camera footage, instantly, anywhere in the world, blueprints of every building that exists, real-time threat assessments of anything, etc., etc. Holographic 'controls' for some secret behind the curtain mastermind done worse, but essentially the same as in Minority Report. Nonexistent tech, to explain away the fact that nothing about this movie has the slightest shred of capability. The laws of physics? Nonexistent as long as Girl Power is available. You can run the length of a football field to avoid an impossibly slowly expanding explosive fireball... you don't have to worry about the acceleration of gravity being a factor as you fall relatively short distances, without a parachute, yet it takes 3 or 4 more minutes anyway. And of course, formulaic no blood, no guts, just CGI explosions and only the bad guys get hurt ludicrous action sequences. Putting Gal Gadot in form-fitting clothing does not a good movie make, sorry.
Shameless
(2011–2021)
Loved the first three or four seasons, but...
17 August 2023
Warning: Spoilers
Somewhere along in late S4 and definitely in S5, Fiona went from being a sort of 'hood rat heroine' saving her family from a totally dysfunctional pair of epically bad parents to a total waste of oxygen. Suddenly she's not the responsible one (at all) anymore, and she's lying, cheating on seemingly every guy that shows even a tiny hint of affection for her and trying to prove she's in some ways just as bad or worse than her mother. By S5E6 I was actively hating her, instead of admiring her anymore, and not sure how long I could continue. The show went from being a dark comedy, to a transformation of a good character into a total skank. Making Mandy looking like a decent 'hood girl' compared to the epically stupid and despicable actions of Fiona. Sorry, but they either changed writing team, or the existing writers were unhappy the Fiona might actually make it out of that broken family... one minute, she's about to go off to college, the next she's married less than 48 hours and already cheating on a guy that truly cared about her. Just... sad... very, very sad.
Fatale
(II) (2020)
Plagiarism in movie form...
4 August 2023
So, take a great classic thriller from decades ago, then add a bunch of gratuitous faux sex scenes, but some glitz and city lights on top of it, then change a few genders here and there, and somewhere Alfred Hitchcock is rolling over in his grave and this is a very, very, very bad to attempt to make something fresh out of one of the oldest storylines in the genre. Unfortunately, it's not even remotely credible, this could never happen, no matter how much police corruption you care to imagine. An actress of Hilary Swank's character should never have gone near this one, much less been one of the producers. The people that think it's a cool plot must simply be too young, or lacking in historical movie knowledge to realize how much of this 'plot hook' was totally lifted and moved from a train to Las Vegas.
The Out-Laws
(2023)
"All-star cast" doesn't always matter...
13 July 2023
Like when the script is perhaps the worst to make it onto screen since Surf Nazis Must Die. Maybe some fresh out of film school at North Dakota Farm and Film college wrote it, after dropping acid while plowing a field on the world's oldest butane tractor to pay off student loan debts or something. It had some great actors, used insipidity, and some real bad ones pretending to be the stars. If there's ever been a more unlikable "lead" than Owen in this movie, I can't remember who it might be. The relationships are essentially a joke... and when you need to drop in a joke about the wimp's mom getting bang banged by the Miami Dolphins during the Marino era, you might be completely devoid of writing skill. I can't imagine a scenario when the producer of this film did more than put up some money, saw a list of actors that should be able to carry even a weak script, and never bothered to look further. Unfortunately, when a third grader could come up with a better plot and screenplay while taking his first dump at school without help, well, you end up with this train wreck.
The Serpent
(2021)
fragmented
24 May 2023
If you like watching a relatively simple story line get turned into a fragmented jumble of repeated scenes, each time they're presented with an unnecessarily missing detail from the last, this is your series. Ten months later, 8 months earlier, 7 weeks later, 3 months earlier, 2 months later, 10 weeks earlier, on and on and on like this, for episode after episode, while you see the exact same events play out, as if an overly cute production team decided to take the script, toss it in a blender, put it on purée for ten minutes, then pour it back out randomly into a series. The acting is spotty, sometimes good, sometimes not, but the editing is the real nightmare here. The series could have been half as long, without any missing content, if not for all this ping-pong with the same scenes, reused in some cases dozens of times.
Faithfully Yours
(2022)
Just what Netflix needs...
18 May 2023
Warning: Spoilers
Yet another show about cheating skanks, conniving, lying, taking advantage of men they claim to love, while using 'if it makes you happy, it can't be all that bad' as an excuse for anything, including this absolutely horrific script, weak characters, whole-filled plot, and bad acting. The voice-after work? Like most Netflix productions, about as convincing as campaign promises... do they just hire voice actors at the day laborer pickup point outside of the nearest Home Depot? Apparently, the production team expects you to believe if women are attractive, they simply can't help themselves from turning into bicycles for the entire country to ride. Really sad, pathetic story, with an equally vile faux ending.
Suddenly Nauseated
25 April 2023
Hearing Skyler White's name again, even though it was only in passing, made me fill a visceral, real sickness in my stomach. Still think she's the most pathetic, awful, miserable character ever to consume electrons or film in the history of TV. She should have gotten a really awful 'outcome' and instead, she apparently goes on with her sorry, pathetic, degenerate life without any real consequences. Really wish they hadn't felt the need to remind us of her at such a late date, just as she finally started to fade from memory. Other than that, these predominantly black and white episodes don't really do anything other than annoy the viewer. They don't make it seem more vintage, or authentic, or whatever they were trying to go for.
Can You Keep a Secret?
(2019)
Wanted to like it...
7 April 2023
Daddario is normally really good in most roles, though often totally miscast. This is probably one of the better examples of this. Not sure how close this is to the book, but the script is an absolute train wreck and what tries to be funny often comes out as just totally cringeworthy, stilted, or just straight up not how humans act and interact around each other. As if Elon Musk tried to write a romcom and this is what the robot generated. Yes, there a few places to laugh, other than maybe 5 minutes max, the rest of the film is a waste of digital media storage space. Save yourself some time, and find pretty much anything else to watch but this one.
The Recruit
(2022– )
Bizarre, written by someone who knows nothing about the intelligence field, or even lawyers.
15 January 2023
It's this weird action/comedy thing, but with some severely flawed premise issues. For example, three 'rock star' lawyers, all in their very early 20's, too young to have even finished law school, especially when one of them is a serial screwup with issues. Mix that with some oddly comical bits, some almost realistic action bits, and then thrown in some weird social programming and delusional pop culture and political references, and it's clear this is written by someone too young to be screenwriting about this sort of thing. It has potential, assuming it's not the typical "Netflix loves to leave you hanging" bit after 1 or 2 seasons to match GoT for viewership numbers. But, seriously, find some writers that actually know something about adult subjects, and can put it out there without all the telenovella grade characters.
Black Island
(2021 TV Movie)
Focus on the actual issues...
11 January 2023
A lot of the reviewers are applying US legal views to European characters. The age of consent in much of the world today is considerably lower than it is in the US. Never mind that in the not too distant past, including in the prudish US, it was far lower than it is today. "Oh no, a 17 year old boy had sex..." is just a distraction from the film is overly long, overly boring, and filled with other plot holes. That's the *real* issue here and it has nothing to do with birthdates, real or imagined, of the actors involved in this near train wreck of a film.
The constant time travel forward and back to make an almost non-existent story arc seem more complicated than it really is doesn't add drama, or intrigue. It's just annoying, and makes you feel like you need to keep notes at times. Next up, the sound track, which is often out of some teenage Disney movie, instead of a thriller.
The constant time travel forward and back to make an almost non-existent story arc seem more complicated than it really is doesn't add drama, or intrigue. It's just annoying, and makes you feel like you need to keep notes at times. Next up, the sound track, which is often out of some teenage Disney movie, instead of a thriller.
Glass Onion
(2022)
Even more campy version of the original
30 December 2022
Imagine taking a reasonably interesting movie franchise, and spoofing it, with the sort of goofiness that the original Batman TV series had. You would be likely to find this essentially in the same vein. Yes, the first knives out had some of that, but this is just... too much of that, and not enough real mystery, with a layer of pop culture and woke/whatever social media overtones to try and make it 'hipper' for the cancel culture or something along those lines. Ultimately, it falls flat and far short of its predecessor, in pretty much every way. Including, the one that really matters for a movie of this type, a good mystery. It's a parody of a parody, and like almost all sequels other than Aliens and Godfather 2, it's far worse.
Put a bow on it.
26 December 2022
Warning: Spoilers
Did a pretty good job of wrapping up the series, though, frankly, his learning enough from a user's manual to set up an M-60 to operate magically from the trunk of a Caddy was a little over the top, especially given the fragile look of the homemade 'strafing' gear he parked back there, or hooked up to a key fob. Then, to get the angles just right, planned way in advance, of exactly where everyone would be, how high off the ground they could be hit (or avoided by ducking the bullets, etc.) and magically take out all the bad guys, while sparing himself and Jesse? Well, yeah, okay. Call it typical Hollywood and leave the technical errors out of it I guess. Absolute best part of this final episode? Never, ever, having to see Skyler White alive again. For the better part of five years, was seriously hoping he'd finally add cuckold avoidance to the spine he slowly but surely grew from the time he started down this path, transformed from a mild-mannered chemistry teacher to a cold-blooded murderer that would end anyone, young or old, without any qualms. He had zero scruples by the end of his run, but somehow, just allows her to betray him and not get even an iota of all the revenge salad he's serving up? Not even a "how could you do that to me, when I was dying of cancer?" In fact, not one word, all series long, of disgust or even complaint of her being the single most horrible spouse in the history of television? Just a total pass, and how about a 9.7million dollar reward for screwing around on him, while she was angry that he didn't tell her about his cancer diagnosis the very first second he found out. So, everyone that needs revenge gets it, except for her. Well, great. The only real flaw was this recurring theme, from the very beginning and highly predictable betrayal of the one person he needed on his side most, never resolved. What sort of bad-ass anti-hero mass murdering drug king-pin stands for that? Especially, after that pivotal moment when she says "I can't wait for your cancer to come back"... that right there was when all semblance of love, or even affection for her would have died for anyone with 1/10th the 'balls' he and others claim he has through most of the last several seasons. Oh well, good run.
Walter White written as a complete idiot...
24 December 2022
Warning: Spoilers
Apparently, his genius status as the world's best chemist doesn't apply to his personal life, at least in the mind of whoever wrote this drivel of a script. This whole season is a disappointment, as he just somehow 'accepts' his faux-wife's total betrayal. Then, a few episodes earlier, actually apologizes, against all odds, for bringing up the 'inconvenient truth' of how Skyler is a vindictive, town bicycle of a slut. As if, it's perfectly okay for her to act as she does/did, but beyond the pale for him to point out it happened, and she's never once even pretended to apologize for it. Then we get to this point in the season, and a man who shouldn't have been capable of even wanting her after what she's been doing to him, is suddenly all about taking her to bed again? Oh, hell no. He should have hit the eject button, instead of doubling down on being Casper Milktoast, the cuckold from hell. Just awful.
Out of the Blue
(II) (2022)
Suggested replacement title: Huge Collection of Overused Clichés
9 December 2022
Absolutely predictable, not one surprise, or novel idea from start to finish. You could call some of it foreshadowing, I suppose, but that would give the screenwriting far more credit than it deserves. Hard to believe that even one 'named' actor signed up to be part of this movie and the horribly obvious faux-plot that it pretends is worthy of your time, attention and electricity to suffer though. Do yourself a favor, and watch just about anything else you can, and skip this one.
This is probably obvious from the above, but I'd be horribly surprised if this didn't get nominated for multiple razzies. If not, the diner scene, and the "I can sit here all day with my **** down your throat" scene alone should get a writer a good, old-fashioned tarring and feathering.
This is probably obvious from the above, but I'd be horribly surprised if this didn't get nominated for multiple razzies. If not, the diner scene, and the "I can sit here all day with my **** down your throat" scene alone should get a writer a good, old-fashioned tarring and feathering.
Sniper: Rogue Mission
(2022)
Multi-sequel franchises nearly always go off the rails, but...
4 December 2022
... this one really takes the prize for Train Wreck of the Decade. After the original Beringer movie, the follow ups got progressively less believable, but up until now, not really comically stupid and bad, as this is. It has very near nothing to do with the original story line, other than the title, and a character name. Instead, we get Ocean's 11-esque 'hip' soundtrack elements, titillation at the expense of sex trafficking victims and one that seems incapable of finding a change of clothes, for dubious reasons, while we're stuck with comic book graphic effects inserted, like something from the old Bat Man TV series, or maybe Polar. Then, you get campy 'unfunny' jokes, smirks, bad acting, and a simply painful to watch movie.
If you're going to do this, just start fresh, don't take a virtual dump all over a long-established franchise, to try and make it 'millennial friendly' or whatever this garbage was billed at when the project got a badly given green light. Don't waste your time. Go back and watch the original again, and try to pretend this movie was never made.
If you're going to do this, just start fresh, don't take a virtual dump all over a long-established franchise, to try and make it 'millennial friendly' or whatever this garbage was billed at when the project got a badly given green light. Don't waste your time. Go back and watch the original again, and try to pretend this movie was never made.
Virgin River
(2019– )
Not your typical romance...
14 October 2022
Since when do you have a romance series, where every single female character of note lies, deceives, hides truth and then punishes the men around them for not liking it? They demand honesty, then complain when they get it, while being absolutely mendacious at every turn, letting the guy(s) take the fall for not being able to read minds and accept being lied to, while if they make the slightest mistake, they turn their backs on the guy, betray him emotionally and keep the truth from them, letting them feel guilty? This isn't romance. An example of how to screw up relationships, and claim victory while doing it. Not only that, the directing is quite bad, as continuity errors run rampant throughout the series. Simple example: Your house is on fire, while you're taking a bath, so run outside in a towel, while all of your possessions burn down. Next shot? A firefighter on the scene, while you're standing there in the street clothes you were wearing earlier and just burned to the ground. The most egregious of maybe 100 examples. Then of course, the fact that just about every plot 'twist' is foreshadowed so obviously that even a kindergarten kid could see it coming, usually 2-3 episodes in advance, if not longer. The only real surprises is how often the female chars lie to every man they encounter, and somehow get painted as a hero afterward.
Blonde
(2022)
Tragic exploitation of Marilyn Monroe
9 October 2022
Truly awful film. I'll confess right off, I couldn't finish it, though I did hand in for over 2 hours, and wish I hadn't in retrospect. Apparently it's perfectly okay to continue, long after her death to keep making money off her as when she was alive. It's apparently okay to completely make up a 3-way 'affair' with a two real life people that were never with her like in this movie, but the beloved memory of a particular baseball star (they pretended he was 'just a retired athlete) was someone that absolutely had to be protected.
Some of the acting was good, considering the truly abysmal script they had to work with, but by the time it got to a truly disgusting scene where we're forced to relive essentially a 'Monica Lewinsky' moment, with a woman exploited her entire life, and Ana de Armas essentially is exploited herself, making that garbage, though perhaps far more voluntarily. I can't imagine what her friends and family must think after seeing it, but by the time the filmed progressed to that point, I had to bail.
If the goal was to leave modern, younger viewers, with little or no little memory of the real Marilyn or her public life, tainted with complete bs from this film as all they 'know' about her life, then maybe the director got what he wanted. It absolutely does not educate anyone, other than perhaps in what not to watch with your free time.
Some of the acting was good, considering the truly abysmal script they had to work with, but by the time it got to a truly disgusting scene where we're forced to relive essentially a 'Monica Lewinsky' moment, with a woman exploited her entire life, and Ana de Armas essentially is exploited herself, making that garbage, though perhaps far more voluntarily. I can't imagine what her friends and family must think after seeing it, but by the time the filmed progressed to that point, I had to bail.
If the goal was to leave modern, younger viewers, with little or no little memory of the real Marilyn or her public life, tainted with complete bs from this film as all they 'know' about her life, then maybe the director got what he wanted. It absolutely does not educate anyone, other than perhaps in what not to watch with your free time.
The Staircase
(2022)
Editors Gone Wild
23 September 2022
A one hour Dateline episode (less, considering commercials) somehow becomes an entire miniseries, thanks mostly to overly self-indulgent editing, that turns this into a scrambled, intentionally disorienting mess. When you feel like you need to take notes to keep up on which event happened in which timeline, as the order of events is put into a blender and needlessly, counterproductively spewed out at you randomly. Then the whole 'documentary artists put their whole life into their films' (including a ridiculous scene where they pretend to record music for a documentary, redoing the same clip of music, over and over and over and over and over and over again, while on a limited budget and a time schedule) thing is just overly done. Ironic, since this is the opposite of a documentary. This is taking the facts, and deliberately, dare I say maliciously spewing them out in the less elucidating way possible. Some good acting from a number of quality actors can't save this editing nightmare and make it worth the time involved.
The Skin of the Wolf
(2017)
Interesting story, but obviously confused many viewers.
9 September 2022
Warning: Spoilers
The consensus here seems to be that the hunter is the real villain here, but that's entirely wrong. The man who decided to pimp out not one, but two daughters, under false pretenses no less to a him for money is the real personification of evil in this film. Especially when he's caught lying and misrepresenting the first, he encourages the second daughter to commit a capital crime to help save him from his prior mistakes and even provides her with the items necessary to make it happen. It's a tragedy of missed opportunities from start to finish. At any step along the way, a decision to be honorable instead of choosing the path of deceit, and all the pain and suffered endured along the way could have been avoided, apart from maybe the eldest daughter's mistake, made before the start of the film, which led her father down a dark path that even he couldn't have predicted.
Loving Adults
(2022)
Interesting turns, then a comical, totally unbelievable ending.
4 September 2022
It's like the screenwriter just fell asleep, got drunk, or just decided to assume the viewers would be just as stupid as the characters are start to finish in this weak attempt at what could have been a much better movie without the totally illogical and idiotic conclusion. I won't say more, in case somebody actually just wants to waste a little under two hours of their life on a faux dramatic ending that makes you want to shoot the router so this can never happen to you again. Either that, or Danish police make the Keystone Cops look like geniuses.
Also, it doesn't help that the overdubbing into English is done by people that clearly are working without the benefit of actually seeing the film. Never heard such flat, emotionless 'voice acting' before.
Also, it doesn't help that the overdubbing into English is done by people that clearly are working without the benefit of actually seeing the film. Never heard such flat, emotionless 'voice acting' before.
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