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Reviews
Definitely, Maybe (2008)
A divorced parent's fantasy
I saw this story as some sort of divorced parent's fantasy. If you could just sit your 9 year old daughter down for a couple hours and explain how "complicated" adult life and relationships are, surely she would understand why you and mommy divorced. This includes telling your daughter about sleeping with other women, boozing, smoking, etc. Of course, your child would suddenly understand and accept that daddy wants to put his penis in another woman other than mommy (note the first 10 minutes of the movie the little girl talks continuously about how a man "thrusts his penis into a woman's vagina", as she has just learned sex ed at school and can't stop talking about it. Funny? Not really). Not only would your daughter understand you, but she would INSIST that you hook back up with that hottie from your younger days and drag you to her house (instead of dreaming that you get back together with mommy so your family is intact).
Yeah, right, dream on. Keep telling yourself that's what your daughter would do. And oh yeah, your little girl also won't have any problems hearing that her mom had a lesbian relationship with another one of your lays from your younger days, and slept with your roommate to boot. Naw...it's all good. She'll understand.
Seriously, pass on this one. It's also heavily pro-Democrat, as the lead character spends the 90's working for Bill Clinton. At least at the end, even this shallow, self-absorbed character is disgusted at Slick Willie's inability to tell the truth, even though his loser friends about brag about how they would vote for him again in a heatbeat.
And that's the ONLY reason I'm rating it a 2. It's the only redeeming message in this mess.
The World's Fastest Indian (2005)
World's Slowest Movie
I was really wanted to see this movie since I've been a motorcycle enthusiast since I was 8. The trailer made it look exciting and inspiring. What a letdown. Boring, slow, and way too long (2 hours). I'm not sure how much of the story was real, but the befriending of the transvestite seemed way over the top and tacked on. And aside from Hopkins, the acting was horrible...almost too painful to watch at times. I don't know whether to blame the supporting cast or the screenplay, but it was BAD (it's funny how you don't really notice good acting...only bad acting).
The scenes at Bonneville at the end of the movie are the only redeeming factor in this movie, but not worth sitting through the first hour and a half.
Domino (2005)
Waste of time
I rented this movie because it was based on a true story of the life of a spoiled rich kid turned bounty hunter. It sounded intriguing. But when the opening credits warned-- "Based on a true story...Sort of"-- I should have turned it off right then, because that was the understatement of the year. The whole thing was ridiculous, far-fetched, confusing, full of holes, and at times had terrible acting. The 90201 actors subplot was not the slightest bit funny...just stupid. And the whole "shoot off the arm" thing to get the combination for a $5 dollar lock on a refrigerator was stupid and purely for shock value. Why not just read it off his arm? Even better, ever heard of a bolt cutter? And then, after going through a huge mess of stealing millions, murder, etc., the little girl goes back to mommy, swims in her Bev. Hills pool, and says "I love you mom," as if she just came back from an all-night rave.
I couldn't wait for this movie to be over. My wife walked out. You've been warned.
Flightplan (2005)
Typical Hollywood
Just another typical plot twist storyline. I wasn't surprised.
Want to know just how many times in the real world an airline employee and a federal agent (especially law enforcement) have ever been involved with a hijacking. The answer-- None
In the real world, over 99% of hijackers have been carried out by one group. In fact, you could say this group "invented" hijacking. But of course, the nice man at the end was sure to hand back the dropped teddy bear.
Spare me the attempt to make me feel guilty over ever suspecting that a member of a particular group could have been the real hijacker.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)
Don't bother
While some may say this terrible film is more like the original book that the 1971 movie, but overall, it really isn't. My kids actually have the book and I read through it right after watching the DVD.
This film may be more true to the book with some of the finer details (the original lyrics to the Oompah Loopah songs, Charlie having a living father who worked at a toothpaste factory), none of these details add anything to the story.
On the other hand, the creepy, gray-skinned, androgynous Wonka is nothing like the original character in the book. He hates children (so why does he want to give the factory to one?). He can't even say the word "parents." He even hates old people. There is absolutely nothing funny, amusing, or likable about him (BTW, the dialogue in the movie is purely awful). By the time there's a feeble attempt to redeem Wonka's character at the end, it's too late. And where were the childhood flashbacks of Wonka in the book? So much for "more true to the book."
I saw the 1971 movie as a kid, and enjoyed it. But I watched it many years later as an adult, and LOVED it. There's so many great lines in it that I missed as a six-year-old. If you read a little about the history of the making of the movie (look online), you'll find that the script at one point was originally developed more for adults than children. It's no wonder, because much of the humor is more geared for adults.
Wilder plays the role of "Wonka" like it was made for him. Also, I believe the 1971 film story additions made for a much better story than the original book, and allowed you to see much further into the characters. Maybe I feel this way because I saw the movie before reading the book, but who can ever forget the scene near the end where Charlie shuns the opportunity for ill-gotten gains, even with his own Grandpa encouraging him to do the opposite. Wow. After seeing that, the book's ending seems kinda dull.
The Human Stain (2003)
Never heard of it
A friend rented this movie. I'd never heard of it before. It must be one of the "straight to video" movies. Surprising, given how many well-known actors appear in it, but then, they probably realized what trash it was and shelved it.
The whole thing is so unbelievable. First, Nicole Kidman and Anthony Hopkins are a couple. Ridiculous! Maybe if Hopkins was playing an extremely wealthy man and Kidman was a gold digger we could believe it, but that's not the case. Apparently, she's just one of those everyday, young, beautiful woman that have a fetish for sex with old men. At one point, she even tells him he's not OLD enough for her, and that she'd prefer he be in a wheelchair! Note: If you're over 70, you might love this movie.
But far more ridiculous to me is that Hopkins, an white man, has a secret-- he's really BLACK (yeah, right!) It makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.
I've never heard of such a thing ever in my life. While it's possible (however rare) that white/black parents can produce a completely white-looking child, never in my life have heard or seen of purely black/black parents producing a purely white child.
Is he an albino? He can't be; he has dark hair. Is he some freak of nature? Did his mom sleep with the milkman? Dunno...it's never explained. All his brothers and sisters are black. Even more frustrating is that the whole subject is treated as though it's a common occurrence.
This is one of those movies that takes you down a long, winding, disconnected path (there are continuous flashbacks to his younger days, plus the opening scene even gives a way the final outcome). I will say that, at least in the end, there was somewhat of a theme, a reason, a point behind the story, unlike some movies like this one. Nothing is more frustrating than a movie that takes you down a long path to nowhere; those movies are the worst.
So I'll give this movie a "2".
Rushmore (1998)
Don't listen to people who say this movie is funny
Listen up people, I'm going to save you time and money. DO NOT WATCH THIS FILM! I repeat-- DO NOT WATCH THIS FILM! Don't listen to the pseudo-intellectual imbeciles who say it's the funniest film ever. These people constitute about .01% of the population; unfortunately, for reason I can't even imagine, their gushing about this waste-of-celluloid may make it appear to be one of those sleeper movies (like Office Space) that bombed miserably at the box office.
This film bombed for a reason-- IT'S TERRIBLE! Absolutely nothing funny about it. I rarely turn off a movie before the ending, but this is one of those rare times that I and my wife just couldn't take it anymore (we shut it off about 3/4's through).
Unless you have a fascination with how oddball people's minds work, don't watch this film. But even then, you'll be left scratching your heads as to why even they find it funny.
You have been warned.