Anticute Reviews

The Wheel of Time (2021– )

Game of Thrones: Diversity and Inclusion

[3/10 · 26 December 2021]

Lately this feels so heavy handed it's not even worth trying new shows. It's not great and leans towards terrible unfortunately.

The direction is super simple, it's made for goats. The dialogue... it could've been a mute porn film just the same - it's certainly got the plot for it.

Pacific Rim (2013)

Just awful

[1/10 · 20 July 2013]

I won't bother with an actual summary of this film since they managed to pour in every cliché imaginable. You've seen this movie already, just think Transformers meets Godzilla, add some terrible acting to the mix and there you have it.

This movie will seriously go through every lame cliché from the 90s.

Movies like this insult the viewers intelligence, I don't know why this crap doesn't go straight to video, isn't there a committee of any kind that establishes quality?

The rating on IMDb is unbelievably high so I'm guessing they actually went ahead and bought good reviews and ratings. IMDb is slowly but surely becoming untrustworthy because of things like this, it's honestly sad that you can't even rely on them to have a clear depiction of the quality of things.

Mass Effect: Paragon Lost (2012 Video)

Jump on the cash cow and squeeze some moar!

[3/10 · 23 December 2012]

Personal: Firstly, I need to say that I'm not the biggest fan of the game series. I have played only Mass Effect 3 and have read the first of the book series. I considered both to be quite excellent. So now that that's clear I need to say:

Warning: This movie isn't worth the time put into making it. By comparison to the games and the books it's a poor excuse at an attempt to add some other media to the Mass Effect universe.

Summary: The story is focused around the character Vega, which was first introduced in the game, Vega and his team are ordered to protect a researching colony that's working on figuring out some ancient alien tech. Not too far into the movie the colony gets attacked by an enemy who's reasoning and purposes are unknown.

Impressions: I'll grant you the script sounds like it would've had potential in the right hands at making at least a decent action movie, however it was written poorly. Most of it isn't only predictable, it's so cliché you have to slap yourself in order not to fall asleep, not to mention Vega's character is - in the games at least, because there isn't a lot of character development to speak of in the movie - cliché to begin with. To sum him up quickly, he's the guy on the battlefield going 'Yeah! Get some!', and that is cause of a great many problems throughout the movie because when he 'falls in love'(meaning he gets a high school crush), they turn him into a lost puppy. It's like they took out every cliché attribute from Peter Parker and Chuck Norris and slammed it into one with this guy. I shouldn't even mention the fact that the way he's imagined and acted is not at all what I was used to from the game.

Alright, moving on, voice acting... Some of the lines don't fit well with the stress levels in each scene, they're isn't one that's memorable and you can tell from a far they lacked directing.

The animation. Oh boy! Remember the old X-men cartoons? That's about the level this is at. I'm not saying the X-men cartoons weren't great, for that time, they were phenomenal, however for 2012 this animation will feel like it's a blast from the past in a bad way. I think there might even be some scenes that are missing in-between frames, the lip sync is pretty awful and the level of complexity of the angles and scenes is Scooby Doo-ish.

Conclusion: This movie is a shameful attempt at cashing in on an already established name. It has no positive side to it, except maybe giving you a good giggle, when you see just how bad it really is.

Smallville (2001–2017)

Slowville & the never ending quest of getting' some of Lana...

[6/10 · 15 December 2011]

The truth about "Smallville" is that it's this generation's "Hercules" and/or "Xena", but with the backstage intrigues of "Game of Thrones". The show follows the life of Clark Kent, better know, to at least half of this planet, as "Superman", and everyone around him.

The first season is filled to the brim with cliché adventures that Clark and 'those meddling kids'(Cloe - the high school journalist and Pete - Clark's best friend) find a way to fix, each one of these being, of course, tied closely to the meteor shower. Kripton, Clark Kent's place of birth exploded years ago and his parents placed him in a ship and send him all the way to Earth, along with his ship however, there were pieces of the planet(meteors), that made it through the atmosphere and are now scattered around the town. The show swirls around this key factor for at least the first two seasons, the meteors and they're effects on people keep Clark and the gang busy for the most part, Lana Lang(love interest) making up for the rest.

It's played poorly and the term cliff hanger doesn't even begin to cover it, but over all it's probably a fun show for teenagers. Yes, it could use better writing and a faster pace, it could use a lot of things including a change of tone(because for the most part the show gives one the impression that it's talking down to you), however if you've got time to kill and above all you're in your early teens, give it a go, especially if you're a comic book fan or a fan of Superman.

What's Your Number? (2011)

Cheap humor and a lot of sexism, YAY!

[5/10 · 15 December 2011]

The movie's about this blond-hot-not-good-at-her-job girl type character that somehow get's it into her head that sleeping with more than 20 guys will ruin her chances of ever getting married or finding someone decent, so she tracks down the men she has slept with, to see if they've become better marriage material.

Now... I'm not even a girl and I'm sitting through this movie, watching about half way and I start getting annoyed... They portray her as this desperate, blindly stupid woman. Not to mention trying to make it sound like this 'sleep with more than 20 guys and you'll be ruined' statistic is based on something real. They go through all the usual classic teen movie steps, confused girl is... confused, handsome guy tries to help her, she doesn't see him as a potential partner at all, montage(using a few popular songs)... They should just stop the playback and write 'cliche' on the screen.

It's an alright movie if you want something to sleep through, or if you're fifteen.