Change Your Image
samuraicopper
Reviews
Skinamarink (2022)
It's an interesting effort
I feel like I get what it's trying to do. I know it's not straightforward narrative since that requires plot and cause and effect. It's more of a vibe than a story. It's an endurance test (even positive reviews call it way too long). I remember reading that David Lynch tries to get into your head. I feel like this tries to do that but it also dares you to keep watching. It's got interesting things going on mixed with frustrating decisions. The best thing it has going for it is the ambiguity. I've read interesting reviews and interpretations, but not interesting enough to make me watch it again. I can respect conceptual art for being ambitious and trying to do something new, but that alone doesn't automatically make it good. Like many people say, it's a nightmare put on screen. More specifically, it's like sleep paralysis. You're stuck there, grasping for understanding while you have zero control. I can see why it gets both praise and criticism. I find myself in the middle since I appreciate the effort but don't feel deeply affected by it just the same. I feel like its potential was not completely met but I am curious about what's next for the filmmaker.
Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022)
Like Downsizing in that it's ambitious and hard to finish
I also don't get the hype. It doesn't deserve the acclaim. It's a mess in every way. Reminds me of Alexander Payne's Downsizing because that has an interesting idea so poorly executed that it took me forever to finish. I tried and tried but just couldn't see the point. Like Greenbook, Driving Miss Daisy, Shakespeare in Love, and Crash, it proves that the Oscars miss more often than not. Probably going to win best picture but not deserving of it. When even positive reviews call the acting over the top but it still yields 4 acting nominations, that means something is broken. This will do nothing but perpetuate Hollywood pandering generalizations.
Black Swan (2010)
Meh
Aronofsky is not my cup of tea. He makes movies that are the polar opposite of rewatchable. I thought that The Wrestler was good, but I never want to see it again. Black Swan is a lot of style over a thin, if not nonexistent, plot. Natalie Portman does a good job with what she gets. Cinematography is clean and interesting. And that's where the praise stops. It came across as pretentious, phony, and unenjoyable. It's like someone trying to imitate David Lynch without Lynch's abilities. The more I think about it, the more I hate it. It's as though it was prepared to be "over my head" if I dared not to like it. Nothing in the film makes me care about these people.
Moonfall (2022)
No thanks, Roland
A failure on every single level. The actors clearly know they're in a hopeless piece of crap. There's an AI technological creature that lives in the moon, which was built by aliens. To make matters worse, we throw in a James Corden wannabe who's as funny and talented (and I think James Corden is neither) for comic relief. To watch this movie is to be disrespected by every single person who worked on it. Worst thing I have seen this year, and I watched Morbius.
Scrolling through the other options on HBO max is a better option than watching this. But see for yourself, it really will surprise you with its incompetence.
I Got the Hook Up (1998)
Uhhhhh
So this is among the dumbest movies ever made. Every bad stereotype is here. The plot makes no sense. There's a handful of so bad it's funny moments, but not enough to have a good time. Surprised by how predictable it is for a movie with such an aimless plot. Guy steals cell phones by pretending he was supposed to get them delivered, and the guy keeps delivering more? No report of an order not getting to the right place? That's the best Master P could do? I can't believe they made a sequel to this sack of crap. Avoid unless using to torture someone.
Lycan Colony (2006)
It's hard to do worse
I like riffing on fun bad movies or watching pros riff on fun bad movies. If you watch this alone, it's painful. Manos makes way more sense. Birdemic is actually The Birds compared to this. Werewolf, which was an MST3K subject for good reason, is incredible compared to this. This is on par with Roller gator, the most insufferable movie I know. Avoid unless you are with some witty friends or watching the Rifftrax version.
Prisoners of the Ghostland (2021)
Completely unwatchable
I have not been more angry at a movie in my life. It tries to be so many things and fails at every one. It's not edgy. It's not smart. It's not interesting. It doesn't look good. It doesn't make sense. The exposition, while plentiful, still doesn't explain enough. Cowboys, ninjas, ghosts, garbage garbage garbage. Nicholas Cage has done a lot of crap but this might take the cake. Avoid at all costs. Objectively bad.
Don't Look Up (2021)
Idiocracy Light
Good look. Good performances. Ultimately made me feel kind of icky for being human. I think it's unfortunate that we're entering year three of a pandemic, because it seems impossible to imagine that making no impact on my response. I don't want to revisit it anytime soon. Idiocracy benefits from being so far ahead that any exaggeration can be justified. This satire takes place in an all too familiar place.
C-
The Ladykillers (2004)
Not the Coen Bros' best but undeserving of the hate it gets
The point of a remake is not to upstage original. It was obviously something the Coens wanted to do. It's funny in its own right. Hanks, JK Simmons, Marlon Wayans, and Stephen Root are great. It is shocking that there's no Tortured, Buscemi, or Goodman roles in this, as they excel as quirky Coen characters.
As its own movie, it's a fine dark comedy. The Coens don't really miss. Their so-so stuff is still B+ material compared to other crap put out by less caring filmmakers. If you watch it expecting the original, you're already going in with the wrong mindset. Just as their True Grit (which is better than John Wayne's version) doesn't ruin the old one, this remake doesn't affect the old one either.
Toys (1992)
I love Robin Williams but...
This movie is terrible in every imaginable way. Boring. Unfunny. So much potential when it comes to the subject matter but this doesn't work. It's one of those incredibly weird boring 90s movies. Don't know what they were going for but the finished product hurts my head.
Jodorowsky's Dune (2013)
Spellbinding Documentary
So fun to watch Jodorowsky speak about what never was. His charisma is contagious. He's someone who makes you want to root for him. At least I can say it worked on me. As far as documentaries about artists, this is top tier.
Dune (2021)
Looks Amazing but... looks alone do not a Masterpiece make
I didn't have to read The Shining to enjoy the film. I didn't have to read Lord of the Rings or Sin City either. I shouldn't have to read Dune to enjoy this, but reading the books wouldn't speed up this film.
Visually striking. Acting is fine. I wouldn't expect acting Oscar nominations for anyone. It has some great action, but plenty of dead space. Could have been trimmed to under two hours and still functioned as a part 1. I had high hopes but this felt like a chore. When a movie really leaves a mark, I want to see it again immediately. Not feeling that for Dune. I'm glad so many people love this, I am just not one of them.
6.7/10.
Halloween Kills (2021)
Remember Halloween?
I guess if you count gore as plot, you'll like it.
So much self-referential garbage. For some reason, they squeeze in the three masks from Halloween 3, which have nothing to do with anything except the title.
Everyone knows what Michael looks like, but they somehow think he's a 275 lb dude who they forced to his death. Is the point that the whole town is actually evil?
Every ten minutes, a character has to remind other characters, and the exhausted audience who Michael Myers is. Anthony Michael Hall was better in Freddy Got Fingered, which is arguably better than Halloween Kills.
The composition looks good, but doesn't save anyone from the relentless stupidity. The only bigger headache is knowing that there's another one on the way.
Taekwondo Kid (2018)
Worse than Born into Mafia
I enjoy a bad movie but this is sub-enjoyably bad. Versace gets worse over time at filmmaking. If there's an actual script, I'll be shocked. Try to make it through this. I feel bad for these kids in the movie. I imagine the director was trying to slay their moms? No plot. The music never matches the film. Sound editing is worse than Birdemic. In fact, Birdemic is a masterpiece compared to this. Good luck finding any taekwondo.
The Unholy (2021)
Pure Trash
Jump scare jump scare double jump scare predictable crap. Not scary. Not original. Poorly shot. Poorly acted. Indistinguishable from every other PG-13 horror movie.
Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021)
Didn't expect much but this was painful to watch
The first Space Jam was cool when it came out because I was 9. It's silly today and I don't consider it a "great film." That said, I would actually watch it if I found it while flipping through channels.
Space Jam: A New Legacy is a two hour tooth grinding headache. I only laughed at its audacity. It's a copout to say that the film is just supposed to be fun since that's a theme. It doesn't care about its audience. Watch it and find where the 150 million went into making this.
Trading Paint (2019)
Should be called "Generic Vroom"
So lazy that they won't even name the races that these hillbillies (check those hillbilly accents) love. So lazy that the announcers at the racetrack have to deliver exposition. Predictable. Not one actor tries in this perversion.
RocknRolla (2008)
Among his best
Up There with Snatch and Lock Stock, just doesn't get the same amount of love. Great soundtrack, strong ensemble cast, and quick pace keep this interesting.
Willy's Wonderland (2021)
Phoned in
Uninspired. Sloppy exposition. Unbelievable in every single possible way. Cliches and familiar tropes butchered. Not fun. Not ironically fun. Not entertaining unless you are entertained by thinking about how broke Nic Cage has to be to subject himself to this.
Mortal Kombat (2021)
Not even fun bad
For a movie about a fighting tournament, seems to be missing a tournament, one likeable character, a reason to care, and anything besides a series of unsubtle winks. Mark/birthmark logic makes no sense. You can get one by being an elite fighter or just killing someone who happens to be marked.
Michael (1996)
If you ever asked "can angels be trashy?" This is for you
What if angels drank beer, smoked cigarettes, got into bar fights, and wanted to see worldly delights like the biggest ball of twine or the biggest frying pan? You would get this contemptuous pile. Believers and non believers alike can come together for some classic corny filmmaking. Garbage from start to terrible finish.