Consul_Incitatus Reviews

Foxy Brown (1974)

Hilariously over-the-top, cheesy sex and violence. And Pam Grier is hot.

[15 January 2010]

This is shamelessly trashy. And very cheesy. And aside from Ms Grier, the acting is soap opera-grade. And its hilariously dated. And just all around hilarious. And Pam Grier is one sexy bad-ass chick. Or rather: Superbad! Can you dig it?

The gun hidden in the afro was a nice touch.

So was the death-by-airplane-propeller.

And the brawl in the lesbian bar.

And the revenge-by-manhood-removal.

We get to see her boobs. Large, shapely boobs.

I was hugely entertained.

There really isn't more that I need to say.

The Doorway to Hell (1930)

Enjoyable vintage gangster movie

[8/10 · 21 October 2009]

This was better than I had expected. Maybe not quite up there with Public Enemy and the original Scarface, but not that far behind.

The acting is pretty good for an early talkie. Cagney is great as usual as the head gangster's top henchman. Lew Ayres acts well as the head guy, "the Napoleon of crime", although he's perhaps a little too cleancut looking for the role.

The story is good, and rather dark. Mobster Louie Ricarno, after uniting all the gangs in Chicago under one organization, tries to quit crime. But things fall apart in his absence, and he's forced to return for purposes of revenge. The ending is nicely grim and while there might be enough of a "crime doesn't pay" moral to keep the censors happy it doesn't rub it in your face. There's some good gangster violence along the way.- a number of well-done hits, and an over- the-top scene that resembles a full-scale battle.

Two other things struck me as memorable: The adulterous relationship between Cagney and his boss' wife. At one point, she takes off her wedding ring, and then they "go somewhere".

The police captain, O'Grady, is a rather ruthless character. He blackmails Cagney into a false confession for a crime he didn't commit, by threatening to tell Ayres about his affair with Ayres's wife! Later, he lets Ayres's rivals bump him off, rather than prosecute him and risk an acquittal. It also is implied that O'Grady's rejection of bribes is more the exception than the rule among police officials.

It pays to watch this movie closely, as there is a lot that is implied and innuendoed.

Man of the Year (2006)

Blah humbug

[4/10 · 6 August 2007]

This movie has a premise that sounds funny- Robin Williams as a Jon Stewart-like comedian who runs for president. And they do that for a while, and its kinda funny, although not overwhelming.

But then it turns into a rather silly tale about electronic voting machines screwing with the election results. This part of the movie almost seems to take itself seriously as a drama/thriller, but it just comes off as half-baked and slightly ludicrous. It isn't funny, either. So what's the point? Maybe its worthy to try to warn to the public of the dangers of electronic voting machines, but its not a very enjoyable movie.

Borsalino (1970)

Looks good but kind of flat

[6/10 · 11 July 2007]

For some reason my little local library in Minnesota has this movie. Its about a pair of small-time criminals in 1930s Marsielles, France who rise to be gangster bosses. The movie looks pretty good, with nice period clothes, cars and decor, and the guys look the part in their 30's gangster suits (especially the dark-haired guy). And Lola the girlfriend is pretty hot. And there's some decent tommy-gun violence. But the characters seem cardboard and undeveloped, and the dialog is not very interesting (maybe something was lost in the dubbing). I sensed they were trying to imitate an old-style Hollywood gangster movie a la Cagney; was 30's France really this much like Capone's Chicago? So, although I am a big fan of old gangster movies, I wouldn't rate this one too highly.

A Bronx Tale (1993)

Good first hour, but deteriorates.

[7/10 · 21 April 2007]

The first hour of this movie is pretty good. De Niro is good as a hardworking bus-driver dad, Chazz Palminteri makes a good local mobster, and the kid actor for Calogero is good as well. The gangsters seem a bit romanticized, and the imitation of Scorcese is fairly obvious, but its not bad. Basically it centers around the battle over the kid's affections between the mob boss and his dad, and between the lure of glamorous gangster life and his dad's honest hard work. There's also very entertaining scene of a bar brawl between mobsters and bikers.

Is it just me, or did the movie become much less convincing during the second half? C has a romance with a black girl, which could have been fine, but it starts in an abrupt, unconvincing "love at first sight" fashion and turns into a preachy morality tale that reminded me of an after-school special, while C's moronic racist friends meet a deserved ugly end. And I'm sorry, Mr. Mob Boss is not that convincing as an enlightened source of fatherly wisdom.

Anyway, the movie struck me as Scorcese-lite, good at first but with a Degrassi High-ish ending.

Soldier of God (2005)

Acts like its profound but never goes anywhere

[4/10 · 24 March 2007]

I was not impressed.

Rene is a Knight Templar (a warrior monk) who is wandering in the desert after surviving the battle of Hattin in which most of the Crusaders were killed. He meets a Muslim named Hassan, they end up saving each other's lives, they become buddies to the point where they at least wont kill each other. Rene is a humorless, religious fellow, prone to mumbled, barely intelligible voiceovers about God and stuff. Supposedly Hassan is an Assassin, who were a group of brainwashed violent fanatics, yet in the movie he just seems like a totally reasonable regular guy, much smarter than the humorless, oxlike Frenchman. They meet a Muslim widow who is kinda hot and has a not-very-good imitation of an Arab accent. What is the woman doing permanently out in the desert? She keeps no animals, doesn't grow anything, what does she do for a living? They spend most of the movie hanging out around her tent and demonstrating trite lessons about how religious fanaticism and hatred are bad. The woman tries to tempt Rene away from his crazy religious vows, so to remove the temptation he offs her at the end in a way that seems abrupt and not believable. His character never really develops into anything more than a cardboard dumb dirty guy who's nuts. The whole thing seems like a pointless exercise in verbose pretentiousness.

And another thing- there's a scene where Hassan hands Rene some soap, and he tries to eat it. I'm sorry, Europeans of that time period may have been a bit sketchy about personal hygiene, but they did have soap, and they used it.

Spanglish (2004)

Phony Mexicans and annoying gringos; doesn't work as comedy or drama

[3/10 · 9 December 2006]

I guess some of my disappointment with this movie stems with the fact that I didn't read any reviews of it but went in expecting the usual silly, crude, fun Adam Sandler flick. Happy Gilmore this is not. It really isn't all that funny, although it apparently tries to be. Its also trying to be a drama, but it has the lack of believability of most comedies without being very funny.

Its about an illegal Mexican immigrant woman with a daughter who gets a job as a maid for a family of emotionally dysfunctional upper middle class white people. The Mexican maid, however, is played by a ridiculously gorgeous Spanish actress who is totally unconvincing as a poor Mexican maid. I have lived in Mexico, I have had Mexican neighbors and co-workers, the Mexicans in this movie did not seem authentic at all. They seemed like some rich Hollywood guy's uninformed stereotype, albeit a favorable one.

And the American family I found just plain irritating- especially the loud-mouthed, neurotic mom. I didn't identify or sympathize with any of them, but just wished they'd go away. Maybe it would resonate more with me if I was around more affluent Beverly Hills types; but being from more of a lower middle class Midwestern background these people seemed like total aliens. Thus, the culture contrast aspect of the movie fell flat for me.

In general, the whole movie seemed phony and contrived to me. I can put up with this in a dumb comedy or special-effects blockbuster, but this had none of those compensations.

Anyway, if you want a good movie about illegal immigrants going to LA, watch "El Norte"- a very authentic and genuinely moving film (although it has some laughs too).

Paper Bullets (1941)

Mildly entertaining, hokey B-grade gangster movie

[3/10 · 21 November 2006]

This obviously was a pretty low budget production, but the cast was pretty decent, the basic premise had promise, and something more could have been done with it, but the script wasn't that great- the plot is incoherent and seems almost random at times and the dialog is stilted and terrible.

Basically, a girl's father gets whacked by fellow gangsters, and later she becomes a robber, and wants to avenge his death, and then it goes into a mob protection racket involving corrupt politicians.

Alan Ladd gets top billing but he really plays a very minor role.

I have to say I found it mildly entertaining in its archaic B-grade hokiness but it really is shoddy and pathetic.