zdz8888 Reviews

SubUrbia (1996)

One of the worst films ever made

[23 November 2001]

This has to be one of the worst, most pointless and idiotic films EVER CREATED. It offers zero insight into "Suburbia" by examining a tiny microcosm of brain dead slackers and passes it on as the norm. Well it is far from it. I have lived all over the US and in other countries and I can tell you with 100% assurance NO ONE exists as they do in this wretched film. The people in this movie, stoners and slackers, are just that. Worthless, pathetic and wastes of space. They don't carry on intellectual conversations, they don't ponder the meaning of life, they don't CARE about anything. That is why they are stoners and slackers. They are useless, worthless pathetic excuses for human beings that will never be anything better.

The kids in this movie spend all their time sharing their thoughts on life with innane monologues and trite and meaningless dialogues with each other. It's pretty sad that the writer/director just assumed he could make a movie he knows nothing about which in this case would be modern day suburban kids.

This movie is not interesting, it is not compelling, it is not moving, it is not thought provoking. I felt nothing for any of the characters and was not enlightened in the slightest about what they thought or supposedly felt.

To top it all off, Steve Zahn was a major character in this movie. I don't know about the rest of civilization, but I have a strong distaste for this man. He is annoying and one-dimensional, always playing the mornoic buffoon in every role. He falls just short of being the most annoying movie character in the history of the screen. The overall acting in this film is not terribly bad, but did you ever think why no one even got a thought of an Academy award?

All in all, this movie is a complete joke and highly unfulfilling. It is not a comedy by any means, although a soft chuckle may arise now and then if only from Steve Zahns laughable attempt at acting. I guess you can call it a drama, since everyone seems so dramatic, just like slackers in stoners in real life. Always having intellectual conversations and pondering life. NOT. Terrible, terrible movie. I give it a -100.

The Evil Dead (1981)

good fun

[13 August 2001]

ah, evil dead, the first movie of the series (followed by Evil Dead II: Dead By Dawn and Army of Darkness).

It's hard to tell if the actually meant this movie to be stupidly funny or if it was a serious attempt. Evil Dead 2 and Army of Darkness are blatant comedies and work better than this film, but I think everyone should see this one. (It would be better to see this movie before the others.)

There are some very disturbing scenes like "the pencil scene" and "the tree scene" and the part where Ash chops up his girlfriend with a chainsaw. The acting is absurd, but funny. The funniest character is Scotty. He is the macho-tough guy with a few really good one liners. (He actually says "I'm gonna break your face" to a girl they are staying with. HAHA).

I don't know how cheesey they wanted to make this but as an example, on the exterior scenes you can see the floodlights they put up, in front of the house, in the middle of the woods. They're in plain sight, they didn't even attempt to disguise them. haha. And also, pay attention to the moon. It is hillarious super-imposed in a rectangle in the corner of the screen.

This movie is pretty original and has some tense moments. It could scare some, but I have nerves of steel and was not startled by anything in this film.

I highly recommend watching Evild Dead 2 and Army of Darkness. They are supposed to run together, but the endings don't match up all to well. It's like Raimi decided to change his mind while writing the scripts. Evil Dead 2 is essentially a better remake of Evil Dead with some really funny scenes and over the top gore.

The Three Caballeros (1944)

Totally weird

[8 August 2001]

I thought this movie was made during the late sixties where hallucinagenic drugs were readily available. When I found out it was made in 1945, it makes me wonder how anyone ever thought of this sober.

This "movie" is just one long music video. MTV wishes it could be this creative. Donald Duck visits different parts of Mexico and Brazil, sometimes flying on a magic carpet, sometimes riding trains through pop-up books and other weird things.

The final 10-15 is an experience. The movie just totally freaks out. It's a kalaedeskope of colors, a psychedellic experience before there were psychedelic experiences.

This movie may be a little tedious to watch but the decent songs and the sometimes funny characters should be able to pull you through.

Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me (1992)

terrible, just terrible

[7 August 2001]

This has got to be one of the worst movies I have ever seen. The acting is terrible, the story is rediculous and it is just plain boring.

This movie went downhill as soon as Chris Isaac "disappeared." It was weird before that, but afterwards it just went down the drain. The lame story of this Laura Palmer chick just went on and on. We know she is a drug addict. We know she is abused by her father. We know she is a bad actress. Oh wait, we weren't supposed to figure that out.....

The scenes where she is dreaming are the worst. They don't make any sense. For example: "I am the arm...I sound like this." This is spoken by a midget who sounds like they recorded what he was going to say backwards first, and then played it in reverse so it would sound normal. All of the dream scenes are like this. For what reason, I don't know.

There are too many parts that don't make sense. Saying "you have to have seen the show" does not make me feel any better. This is a feature film. It should be able to stand on it's own.

Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (1986)

Henry: A Very Disturbing Movie

[4 August 2001]

Henry is a movie with basically no plot. It is the only conceivable way to make a "documentary" about serial killers.

Although it is not that deep, it does scratch at the surface of why certain killers do what they do. Henry, the main character, admits in the film that his mother was abusive in physical, mental and sexual ways. This made him callous to society, to the point where he wants to kill people for no reason.

While staying with his friend Otis and Otis's sister Becky, he turns Otis into a killer. Otis doesn't seem to have as much motive as Henry. Although he is a perveted drug abuser, there is not much explaination of his past.

This movie has some horrifyingly terrible scenes, one in particular being the murder of an entire family where Otis nearly commits necrophilia until Henry stops him.

One of the most disturbing scenes is the very end, and it happens to be the least graphic of all.

I don't know if I would say Henry was a "good" movie in the sense that it is enjoyable to watch. It is more of a interesting movie that attempts to explain a topic few really take seriously in cinema.

Traffic (2000)

Not a bad film.....

[2 August 2001]

This is a movie about the war on drugs. It has great acting, dialogue and some really good scenes. SO why didn't I like it that much? Maybe because it was preaching to the choir. I already know how stupid our government is when it comes to drugs, that politicians daughters do free-base, and that police curruption is rampant in foreign countries where drugs come from.

Maybe that is why I thought this movie was boring. It has been hailed by critics everywhere, but I just didn't find it that interesting. So shoot me.....

The Boondock Saints (1999)

Worst movie I have seen in a while

[2 August 2001]

This is by far one of the WORST movies I have ever seen. It seems that every "gangster" movie since Pulp Fiction has been absolute crap. (ie Killing Zoe, Way of the Gun, BOONDOCK SAINTS). SPOILER ALERT This movie starts out with some guys going into a Catholic church, walking down the aisle in the middle of mass and kissing the feet of the crucifix and then walking out. Right, very religious. From that point I remember a bar scene. Some thugs come in and start harrassing these two dudes friend, a highly annoying loser, and one of the worst actors ever to appear in any movie in the history of the world. Well the thugs punch this dork, and then everyone jumps in and beats the living crap out of them. The next day the same thugs come to the Boondock saints house and "rouse" them out of bed. They didn't like how they were treated and want to teach the Saints a little lesson. Well, some very stupid things happen like a guy ripping a toilet clean out of the floor, climbing to the roof of the building and jumping off and landing on the guy below just before he shoots his brother. The two Saints proceed to kill the thugs in broad daylight and then leave.

After this little escepade they think they have a marketable gimmick. Why don't they just kill all the criminals in their town (and maybe the world? WOOHOO). So, they team up with their stupid annoying friend and go around killing bad guys. The main crime boss doesn't like this so, I guess he pulls some strings and gets this crazy guy (Billy Connoly, ya that's right, that COMEDIAN guy, well I guess he is pretty funny in this movie too) out of prison. THis guy is in a body cage like Hannibal Lecture in a maximum security prison and they just let him out. Real believable. Well this guy goes after the Saints, but doesn't manage to kill them even though he fires about 10 guns in all and only manages to hit one in the arm. Anyway, the saints get caught, but this psycho saves them. I guess you are supposed to assume he was their dad.

Oh, did I mention there is a gay cop played by Willem Defoe that is after them the whole movie, until he realizes that they are doing RIGHT? Blah.

This is one of the worst movies EVER. I guess if you are a 15 year old boy or a 20 something year old dork that lives at home with their parents then you might like this movie. But if you are looking for something entertaining, don't watch this.

Planet of the Apes (2001)

Not nearly as good as the original.

[1/10 · 2 August 2001]

This is a sorry excuse for the Planet of the Apes title. It doesn't make you think, it doesn't hold your, but it does re-affirm the belief that Marky Mark is one of the worst actors in Hollywood.

The movie starts out with Marky Mark and his funky bunch floating around in space for no apparent reason. They use monkeys as subjects for experiments and also send them out in pods (very similar to Kubrick's in 2001, in fact their whole space station looks the same, more to come on that...) to do experiments.

Well they find some weird force field stuff and send a monkey out. What else happens but they lose communication. Well Marky Mark, being the animal lover that he is, goes out and tries to save his monkey friend. But, alas, he is sucked through the force-field-black-hole-blah-blah and crash lands on a strange planet. He lands in the midst of a human round up where the apes are getting the humans to sell in the slave market.

The main symbolism in this movie is racism. Unlike the first movie, the people in this movie can talk. After the apes catch the humans, they sort them out in groups of male and female. Hmm, sounds like a Nazi concentration camp to me. The apes don't notice that Marky Mark is wearing a weird space outfit and everyone else is wearing rags made from animal skin.

Marky Mark realizes that apes don't like humans too much so he tries to escape. He is helped by an "human-lover" Ari to escape the city.

SPOILER ALERT: They get out of the city and Marky Mark finds his old ship via GPS or something. He then realizes that the ship has been there for thousands of years and figures out he traveled through time. The movie never tries to make you think it is earth though. It's just some weird planet. You also find out all the monkeys they had on-board, all CHIMPS, are the apes now on that planet. Pretty hard to believe considering there are all types of great apes: gorilla, chimp and orangutan.

Anyway, they have a battle with the apes (hmmm, reminds me of....SPARTACUS, another Kubrick film). The humans win and Marky Mark leaves, without saying a word the entire last 10 minutes of the film, not even to the very hot Estella Warren who looks very good in her costume. He goes through the portal...blah blah....lands on earth.blah blah but is greeted by a monkey statue at the Lincoln memorial. (He crash landed right on the steps, don't ya know) and the movie ends. blah.

The first movie had a good surprise ending, leaving us realizing that man destroyed themselves as a result of their violence. This movie doesn't explain why apes and humans have changed places except with some stupid blurb by Charleton Heston explaining that man is violent, blah blah, that is why they cannot regaion control, blah blah. It's a case of "always has, always will be" or "segregation today, segregation tomorrow, segregation forver" blah blah.

Stupid movie. blah.

Godzilla (I) (1998)

This movie is lame

[2 August 2001]

This "Godzilla" movie takes all the fun out of what Godzilla is. A cheesy monster movie.

First of all, they changed the whole look of Godzilla. Now he looks like an overgrown iguana, not a giant, evil-eyed dragon. His fire isn't blue, and he doesn't even use it that much.

I didn't really understand this movie that much. In every other Godzilla movie, it seems like the entire army of Japan had to be sent to destroy him. Now it's just the CIA or something. Really stupid. And they kill Godzilla with only about 4 rockets? COME ON! You have to be more clever than that to kill Godzilla.

This movie is a bad combination of Jurassic Park and Independance Day. I can't believe how anyone could have made this movie and then looked back on it and have been pleased. Blah. They must not have a cerebral cortex.

Save yourself some time. If you haven't seen this movie, don't. It is very bad.

Se7en (1995)

Good, UNTIl the end

[2 August 2001]

This is a very good murder mystery movie brimming with interesting scenes and characters.

This movie holds your interest from beginning to end if you have a morbid curiosity such as myself. You just yearn to see which deadly sin was used in the next murder. Morgan Freeman is excellent as usual and Brad Pitt wasn't annoying like every other film he has been in. Kevin Spacey makes a surprising entrance which makes you say "Kevin Spacey did that?!"

This movie would be in my DVD collection right now if it didn't have such a highly depressing ending. It almost made me sick, literally. It totally takes all the steam out of the build up and leaves you feeling as if you just got punched in the stomach. I sincerely wish a different ending could have been made.

This movie should definately be seen at least once. I wouldn't want to see it again, but feel free....

Pulp Fiction (1994)

Great, great movie

[2 August 2001]

This is one of the best movies ever, made by one of my favorite writer/directors ever, Quintin Tarantino.

This movie has no plot. It is completely story telling, kind of like the movie Smoke, but with better stories. These stories just happen to involve the same people. They don't always go in chronological order, but that doesn't matter. You have to realize each story is not supposed to be connected.

Also, this movie isn't about gangsters or gangs or the mafia. It offers no insight into that lifestyle and is not supposed to. It is very far from reality, no gangsters are this eloquent and interesting and quirky. The characters in the stories just happen to be criminals.

Also, this movie is not violent at all. People may disagree because of the Marvin scene, but you DO NOT see him get shot, you only see what happened afterwards. I guess people think that is violence.

There is a lot of humor in this movie, in words and in actions. For instance when Butch, (Bruce Willis) goes back to save Marsellus, he is choosing his weapon of destruction in the pawn shop. He picks up various items ranging in killing power, such as a bat, a chainsaw,etc. He finally decides on a Samuri sword.

All in all, an excellent movie.

Hard Boiled (1992)

AWESOME

[1 August 2001]

This is one of my favorite movies of all time. No movie has ever had this level of stylishly directed action, NOT EVEN CLOSE. This movie has the 3 best action sequences in the history of cinema, PERIOD.

The story is about a cop named Tequila who, at the beginning of the film, loses his good friend and fellow cop, in a teahouse shoot-out. He goes against all orders in trying to bring down the Triad that caused his friends death. In doing so, he inadvertantly finds out that there is an undercover cop, Tony, in the Triad he is trying to bring down, and eventually teams up with him.

This isn't your standard buddy cop fair like Lethal Weapon with tons of cheesey lines, dorky action and sappy side stories. The dialogue is insightful the action is the best ever and the side stories are well thought out, if a bit abbreviated (due to lack of time to shoot John Woo admits).

Tequila is trying to deal with a failed relationship and the death of his partner, Tony is torn against blowing his cover and defending his honor and the Lieutenant insists on playing it by the book even though it isn't fair.

John Woo said he made this film in honor of the men and women of the Hong Kong police force and the good work they do. He wanted to make a movie about the good guys winning. What he has done is made one of the most pivitol action films ever made, influencing every action movie since.

Boiling Point (1990)

Completely wild CONTAINS SPOILERS

[1 August 2001]

This is a movie about a dorky baseball player that becomes a man. The movie starts out with a baseball game and focuses on this character and shows how he is apathetic towards life, a born loser. He sucks at baseball, nobody really likes him that much and he has no girlfriend.

When he goes back to his job, a gangster from the Yakuza, Japanese mafia, is complaining about the carwash he got. So then the baseball player guy (i can't keep all these Japanese names in order) tries to hit him but is blocked. THe gangster says he broke his arm and goes to the doctor. Well this doesn't sit well with the Yakuza so they want to carwash owner to become part of his gang.

The coach of the baseball team, now a bar owner, used to be in the Yakuza. He tells them to not give the kid any trouble, but to make himself clear he beats the living crap out of the guy that took over his job. Now, this movie doesn't have a lot of blood, but every scene of violence is brutally disturbing. You don't expect it. The sea is calm and then all of the sudden a 100ft tidal wave destroys the shoreline. Anyway, that guy gets paid back by getting beaten so bad he he can't walk. He says he is going to get a gun and kill the yakuza boss, but since he can't walk the baseball player and his other outcast friend go to Okinawa to buy a black market gun from the military base.

One the way they meet "Beat" Takeshi, and I probably bet they wish they hadn't. The whole middle of the movie deals with their adventures with Takeshi's completely sadistic, perverted, insane character. Never in a movie has there been a likeable but aslo highly dispicable character all in the same person. He has no morals but he does, he hates everyone but he loves his friends. He's a paradox. I guess they put that whole part in as a way to show the two baseball players loss of innosense as they witness multiple acts of gratuitous sex, dismemeberment, murder and arms dealings.

The two guys return to the outskirts of Tokyo and take the gun to the Yakuza headquarters. In attempting to fire it, the gun jams and two of the tree guys get beaten severely. The "star" baseball player then returns and drives a gasoline tanker straight into the headquarters, blowing up the whole thing.

This movie is unlike any American film. I have recently turned to only watching foreign films because of my utter distaste for hollywood garbage and this film has definately pleased me.

Gone in 60 Seconds (1974)

GREAT movie

[10/10 · 1 August 2001]

The new Gone in 60 Seconds is a worthless piece of garbage compared to the original, CLASSIC. '74 doesn't try to make the movie seem anything other than what it is: a car chase movie.

H.B. Hilacki is a crooked insurance claim representative that works in a chop shop and steals cars. His main business is stealing cars, then finding an indentical wreck, replacing the stolen cars VIN and other items with parts from the wreck. This group of thieves are much cooler than the 20-something dork-troop that make up the new movie.

Halicki's character gets a job from someone: steal 40, high class expensive cars in a matter of days. There is one catch, since Halicki lives by a code: the cars have to be insured. This is how the movie gets away with being able to steal cars and at the same time not make the robbers look like villains. This movie, whil being mostly action, is also a comedy. There are some really cheesey lines, but it's all in good fun so you have to laugh. One scene for example, Halicki steals the prized Eleanor, a 1974 Mustang. But her owner catches him and gives chase. They go tearing through the streets at night, causing wrecks all over the place. Finally the cops pull over the guy that was chasing Halicki and ask him what he was doing. He says he was chasing a guy that stole his car so the cops go back to his house to check. When they get there, though, they find the Mustang parked safely in his garage. HA.

This movie contains something the remake doesn't, ACTUAL CAR CHASES. Not incredibly lame helicopter chases and FAKE stunts. No, all the stunts in this movie are 100% real, and a good majority are UNSCRIPTED. Also, 95% of the actors are played by real people. The cops are cops, paramedics are paramedics, pedestrains are pedestrians, and are REALLY running for their lives.

The climax of the film is a 40 minute car chase between Eleanor and probably every cop in the city. There are at least 5 or 6 times when you think he is caught, but gets away.

This is a really fun movie with the best car chase in movie history. I couldn't imagine anyone liking the remake more than this.