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Reviews
Hannah Montana (2006)
White-trash in Malibu
Tsk Tsk Tsk. What a frump Disney has fallen in to. If anyone had the pleasure of watching shows like " Mickey Mouse Club", bless your hearts! You'll never find such an efforted, likable, entertaining show on Disney Channel anymore. Now, it's all about selling out, marketing and executives getting rich.
Hannah Montana is a great example of this. While not as horrific as "Suite Life of Fat and Whiny" or " High School Crapical", Hannah Montana does not deserve all the praise it receives. Every tween girl obsseses with a southern, Appalachain girl turned movie-star/pop-star leading a secret double life ( Believable, right?) Truth is, Miley is not the talent she appears. Mediocre acting and so-so singing doesn't cause her to register on my "Famous" list.
The humor is not that pleasing. In fact, lots of it disgrace Dixie as back-woods rednecks.
High School Musical (2006)
Dear God, It Isn't That Great!
High School Musical ( Grease 3, Ahem!) has received fantastic reviews that it does not deserve. Sure, the poppy, bubbly songs and apparently " gorgeous" Zac Efron calls every preteen girl and some preteen boys of a questionable sexual preference. But I digress.
I am a huge Broadway fanatic, and this is a serious disappointment, in my eyes, of what a musical should be. First, the songs should have depth and meaning, complimented by a decent singer. Vanessa Hudgen's voice was acceptable, but everyone else was flat out terrible. Second, the actors must become one with their characters and help them grow. Every actor failed to do this. Third, The action and plot should follow a moderately interesting and entertaining pattern, as to hold the intention of your viewers. HSM is the typical boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl at the end while everyone cheers and breaks into a crappy song.
These kids will face quite a shock when they try to step onto the floor of Hollywood, or even Broadway ( A Scary Thought) and realized their putting their audience to sleep and ,during songs, being booed off stage.
South Park (1997)
TV Satire at It's Best!
So many dismiss South Park as a vulgar adult cartoon, laced with foul language and offensive jokes. I won't deny those, although the compliment the show's appeal for the teenage age group. But, what matters is the edginess and sharp satire of every episode that makes this show a classic.
Matt and Trey are fearless when it comes to who they attack with their razor-sharp satire, their aim ranging from Al Gore to Mexicans, homosexuality to Paris Hilton and all that's in between. The potty-mouthed fourth graders we've come to love have the wackiest misadventures that always parody or satire with wit and wisdom.
Lady and the Tramp (1955)
Disney's Best "Puppy-Love" Story
Lady and the Tramp brings back good memories to anyone he grew up with it. It's cuteness and simplicity make it beautiful The storyline is short, sweet and to-the-point, leaving plenty of space for the wonderfully-made characters, memorable voice performances, gorgeous animation and great music ( Ranging from the smooth, jazzy " He's a Tramp", the contemporary "Siamese Cat Song, and the lovely Italian ballad "Bella Notte"). Let us remember a certain spaghetti scene where two dogs fall in love thats been played over in Hollywood for years..... So don't be fooled by the sweet first impression, this movie has substance to it, 2 Thumbs Up!
Dumbo (1941)
Sweet to the Core
Dumbo is a Disney classic in every respect! What instantly hits viewers is the sweetness of the story. It draws viewers back to a time when they thought the stork brought babies, and the excitement of a traveling circus, and the thrill of watching an elephant fulfill his dreams. Dumbo and his mother are wonderfully drawn characters, well-spoken even without speech, and they perfectly showcase the loving bond between mother and child, which has brought even stone-hearted adults to tears in "Baby Mine". The music has an enjoyable lift, if not memorable. Even "Pink Elephants on Parade" will be enjoyed for its creativity.
The Suite Life of Zack & Cody (2005)
The Things I Do for the Kids I Babysit....
... like allowing them and myself to destroy brain cells sitting through this garbage every evening. At times, I wonder why Disney Channel is still on the air or if they are even trying. Every show they create today is another embarrassment designed to appeal to kids just to rake in cash.
I'll begin with the acting. God help us if these performances is what we call entertainment. Phony,lifeless actors complimented by deadbeat characters I've seen more depth in Jerry Springer guests. The Sprouse twins are barely agreeable actors, and completely inarguable as dumb, spoiled, whiny brats. I refuse to even discuss Maddie and London. Bad Actresses, Characters that need a kick in the rear end. Enough Said.
The plot follows the same contrived pattern every episode, to the point where a three year old can predict the characters course of action in any given show. Not Funny. Not Entertaining. Just Lame
It's terrible the ratings this show receives. With any luck, this disgrace to Walt Disney Co. will be canceled, but in the meantime, do your best to avoid it.
Mind of Mencia (2005)
Who is keeping him on TV???
I'm a huge comedy show fan. Racial humor is always a little risky but the greats like George Lopez, Dave Chapelle, Lisa Lampanelli etc. pull it off perfectly.
They don't go overboard, make the audience uncomfortable or *cough cough* STEAL JOKES! But I won't harp upon that.
Carlos makes racial humor totally unenjoyable. His jokes continually scream racial humor to the point were it's not funny or clever, but it's insulting. I'm not one to turn cold towards racial humor. But his execution of these jokes is sloppy that cause people to recoil at his comedy.
His humor is only surpassed by his stage presence in annoyance. I feel as though he's SCREAMING at me constantly! And he runs around the stage like a maniac. It only comes off as annoying!
Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006)
Sorry Larry, The Big Screen's Not For You.
I'm a huge fan of Larry's stand up comedy. There, the vulgarity of his humor is balanced by his effortless wit and satire. In Health Inspector, this balance was completely non existent.
I could rant for days on how terrible this movie was. Here's the basic problem. The humor was so vulgar and repetitive that it eventually came through as over the top, tasteless and in a word, unfunny.The other actors and actresses were completely useless as well, making a bad movie down right awful.
Please don't waste your time with this movie. It will permanently sour your opinion of Larry. Please enjoy him via stand up, especially Blue Collar Comedy Tour.
Finding Nemo (2003)
Slightly Overrated, but Still Delightful
When Finding Nemo came out in theaters, I was nine years old and I instantly fell in love with it, alongside my friends and family.
Four years later, I've either become cynical, or I've sobered up slightly. Looking back, I find some strong and weak points in Nemo, but I'll start with the dominant good points.
1)Humor. This is undoubtedly the funniest movie Disney has created ( with the exception of maybe Toy Story). Dory's character is ingenious and draws viewers in with her innocent humor, never coming off as cheesy,awkward or inappropriate. Even characters who are not meant to provide comic relief have their own uproarious moments.
2) Animation. While I'm slightly bitter over Disney's switch to computer animation, this movie defied my mind. The under sea landscaping was gorgeous. The characters had beautifully done figures that still retained a cartoony quality.
3)Characters. All characters have nice forms, and are relevant to the plot. Their personalities are 3 dimensional and make them seem lifelike.
4) Script. It perfectly blends humor, drama and action to make the movie deeper.
Now here's for my down factors.
5)Music!Music!Music! My biggest grudge over Pixar is their neglect of the songs that made Disney so timeless!If the movie had a few decent songs, perhaps I would believe it deserves all its awards and praise.
But, evidently, the good outweighs the bad. So I decide the movie is fun and entertaining but needs just another sprinkle of Disney's magic dust.
The Lizzie McGuire Movie (2003)
Do not waste your time on this movie
I can honestly say this movie is downright awful. The story is stupid an not entertaining (Not a stretch, for those who've seen the show). All the characters are weak and underdeveloped. Hilary Duff is a terrible actress. Every character she takes on becomes annoying, prissy and ditzy. The script has no spark to it whatsoever. This might be enough to keep a first-graders interest, but not for me! This has the quality of a Disney channel original movie,or maybe a direct to DVD movie. The soundtrack is pathetic, jammed with unmemorable pop songs and Hilary's vocal talent ( If you want to call it that). Your gum-smacking boy-crazed preteen daughter will be engrossed by it. But for those of us wishing to spare brain cells, pass this one up!
Great Expectations (1946)
Nice book, but poor movie.
First off, I'll have you know I'm a huge fan of Charles Dickens. One of my favorites is Great Expectations. However, this movie failed to meet my expectations.
I'll start with this missing scenes in the movie. They completely skipped over Mrs. Joe's real cause of death. Instead, they simply replace it with the lame " she got sick and died" cliché. the fairy tale ending completely destroys the morals of the book.Pip never admitts to loving Biddy, and Biddy never marries Joe in the end. The characters were underdeveloped and in many places annoying. Please enjoy Dickens through his books. Not this lame excuse for a movie.
I understand movies cannot relay every detail the book gives us. But the parts that were left out were essencial to the plot.
The AristoCats (1970)
One of Disney's Finest!
The Aristocats is absolutely a true Disney Classic! Don't let the sweet, playful cats fool you into thinking the movie's for the little ones. Everyone will enjoy it. One of the movie's best qualities is the characters. Their drawn beautifully and have memorable personalities, brilliantly portrayed by their actors. Phil Harris' voice is classic as the smooth-talking, alley-cat Thomas O'Malley. Eva Gabor's sweet, soft-spoken, accented voice is a perfect fit for the refined Dutchess. The kittens, while voiced by less famous people, definitely don't fall short; their voices to enhance their characters, from prissy Marie, too tough-guy Toulose, to musical Berlioz. Napoleon and Laffayette are hysterical.
This movie is a musical jam-packed with catchy songs. "Thomas O'Malley" and the instant classic " Everybody Wants to Be a Cat" are timeless songs with swinging lyrics and rhythm. The animation is remarkable, ranging from beautiful French countryside, to eye-popping , jazzy dance scenes. The script is perfectly executed, balancing Dutchess' sweetness with Thomas' wit.
The Aristocats is nothing short of a classic! Ten Stars!
Robin Hood (1973)
A Delightful, Up-Beat Disney Treat.
While it is obvious Robin Hood may not rank amongst Disney's finest such as The Lion King, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin and the Little Mermaid, it is in no way awful!This plot retells the timeless story in a kid-friendly fashion without compensating for quality. The music, while not exactly dazzling, is fun and enjoyable. The characters are irresistible and their voices match perfectly. Phil Harris, Brian Bedford, Monica Evans, Peter Ustinov and Terry-Thomas play their roles well and bring forth the personalities of each character from the charming wit of Robin Hood to the sweet demure of Maid Marian. The script is chock-full of witty banter and memorable speech. All things considered, Robin Hood is a lovely movie with something for everyone to enjoy.
Dude, Where's My Car? (2000)
Is there a funnier movie around?
Sure, anyone can rant on how immature and vulgar the jokes were, but I'll still say this movie was a hoot! I humor was an "organized random" ,if you will. Random and wacky, but controlled so that it didn't seem crazy and awkward.
Ashton is a great budding actor, particularly with respect to comedy. It may not be entirely appropriate for the below 15 age group, and adults over 40 may get a laugh or two in places, but dismiss the movie and stupid. If you approach with the proper attitude ( fun-loving, with a good sense of humor that's not easily offended), it'll be a scream! Two thumbs up from me!