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Reviews
Road House (2024)
Looked forward to watching, disappointed that I did
Jake Gyllenhaal presence isn't enough to save this very poor remake!
I was looking forward to watch this movie since I seen early clips and snapshots of Gyllenhaal at the filming the UFC bits. Sadly I didn't like the movie, I even dislike myself a bit for sitting through the entire movie.
The story was a plot so overused in movies it's boring. The richest in town need the land to develop a super structure complex.
The first fight scene at the bar with Dalton and the hired trouble makers was a good choreographed fight, actually all fight scenes are good. That is the only upside.
McGregor is terrible, which it's not all his fault, he's being directed, badly.
His OTT constantly grinning character has that strained "I'm about to Poo myself" expression throughout which probably explains why he walks in that way too. In parts I don't even know what he's saying.
It's pointless for me to echo what others have done before me regarding this movie.
The original I have watched several times and I've always enjoyed it. The story, the characters, the chemistry, the "acting".
This is a really bad remake which could've worked with better direction, a better script, and better actors to play the baddies.
The Human Centipede III (Final Sequence) (2015)
Tame compared to the first two
Would have been better if Dieter Laser didn't shout his way through the movie, I had to watch it with English subs to follow the English speaking movie 😳
The concept of prisoners doing their time joined mouth to ass as a deterrent to others from breaking the law is actually really good. I'm sure upon release that every single convict would be a fully reformed character. Sure they would be mentally broken but definitely criminally cured. Instead of years in prison, convicted criminals could be attached to the prison centipede chain for up to one month and that would do it. Billions of cash dollar saved and a peaceful society over night.
I expected the mad crazy, murderous Governor to end up within the chain, so pretty disappointed with that.
Cult followers will probably be disappointed with the lack of "oh my god, no" moments. Not like the first and especially the second of which few could watch all the way through without looking away and thinking they must be sick in their own head for having the stomach. The third instalment is tame in comparison.
Do I love the concept. Definitely.
Am I sorry I watched it. Not at all.
Am I disappointed in the movie. Sorry to say that I am.
Creed III (2023)
Franchise has fallen on its shield
I'm somewhat saddened and deflated for the low rating I'm giving this.
Walk out of the jail, go and spar the current world champ then get a shot at being a unified world champion!
Win the fight by cheating, and then turn into a meaner, uglier version of what we see of Anderson before he gets the opportunity.
The build up to the main fight is short and misses that same magic from the first 4 Rocky movies which make you want to get into training yourself because you're bursting with masculinity and testosterone. It also misses that big memorable soundtrack which is what connects the audience and makes you get right behind the fighter.
I want to be a fan because of the nostalgic relationship I had with Rocky, but this diluted attempt to excite me failed 😢
American Horror Story (2011)
Amazing up to season 11
I'm a massive fan of American Horror. Some seasons better than others but all pretty much fantastic until season 11.
I'm in a episode 3 "smoke signals" and I've switched off, half way through.
The storyline is weak, the acting is way below what we've been spoilt with in the past, and the low end dull music and dark and seedy but sophisticated backdrops of the gay party scene with sweaty leather bound, stereotypical moustache wearing men is just not good tv.
It's a crack at 80s New York (I think), at this point I just don't know. I just don't get it, any of it. I can't even go into too much detail about it because of how much I don't get it.
Someone is killing gay men, a cop and his journalist bf are having a domestic in most of their scenes. The police station and the journalist office look to be the same place.
A leather strapped masked guy called Big Daddy can't be found but yet is standing in the open for all to see in every other shot. Apparently it seems that he blends in going unnoticed.
Did Murphy and Falchuk create this mess off the success of the Jeffrey Dahlmer series. To me it sort of feel like that was the case.
I don't know who the target audience is, it has very little horror (so far) to be labelled a horror tv show, I don't see how the gay community could even enjoy this.
I am sorry to say that it's nothing short of disastrous.
The Orville (2017)
What's The Orville equivalent to a Trekkie because I have become one
I've enjoyed The Orville from the first season, although at first I thought it was just going to be a spoof Star Trek. I'm delighted to see that it's so much more.
It may mirror Star Trek in many aspects (Next Gen is where I share the comparison) but the Characters of The Orville offer a level of human warmth and humour which connects with the audience on a level which Star Trek doesn't. That must be to the credit of Seth McFarlane who has a genius way to resonate with viewers with all that he does.
For what it has produced I can't fault any of it because I find it just too enjoyable. The 9 I've marked it up to is because I'd like to see a Darker and more eyebrow lifting, head roll back with wide eyed shock storyline.
Whilst maintaining that same connection with the audience!
How to find the right balance to pull this off would take a genius of McFarlane level but maybe even stretch his abilities.
I am sure that the fan base for The Orville is now pretty huge, even having the favour of many a Star Trek fan who I assume have taken this show and have embraced it more and more as it's matured.
I much prefer this to Discovery, a show which I've sadly become bored of.
I think it maybe due to all the little stories from one episode to the next which sit inside of a wider narrative. An episode in season three can seamlessly connect and evolve from a single episode from season one or two. This is a clever way of allowing you to recollect with an earlier time in the show of what would be a forgotten experience.
Simply put, It's brilliant 👏🏻
The Orville: A Tale of Two Topas (2022)
Perfection
The subject matter of this episode is really really clever to use a sensitive issue such as gender identity, and all things which encompass such a topic. Belief, acceptance (or not), the personal struggle of the young Topa against the moral, ethical and political conflicting opinions of both parents, the crew and indeed species!
I've enjoyed The Orville from the first season, although at first I thought it was just going to be a spoof Star Trek. I'm delighted to see that it's so much more.
It may mirror Star Trek in many aspects (Next Gen is where I share the likeness) but the Characters of The Orville offer a level of human warmth and humour which connects with the audience.
This episode epitomises the point I'm looking to make perfectly. Every main player in this episode deliver the perfect performance to go along with a perfect episode script and music choices. "You'll never walk alone" had me, a grown man, in tears at the end.
I had to create a review on it (which isn't my thing really). But this needs to be lauded and applauded.
Absolutely brilliant.
Unleashed (2005)
Could have been so much better
The story is decent enough and Jet Li is absolutely outstanding. But there are so many things which let this movie down.
First off let's begin with the location, Glasgow (Scotland)... all good in that department but there are no Scottish accents at all! A London Cockney accent from every villain to the shopkeeper. A Glaswegian accent would be perfect to add to any of the bad guy characters.
Then, Sam... Morgan Freeman as a blind piano repair guy with his stepdaughter who's teeth seem to be in more need of repair than the piano's according the the braces she donned. Sam was just too laid back and cool, seemingly knowing how to respond to Danny's silence and scared child reactions whenever he's faced with kindness.
Bob Hoskins, plays his part well as an un-likeable main villain, who seems to only (attempt) to have sex with paid sex workers back at the baddies hideout and when they (the ladies) see something as disturbing as Danny watching from his cage, or from seeing a few photos, they run a mile. Doesn't this guy have a home.
The secret fight club has promise but with only two visits which the second leads to a brilliant fight sequence, it's a shame this didn't offer more. Always a fight to the death is a tad too brutal, I mean where can you find quality fighters to smash it out every night!. The character playing the organiser of the underground fight club with his mysterious glare you'd think could've brought more to the movie as a villain in his own right.
Back to Jet Li, How does Danny, as a toddler taken from his murdered mum know martial arts? Why, if he's the prized asset does he get treated no better than a dog, especially as he's probably been with Bob for longer than any of his other dodgy employees who are all as young as him.
(Here comes a racial stereotype) Why does Danny have a Chinese accent if he's been in Glasgow since he was at least a toddler? Why does he not speak Cockney!
Sam wants to take Danny back to America, because as we all know it's easy to get a passport for a man who was kidnapped as a child and who would of faded off any legal system many years ago.
It's entertaining as much for all the holes in the movie as it is for the fight scene.
Jet Li is loveable, vulnerable, funny, shy, intelligent, fierce, scared and lost and does it all really well.
The Witcher: Blood Origin (2022)
Disappointing
Some of the casting is good, some questionable.
Lenny Henry as a villain doesn't really work but he doesn't get the chance to make it his own either.
The storyline seems hugely watered down with little substance and the scenes don't blend very well. The characters aren't given the opportunity to come into their own which. If a show has limited time to connect with the audience, then the script needs to be strong, and unfortunately, it's all really very look warm.
It feeds you enough to keep you aware of what's going on but it's far too short a series to build a viewer/character relationship.
Netflix totally let the Witcher series down with this. Whoever signed this off needs to really give their head a wobble.