Change Your Image
ngvinr
Reviews
Rebel Moon - Part Two: The Scargiver (2024)
Here we go...
5 mins in and it's already feeling sophomoric. The best stories don't need a narrator in the beginning.
Does have A Bug's Life feel, as others have said. Probably better comparison than Magnificent Seven.
Did same cinematographer that filmed last episode of GoT do this too? Dark Mode = On.
I'm 10 mins in and it's soo bad. Who thinks this is good? Do they watch more than one movie a year?
16 mins in, the first action sequence. And... it's disappointing. The music is also sophomoric.
Do I continue? It's soo bad.
21 mins in and it's getting worse. How's that possible?!
Let's write a bad song for harvesting wheat! And that's the only reason for this scene, so we could hear that awful song.
Back to wheat harvesting! Yes! And the song is starting again. Oh, it's in slow motion this time so THE DRAMA... THE DRAMA.
Here's to hoping we stick to wheat farming and these songs for the rest of the movie.
Another song... more wheat farming! OMG, who green lighted this? They should be jailed.
So glad we're still assuming it's easier to enslave rebellious humans to harvest crops than get their robots to do it. Light speed conquered, but mass farmer still a f&*kin' mystery.
More of same song. Ugh.
30 mins in, it's only 25% over. OMG... I feel like I've been watching wheat harvesting with that terrible song for 3 hours already.
Another speech. I feel that song coming on again... and more wheat harvesting... can't wait.
I could be watching CNN right now...
Irish music... because all distant planets hail from Ireland.
So we're 35 mins in and absolutely nothing has happened. We're harvesting wheat.
Oh, more song! Thank goodness.
I wonder what they are talking about on CNN? How bad this movie is? I'd watch that.
First scene with the robot... easily the best actor and most human story.
More A Bug's Life story here. Getting ready for the evil grasshoppers!!!
Why not poison the wheat? I mean they seem doomed no matter what. I assume they are stuck on the planet, no way off. The bad guys probably have plenty of bad guys to waste in repeated attacks. But what do I know. There's a robot with antlers here.
Oh, no, there's a ship. They have a ship. Guess it's like the big beetle in A Bug's Life.
Another speech!! Yes!! Where's the awful song?
Seriously, this is bad storytelling. Anyone ranking this above a 4 needs mental screening and/or exposure to more movies than 1 a year.
Ok, I'm stopping for now. I could be cutting my toenails, watching CNN... anything is more entertaining than this.
War, Inc. (2008)
This Movie Could Start a War
It's criminally bad. I had such high hopes for it. Gross Point Blank was such a good movie. This was the opposite experience.
Seriously, the writer, director, actors, cinematographer, and their agents that put them up to this should serve time.
The first 15 mins seemed to be headed in a decent direction. Then it began to plateau for the next 20 minutes. After that it abandoned all hope.
Marisa Tomei... did they literally take you hostage and forced you to act in this? Did you not read the script yourself? Digging ditches is more respectful to the art than this. This is an insult to storytelling.
John Cusack is known for starring in subprime movies, so no real surprise there. But this is new low even for him.
Sometimes it's better to say no.
The Dig (2021)
Thought it was a Terrence Malick Joint
Slow. Slow. And slow. I had to look to see if it was directed by Terrence Malick. Surprised it wasn't.
It's not AS slow as Terrence's movies. So 5/10 stars.
Not sure who it would appeal to. The aspiring excavator that loves the weather in England? Multi-taskers - watch the movie while you vacuum? Make coffee cake? It might be just enough of a distraction for a dentist to use while doing routine cleaning. Definitely not enough for a root canal... definitely not enough. Possible napping material? Some of the music is sharp enough to wake you... maybe.
I may take up pipe smoking due to the main character.
Raymond & Ray (2022)
An extra star because I like Ethan and Ewan too much for one star.
I've watched some slow and boring movies, this one is not the worst. But it's in the ballpark.
Everything about it is slow. It should have been broken up into 20 min segments and made into a series. Then it wouldn't have been soo bad.
The acting is good. There might be some stories worth paying attention to. But it moves soo slow you have a really hard time focusing on it. I swear if you were pulled over while watching this movie on you phone while driving and presented this movie as evidence to the judge, he'd let you off because there no way you'd be distracted by this movie while doing anything else.
Horizon Line (2020)
Ridiculous
I watched part of this before I had to revisit my entire life and why something this bad exists.
Climbing on top of plane to refuel it with liquor... just so badly ridiculous the actors should have never agreed to do this movie.
Oh, it's soo bad... the landing near the island... what did the guy tell her... "keep it up high" or something... this is where I started hoping for sharks to end it sooner and tuned out. They land on an atoll but yet the plane plunges to the deep... they know they are going down but don't put on life preservers first... that can come when they are unconscious... ugh... so bad.
I couldn't watch the whole thing, so bad. I tried, really I did.
The G Word with Adam Conover (2022)
Only Needs One Important Change
Why the cursing? It is not necessary, shows a lack of intelligence, and makes program unwatchable for younger kids with good parents.
Adam, think about this next time. Do you really need to curse in your documentaries? Show some intelligence.
Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore (2022)
Weakest of Trilogy
Story was thin. Subplots also thin. So the magic is center? No. Just seemed to be a way to tell how this bad wizard almost became the leader of wizards, but was stopped by a magical deer... or fawn. And it closed some holes left by the second film. But most of it could hav been put in a memo so to speak, just not much there.
Passage to Mars (2016)
7 min intro?
Sorry, but this documentary film believes it is a blockbuster movie. And it's attempt at pulling that off is less than sophomoric.
Next time, the intro should be done in 1 min. Just get to the point. We all know Mars... you don't have to take 7 mins to explain it to us with dramatic music and very slow dialog. Slowest credit role in history. Again, just get to the subject... you're a documentary (and a boring one), not the next Avengers movie.
The music was overly dramatic for the subject. It was no March of the Penguins.
Hats off to those that did the trek, the photographers, Zachary that did the narration. But the editor should be sent to Mars... it fails in edit on so many levels.
The Power of the Dog (2021)
First Terrence Malick film not written or directed by Terrence Malick. Enjoy!
There's a tease of a plot. But after 30 minutes of watching this you realize it was just a tease.
Yes, I powered through to the very end. I was hoping the credits would include a blooper reel. Nope.
Let's face it. There's art that should be viewed and appreciated. Here that art is the acting. Top notch from everyone. But then there's art that should not be viewed. It's a waste of people's time, interest, imagination, inspiration... anything and everything. This movie is that art. I'm not sure the former outweighs the latter here.
Invasion (2021)
So suspenseful it's mind dumbing
Suspense has to be finite to be effective. Invasive builds some interesting suspense, slowly. Does it plateau? Builds more suspense. Does it plateau? Builds more suspense. Does it plateau? Builds more suspense. Does it plateau? Builds more suspense. Does it plateau? Builds more suspense. Does it plateau? Builds more suspense. Does it plateau? Builds more suspense. Does it plateau? Builds more suspense. Does it plateau? Builds more suspense. Then, it plateaus. Is there a big reveal now? Builds more suspense. Then, it plateaus. Is there a big reveal now? Builds more suspense. Then, it plateaus. Is there a big reveal now? Builds more suspense. Then, it plateaus. Is there a big reveal now? Builds more suspense. Then, it plateaus. Is there a big reveal now? FINALLY!!! Was it worth the 60 minutes invested? Absolutely not!!!!
Finch (2021)
Standout performance is Caleb Landry Jones in a motion-capture suit as Jeff, the robot
Caleb Landry Jones, who acted alongside Hanks and Seamus in a motion-capture suit, as the robot Jeff is the standout performance.
The robot's personality is unique among onscreen performances. Right up there with Andy Serkis as Gollum.
I thought that performance is what made the movie unique and interesting. Yeah, Tom Hanks and Seamus were good too. But without Caleb's unique abilities to bring Jeff to life, there's no movie.
Invasion (2021)
So suspenseful it's mind dumbing
Suspense has to be finite to be effective. Invasive builds some interesting suspense, slowly. Does it plateau? Builds more suspense. Does it plateau? Builds more suspense. Does it plateau? Builds more suspense. Does it plateau? Builds more suspense. Does it plateau? Builds more suspense. Does it plateau? Builds more suspense. Does it plateau? Builds more suspense. Does it plateau? Builds more suspense. Does it plateau? Builds more suspense. Then, it plateaus. Is there a big reveal now? Builds more suspense. Then, it plateaus. Is there a big reveal now? Builds more suspense. Then, it plateaus. Is there a big reveal now? Builds more suspense. Then, it plateaus. Is there a big reveal now? Builds more suspense. Then, it plateaus. Is there a big reveal now? FINALLY!!! Was it worth the 60 minutes invested? Absolutely not!!!!
Soul (2020)
Another Classic
You'll cry for all the right reasons. Really makes you think about life and want to hug yourself.