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Reviews
Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri (2017)
Anything Above A 3 Is INSANE
As I watched this tripe questions kept going through my mind "What were any of these actors thinking when they signed on?", "This was nominated for Best Picture?" and "Thousands of people gave this 10 stars?" I guess the answer to these thoughts would be, they hate law enforcement, have no idea how middle america lives or thinks, and they lack anything resembling common sense.
These were awful caricatures not characters. None of this was believable and it lead to nothing.
Here's common sense left out of this garbage:
MOM: Has $5,000 a month to spend on 3 billboards. But, doesn't consider using it to hire a Private Investigator.
DIXON: A cop anytime after 1970. Not a chance.
WILLOUGBY: This is a small no nothing town, where's the real detectives to investigate a rape/murder?
ABERCROMBIE: Sees an officer throw a man out a window, and beat him in the middle of the street. Not only doesn't he stop the beating, he doesn't arrest the officer. He merely fires him.
RED WELBY: After being beat, thrown out a window and beat again, he doesn't press charges.
All of this seems outrageous and moronic, because it is. It's the worst script I've seen filmed in a very long time.
The real culprit is the screenwriter/director Martin McDonagh. I watched a few minutes of the special feature to see if there was some insight into this mess.
It's said he was traveling through the US and saw a Billboard advertising a crime. What this moron didn't realize, it's what victim's family members and law enforcement do in hopes of getting information that lead to an arrest. This is done frequently, and there was a homicide in Florida where a handwriting sample was put on a billboard and a woman recognized it. The killer is now in prison. He couldn't even get the context these billboards are used correct. Of course he got nothing right with this waste of time.
Carrie (2013)
If You Saw the 1976 Then There Are No SPOILERS
The original DePalma version was EXCELLENT. I went just about every day to the theatre to see it, and would sit through it at least twice each time. I loved this movie.
The TV version starred my favorite actress Angela Bettis and it did have a new spin on the story. It just wasn't that good.
So, they have a young extremely talented hot actress in Chloe Grace Moretz, what can be done to show off her immense talent? A remake of Carrie! Only this time it's going to be BIGGER, because technology is much more advanced. Maybe make the movie closer to the King novel. Whatever was going to be done, it was going to have Moretz and how can you go wrong with remaking a classic?
I didn't think I was going to like this. I went in with low expectations, as I do with most remakes.I just didn't realize I was going to hate it as much as I did. If you want to know what's wrong with film making today watch this. Play this version scene by scene next to the DePalma version and you will clearly see the difference in a great film maker and an absolute hack. You can practically run them scene by scene, because the only difference between this and the original is cell phones and youtube. I swear even the dialogue seemed exactly the same, just not delivered as well.
What an absolutely pathetic piece of trash this was.
I just hope this doesn't ruin Moretz's career. This was a awful terrible career move. Whoever told her this was a good idea should be fired.
Mom (2013)
Inappropriate Hilarity (spoilers)
I love shows that tell it like it is. Shows that don't sugarcoat awful situations, and that do it with unique style. This show pushes the envelope in family dysfunction. It's two steps further into the abyss than The Simpsons or Married With Children.
As much as people don't want to admit, we do turn out like our parents. Unfortunately this is a family of alcoholic, drug addict, sluts. Christy's (Faris)daughter Violet is keeping the family tradition alive by getting pregnant while still in high school. Christy who is trying to survive and stay sober has strained relationships with both Violet and her own mother Bonnie (Janney). Christy is a punching bag for both. The one-liners keep coming episode to episode, with punches so hard that you want to give Christy a drink and tell her to forget them. But, Christy can give as good as she takes. While not mean spirited, she's told Violet that having her ruined her life. It's hard to fathom, but hilarious to hear.
This is a show that's not for the delicate or faint of heart. It's raw on every level. There's adultery, sexual harassment, terrible parenting, teen pregnancy, and just about anything else that not's suitable for immature audiences. But, if you watch it for entertainment value and not for life lessons you'll be hooked at how hilarious this show is. Sometimes you're laughing so hard you miss a joke or two.
Great performances by all. Janney is a true stand out, she's nuts and spot on in her delivery and actions.
I hope this show makes it a few seasons, it's worth it.
Martyrs (2008)
Violence for No Reason (contains spoilers)
Horror is my favorite genre. But, it's also the hardest to please my appetite. So, I have very few horror movies that I would consider great. Most have a moment or two that are entertaining, and the majority are just awful.
Martyrs had the chance to be one of the greatest horror movies I've ever seen. From the opening scene to the climax this movie was disturbing. Scene after scene of sheer terror and disgust. This movie had it all. There was a lapse of redundancy that went on for quite a while. But, that was tolerable. Then it got to the pay-off. The reason for this young woman's torture, and it was so STUPID, MORONIC and UNBELIEVABLE that it ruined all the brilliance that came before it.
There are many who defend the pay-off, they're full of it. Yes, people have done things in the name of God before, terrible, awful things. But, nothing like this, and not for any reason close to this stupidity.
If you enjoy violence for the sake of watching violence, if watching humans suffer terribly for no good reason at all, then you will love Martyrs.
This had the chance to be absolutely brilliant, instead it was just pure torture porn for nothing. Such a shame.
Cleaverville (2007)
Great Idea - Poor Execution
This picture could have been excellent if it weren't for the script and director.
Cleaverville's plot line read like a soap opera with a gorgeous scam artist Grace drugging a "bad guy" and ending up with a bag of diamonds that she didn't expect to find. It turns out the diamonds belong to a mafioso"Godmother". With nowhere else to turn, Grace heads home to her mother Kay's house. But, there's no love to be found there. Of course living with Kay is her grand-daughter Laura and across the street is Laura's father thrown into the mix. You get the drift. One big dysfunctional family.
While I can handle and enjoy hokey, the truly hokey parts made me cringe. The dialogue in these parts were awful, direct, and handled poorly by the director. You can blame him for most of what's wrong with this picture. The acting was exceptional for such a semi-poorly written screenplay. They were so close to having a gold product. But, allowed the script to get in the way. While shooting each scene, if the director had thought about how it would look on screen, he would have changed some of the awful dialogue into something not so cheesy. It's not that hard if you think and plan ahead.
A prime example is the very last line the Mafioso "Godmother" says. It's one of the worst pieces of dialogue a writer could come up with. It's dialogue like this, that ruins the excellent banter between these characters.
There were also plot points that were either quickly glossed over or ignored.
Grace's drug problem was a major one. I might have missed the one piece of dialogue that said she was clean. But, for someone who was absent for 16 years because of this, there wasn't a moment of her looking, taking or thinking about getting high. She did sniffle a few times, which brought glances from her mother.
Laura first comes off as being a Saintly young lady who is an A student. But, she's almost as crooked as everyone else in this movie. Her best friend/someday boyfriend conveniently makes all the phony ID needed in their Catholic High School. Grace of course needs new ID.
Kay has her own set of problems. While you can understand why Grace turned out the way she did. Kay turned over a new leaf with Laura. So, Laura turning out "bad" is unbelievable. Laura should be a Saint.
Even with the myriad of problems this script has, it was still an enjoyable movie. It just could have been a multiple viewing type movie.
Bigfoot (2012)
So Bad - it's not just bad - it's BAD!
Quite possibly the worst TV movie ever made.
The special effects Bigfoot reminded me of the Snow Monster from Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. Only the snow monster was scary.
While this movie was suppose to be cheesy and way out there. It failed on every level of film making. It was so awful even the editing sucked. The editing.
Terrible script. Awful acting. Horrible cinematography. Dumb story. Cheesy special effects. There is not one redeemable facet of this movie. Worst Director of the year.
I was embarrassed for everyone involved, especially Sherilyn Fenn, who I love. She was the only one I felt did a good job till she sprung into "action" halfway through. By that point I was laughing and gasping for the pain I felt for this group.
Had they taken this garbage script and played it like satire, and went ten times over board on the set, it might have been so bad it's good.
I'll never get out of my brain Greg Brady on that flying contraption. Oh, my God, what the hell were they thinking?
While I understand actors need to act to put food on the table. I'm ashamed for everyone involved.
Horrendous, simply horrendous.
The Woman (2011)
A Character Study Nothing More
Lucky McKee is completely different. He's not a great actors director. His casts even the established actors are not very good via his direction. He's not really a great writer, and his movies follow European formula without the wisdom of being European. But, Lucky has three things going for him.
1. Angela Bettis. The woman is a magnificent actress. No one comes close to her ability. May would have been awful without her in the lead.
2. Bad acting and long drawn out storytelling doesn't bother the young generation.
3. Lucky has the absolute best insight into characterization. He has GREAT three dimensional CHARACTERS.
It's his characters that make his movies entertaining. Because nothing else about them are that good.
SPOILER ALERT The opening of The Woman is roughly 5 minutes before we see THE WOMAN credit. In those FIVE MINUTES what do we learn? What's important about those moments? The Woman can kill a wild beast basically with her own hands (even though we see nothing) and she was raised by wolves. Wow, it really took five minutes for us to find that out. Of course we had to have those worthless shots of the Woman staring, overlapping and overlapping. Simply terrible.
The movie carries on that way. Does tension build? Yes. Do the characters grow? Yes. But, there's so much repetition (especially the older girl) that it lags. The good parts are great. But, the boring parts are painful.
As for this being anti woman or anti man, that's just BS. It's just a movie. The reason "Father and Son" are bad, is not because they're both men. But, because a son learns and emulates his father. Nothing more. If you read more into it, then don't watch movies. Because obviously you can't distinguish a singular family from an entire race. Anyone that said this is an anti-woman movie, is simply a moron. That outburst at Sundance must have been staged. Because no one can be that stupid. Since it's on the DVD, that guy probably had to sign a release for his image to be shown on a finished product.
Great, excellent scenes in parts, awful in others. I personally found nothing "surprising". I knew what was going to happen way before it did. But, it's the interesting and complex characters about this movie that I enjoyed. If I had to recommend Lucky to a friend it would still be MAY. That's his and Bettis' masterpiece.
Us Sinners (2007)
Everything & More From A Micro-Budget Movie
I saw this a few years back at a Movie Marathon in Maryland. It blew my mind. The ending of this movie shocked me out of my seat. When it became available I got me a copy fast. It's even better the second and third time around.
Us Sinners is not a perfect movie, but I've given it a ten because given the fact it had no-budget it's perfect.
How many no-budget movies have you seen with excellent acting? This has much better then most B Indie horror films.
How many no-budget horror movies can make you sick to your stomach or make you feel queasy? From the opening shot to the incredible climax, this movie has scenes that will make your jaw drop. There's plenty of messed up stuff going on here.
Remove the gore and get down to characterization. This movie has beautifully scripted characters. Brandon Schraml who plays Tim Connelly is amazing as the painfully shy maintenance worker who trolls the streets picking up and slaughtering prostitutes. His transformation from shy guy to rage filled psycho is seamless and perfect in every way. This is not a no-budget performance. This is top of the line class A. Though it's almost impossible to imagine, Leslie Hughes who plays his religious zealot mother almost steals the show with her incredible performance. She's more messed up then Tim. The assorted cast of co-stars led by Brenda "I Sell The Dead" Cooney are spot on in their portrayals.
The thing that stands out about Us Sinners is the natural dialog. These actors didn't need to be great to be believable and natural. It's written into the script. Though having great actors make it all the more appealing.
For fair reviewing, here's the problems of Us Sinners. The sound is not perfect, but no micro-budget movie has perfect sound. The camera work is excellent but angles are limited. There's more then average amount of Close Ups used. None of these things take away from this film.
Us Sinners is a micro-budget winner. Micro-Budget film makers should use this as a standard to aim for.