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Big Game (2014)
A Glorious Slice Of Saturday Night Entertainment
I avoided "Big Game" around the time of its release as word-of-mouth was less than encouraging. I'd thoroughly enjoyed Jalmari Helander's "Rare Exports", and continue to do so with a viewing every Christmas, but I had to trust audience opinion on his follow up, right? Well, I shouldn't have; not on this occasion any way. Much like "Rare Exports", this is a heightened tale of hunting which takes place on photogenic landscapes and well designed studio sets. Its strength lies in inventive action set pieces and the entire production is arguably superior to similar fare such as John Woo's "Hard Target" and "Broken Arrow". The instances of hand to hand combat are the only moments which disappoint ever so slightly, but those are few and far between. Helander has a fine grasp on cinematic technique. His blocking and framing offers up strong imagery, even with inserts. The quality of the photography only seems to dip with some of the 2nd unit aerial shots. Samuel L. Jackson collects another paycheck proving that not only is he 'The Man' but that he's also 'The Man' that's always better than the material he's given. Jackson might receive top billing but the movie's lead character, Oskari, is performed by the excellent Onni Tommila ("Rare Exports"). He's outstanding in a dual language role that's more demanding than Jackson's both physically and emotionally. The cast is also loaded with solid support from Ray Stevenson, Felicity Huffman, Victor Garber, Ted Levine and Jim Broadbent, who chews a great big sandwich - and plenty of scenery - as CIA consultant, Fred Herbert. It's a welcome throwback to action thrillers that used to dominate in the 90s starring the likes of Schwarzenegger, Stallone, Seagal and Van Damme. Wish I'd seen this sooner.
Clerks III (2022)
One For The Fans
It's been almost 30 years since Kevin Smith exploded onto the independent film scene with his impressive debut "Clerks", and now he's back with a second sequel to it. What disappointed me up front was that Smith skipped the opportunity to return to the signature black and white photography of the original. The colour photography here is flat and boring, which isn't much of a surprise considering none of Smith's movies are much to look at. They're usually ugly as @#£%. Smith made the original "Clerks" for less than thirty grand and yet he somehow manages to make this look much, much cheaper. "Clerks III" frequently feels like the output of a mediocre film student, so it's hard to believe that this thing cost around $7million to produce. The strength of Smith's output has always been with his cast and his screenplays, but unfortunately both are hit and miss this time around. Jeff Anderson is great, but Brian O'Halloran seems distracted or bored at times. Smith brings Trevor Fehrman back as Elias, but maybe he shouldn't have bothered. Rosario Dawson returns for just a couple of moments and is absolutely wonderful, but Smith and Mewes as Jay and Silent Bob are painful to watch. Amy Sedaris is an absolute pro, raising the onscreen performance bar in her cameo as Dr. Ladenheim, but the usually reliable Justin Long misses the mark with a misjudged turn as a squiffy orderly. No, the performances are not all great, and neither are any of the production values. So, you might be wondering, what on Earth does this flick have to offer? Great music, perhaps? No, and the movie has a terrible score. It's bad; goddawful in fact. So what does pop up in the Plus Column? The audition scene cameos are fun and the moments that work best are the brief black and white recreations of scenes from the original "Clerks" which Randall turns into an independent film of his very own. Maybe Randall will be knocking up sub par sequels to that in another 30 years.
Resident Evil (2002)
It's Not Good
Let's not beat around the bush; this movie franchise is bad and we all know it. Paul W. S. Anderson might very well be a terrible film director, but he's proven himself time and time again to be a financially successful one, so there's obviously an audience for his brand of trash. There are many that defend the likes of this and Anderson's "Event Horizon"; many that will claim his movies are blockbuster escapism, and that might be the case, but that doesn't stop them from being bad. There is little to no respectable craft involved with the writing and direction on display here. The photography is uninteresting and 'saggily' framed for most of the duration. The cast are boring to the Nth degree and do little to hold your attention. The highlight of the movie is the 'laser corridor' sequence, which is extremely effective and comes early enough in the movie that it hints at the possibility of decent material ahead. Unfortunately that's about as good as it gets and even that sequence is plagiarised from Vincenzo Natali's infinitely superior 1997 Sci-Fi horror flick, "Cube". There are zombie monsters, but so what? We can see those is 1000s of other equally pitiful throwaway horror movies that are free to watch on streaming services. Do yourself...No, do all of us a favour and stop putting money in Paul W. S. Anderson's pocket and seek out a decent film for a change. Make the effort to find something new, something that's been made with love, by filmmakers that care about the quality of their product. Find something good and rent/buy that for a change. Don't settle for mediocre garbage. "Stop watching this @#£%"...screamed the reviewer that just watched this @#£%!
Ticket to Paradise (2022)
It's CHAR-MING!
How does one review a movie such as this? It's tricky. On the one hand this is a derivative,
paper thin plotted load of old nonsense that doesn't deserve to be rewarded with $60million worth of financing, but on the other hand... OK, I admit it; this is 10 tonnes of fun. There isn't a single soul on Planet Earth who's sitting down to watch this expecting to be mesmerised by an intricately plotted feature containing nuanced performances and Direction Spielberg, Villenueve, Fincher and Tarantino could only dream of achieving. No, anyone resting their eyes on this piece of cinematic candy knows exactly what they're letting themselves in for; 100 minutes of George Clooney and Julia Roberts exchanging witty banter, wearing wardrobe to die for, strolling on sumptuously photographed beachs and...what else do you need?
Intervention (2022)
A Disaster From Start To Finish
It's heartbreaking to think we live in a time where media has become so disposable that features like this pass as entertainment. It's entirely possible that I'll spend more time writing this than the filmmakers spent devising "Intervention"s narrative. There aren't enough plot details in it to craft a decent synopsis let alone screenplay, so I can't bore you with one. Besides, the screenwriters seem to have stolen all of the 'boring' for themselves. This jumps on the "Unfriended" bandwagon; attempting to capitalise on the success of the far superior "Host", but arrives about 2 years too late. Pity. "Intervention" fails to inject any life or original flourishes into the Zoom/Teams/Video Call feature format. It pales in comparison to the likes of Aneesh Chaganty's "Searching", a film which managed to be thrilling and inventive despite the limitations of the format. Footage does not look authentic and location/set dressing and lighting are as bland as the cast. The performances are exactly what you would expect from a No Budget production. The amateur cast are clearly trying their best but their efforts just aren't good enough, and the material and direction do nothing to help them. Dialogue is appalling and there's a complete lack of chemistry between the cast suggesting that each of the performances were filmed on separate occasions. Who knows! Rob Savage clearly understands how to entertain an audience and he kept things brisk and brief on "Host". Unfortunately Samesh Ramjattan does no such thing with "Intervention". This is mostly dull and uneventful and he doesn't even have the courtesy to keep the proceedings short. It drags. A lot. The 105 minute run time feels twice as long. "Intervention" is categorised as a 'Mystery/Thriller' but there are No Thrills and the only mystery here is; why did the filmmakers think that anyone would want to watch this? Avoid like the plague.
Someone's Watching Me! (1978)
Required Viewing For Carpenter Fans
Carpenter's 1978 production "Someone's Watching Me" is a great piece of Television. It shows the enormous promise that John Carpenter had at the time and helped to hone the filmmaking skills he'd apply to his following project, the horror classic "Halloween". It might be a network television production, photographed in only 18 days, but it proves to be much more accomplished piece of filmmaking than a great many writer/directors are currently knocking out with 7 figure budgets and 90 day shooting schedules. It's far from Carpenter's best work, but it's essential viewing for anyone interested in his work or those looking for 90 minutes of tightly scripted thrills.
Watcher (2022)
Watch Watcher!
An elegant update of Hitchcockian thrillers; "Watcher" doesn't equal the work of the great Alfred H., but it does a lot to impress nevertheless. Chloe Okuno and original writer Zack Ford have created a haunting and hypnotic tale of paranoia anchored by another terrific turn by Maika Monroe. Monroe's Julia is convinced that a neighbour is spying on her from across the street and spends the entire duration of the movie looking over her shoulder. She's a commendably proactive character and doesn't just sit around waiting for the @#£% to hit the fan. She takes matters into her own hands and this...well, it makes matters worse. Karl Glusman handles his role as Julia's boyfriend, Francis, rather well and Burn Gorman is conspicuously creepy as a potential watcher/villain. He might very well be too obvious a casting, but I had zero complaints. It's not complicated and there's no great mystery here, but it works and it works well. The movie comes in at 95 minutes, so it doesn't outstay its welcome. It comes, it goes, it good!
Hellraiser (2022)
It's Fine.
Remakes of classic horrors have met with varying levels of success over the years. For every treat like "The Fly" or "The Thing" (1982) we have to suffer through a dreadful "Poltergeist" or "The Omen". "Hellraiser" (2022) falls somewhere in between. It's larger and more complex than Clive Barker's original, but it just doesn't pop in quite the same way. The Cenobites, as impressive and expensive as the new designs are, just don't compare to their 1987 analogues. And the same can be said for the rest of the picture. David Bruckner's direction, the cast, the score, the photography and production design are all decent enough, but none of it will resonate. Bruckner and his fellow filmmakers should be commended for creating an original horror narrative that the familiar elements can comfortably slot into, but I really wanted to be impressed by this movie and it just didn't happen. Don't get me wrong, there's some fine work on display here, but that's all it is; fine.
Host (2020)
Don't Waste Time Reading This. Go Watch It, NOW!
Surprisingly effective and well crafted; this might not be cinema, but it's certainly impressive. Rob Savage has taken the limitations of lockdown, and the tools like Zoom that we associate with it, and devised a tight 55 minute viewing experience that entertains from start to finish. It would be easy to ignore the efforts Savage has made when scripting "Host", as most will focus on the great scares the picture has to offer, but Savage has created a knowing and very relevant dramatic horror as his backdrop. The characters are suffering in their bubbles and the writing/chemistry between them on screen - and on their screens - is believable and engaging. The filmmakers leave you wanting more, much more, and there's no finer compliment I can offer.
Emily the Criminal (2022)
Rather Impressive
The clue is in the movie's title. To say much more would be to spoil things. What I will say is that this is a well written and directed thriller that deserves 95 minutes of your attention. John Patton Ford's "Emily The Criminal" is often very tense, which reminded me of Safdie Brothers movies, but still finds plenty of time to develop characters in a satisfying way. Ford is one to watch. He clearly knows how to keep his audience engaged and has a talent for telling tight, tense tales. The real strength of the movie; however, is its star, the magnificent Aubrey Plaza. Plaza is frequently brilliant in a wide range of projects ranging from "Parks And Recreation" and "Black Bear" to "Safety Not Guaranteed" and "Legion". She's often the standout perfomer in any film or TV show and her work here proves yet again that not only can she crush comedy, but her dramatic chops are as equally impressive. I can't wait to see what she offers up in Guy Ritchie's upcoming "Operation Fortune: Ruse de Guerre".
The Batman (2022)
Dinner, Dinner, Dinner, (12 Course) Dinner, Batman!
I do like a good movie, and this is a bloody great movie. I wasn't entirely convinced of its brilliance on my first watch, but subsequent viewings have proven "The Batman" to be a near masterpiece of filmmaking precision. The only misstep, in my opinion, is the inclusion of Barry Keoghan's Joker. The exchange between Keoghan and Dano's Riddler toward the end of the feature was reminiscent of something from a Schumacher entry, or perhaps the 1966 Television show but with a slightly more sinister edge. Regardless, Matt Reeves tackles his movies with such deliberate cinematic focus that they impress even on occasions, such as this and "Apes", when the audience is familiar with, and has experienced numerous iterations/adaptions of, the material. Reeves doesn't rest on his laurels, he presents us with a Batman we haven't seen in a live action movie before; a detective whose character arc takes him from "Vengeance" to protector of Gotham City. The cast are all on excellent form, not a bum note to be found, with standout performances from Colin Farrell and Paul Dano as Penguin and Riddler, respectively. It's a successful piece of cinema because every job on this production has been performed by creatives at the top of their game. Greige Fraser's Photography, Michael Giacchono's Score, James Chinlund's Production Design and Peter Craig's Script are all excellent. I'd pick holes if I could. Highly recommended.
Serial Kaller (2014)
Avoid Like The Clap
Another T&A movie featuring movie star(!!!!) Dani Thompson. This one seems to exist simply because of that PunTastic title and the screenplay was most likely reverse engineered from that by Thompson and director Dan Brownlie. Brownlie's filmography isn't a promising one as most of his output is poorly reviewed and apparently rather shoddy. Based on what's on show here, I can believe that. There are two types of film director; those that can do the job and those that get credited as such anyway. It doesn't take a genius to figure out which one Brownlie is. "Serial Kaller" has a plot that's paper thin and extremely familiar. A group of Internet "Babestation" type 'models' find themselves in a life threatening scenario after insulting a deranged viewer. 'Models' run, breasts jiggle, people die. The screenplay for "Serial Kaller" is less complex than that last sentence. I don't have a problem with familiar/derivative narrative set ups so long as the filmmakers have made an attempt to inject something fresh into proceedings. I want to be entertained. Do that and I don't care if it's been done before. Coast along on the fumes of a tired and well trodden formula, making absolutely no effort to stand out from the crowd and you've lost me. And...this lost me. Grab a map and a compass because I'm gone and you'll never find me.
Cute Little Buggers (2017)
Give It A Miss.
This was a tough one to sit through; not because it's an effective and uncomfortable to experience horror, but simply because it's just really, really bad. There isn't much to recommend about this tonally uneven movie from Tony Jopia. It's gross in the worst possible way, there's absolutely no artistic flair on display and the performances are...well, people turned up, stood in front of the camera and said lines of dialogue. In the plus column, I did feel an effort had been made to cram as many events into the running time as possible, even if most of it was garbage. However, it only makes sense that so much is going on because there are several writers credited with work on the screenplay (several scripts meshed into a single feature, perhaps?) but unfortunately, every single one of those writers should be embarrassed. This is the kind of movie you sit through and by the time the credits roll you just disappointedly sigh the words, "Oh dear!".
The Karate Kid (2010)
A Very Enjoyable Update.
A great many people were very dismissive of the 2010 movie "The Karate Kid" upon its release. It was criticised as being a lazy retread of the popular 1984 original and for carrying a title that didn't sit right on a movie without any Katate in it. That didn't seem to matter because critics were kind, its box office takings were enormous and it proves itself to be a very satisfying update..but with Kung Fu. Harald Zwart and his team have put together a very well made movie that feels reassuringly familiar and very fresh all at once; exactly what it needed to be. It's arguably a better looking movie than the original with some wonderful visual flourishes sprinkled amongst the dramatic proceedings, some great location photography and strong performances from the cast. Jackie Chan is on top form and delivers his best work in years. Jaden Smith holds his own against Chan with an impressive emotional turn in a physically demanding role. Fans of the "Cobra Kai" show on Netflix should check this out if they're interested in seeing a much different approach to honouring John G. Avildsen and Robert Mark Kamen's original.
Halloween Ends (2022)
It's not the movie anyone wanted/expected/deserved, but...
David Gordon Green's "Halloween" Trilogy comes to a close with an interesting addition to the franchise. It's not the movie anyone wanted/expected/deserved, but I'd argue that it's still worth your time. The occassional lull in pacing aside, there's still plenty of psychological horror here to enjoy. Michael Myers is absent for most of the running time and Green focuses the narrative on new character, Corey Cunningham, who becomes the boogeyman of this particular story. Much like "Halloween Kills", "Ends" is about a community dealing with trauma. Rob Zombie did something similar with "Halloween II", but Green's film is more successful. Haddonfield is a town struggling to move on from the events/horrors experienced in 1978 and 2018, and we, the audience, are dealing with that too. What happens to us once there's no more killer to run from? Unlike "Kills", this latest entry is low on the brutal, relentless, bloody kills that slasher films are known for. Green drops the ball with the climactic showdown, the best part of which doesn't include Michael Myers at all, and although he misses an opportunity or two to thrill the audience, he sidesteps the obvious and presents us with a fresh and engaging entry in the long running franchise.