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Train (I) (2008)
1/10
dumb senseless torture porn void
1 February 2010
Oh my god, i don't know where to start. You finish this movie and you feel empty. Feel like someone stole you an hour and a half and gave nothing in return. I - as a matter of fact - feel angry. Have you seen Hostel or Touristas? Then there's literally NOTHING that will surprise you in this pile of crap. The filmmakers should be sued for plagiarism. All of the characters are two dimensional, underwritten, unlikable and act stupid as hell. One time they have one of the villains on the floor, he's slow like a freaking drugged mule that fell into a swamp, there's FOUR of our "heroes" (ok, two of them kinda disabled), plenty of tools around and what do they do? Run away. That's right, leave those two and yell terrified "there's no time!". I laughed out loud in disbelief. I've seen it before, but never, EVER, executed that badly before. In that moment i gave up rooting anybody. Just die, please, all of you. End this farce. Honorable mention: use of stock sounds. Gave me more laughter. That's how you identify quality movie. Use the most generic stock sounds.
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1/10
Totally unfunny
20 September 2009
This is my first review, and it will be a short one: it's not a comedy. It's a drama. The plot is dumb, the jokes nonexistent, i haven't laughed once, heck, i wasn't even smiling for a second. The only person whose acting was decent was Shorty, but he also didn't deliver any funny stuff. I really tried to give this movie a chance, I even watched the whole thing, which was hard enough. IT'S HORRIBLE! Please, please avoid this. It's relatively short, but still not worth the hour of your life. Once again: AVOID AT ALL COSTS! And one final word to the movie makers: I personally beg you for no sequels. Don't waste any more resources.
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