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M3GAN (2022)
Another Blumhouse Disaster
Just like Snakes On A Plane this is a 30 second trailer with 100 minutes of filler.
Whats truly shocking is just how bad the acting is. The robot is the best actor in the movie. Allison Williams is impossible to like. The girl has no emotions but pouting. The rest of the robot team are bland check the box characters.
I would like to make a special mention of the Asian CEO though. Without a doubt the worst acting l've ever seen in my life. Were talking Razzy Lifetime Achievement Award level of acting here. All he does is scowl trying to look mean and ever time he gets mad his voice changes into a thick unintelligible accent that I can only describe as Asian Forest Gump with cotton balls in his mouth. Its truly embarrassing but he must have been the only one available to fill the checkbox even though I'm sure 1000 better actors auditioned but were not the right checkbox.
How Jason Blum is still allowed to make movies is beyond me. With the exception of Ma which was good only because of Octavia Spencers great acting Blumhouse is just as terrible as Gravitas Ventures.
Euphoria: The Theater and Its Double (2022)
A play? And this is supposed to be a ground breaking show.
This episode made me question all the things bothering me about the show and now a play. Seriously the only people that like high school plays are the people in it and the parents of the kids in it. Everyone else would rather sit in a prison cell for an hour.
Lexi being the smart nerdy outsider is the wrong choice. It should be Ethan, he's a far more interesting character and the diner scene where he called Kat on her BS and walks out after she insults him by throwing in the typical incel forum on Reddit line made me despise her. It's like really? Your a plus+++ size model(and that's putting it mildly) and your going to toss out comments like that to someone who treated you with way more respect than you deserved. But Lexi is an Apato kid so I should get used to them being given parts they will ruin. I'm glad Kat's character is pretty much done after getting into to a real life argument with Levinson on set.
But the real issue with the show is how characters are totally different than they were just a few months ago or even a day ago. People change I get it, but not that fast, and when no one even says anything not even the character it's bad writing by an old ex-drug addict writer.
Nate endlessly called Cassie trash and ragged on her bf the whole season and now he's in love with her? Gtfo. And Maddy a hot headed Hispanic that even said don't ever cross me is now just relaxing watching a play and let Nate play Russian roulette with her life?
The problem is you can tell Levinson won't ever let a character die. Also this is no longer or ever was a teen show. No teen texts like that with no emojis and whole sentences. And the only word I ever heard them use was Rue saying low key in the first episode. Since then nothing. And these are teens or supposed to be.
They should just change it to a show about Rue and drug addiction. Episode 5 was by far the best episode. All this other drama about teen romance is boring and not even that realistic.
Once I found out Maddy was 31 all I can think about is how that guy on 90210 was like 40 by the time the show ended and still in high school.
Red Notice (2021)
Gave Me A Headache
Just pure crap. Right from the start a million generic looking law enforcement and some annoying ugly woman who is yelling and acting in charge, of what I don't know, an egg I think.
The Rocks head is very weird looking and deformed, melted almost, to the point that it's uncomfortable to look at, like nails on a chalkboard uncomfortable.
Ryan Reynolds's is playing the same exact character for the millionth time and I'm sick of it, and this from someone who really enjoyed The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard.
Vacation Friends (2021)
Surprisingly Good
I thought this was going to garbage like most new movies but I gotta hand it to John Cena, he was hilarious. The blonde girl playing his girlfriend was also very funny. The couple they keep trying to be friends with weren't very funny but maybe that's how it was scripted.
Every Last One of Them (2021)
Double Kiss of death
When I started the movie and saw the red Sagan logo I said uh-oh. Then I saw Michael Madison's name and I knew it was over. The movie begins in a strangely color filtered strip club. It's so washed out that the blue tinge is the only thing keeping it from being black and white.
The strippers were low budget as well with one having a rump so large and jiggly that even a club in the ATL would have trouble containing it. Also Karen is in this(the actress formerly known as Tayra Manning), looking very much like a Karen.
Malignant (2021)
Shockingly Bad
The first scene is so badly acted and stupid it gives The Room a run for its money. The next 15 minutes very dark and blue with soap opera acting. I stopped watching after that. I've seen horror movies with budgets 1/100000 the size of this that are not this bad.
James Wan should be put in one of his Saw contraptions for this and never let out.
Hustle Down (2021)
Has the Stamp of Trash On It
As soon as the Gravitas Ventures logo came up I knew this movie was a guaranteed stinker. I've watched(or tried to) at least 20 movies from them and they are all terrible.
This movie from the start has terrible camera work, bad acting, and a plot I could care less about. Avoid this and any other Gravitas Ventures movies like the Coronovirus.
The Disaster Artist (2017)
Down the Rabbit Hole I Went
I went into this movie totally blind not knowing anything about this movie or the movie it was about. I almost shut it off after 20 minutes thinking James Franco acting like a mentally impaired person was bad acting. Instead I quickly looked up who he was portraying and the bizarre back story and I quickly became hooked.
The whole story is stranger than fiction. I don't know how I didn't know about The Room or this movie until 2021 considering how many movies I watch but now I have to go watch the original movie.
Dave Franco is not good in this and his dyed hair looks terrible.
Playing God (2021)
Unbelievable trash
Come on an unbanked billionaire? And even if you could believe that how would they know they know that? IThe movie is a joke and makes up whatever it wants to try to manipulate your emotions.
The House (2017)
Has Amy Poeller ever been funny?
She's more irritating than herpes. Will Ferrell is old now and watching this will make you wish he would retire before he ruins your memory of him in his masterpiece Stepbrothers.
The Spy Who Dumped Me (2018)
Why the loud stupid action?
I gave up after the 3rd loud action scene had me scrambling for the volume button on the remote. Does there have to be a shootout in every Hollywood movie? Has to me money involved with the NRA and gun makers.
I like Kate McKinnon but I can live without jokes if I have to go deaf.
Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates (2016)
Some true Rasberry Award performances
When Zack Efron is the least annoying person in a movie you know you are is serious trouble.
Adam Devine is an insufferable narcissistic unfunny untslented piece of trash. I wish they would do a real comedic roast on him where they rag on him so much he cries. And then actually tie him up roast him alive like a pig. Wow....deep breaths.....ok.
No ones funny in this. A perverted lesbian is right behind Devine in terms of unlikability. Aubrey Plaza doesn't even look hot in this either.
Brawl in Cell Block 99 (2017)
Strange Movie
I never heard of this movie until now. It starts out very blue and stays that way the whole time. I mean bluer then even Ozark. Vince Vaughn on a bright sunny day looks like a bald smurf.
I thought it was going to be action right away but strangely the most action in the first half hour is Vaughn beating up a car up like a video game character. It's truelly (bluely) bizarre, even more so for me because I thought Vince was destroying the car because he was mad at his grown son for wearing a dress. Turns out I was wayyyyy off and that's his wife. Just wacky.
Watchmen (2009)
3 and 1/2 hours of Zach Snyder's childish fantasy
Has this guy ever made a good movie? He makes Uwe Boll look like Martin Scorsese. They should have this movie in prison and if any prisoner can sit through the whole thing without smashing the tv or gouging their eyes out shoul be released no matter what the crime, even murders.
It takes a certain type of narcissist like Snyder to think anyone other his comicbook loving sycophants will watch this.
The Dark Knight (2008)
More Hollywood trash catering to grown man child's who spend all their money on super hero movies.
Besides the 10 minute IMAX opening this move was a snoozer. I don't get why everyone thinks Heath Ledger was so great as the Joker.He plays it the same maniac way as usual, Joaquin Phoenix blows him out of the water and Joker is 100x better than this. I guarantee you if he didn't die so tragically his performance wouldn't be so talked about. Society always does this, romanticizing death and putting the dead on pedestals.
I'm done with Hollywood's 8 million childish comic book movies. People say a classic like Step Brothers is childish but isn't grown men obsessed with comic books and super heroes taking over the movie industry even worse?
The Da Vinci Code (2006)
I now know what movie plays on infinite loop in hell
Just wow. Quite possibly the boring movie ever made. I have no idea what it's about, something about religion. I stopped paying attention after about 15 minutes but left it on while I read on my iPad. I kid you not every time I looked at the screen it was the same drab dark setting in I think Italy. And it was the same people just talking and talking.
I'm trying to decide gave the worst performance. We have the old guy, who could put an insomniac on meth to sleep. Next we have Hanks with his long hair just going through the motions. Third is a generic, bland young woman who with her dark hair and clothing actually blends into the background to further enhance her forgeability. It's a tough call but I'll give golden boy hanks a pass here and while the old guy is a bore and rambles a lot I've seen him a few other movies. So the winner is the forgettable young woman. It's fitting because I've never since her before and probably ever will. A special mention goes to Paul Bettiny for his truly awful performance in a supporting role playing albino. It's a good thin be has Jennifer Connelly paying the bills because he should never work again.
Step Brothers (2008)
An Absurd Masterpiece
This is one of my favorite movies of all time. Will Ferrell is funny but not annoying, John C Reilly is great but it's really the supporting cast that steals the show. The father is hilarious whenever he loses his temper. The mother Mary Steenburgen has some funny lines and is stunningly beautiful in 4K. Kathryn Hanh is absolutely hilarious as a disgruntled housewife.
You either like this type of humor or you don't.
Rambo (2008)
If a computer algorithm made a movie this would be it
There is nothing in this movie that is a bit authentic. Stallone plays Rambo like a android totally emotionless, oftentimes looking like his battery is almost empty when he has to communicate with humans. Which I sort of get because that's who Rambo is but even the other characters are just going through the motions. Talk, violent shootout,talk, violent shoot out, over and over again.
The most amazing thing I want to know is how much steroids Stallone had to be using to get that much muscle at 60 years old.
Sausage Party (2016)
Unbelievably bad
I had the terrible experience of seeing this in the theater on a first date no less as the movie we were going to see we were late for. This movie is stupid, immature, not funny and was incredibly loud. My date fell asleep even with the speakers blaring. That's how bad it was. Another Seth Rogen dud.
Pineapple Express (2008)
I wanted to hate it
I never watched this movie because I'm not into the stoner lifestyle at all and I went into this with a bad attitude, thinking about some of the bad movies these guys have been in over the years. And the first 25 minutes or so didn't do anything to change my mind. But then I found myself laughing out loud once and then again and soon it won me over.
It helps that Seth Rohan doesn't bust out that grating laugh until the very end. At under two hours, I watched the theatrical version, it doesn't get out of hand like some of Judd Apatow's comedies that run 2 and a half hours.
All the usual suspects show up in this movie and they have some funny parts but it's actually the bit players that stole the show. The African American cop was absolutely hilarious in her scene. Also Amber Heard's father was really funny and an old grandmother had some good lines.
The ending was very action oriented and not that funny but overall it was a good movie just short enough so you don't overdose on Seth Rogen and the gangs more annoying traits.
V for Vendetta (2005)
Unbelievably bad, just wow!
Finally after 15 years I give this movie a chance and it's ever worse than I thought. Imagine if you will not a future where the government is in control NO imagine a future where the hero is a guy with a British accent that hides behind a mask and mumble every line usually right after blowing something up that literally shakes the glassware in your house. I maybe, MAYBE, understood 20% of the dialogue. And no I refuse to use subtitles, if I want to read, I'd much rather read a book thank you.
Requiem for a Dream (2000)
What a mess, directing, cameraman, , musical score, all ruin a good subject matter
This could have been a good movie, and it started out ok. But then the director tries make you feel what drug addiction is like by using 10 million quick disjointed camera cuts every millisecond all while loud screechy noises have you jumping for the remote to turn it down. I missed a lot of dialogue because its mumble, mumble, mumble, then stupid little segment repeated over and over again with a bag of dope a needle and a vein all really quickly, then loud hallucinations, then back to mumbling. What a piece of trash. That's not how drug addiction is at all.
Shaun of the Dead (2004)
Unintelligible British Accent
This movie is not in English, it's in a thick dialect that only a pub dweller could understand. How can a movie be funny when you have to read subtitles?
Thursday (1998)
Straight to Video
This movie was bad all around. I don't even know what it was about, the only time I actually payed attention was when Paulina Polanski starting talking real dirty to this guy and then got naked. I can't believe she was married to that ugly guy from The Cars who died.
Total Recall (1990)
Not how I remembered it
It's been about 15 years since I saw this and I'm quite shocked at how dated and bad or it is. It almost comes across as a B movie. Whe people think of Total Recall they think about Mars, Arnold, and the 3 breasted woman, and probably not in that order. But most of the movie actually takes place in a very tacky looking early 90s suits and shoulder type business location, that's supposed to be the future but comes off looking even more dated.
Even the indoors Mars scenes look like they were filmed in the hallways of a office building. And the 3 breasted woman? Not as great as I remember.
Whole movie looks cheaply made, tons of grain and if I didn't know any better I would have said it was a VHS tape I watched not a 4K Ultra HD Blu-ray.
Another so called classic eroded by time.