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colinstmichael
Reviews
Blood Machines (2019)
Beyond Disappointing
The video for "Turbo Killer" by Carpenter Brut was crafted by the same team who did this short film, and I was hoping they were turning that concept into a series of Carpenter Brut music videos tied together by a basic plot. What they made was incoherent dialogue punctuated by people staring at each other. I guess we're supposed to be satiated by a Millennium Falcon ripoff chasing a naked woman into a ball of space trash. It lacked every ounce of excitement and chic from the original music video, and a quarter of the runtime was consumed by ending credits in each of the three parts. If you desire watching people complain at each other over an old Winamp visualization, this is the film for you.
Uncut Gems (2019)
Not worth your time. Seriously.
I'm surprised so many people liked it. It was the same thing over and over again, most of Sandler's dialogue was him yelling "Arno", most of the dialogue overall was jumbled shouting, Kevin Garnett's acting consisted entirely of him being mad then confused, and just when you start to think the movie might not end exactly the way you expect because they have something more interesting planned, it ends exactly the way you would expect after all of the events up to that point make it very clear that it's going to happen. It was 45 minutes too long, and packed full of tension without suspense. Between the epic feel of the opening sequence and opening credits, I was left hoping for some incredible curve ball; instead, it was over two hours of people being mad. The main character's wife is right in her assessment of how annoying he is. That's all he was throughout the entirety of the film, and it was a relief when it ended. If you wanna see a bunch of yelling with a predictable finish and bad soundtrack, save yourself a lot of time by watching "Jerry Springer" clips on YouTube. How this movie got so much hype, I will never know.
Payback: Straight Up (2006)
AVOID THIS and find the original theatrical version.
Literally everything in the theatrical version is better. The director's cut extends scenes that don't need extended, provides exposition that either isn't necessary or makes later dialogue redundant, and uses a weak score makes the overall feel sluggish and toothless when this version is intended to be faster and grittier. The theatrical version includes subtle dialogue additions that are some of the most memorable moments in the film. The theatrical version also includes narration by Porter (the protagonist), which doesn't seem important until you see the film without it. It is sorely missed because it adds depth to the character while keeping the story moving during long shots of him walking to destinations. There are fewer scenes with William Devane's character, Carter, and his henchmen, which makes his eventual confrontation with Porter far less dramatic. Even the main antagonist is different. The head of the criminal organization is technically the main antagonist, but there's absolutely no building of tension between her and Porter, and the faceless woman who only pops up on two phone calls pales in comparison with the quality performance delivered by the actor in the theatrical version. His presence not only creates an entirely different third act, but changes the whole objective of the story and its much more satisfying conclusion. The director's cut is missing every single suspenseful scene, much of the humor, the development of the crime boss as the main antagonist, the escalation and confrontation between the protagonist and main antagonist, and concludes with all the effort and excitement of a balloon rapidly loosing air. The ONLY reason to watch it is so you'll have an even greater appreciation for the theatrical version.