Hjerteslag Reviews

John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum (2019)

Movies for man children

[4/10 · 14 March 2023]

Fast paced action p*%n that doesn't even require a plot for people to watch.

If having your phone in your hand is your constant crutch and the addiction you have yet to realize you have then you probably love these films. If the quick flips of colors and pops and noises on your social media is what you desire these movies are the equivalent of it.

The plot is Dr Seuss simple. Because of the constant devolution of American culture, the movie is an amalgamation of the quintessential ADHD monkey brain. Constantly in motion with bright flashing colors, spinning kicks and movement.

Everyone loves Keanu Reeves because he is a good person and always an affable and genuine man. It would appear that being an actor isn't just about acting because he isn't the best actor. In fact he isn't even a good actor. Poor, flat delivery of lines. When there is a range of emotion, he overacts and screams as if it will save the performance. Keanu seems like a great guy but i cannot understand how people think he is a good actor.

For the action choreography, editing and sound mixing this movie deserves some kind of recognition. But overall this movie series is an absolute mess of action nonsense made for the masses with no heart and soul.

The Ranch (2016–2020)

Redneck soap opera

[5/10 · 13 March 2023]

What started as a promising series about cowboys and ranchers turned into a "out trashy the next character" redneck soap opera. It's a rotating door of sitcom to drama to soap opera. What a show that manages to tackle so many genres. Themes about honour and loyalty and what it means to be a man. But it ultimately falls short and is frustrating to watch after several seasons of mishaps and bad situations.

Lots of right and red jokes that are careful enough to tiptoe the line between political commentary and playful humor.

As far the characters go;

For the most part, they are all absolutely insufferable and unlikeable characters, every season or "part" as it's called in this show for some reason, they become even more irritating.

Ashton Kutchers character Colt is constantly making bad decisions, he is always acting like a complete ***hole to his family and just about everyone. And we are supposed to find him funny and relatable because we are all human and we're meant to understand his plight. (?) Anyone else's perspective is nonsense to him because his character is a selfish man child.

We are meant to feel sad for Roosters exit after Masterson's allegations but he is an absolute scumbag of a character that ,again, we are supposed to feel connected to based on his poor decisions and constant alcoholism maybe. Because conservative Americans are just alcohol consuming, dim-witted tough guys with southern accents. Heather is irritating. Always forcing tears. Mary is an even bigger scumbag than rooster who constantly gets away with things and again we are supposed to feel some sort of commiseration for a drug addicted middle aged woman. Maggie is a joy sucking woman who turns into a liberal monster meant to be a "voice of reason". She turns into a lesbian, turns full liberal anti gun, anti pipeline, full of agendas with every sentence she utters. It's incredibly transparent that needed to introduce a little chaos and antagonism into the show.

Luke is okay, a good fill in character for Rooster. The only character who is arguably a like-able character is Sam Elliot as Beau Bennett, and maybe his friend Dale. Despite his grumpy disposition and stubbornness, Beau Bennett is the saving grace of the show. Sam Elliot delivers an amazing performance as always regardless of writing or his costars.

Let's talk about the accents. They vary in degree often in terms of how intense the southern drawl is or the complete lack of accent in some scenarios. Colt, Rooster and Abby have the most ridiculous southern accents for a show that takes place in Colorado.

The series is full of cringe dialogue where every single line ends with either forced canned laughter or uncomfortable silence because the tone of the show completely changes from "comedy" to "drama" with mere seconds separating the tone of the show. I finished the series because I felt the need to have it completed so at least I could have not wondered how it ends. And the hope that there may be some sort of redemption in the end of the show.

The Watcher (2022– )

Ridiculously frustrating, waste of time.

[3/10 · 20 October 2022]

This show was so frustrating to have watched. Each character is more insufferable than the last. Lazy writing, and so many plot holes make this show very difficult to get through. 7 episodes all to be ruined by the very last one basically telling you "this has been a waste of your time". The characters interactions are so absurd and over the top and unrealistic. F words inserted at random times and strange points by elderly characters.

Ryan Murphy's history of a successful television series that lack decent endings and story telling continues onward. It's as if he read about the original Watcher story and thought "okay this must make a great horror series" and just wrote it as they went along. It lacks any sort of fortitude and there is useless "twist" after "twist".

At one point a police chief says something along the lines of : "don't bother calling 911 because you've made some very powerful enemies". Really? Implying this one person can have control over the entirety of the emergency response center? Come on. Seriously don't even waste your time watching this.

Andor (2022– )

Science fiction first, then Star Wars.

[9/10 · 8 October 2022]

If you showed this to someone and didn't tell them it was Star Wars they might not notice. It's finally a good Star Wars series.

Good writing and plot direction first THEN the Star Wars filter is applied atop of it. This is approached as a science fiction series and has substance over the usual minutia of Star Wars nonsensical writing, plot holes, poor dialogue, and meaningless direction.

Andor is not ground breaking for film or TV but it may be for the Star Wars franchise. It does have the typical structure of "mercenary doing the right thing" type of trope but still manages to grip the viewer with its storytelling and action.

Werewolf by Night (2022 TV Movie)

Best piece of film Marvel has put out in years.

[9/10 · 8 October 2022]

Werewolf by Night is violent, dark and reminiscent of classic horror with the addition of modern day special effects and action.

I'd like to first say; I personally am not an MCU fan. The avengers movies are cringe filled nonsense that I can not even get through. However Werewolf by Night is a pleasure to watch especially for fans of universal horror studios.

The story progresses quickly which again, is reminiscent of old monster movies. There is no time wasted with useless exposition and story telling, there is no superhero quips and cringey dialogue. There is no ridiculous explosions and action p0rn. In my opinion, this is not for marvel fans but rather was approached as a genuinely unique take on a unique band of characters.

For the first time, I am excited for more of this tale and one short film is not enough.

If you like classic monster movies, absolutely give this movie a watch.

The Sandman (2022– )

Representation = Marketing. Thoroughly enjoyable but obviously pseudo-woke casting

[6/10 · 30 August 2022]

Dark, and twisted with lots of interesting characters. Themes of "what's right? What's wrong? Everything is not so black and white" Several story lines that bleed into one another as opposed to one long arc which is actually refreshing to see a breath of fresh storytelling in a series.

It's a great show but the over inclusion of sexuality, gender skewing and African casting is a bit over the top. It is at the point where it's offensive that the producers believe including all these actors and actresses is representation but in reality it's a marketing scheme and they want viewers. You are not being portrayed, you're being sold something.

It is inaccurate to the source material. And that can alone be a sole issue with the casting. Lord Morpheus is great. Lucien is supposed to be an old white man, the actress cast as Lucien does a great job. The seven endless are also originally all pasty white. The woman who plays "Zelda" is more of an accurate depiction of death than the cast actress. Very similar to how the original looks in Gaiman's work. There's nothing wrong with inclusion of course but it is very over the top and to the point where the casting and performance is poor just for the sake of representation.

At this point Netflix is just casting the polar opposite of the character and that equals a win for society (?)

This is a good show and has a very interesting and provocative plot. Action, drama, love, violence is all present however the presence of new pseudo intellectual culture is overwhelming in your face so be prepared for it.

Archive 81 (2022)

Interesting elemental horror but not without its faults

[7/10 · 18 August 2022]

This was a decent watch with a very interesting idea and story. The idea of an inter dimensional creature that has immense power and uses the elements as a means of power but is trapped in another world is the very essence of "lovecraftian horror". A breath of fresh of air into the horror / sci-fi genre. A creature that utilizes film and tape to cross between here and the other world absolutely works in this series.

What ultimately knocks points off this is the writing and dialogue.

The characters inappropriate reactions to situations and conversations are what kills it. The amount of times the F word is used in the series is not something crazy but it is used so inordinately. When these words are added, the character typically is meant to emphasize something. Or in some cases that's just how the character may speak. But the former is what we see with archive 81. It's incredibly distracting and completely takes you out of the immersion of the series. The characters are often yelling at one another which always just seems like an inappropriate amount of reaction.

Why didn't Dan question Julia on the property sooner? He is always yelling and questioning his new employer (who is giving him $100,000 for one job) but then he sees a mysterious woman in the woods and compound and doesn't ask her anything?

Why didn't Melody involve the police or someone else sooner considering she has hours of recordings from the strange events at the visser?

Despite these things that may be minor annoyances to others, I genuinely enjoyed the series and desperately want a second season.

Looper (2012)

Smart Sci-fi

[9/10 · 18 May 2022]

Just a straight up good science fiction movie with heart. This isn't your typical explosion and laser filled action movie.

Saw this for the second time recently after seeing it in theatres upon its initial release and it is even better than I remember.

People have issues with the time travel aspect, Rian made a smart choice of not diving into the minutia of what works and why it does and how it alters things etc etc. Which in my very trivial opinion is smart because fans and critics would terrorize the logic.

The plot is pretty good, a couple small things that can be seen as holes / make you scratch your head.

All performances are done well, nothing distracting or bad. Even the young boy does a great job.

If you're a fan of sci-fi that makes you think a bit more this is a solid watch.

Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist (1995–2002)

The most Hilariously dry adult animation you'll ever see

[10/10 · 13 May 2022]

Dry humor and many jokes that almost are on the edge of being terrible but still make you chuckle. This is one of my favorite animated shows, it doesn't take cheap shots, it's apolitical, not vulgar, this is the type of comedy that the world could use.

The entire vibe of the show is also incredibly relaxing, this is a great show to sit down and enjoy a cup of coffee or tea with at night.

The actors/comedians featured are among the most world famous and funniest comedians out there and as they describe their "problems" to Dr. Katz, you may often be clutching your sides.

An animated adult series doesn't need vulgarity and violence and over the top situations to be interesting or funny. The creators of Dr. Katz and Jon Katz and H Jon Benjamin portray this perfectly using witty dialogue and classic humor.

10/10 every time.

Nine Perfect Strangers (2021)

Finally a good mysterious drama

[7/10 · 18 August 2021]

No spoilers just commentary.

A very intriguing tale of lives. The most important thing to me is there isn't one bit of filler in this series, every minute and moment adds something interesting. Each character has their story, their secrets and their vices. As the show progresses and unfolds, the more info is divulged and unraveled, a surreal turn of events makes itself known.

The cinematography and visuals are glorious, views are breathtaking. The contrast of the setting to the unraveling characters.

The fruit smoothies look delicious.

The Russian host (Nicole Kidman) has no need to be Russian, it adds nothing to the plot, and doesn't sound Russian, I am not sure why there needs to be an exotic host from somewhere that isn't the US.. it ends up sounding like a faux, generic European accent and it is annoying. She is very interesting without it, is the perfect ring leader of the ragtag group.

It's hard to not be absorbed in this fascinating, riveting, and captivating series.

Update. My initial review was about half way through the series. After watching the end it's definitely slower as far as pacing goes. Also Nicole Kidman is incredibly hard to watch in this just as she usually is in everything. The bad accent makes it worse.

The momentum just falls off a bit, maybe could have been shortened by an episode? It's worth the watch but it's not groundbreaking by any means.

The VVitch: A New-England Folktale (2015)

A Film for Film's Sake

[9/10 · 28 January 2021]

Calling The Witch a horror movie is somewhat misleading. Fan of thrillers? - It's a good movie. Fan of Dark Mysteries? - It's a good movie. Fan or horror? It's a good movie. Fan of Historical movies? Hell it might even make you happy too.

This movie takes the story of fear, paranoia, and the fear of God not to the extreme, but to what people at the time truly believed. The slow burning tension is masterfully created not only by the combination of the acting, the cinematography, and the writing. Even the subtle score is well put together and not over the time, not brewing up to cheap jump scares or slashing moments.

I myself am a fan of horror, however most horror movies often leave me feeling unfulfilled and unsatisfied. For those who feel this way on an even more dissatisfied level, this movie may be the one that brings the genre of Horror to a level playing field for your interests.

Watch The Witch, but with expectations of it being a movie. Not a horror movie or a thriller or whatever genre bending semantic you may want to use, just go into it with an open mind and expect what you would watching anything that wasn't a horror film. Watch the characters become introduced to a new world as the mystery unfolds of a fear birthed lore.